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What to do when my bf is addicted to porn.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years. The entire 3 years he has had an addiction to porn and before we even met, he said he had this problem with his last girlfriends. I always thought of it as a guy thing. But I always thought he looked at it a few times a week, until we had a conversation and he looks at porn constantly throughout the day and masterbates everyday while I am at work or in the bedroom. I have walked in on him several times and he denys it, then I mention it another day then he will tell me the truth. He says its very embarrasing for me to walk in on him in the act. I asked him what type of porn turns him on and he says he doesn't have one thing that he looks at everything. He says it has gotten so bad that he feels bad cause he knows it hurts me. Because everytime I'm away from him or I know he is home alone or in a different room, I know he is looking at porn or trying to masterbate. It has gotten to the feeling that I leave because I know he would rather look at porn on the computer and masturbate. We have sex alot. At least 4 times a week. And he tells me he looks at it cause its a release and calmness and he can sleep afterwards. But I don't know how much longer I can take of it because it is destroying our relationship. Because that's all he thinks about and thats all I think about when I think of my bf. He says he's embarrased because I am such a beautiful girl and he's embarrased that he does it when he has me. I can deal with some porn like masturbating every once in a while as I do to. But to do it everyday for about 3 hours is taking a toll on our relationship big time and I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I want to know with your experience will things get better or will I always feel like this and should accept his porn addiction, or should I just move on.
For example: Porn has gotten so bad that he has stayed up till ike 4 in the morning and slept on the couch because he was looking up porn and masturbating and now he can't get that hard because he masturbates too much. He has told me now it takes him about 2 hours to find something erotic to masturbate to, to get him off. And also, he has hinted several times for me to "oh go run to the store, or go run and do this errand, I'll stay here. And he says this stuff cause I'm hanging out with him and he feels the urge to look up porn and masturbate. So he would say stuff to get me to leave the house and I finally relized what he was doing and said no. So now I go into the bedroom everytime he is on the computer cause I know he would rather masturbate then hang with me. It just hurts me so much That he spends every minute that he is not with me trying to masturbate. Even when we have sex everyday, he is still looking at porn to get off. I know porn is a man's thing and its normal, but this is not normal, he has admitted to me twice in our 3 year relationship that he is addicted to porn. And I don't know what to do, It's not fair for me to give him an ultimatium to stop, but I can't deal with it anymore. What is your oppinion on masturbation and addiction to porn. (Another thing. I have found sexual emails from other people and friends, take it during our relationship 4 people came up to me telling me that he has cheated on me. NO actual proof, just talk. But then I have seen some emails that made me sick. One to his bestfriend, So I called her and she told me he is constantly hitting on her and paying her money (cause she needs money and is broke) to send him dirty emails. I was disgusted. I had the email in front of me and he still denied everything. He used to be on sex chat rooms which I stopped and now all he goes on is Porn sites, from what I see. So I have had a history with him with this, and it all started before he was even dating me so I dont know what to do. I want to stay, But I don't know if I can deal with this for the rest of my life. because it is a daily struggle that is constantly in my mind. Now he changed his work hours so now he gets off 5 hours before me, and I know what he does in that 5 hours, he told me the other day. So I felt much better when he was still working when I got off cause I got to beat him home. Some one please direct me.
For example: Porn has gotten so bad that he has stayed up till ike 4 in the morning and slept on the couch because he was looking up porn and masturbating and now he can't get that hard because he masturbates too much. He has told me now it takes him about 2 hours to find something erotic to masturbate to, to get him off. And also, he has hinted several times for me to "oh go run to the store, or go run and do this errand, I'll stay here. And he says this stuff cause I'm hanging out with him and he feels the urge to look up porn and masturbate. So he would say stuff to get me to leave the house and I finally relized what he was doing and said no. So now I go into the bedroom everytime he is on the computer cause I know he would rather masturbate then hang with me. It just hurts me so much That he spends every minute that he is not with me trying to masturbate. Even when we have sex everyday, he is still looking at porn to get off. I know porn is a man's thing and its normal, but this is not normal, he has admitted to me twice in our 3 year relationship that he is addicted to porn. And I don't know what to do, It's not fair for me to give him an ultimatium to stop, but I can't deal with it anymore. What is your oppinion on masturbation and addiction to porn. (Another thing. I have found sexual emails from other people and friends, take it during our relationship 4 people came up to me telling me that he has cheated on me. NO actual proof, just talk. But then I have seen some emails that made me sick. One to his bestfriend, So I called her and she told me he is constantly hitting on her and paying her money (cause she needs money and is broke) to send him dirty emails. I was disgusted. I had the email in front of me and he still denied everything. He used to be on sex chat rooms which I stopped and now all he goes on is Porn sites, from what I see. So I have had a history with him with this, and it all started before he was even dating me so I dont know what to do. I want to stay, But I don't know if I can deal with this for the rest of my life. because it is a daily struggle that is constantly in my mind. Now he changed his work hours so now he gets off 5 hours before me, and I know what he does in that 5 hours, he told me the other day. So I felt much better when he was still working when I got off cause I got to beat him home. Some one please direct me.
WOW, Deja Vu all over again. Oh where to begin, My husband HAD the same problem. He was addicted to porn and I have no idea until after we got married and was trying to concieve. He would always lie to my face about it, never would admitt he had a problem and tried to hide it from me but he didn't know altho I was young didn't mean I was stupied!
At this time I was 20 and he was 26. We got married "QUICK" but we just knew we were meant to be together. while trying to concieve thru fertility doctors there were times that we couldn't have sex and one time I was actually napping on the bed and he was at the foot of the bed looking at porn on his phone. I woke up and asked him what the heck he was doing he said nothing his phone was messing up so i took it from him and was shocked at what I had discovered! Oh my gezzz I was so irrate I could have threw him through a wall. Anyway this went on for months and I kept telling him I'm going to leave and not come back, I said porn was an addiction he had to work on by himself. One day I finally had enough, I was sick and tired of worring 24/7 about my HUSBAND watching porn and lying to me about it. Soo in Feb of 2010 after just 10 months of marriage I told him to get the f*(! out and he did.
He wanted me back so bad, called me every day for months trying to get me to work on our marriage. I told him to go see a therapist and he did, and then wanted to suggest marriage councling and I said not until he gets his crap together. After filing for divorce on our 1 year wedding anniversary in april I stuck to my guns and didn't go back! I fell on my butt since he was the one that supported us through the military while i was going through fertility treatment. In august 2010, 6 months after we split I started seeing him again, we were still married but we taking it as if we were dating agian if you know what I mean. I went to a therapy session with him and seen he had changed into a man instead of a boy and we both went to marriage councling together and have been doing great ever since! We are currently 16 weeks pregnant with our miracle baby and have the best marriage I could ever have dreamed of!
The point to my story is dont just give up. He will have to change on his own and on his own time. It's an addiction just like smoking, drinking or any drug for that matter. He needs help. Suggest councling, they saved my marriage along with alot of effort from my husband and hard work from the both of us!
Sorry about the typo's i'm on my ipad. Good luck
At this time I was 20 and he was 26. We got married "QUICK" but we just knew we were meant to be together. while trying to concieve thru fertility doctors there were times that we couldn't have sex and one time I was actually napping on the bed and he was at the foot of the bed looking at porn on his phone. I woke up and asked him what the heck he was doing he said nothing his phone was messing up so i took it from him and was shocked at what I had discovered! Oh my gezzz I was so irrate I could have threw him through a wall. Anyway this went on for months and I kept telling him I'm going to leave and not come back, I said porn was an addiction he had to work on by himself. One day I finally had enough, I was sick and tired of worring 24/7 about my HUSBAND watching porn and lying to me about it. Soo in Feb of 2010 after just 10 months of marriage I told him to get the f*(! out and he did.
He wanted me back so bad, called me every day for months trying to get me to work on our marriage. I told him to go see a therapist and he did, and then wanted to suggest marriage councling and I said not until he gets his crap together. After filing for divorce on our 1 year wedding anniversary in april I stuck to my guns and didn't go back! I fell on my butt since he was the one that supported us through the military while i was going through fertility treatment. In august 2010, 6 months after we split I started seeing him again, we were still married but we taking it as if we were dating agian if you know what I mean. I went to a therapy session with him and seen he had changed into a man instead of a boy and we both went to marriage councling together and have been doing great ever since! We are currently 16 weeks pregnant with our miracle baby and have the best marriage I could ever have dreamed of!
The point to my story is dont just give up. He will have to change on his own and on his own time. It's an addiction just like smoking, drinking or any drug for that matter. He needs help. Suggest councling, they saved my marriage along with alot of effort from my husband and hard work from the both of us!
Sorry about the typo's i'm on my ipad. Good luck
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Well, the thing is------ when we date, we are dating for a reason. Part of the reason is to find out about someone and we learn more and more as time goes on. We are suppose to use that information in order to decide if this is the right partner for us. When we see something that wouldn't work for us, we are suppose to break up even when we still love them and it might seem hard. It is what we do in the best interest of having a happy life. That is what dating is really for, right?
So, you've identified a very serious problem. Your boyfriend uses pornography as an escape as most addictions are used for. He has something that he would like to control but admits he can not. He is embarressed about it and has lied to you but still can not stop the addiction on his own. He will not get better unless he enters a treatment program hon. And even then, he is at risk for going back to his addiction of choice or switching to something that gives him that same high--- a new addiction. He is an unhealthy choice in a long term partner.
It is that simple. He is an unhealthy choice for a long term partner. No matter what you do or what you say or how it is rationalized, that is a fact. Now, you must decide if your future happiness is worth moving on or if you will subject yourself to a life of heartache 'dealing with' his addiction.
Peace and good luck in your decision.
So, you've identified a very serious problem. Your boyfriend uses pornography as an escape as most addictions are used for. He has something that he would like to control but admits he can not. He is embarressed about it and has lied to you but still can not stop the addiction on his own. He will not get better unless he enters a treatment program hon. And even then, he is at risk for going back to his addiction of choice or switching to something that gives him that same high--- a new addiction. He is an unhealthy choice in a long term partner.
It is that simple. He is an unhealthy choice for a long term partner. No matter what you do or what you say or how it is rationalized, that is a fact. Now, you must decide if your future happiness is worth moving on or if you will subject yourself to a life of heartache 'dealing with' his addiction.
Peace and good luck in your decision.
Hmmm....This DEFINITELY is NOT normal in shape or form; he is without a doubt addicted to porn/sex.
Two options: 1. Therapy, however this still is NO guarantee he will change and the therapy will have to be intensive and long; no changes overnight.
2. Leave him.
Why should you have to worry 24/7 about what he is up to? That's no life in my opnion.
In his case, this ISN'T a guy thing, but an ADDICT'S thing.
Two options: 1. Therapy, however this still is NO guarantee he will change and the therapy will have to be intensive and long; no changes overnight.
2. Leave him.
Why should you have to worry 24/7 about what he is up to? That's no life in my opnion.
In his case, this ISN'T a guy thing, but an ADDICT'S thing.
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