What should I do try or not?

[mjml]

I recently had an abortion due to a cyst on my womb which would have killed my baby at a later date so I did what i thought was best for my health and chances of having children later on and also because both my partner and I struggle for money & want to give our children best possible life ever. But since losing the baby I can't help but want to try for another baby as soon as I can. My partner wants to wait till we have our own home & more money which could be at least a year away. I do want what he says too and I'd love to have the fairytale get engaged, married and then kids but my desire for a baby is taking over. I don't know whether it is my hormones playing up and part depression or If its really what i want i don't know the difference of how i feel anymore. I've always wanted to be a mum and secretly hoped every month i was pregnant since we'd got together. I know he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I just need help deciding what to do? because my head is no where near clear right now.... any advise is helpful thanku xxx

[treazzure007]

if you have the option to plan/prepare ahead of time, go for that.  yes, many of us are here and thriving without the whole planning thing, but it is ideal and will make for a happier mommy, daddy, and baby

[zzzmykids]

Dear mjmi,
I am fifty three years old.  I had my first "tubal ligation" forced abortion because I would have died.  The baby was nine weeks along.  The second one was six years later and a month along.  Both my husband and I grieved and still remember this time in our lives..we were kids in our twenties.. After that I was never to get pregnant again.  The hair folicles in my tubes "suck" eggs back in them.  Were these really abortions?  Was yours?  Absolutely NOT!! Any right to life person, including me, will tell you the loss of your child was unfortunate, painful a cause to mourn BUT all right to life speakers...and I have asked a few, "What I had to do to surviive, was "kill" my babies am I a murderrer?
Each told me it is always the Mother first that is to be saved.  Mourn, cry but know you have left a deposit in heaven that will tell God about his/her Mommy.  BTW miraculously we have two children, both girls.

zzzmykids

[mjml]

Thankyou for your advise, I've been looking up empty arms syndrome and think this is very possible, seems to make sense will ask my doctor to see what he thinks. For now I think I am going to wait and let the boyfriend make decisions like this (only for a short while though lol) take care x

[babypooh]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can imagine why you are so ready to try for another baby right now. Try to occupy yourself with things you enjoy doing and take your mind off things as best as you can. I think it might be best to wait at least until you are more emotionally stable; losing a baby is devastating so give yourself time to grieve and get your emotions under control. A year goes by really fast,  honey so try to hang in there. Find comfort in  your partner's love and in family and friends. Best of luck to you.

[RockRose]

mjml, I'm sorry for your loss.

I agree with you that you're craving a baby because of the one you lost.  I think it's called "empty arms syndrome" - your brain and heart are all geared up to mother a baby,  but your baby is gone.  

I think your fiance is very wise to wait.  I'm kind of curious that you referred to getting married and stable before having a baby as a "fairy tale" - rather,  it's the way things are done.  It's the smart,  loving way to bring your baby into the world.

I agree your head isn't clear right now.  It's fully of hormones and sad longing.  It sounds like your fiance's head is very clear right now,  maybe best to follow his thinking.

Best wishes for successful pregnancies in your future -