What to do?

[Bret7982]

Hi,
I recently started dating a girl that I am falling in love with.  We dated previously approximately 4 months ago.  At that time the relationship went really quickly and we seem to really hit it off.  At about the 7 week mark, suddenly she withdrew from the relationship and we ended up splitting.  She was going through a sale of her house that she ended up with from her previous relationship with a fiance who lied and said he could afford way more than he could and ended up taking her for about 40,000.00 dollars.  She was also married previous to this relationship to her high school sweetheart.... It is now about four months later and she ended up contacting me through email and said that life was slowing down and that she had had time to think and was wondering if I was still interested..  We met, talked, and hit it off again immediately, and things have been really going well until about 5 days ago.   The relationship is at about the 7 week mark again and she seems to be withdrawing again..  She is in the midst of moving into a new home she purchased and i have attempted to be there and help her but me trying to help seems to push her even further away.  she says i only help her because i " take pitty" on her like she is not capable of doing it her self. I really like her and want the relationship to go some where... I don't know if she is scared she is going to be hurt again or what... Any feedback??

[Judy246]

She has a lot going on right now and because of her past, she is either not ready or hesitant to jump into dating or an exclusive committed relationship. You have to protect your own interest, so I would have a talk with her and tell her that you understand that she is going through a difficult period in her life, understand and support her, but you feel that she is just not ready to date or an exclusive relationship and when she gets herself in a good place to contact you for maybe lunch or dinner and take it from there.

I have a feeling that if you continue to pursue her at this point, she is just going to back off and I wouldn't want you to develope strong emotions with a person who can not respond to you the way you deseve to be responded. Express understanding, support and step back and when she is ready and if you are willing to give her an opportunity, then you can begin by just getting to know each other slowly and the relationship should naturally progress to a higher level.  Good Luck, Judy

[megochick101]

She sounds flaky to me(sorry) and that she's using the excuse that she needs to take care of her house, to basically back you off. She may not be looking for a serious relationship at this point, especially with her past relationships. Or of course she could just be scared of getting hurt again..sorry not much help here am I? lol

The best way to find out what is going on in her head is just to talk to her about it. She sounds like a very independent woman, she may not be used to having people help her and she is probably used to doing everything herself. You may have to get used to that, but I would still ask her if she needs help with the moving and if she says no, then just let it go... if she doesn't let you help her with the move, maybe just take her out to dinner or do something special to celebrate her new home instead?