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Avatar universal

What should I do ?? :((

So a while back when I was pregnant I posted on here that I thought my bf was messaging girls bc when I borrowed his phone the words sexy and beautiful appear on his most used words in his text messaging and I knew right away he was talking to someone bc those are words he never ever texts me we talked about it and moved on from it obviously he denied it well now my baby is three months old and I found out he has a text messaging app kik and supposably he deleted that app three years ago I found out bc I downloaded the app to see if he still had it and I was shocked to see he did !! Now I know what app he been on messaging girls he keeps denying it but I know I'm not crazy I know what I saw and he keeps trying to play with my mind and make me think I'm crazy but I saw it with my own Eyes he has it and he even messaged me on it asking who's this and he's denying it was him he wrote me well damn well it was him !! I'm soooo sad I feel like I've been getting played and lied to this whole time now I feel stuck bc I got a baby with him live in his house I have no job and literally nowhere to go that's why I'm still here bc I don't want my baby to be homeless when she has her own room already idk what to do?? :(((
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3060903 tn?1398565123
Just be aware , that it is you that is impressed with your living arrangements with this guy. not your baby. How are you supposed to marry this man with his long term track record of playing games with other women? it is so east to cheat with a prostitute, this guy is showing an inordinate amount of interest in other women, guys like this will find time on their lunch hour to be dogs. How can you trust that he'll not bring home stds in the future? he's lied to you about it, and it was his intention that you never knew, because he wants to continue with his interest in other women. A man that knows he's done wrong would come to you and tell you what' he's doing and that he's sorry. (as mine did,while i was injured at work). A guy that denies it does so because he want to be able to continue. Think about it, and make you all about getting a career for yourself. Be smart.
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3060903 tn?1398565123
he fell in love with me at first sight and chased after me for so long

falling in love at first sight, is not necessarily a good thing, love should be about knowing a person, and more than a physical attraction,

what do you mean by "chasing you " ? how long is "so long " It is subjective.

I hear that you're ready to forgive but you'll not soon forget.

You need to be able to provide for your child. Bottom line. Your response to his cheating (as i said it's subjective.If my husband was contacting other women online, i would consider that cheating). should be , at least, to use this as a push for you start your online courses immediately, get your ged, and plan to take a college course so that , in the event he continues to be flakey you have a way out , and a way not to have to accept another flakey man in your life. I'm not saying he can't change, he may well change, but you still need to be able to provide for your child yourself. It is the only way that you will be in full control of the child you made and a good example for your child, to know how invested you are for your own safely and security.
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
he always makes me feel like it's all my fault bc I'm not a good gf

can you tell us what he means by this exactly ?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I made it to 12 grade but didn't graduate I have a quiet few classes left & well I doubt he has gone out on dates with other girls me and him are alwaysss together he has always slept at home only time we are not together is when he leaves to work and he gets picked up n dropped off by his boss I just don't see when he would have the time to do that n where we live everyone knows each other I think I would of heard something by now he says me and his daughter are everything to him and he wants us to be happy and he knows he fukd up and he already told himself he can't be like that and it's like no matter what he tells me my heart is broken he fell in love with me at first sight and chased after me for so long and didn't give up to make me his gf everyone knew how crazy he was about me he would stay saying how beautiful I was and how bad he was going to make me his he worked hard to get me for him to do this to me now !?! :( I'm highly disappointed I'm really not trying to be mean but I'm always told I'm too pretty for him and that he's ugly but I fell in love with him for who he was and I get sad when I see the beautiful girls he has talked to I'm like wtf he doesn't even look that good how they even talking to him but he's probably nice to them how he was with me I'm very very disappointed he knowsss my past relationship was hell and he even told me that when he first met me he knew I was broken and he wanted to be the guy to fix my broken heart and I tell him now he broke it even more now and he always makes me feel like it's all my fault bc I'm not a good gf but I'm sooo loyal to him
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
" I don't want my baby to be homeless when she has her own room already"

I want you to consider something. You and your baby are already homeless. Home is where the heart is, and your man's heart is not at home. You are simply squatting until you can find a better way. And the best way would be for you to pick up sticks, and find your way to your own career. Then and only then, will you truly not be homeless. The situation that you are in has not long term future. It will end badly if you wait for it to do so. He will let you down more and more as time goes on. Make no mistake, that's what men like that do. It is their mode of operation. It's all they are. It's who they are.

If you want to stay, be smart about it. and be prepared to move our and look after yourself, lest you get stuck with another loser, or end up older in a women's shelter. If you think about it. Your little baby would have NO recollection in her first couple of years where you lived. If you went to a women's shelter, by saying that he is abusive (which is what cheating is) it's emotional verbal abuse. (lying cheating). You might have to say that he hit you to get in. A small white lie to assure a future for you and the baby. They will help you at the shelter to get welfare to get a place for you and your girl. You will be eligible for day care allowance, and you will be able to go to college. Wouldn't that be a better option than to "play" silly games with a little boy that doesn't know how to act like a man?

I would never stick around with a guy, after having a baby, that was cheating on me. No way in this world would i ever do that. I know that my child would know nothing of the first couple of years that i would spend on my education so that by the time they go off to kindergarten i would be able to provide a long term stable home for them. Please think long and hard about what i'm saying. It would be a HUGE mistake for you to relax and forgive (a second time apparently , two strikes you're out). and pretend that nothings wrong. or to waste your precious life blood, fighting with the likes of him. Either would be very detrimental to your child. Please heed my warning. It appears you are all that your child has. You owe it to them now to prepare for them. You probably should have done it before, rather than rely on a man that you obviously didn't know that well. But what's done is done. Let it go. and move forward on target with adult expectations of yourself.

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3060903 tn?1398565123
Your precious little girl is not going to come from a good home, because she has her own room honey. She will still come from a broken home, without you ever leaving. Her views of relationships will be broken, because this man will be messing around on her mom, and playing head games that will break your spirit. more and more as time goes on.

Can I ask you what your credentials are ? Have you finished high school.? I think if you stay for the convenience, that you need to let go the subject of him cheating. He is cheating. It's obvious. If you thought he had gotten rid of the app, 3 years ago but have proof he is on it now, he's been cheating the whole time. Those are the facts. Don't let it affect YOU..It has nothing to do with the women, when a man is set on cheating. It wouldn't matter who you were, or what you did, a man that is bent on cheating, will do just that.

I was tying to tell you earlier about how you could be focused on gaining an education so that you could provide for your daughter, because chances are that this guy is going to leave you anyway. He is not acting like he is the type of man that will be there for you. Maybe you could live in his house, if you could detach from what's he's doing, in fact let him do what he's doing, so he's doing something else while you prepare yourself educationally to move on a get with a better type of man. Get yourself to a a place where you can get your own mortgage and buy your own house, and provide for yourself your needs, and your child's needs.

You say of yourself, that you are sooo stupid, so toughen up, and make a plan. What type of career would interest you. If you are not particular, anything in the health industry is a good place to start, with all the baby boomers getting older. Go and talk to an education counselor at the college or university. If you needs high school credits, you can get them online, or in night school Do you have anyone to baby sit while you do that? is this man capable of looking after the baby ?

You will not change this man, just by his knowing that you know that he is cheating. Because that's what it is that he's doing. It doesn't matter if he hasn't made actual dates (although i think he probably has because he has that mentality). You can use him until you are through college. As far as he's concerned, you can say you want to help out financially by going to school, and leave him in your dust when you get a job. Then, go out and get a real man that has the capacity to love a women and not just use them for sex.
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Avatar universal
And no I have nowhere to go sadly that's why I'm here still ! :(((
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Avatar universal
About three weeks ago I grabbed his phone and saw he's on some kind of social network talking to girls I didn't see the exact messages but I seen he had a notification from a girl ughhhhh I'm soooo mad and he has the nerves to deny it when I saw it and I'm still here like a stupid asss!!!! I'm soooo dumb I swear :(((
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
It will be hard, and you will need to put 'love"  I meant Romantic Love, cuz the love that a child has for you, and vice versa is like no other.
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3060903 tn?1398565123
I'm sorry that this is happening to you. This guy does not sound like he's serious about having a good relationship, or that he deserves or respects his family. So really it is a question of how you move on, because I don't think that you sound like the kind of girl that is going to put up with his highjinx or that he will stick around for the long run.

If  was stuck for a place, and it was me, i would concentrate all my efforts on my education so that i could raise my child. Make it all about the baby, and how you can find an education. Do what you must. Even if that means going to a women's shelter and taking out a student loan and take care of business. TCB. Get a tatoo so you never forget what you need to do for yourself and your baby.

Do you not have any family that you can trust to live with while going to school ? It's okay if not. Single mothers manage to go to school and look after their kids, all the time. You can too. It will be hard, and you will need to put 'love" in the backseat., and make parenting education and career your only focus. But you can do it. I promise you that you'll never regret getting yourself an education and career. Neither will your baby.
Reach out for the help you need. If you can't get anyone to help you, start out in a shelter and allow them to help you transition to a shared house or a small apartment.

This guy is not worth an ounce of your tears. You made a mistake falling for him, but you know better now. You can't go back and unsee what you now know to be true. I'm sorry that he's done this to you. Allow it to strengthen you and not defeat you. I'm here if you ever want to talk.

Liz
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  If you can't get him to open up to you then no matter what he is doing, things will fall apart.  I'm sorry
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