What is wrong with so many men

[AnxiousGurl]

Ok so I was bored and I came across craigslist's amusing section called "Missed encounters" I think its funny to read some of the posts. You see a ton of random ones, like for example "I saw you today at Walmart, you were in the meat section, i'd like to chat sometime." I mean COME ON! you have to admit its funny.

So then I came across this post titled "Beauty at bus stop" Heres the post

This is a long shot but here goes... I see you walking to a bus stop most mornings with your kids and you sometimes have a little dog with you. You look great in those snug sweats and I'd love to get to know you better (after the kids have gone off to school). I believe you're married and so am I but I'm willing to take a chance. Discretion is paramount. If interested, tie a bandana around your dog's neck and I will take it from there.
If you think you know who this is and are not interested, please don't be offended, I mean no disrespect to you, it's just that I'm very attracted to you and I'm pretty bored at home like alot of other "happily" married people out there .
I look forward to your signal.


I hope his wife catches him. what a scumbag. How many more men out there are like him. Seriously it made me so mad just reading it and I dont even know this guy. It sickens me

[dzj]

dear madmac are you married, you would make a wonderful partner. just wanted you to know that. iam on a website for 50 plus , iam a woman looking for a man. iam getting nowhere ! i have no clue why men go on those sites. its not easy those sites are a lot of work and i come up emty all the time. its crazy.

[madmac]

Am I reading it wrong or are you saying you don't have his trust? If so do you mind me asking why you think that?

[sweetpea03]

I'd like to think there are quite a few great guys out there still, though my experiences have shown me otherwise. I had a married man hit on me the other day. He claimed to be single and wasn't wearing his wedding ring. Then he got caught as his WIFE walked up to us talking, and he looked shocked. I said hi to her, looked at him, and then just walked away. I was disgusted in the fact that he had almost kissed me. It makes me sick.

[AnxiousGurl]

thank u madmac :) there are so many women who do put so much on themselves....pressure to look good, women try to compete with others...rather than not caring what others think, and loving & accepting themselves. From my experience there are guys that will put women down, make her feel ugly...many many ....and some just dont care how they treat a woman. and its not right, i myself see soooo many woman putting on too much makeup too, Natural is much more attractive, but guys make it hard for us women, maybe not you personally, but there are alot of men that are all into looks and how "hot she looks" what about personality? Im glad my man loves me for both. &  maybe you are right about relationships working.....if they need work, then its just not working, but there's nothing wrong with trying, i personally believe in some rare cases people make mistakes...and can change...and other cases its potluck as u said, either your right for eachother or not ...im just sick of men and woman hurting eachother.....im younger than you...and maybe im nieve....i dont know...im happy at times and unhappy at others, but atleast i have loyalty and trust...towards him, but no trust back. its hard, but I believe people can grow and learn in a relationship and make it work. I dont know...I guess I will eventually find out as time goes on. but theres nothing wrong with trying. in my eyes....especially when you both love eachother

[madmac]

Heatherlynn22, I'm going to apologize for those people out there that do make these rude comments. For the women they may make those remarks out of simple envy as you probably look better in sweats and your hair done up in curlers than they would look on their best day. They may have to take hrs to "put their faces on" but you know any ol barn looks good painted up. I'm a true believer in natural beauty and most of you women out there whether you realize it or not don't need cosmetics to make you look beautiful. As for the mens comment, well what can I say except "men". You women put to much on yourselves for the sake of looking good ie: cosmetics, diets, etc why can't you be happy with who you are. I know I know your going to say it's not easy, but it seems to me that you ladies have to respect and feel comfortable with who you are and people men and women alike will feel it around you when you walk in a room. It's about being happy with who you are despite what others think. Easier said than done eh? I myself have never believed in peer pressure, I've never cared what others thought of me male or female. They either like me for who I am or they can go f--- themselve as I don't need the negativity so to speak. Trust me ladies when the people in your live realize that you don't give a s--- what they think, you'll never get rid of them. That's why I don't believe in friendship. Your friend will be your enemy and your best friend your worst enemy given the right circumstance. So start beleiving in yourselves and be damn proud of who you are and if you choose to change something about yourselves then do it on your terms not theirs.

[heatherlynn22]

sometimes we women just like to look pretty. most of don't like walking around in public in sweats and no makeup and hair not done. if we do that then we STILL get looked and get dirty looks. that makes our self esteem and confidence sink through the floor. there is pressure on us whether we're married, dating, engaged or what not to still look good. i know i hate going out even to wal mart in my sweats just to grab formula because i get nasty looks from not only men but women. i had one woman comment to me saying that i had no respect for myself or for those around me because i was dressed like a "rag a muffin". it was 10 pm, i had to run out to the store for baby tylonol for my teething 6 month old twin sons. i was exhausted, had just gotten out of the shower so i threw on my hubby's usmc sweats and ran out the door. i wasn't thinking about how i looked and that's what i got. a nasty comment and dirty looks. so yeah we do take time to make ourselves look nice....for one we (for the most part) hate dirty looks, nasty comments and feeling bad about ourselves.  

[madmac]

Hello Anxiousgurl, thanks for the response but again if as you say the relationship needs work than how can it be a called a relationship. Maybe as a man I'm thinking of this the wrong way, but for me if you have to work at making it work than it can't work. Wow try saying that 3 times fast. My point is that if the 2 people in this relationship have faith and trust in each other than it should NEVER need work. For instance you hear all the time when a person is caught cheating " I love her/him but..." I have no dought that the person male/female does love him/her but they aren't in-love. If they were there wouldn't be any such thing as temptation to put themselves in that situation. They would NEVER do anything to hurt the other. As I said I am 50 years old an have never seen anyone that I would consider being in-love as I see it to be. It seems I use the word never a lot but it needs to be said. My 72 yr old mother said to me that I'll never find what I'm looking for in a relationship that it's just potluck. I've been single now for 10 years and as I look at other "relationships" I'm beginning to think she's right. Apparently most do just settle, Anxiousgurl it's a sad thing when it's considered potluck to find someone that believes in honesty and loyalty. I put a question on the worldwide net to describe honesty and loyalty and got back 1177 e-mails in a month I am not kidding 1177 e-mails. You would not believe how many different versions of those 2 words there are. Silly me I assumed they meant just that "honesty and Loyalty". As for your comment about women spending 4 hrs to get ready so they won't be judged, if their not spending 4 hrs or more getting ready to be looked at and judged on how they look, then why do they do it? I was at a mall recently and these 2 women walked by, I couldn't help but look at 1 of them as she was amazingly beautiful. The other woman spoke up and asked me what I was looking at and I replied to her   her friend. This girl started giving me a hard time about staring at her friend and that she shouldn't be stared at. I looked at this girls  friend an told her that I thought she was 1 of the most beautiful women I'd ever seen and that she obviously didn't need makeup to make her look that way. I turned back  to her friend and said that if the other girl didn't want to be admired than she wouldn't have gone to the trouble of making herself up and apologized to the 2nd girl if I made her seem uncomfortable then walked away. Women don't spend time getting ready when they go out if their not interested in getting looksed at or judged.

[heatherlynn22]

ya know i go on craigslist ALL the time (all the hot nightclubs and bars post for their bartenders there and i'm trying to get back to working weekends....) i've always wanted to look and get a good laugh but never have. lol. i think i'm gonna go read some now.

[AnxiousGurl]

To madmac, EVERYONE is different, both men and woman, woman dont like rejection either, maybe thats why they take "4hrs to get ready" so they wont be judged by a man, who is judgemental, possibly you, maybe not you. The point was, why do men AND WOMAN, not just men ok, take time out of their so busy lives to jeopordize their relationship and make a stupid post on craigslist that noone will ever read. Its sad. Some are fake some are real, some are unhappy in their relationship, if their so unhhappy get the help, (Sorry but some relationships CAN work if both people are willing to make it work) Relationships have their ups and downs, but if you purposely go behind your spouse's/boyfriend or girlfriend's back to find something else, thats like cheating, its like a stab in the back. get out or make it work. thats all i was saying. thanks for the input

[madmac]

One more word that I would like to add to the most misused words in any language is "complicated" people use this word when they don't want to explain a situation. LIFE isn't complicated.

[amanda__nichole]

whats funny is how many of them really think the person with whom they are crushing on is going to randomly go on to CRAIGSLIST and then think hey thats me! haha ya know? i mean..its soo funnny!!!!!

[madmac]

Is this world gone mad? To Anxiousgurl, your statement about "once a cheater always a cheater" not being true because people make mistakes is absolutely incorrect. Mispelling your name on an application is a mistake, cheating is NEVER a mistake. There is no excuse for cheating, a person does it because he/she wants to then they make the excuses afterward. And it's been my experience that the majority do it again. Someone commented that most all married couples contemplate or phantasize about being with someone else, that's not true either. I was married for 22 yrs and she cheated on me at least 4 times yet not once did I think about being with anyone else. Also the statement was made about a man's ego, let me say for the record that a woman's ego is worse than a man's will ever be. eg: A man walks into a bar sees a lady sitting there he decides to hit on her, she rejects him he walks off calling her a dike or whatever awhile later you see him hitting on another. Same scenario only its a woman, she hits on him gets rejected, she'll keep at him till he gives in, then she'll most likely walk away. Why because women hate rejection more than men. After all men don't take 4 hrs to get ready to go out like women do why because they want to be looked at. EGO. As for the cheating, men do it because for the most part their pigs which is why their always in trouble as they think with the wrong head. You women don't make it any easier, your always trying to change who he is. You can deny it all you want but it's true. I don't know one man that hasn't apologized for something and have no clue why. My 10 yr old neice said something to her dad a few months ago that astounded me. Her mom and dad were bickering about something and her mom walked away mad, she went to her dad and said "daddy you should say your sorry' he figured he'd done nothing to say he's sorry for but he asked her why and she replied 'it will make her happy'. Why is it that the men are the one's that 95% of the time say their sorry? Reason to keep the peace, I myself would NEVER say I'm sorry just to make her happy. Also the statement about relationships needing work, if it does theres no hope for it, All a relationship needs is honesty, loyalty, companionship, a little compromise, and above all else being in-love. Theres a big difference between being in-love and loving someone. It amazes me how these simple things are twisted to fit whatever a person male/female is looking for. You know honesty, loyalty, fiendship, love, and confused are without a dought the most misused words in any language. If you truly are in-love with someone, nothing and no-one can come between you. As far as being in-love goes if your with someone for 70 years and you look down at that wrinkly mass of flesh and can say to yourself "damn I love this person" then your in-love

[mami1323]

Thanks AnxiousGurl, I hope he realizes that to.  I think it takes a strong person to resist temptation.  But if you value your relationship and you appreciate the person you are with, it's not that difficult.  I said this in another post but I think family values have been lost somewhere.  People take their spouse/gf/bf/partner for granted nowadays.  They always think the grass is greener on the other side.  If so much energy is put on writing these ads, that was put into their current relationship, then the relationship would flourish.  It's work to hold it together, but both have to put in 100% effort.  Instead of writing these ads, these people should think of a wonderful way to be romantic with their partner.

[sammy73]

Depends on what you mean by "temptation."  There can't be a man or woman in the world who, despite being in a serious relationship, hasn't caught sight of someone else, or chatted to someone else, and found them attractive and desirable.  Most people I imagine have occasional sexual fantasies, or dreams, that involve someone other than their partner.  Or is it only temptation when the thought first crosses their mind that "yes, I could seriously imagine having an affair with this person" about someone specific, who they could realistically have an affair with?  I plead guilty to the first two, never to the last.

[AnxiousGurl]

You work at Stop & shop I'm in there every week and always notice you. You're gorgeous. Definitely the highlight of the trip to the supermarket, haha.

I'm usually with my gf, so I'm usually discreet about checking you out. But I'm sure you've noticed. You've worked the check-out and I've seen you around the bakery too.

Anyway, your like my secret little Hannaford crush, haha. I just had to come clean about it. Just don't tell my gf ;)


((((((Theres another ad, I keep seeing more and more like them and it piiiiissssses me off. if you have these crushes or attractions to other girls, why do some men feel the need to post it, why not keep it to themselves, unless he's gonna act on it then whys he with this girl. )))))) Can someone please explain, I really dont get it

[AnxiousGurl]

I hope only the faithful wives get men like you extremski, a cheater doesnt deserve a good faithful man. & I know that they say "once a cheater always a cheater" I dont believe that for every person that cheats. People do make mistakes, they're human, some people dont know how to handle a situation, but they know what's right and what's wrong, and if they can learn from their mistakes and never do it again, then good for them. Im not trying to make excuses for the cheater. I say if you decide to cheat then you have to live with the consequences whatever they may be, and if your given another chance then your lucky. Mami your hubby is lucky to have you by his side still. You have to be so strong to be able to work through it. My mother in law was preaching to me yesterday that you have to get a career going, men might be there now, but you dont know if their gonna be around tomorrow, no babies, get a career first you cant depend on a man. She worked hard at her marriage and still wants to give up, but she continues to work at it. She said nowadays...noone wants to work at it, everyone gives up and calls it quits.
I just wish it werent like this, there are so many people out their ruining relationships and deceiving people, liars, backstabbers, how is it that people could just hurt someone they love so easily.
Mami- I meant to put that in my last post ,,,,that of course youve all thought about a good looking celebrity from time to time, you cant help it sometimes lol.

& sure you look when you see an attractive person, but there are so many impulsive guys out their that are ready to jump on whatever they see.  I dont see the point in hurting someone knowingly, you might as well be single and date a bunch of woman if thats what you want. But why must they lie and cheat, just leave first. Yesterday, I went on craiglist again and there were SOOOOO many ads "M man looking for married woman" I was shocked at how many people are so  unhappily married to just do that, or maybe they are happy and just want to make the cake and eat it too(Dont know if thats the correct saying, but you know what I mean) It just aggravates me, how can they be so selfish to put their relationship and family at risk. Anyway...

On a brighter note. One of the ads titled " Blond chick at the deli counter"


How come only ten slices


lol, I got a kick out of that one

[extrmeski]

I have been married actually, twice.  Never cheated never even tought about cheating.  I showered each of them with attention support and love.  

[mami1323]

I can say I am 100% faithful.  I would NEVER think of cheating on my significant other.  I never have.  I take commitment very seriously.  Yes, I may think other men are attractive but honestly, I don't really look.  Unless it's a hot actor...lol.  But I wouldn't do that to my partner, I wouldn't want to hurt them.  I would feel so guilty.  Even after my fiance betrayed me, I still would not do it back to him.  It wouldn't solve anything and it wouldn't make me feel any better.  He still hurt me and that wouldn't go away just because I would have slept with someone else.  I have had men approach me, I've had ex's contact me or contact my friends to contact me.  But there was no way I would gamble with my relationship, with my family, with my son's heart.  I wished my fiance had thought that way as well.  Maybe now he will but I think it's very hard for some not to feel tempted.  

[AnxiousGurl]

it is sad, some are sooo CREEPY, and I agree they get so desperate. Some people I think just want to be noticed, and do it to see the reaction they get. Some guys dont know how to approach a girl in real life. But I do agree -there are just as many scumbag woman out there doing the same thing.
& I'll admit its getting addicting reading the ads.....they are my entertainment for the day. I know that there are faithful men out there though, there has to be.

At the same time, do you think everyone at one point in there life atleast has had an ounce of temptation or even just a thought of someone else besides their significant other? Is there such thing as 100% commitment MIND body & soul? What do you think.
If so, they must be strong, strong enough to reject temptation, strong in who they are, how they live, innocent, faithful and honest 100% of the way....

[RockRose]

My brother found himself in one of those "missed connections" last year.  My brother is VERY social,  funny,  and open,  and handsome.   Also very married.

It was clearly him in the missed connections ad - describing the grocery store,  my brother's unusual t-shirt,  and their conversation about shrimp barbecue - but it was a gay guy asking "did I sense a spark"?

I always wonder,  how many people who are sought actually see the ad?  Then,  how many,  like my brother - change the places they shop/eat/play?

[Jasmine205]

Oh ho! At that story you posted.

Kind of reeks of desperation those kind of things, almost to the point of being stalkerish, huh? And he felt the need to work her dog into it too..lol
Bet that woman takes a different route from now on...

[mami1323]

I think you hit the nail right on the head.  It is an ego thing.  It's rather sad.  Our therapist even pointed out that both men and women have been cheating in enormous numbers lately.  No one has family values any more.  What happened to working hard on the relationship?  It's really disappointing.

[GRose]

I don't doubt that there are real "missed encounters"  but did you guys ever consider that SOME of those posts are fake, just as people post fake questions on here?

[sammy73]

I take no offence at this post!!!  It's funny.  There are scumbags out there, for sure, no doubt a few of my colleagues and casual friends are (including some of the women I know).

Yes, there are some men who can be faithful - my wife and I met almost 17 years ago at university and I have NEVER entertained the thought of cheating on her, and NEVER would.  Unfortunately the reverse doesn't seem to be true, but that's a whole other story...

How many married (or in a long-term relationship) men would refuse the opportunity if it was handed to them on a plate, no strings attached, and with a guarantee they would not get caught?  Some, but probably a minority.  For me, the sex would be tempting, but I know I could never live with the guilt afterwards.

But to go out actively looking for discrete affairs, that is real scumbag behaviour.