What is "the feeling?" & should I be concerned?

[confuzd_hubby_dad]

I'll try to keep this short and to the point. I met my wife (32 yo) 6 years ago, and we got married 3 years ago. Together we have 6 kids, and we live a modest life. My wife did not want kids, so having 6 does get to her quite often, but she does very well with it considering the circumstances. She had two kids and I had three kids when we got together. We quickly had a son together to round out our lovely little "Brady Bunch." Anyway, my first marriage did not end well, and I developed the relationship with my current wife at the tail end of my first marriage. She actually was pregnant with our son while I was still married to my 1st wife. I know....that's a horrible way to end one relationship and equally as horrible of a way to start a new relationship. My first marriage was "dead" for about 5 years, me staying in it for the kids, primarily. So, I had thought a lot about what I really was looking for in a relationship. When I met my current wife, I HAD to catch her and make her mine. Well, things were great to begin the relationship. However, I quickly fell back into the rut of focusing on providing for the family, and I did not show her the attention she needs. She tried to tell me about it, but I truly felt that I only have so much time to prepare our older children (the oldest is about to be 13 with three 12 year olds behind her) for the real world. My divorce really messed with my 3 kids from my 1st marriage, so I have put a lot of focus into them. Honestly, I took my wife for granted, never feeling concerned that she would be interested in someone else. Guess I was wrong. She told me last week that she had been flirting with another guy, and she even met him the night before for a drink. This is as far as she says it went, and I believe her. The fact that she told me immediately means the world to me, and I appreciate that. I am not mad at her, nor the other guy. Honestly. I recognize that I should have given her the attention she deserves, and we have learned that my ADD condition may be a major contributor for my behavior. That's what my doctor has said, at least. However, it is MY responsibility to find a way to properly manage my ADD and ensure that I show her the attention she deserves. I know that she wants to work it out with me, and I truly believe that she loves me. There is one major thing that I do not understand nor do I know if it has any significance. She said that she got "a feeling inside her" when he was near. She would get it before he even came into her store or before he called her phone. She "just knew it was him." I asked her if she ever had that feeling with me or anyone else. She says no. Is this "feeling" she got something that I should be worried about? Has anyone else ever had this feeling? I have asked a few women friends and even my mother about this, and nobody has felt such a feeling that they know of. So, I am reaching out to a larger audience. I really do want my marriage to work, and I believe she does, too. I just can't get over this "feeling" right now.

[tiffany112680]

The "feeling" is that there is someone that is attracted to her and wants to get to know her and that guy will go out of his way to see her. It's someone else giving her some attention that she is craving.  I have had that "feeling".  She had that feeling with you when you HAD to catch her and make her yours.  Maybe try date nights.  I also believe that it' important that the kids see that the two of you are in love (hold hands, kiss, hug), you show a good example to your kids and it will make her feel good.  (I always feel better when I get a hug). I know I'm making it sound more simple than it actually is.  Think of something that she liked when you first started dating and do it again, take her out to the place where you had your first date, have the kids go play video games so the 2 of you can watch a movie together (I suggest a scary movie).

[specialmom]

I agree with Rockrose.  I understand when someone says they don't want any kids-------  but she had three does not make sense.  That would be a red flag.  And if I had kids----  I would never subject them to someone that openly said they do not want kids.  That is kind of asking for trouble.

However, you did not ask us for advice on that.  You want to be with a woman who is cheating on you and telling you this relationship isn't working.  You are stuck in a rut yourself.  Maybe this isn't a match made in heaven.  

If you offer her therapy and she refuses, I would move on.  Better to be alone than with someone who doesn't want to be with you.  Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Londres70]

Are you all willing to go seek therapy?  Are you seeing a therapist for your ADD?  Have your children from your first marriage gone through therapy?  

I am not sure about what she means by "this feeling."  Sounds like she is having an emotional affair with this guy.  

I remember being in a relationship with a guy who had ADD.  He never really got help and/or medication for it.  In the end, I left because he didn't want to address this issue.

For heaven's sakes I WOULDN'T even recommend you returning to your first wife.  Let that chapter stay closed; it didn't work.  People should NEVER go backwards in life but forward.  

[RockRose]

You've left the mother of your first 3 kids,  to be with a woman who doesn't want children but she has three.   That's weird.

And now she's cheating on you and coming up with some cockamamie "feeling he's near".  She's telling you about this psychic connection she has with this other guy.  

Is your first wife available to remarry?  Honestly,  this second woman,  who doesn't want children but has 3 and is taunting you with this weird feeling,  is not going to work out.

I know you want this new marriage to work, but she doesn't.  She wouldn't be acting this way.