What is your opinion of friendship with people from the past

[ItalianGirl330]

I wrote an earlier post about being on FB and telling my "best" friends from high school about how I have been these past 30+ years.  I explained abt my mental illness but I also talked about what her friendship meant to me back in high school (1972 - 1978).  It was positive.  I told her other stuff that went on, so it wasn't all bad, just a catch up email.  I asked them what they were up to, who they married, stuff like that.  These are not just acquaintances but people I spent years with growing up and getting through high school with.

Now, some of us are "friends" on FB and while I'll comment on their photo's and remarks, they never comment on mine.  One woman, who I considered by best friend for years, I wrote her 2 msgs and emails and she never responds.  I finally asked her point blank, what the problem was.

Another girl, who is not on FB, but I found her email and we have been emailing, has suddenly stopped emailing me.

I am not a stalker but I just want an answer.  Not a brush off type of answer but what I did to make them not like me anymore.   I did sleep with one girlfriends ex's after high school but never told them.  We were both free and it was  a friends with benefits type of relationship.  Maybe they found out about that?

Am I being annoying?  

What is a friend to you?  What do you expect from your best friends and the ones that you just like for certain activities like work, travel, but you wouldn't tell your deepest darkest secrets too.

Can anyone explain to me what friendship is all about?  I seem to be missing something here.

[waringblender]

I don't think these are people that are more than casual. You'll just have to accept if they don't want to be in contact with you. :-( Sorry.

I'd move on. I"m the type that isn't interested in somebody more as they become less interested in me. Once you start up something and you don't get a response, just move on.

I doubt it has anything to do with your history with them in the past. People have complicated enough lives in the present without worrying about the past. Our economy is in total meltdown and we are spending billions to kill innocent  people in Afghanistan. There's lots going on  that isn't about what happened in the past.

[iam1butterfly]

It's probably because these friends from the past are in a totally different mental space, today. Some will reminisce, revisit the past... momentarily. Then, shift back to their present day realities and move on with their lives. Others choose, for whatever reason, to never look back. You have only to go to a high school or family reunion to see proof of this. If I were you, I wouldn't take the disinterest of these friends personal.
I suggest that you look for friendship (a connection) with those who you share a current common interest.

[ItalianGirl330]

Thank you WaringBlender and Butterfly.  I guess I was hoping for some sort of "Traveling Pants" reunion where everyone just loves and understands each other.  This is coming from my own sense of loneliness right now and my sense of insecurity.

You are both right.  They probably have so much on their plates and their lives are busy enough, that I'm just not that important to them.  

I appreciate your input, you both have made me feel better.  I take things so personally sometimes which is my downfall.

Thank you both for taking the time to answer me.  It helps to see an outsiders point of view on this.

[jo929]

After so long a time people change they have their teen friend, and then when they grow especially after 20 years they change and barely remember theit teens, so do not.   luck  jo

[teko]

I did not keep contact with any childhood/hs friends. I would run into one or two from time to time, but our worlds had gone in different directions, so to speak. When my children were small, I developed friends and still have them all these years later. So, I think for the most part, it is normal to go our separate ways.

[ItalianGirl330]

These were high school friends.  I thought we would pick up where we left off, caring about each other in the same way, but it hasn't happened.  There are people who stay friends with high school friends and I wonder how they do it.  I have reached out and told them what their friendship meant to me during high school, and how I've thought about them over the years.  They never once said that back to me.  I'm a little bit of a mushy person.  I get emotional if I really feel something, and it's hard to hold back.

[vmvnpv]

You have to remember that the "Traveling Pants" isn't real life.  It's been 30+ years and people are moving on.  You can't just pick up where you left off.  These people were your best friends 30 years ago.  That was 30 years ago.  They aren't your best friends anymore therefore you shouldn't have any expectations of them.  You can't just pick up where you left off after 30 years.  It doesn't happen that way.  People stay friends for so many years because they keep in touch.  Some of my best friends from high school (I graduated 13 years ago) are not my best friends anymore.  We keep in touch through Facebook and email but I don't expect them to be mushy and lovey dovey with me any more than they expect me to be with them.  We keep it casual because anything more than that is just awkward and uncomfortable.  I know you mentioned having a mental illness.  Perhaps some therapy would help you deal with this if you aren't already in therapy.  I'm just concerned because you are dwelling to much on this situation and missing out on so much more in life and that's not healthy.

[mami1323]

I agree with vmvnpv, you are taking this to hard.  So who cares if these people don't talk to you or respond to your emails.  Then just say, to hell with it and move on.  They haven't talked to you in years and it's not like they need to become your best friend.  Friendships can't be forced, don't take them not talking to you as rejection.  It's not personal and if it is then they aren't worth talking to.