What to do

[tuesday1125]

o basically 3-4 nights of the week he has his son, then 2 nights of the week he has a hobby that takes up alot of his time, so some weeks he has one night free and then the other week he has 2 nights free which he sees me.  He's got alot of finanical burden, alot due to the economy and really doesn't have money for anything, this month he's worried how he's going to pay his mortgage, so I never give him a hard time about not going out.  Truthfully, I like the time we spend together alone cause it's very limited.  I broke up with him this Feb. because of the fact that he hasn't told anybody about us and that he still has his personal ad up, which is where we met.  No contact for two weeks, during which I got very depressed.  He emailed me, missed me, missed talking to me and seeing me and wanted to work things out.  We talked, he took his profile down that night and things got better.  Then last month I started having some "female" issues, which I posted in another post, which made me (and still is making me) very depressed and I went off on him one night that it wasn't working.....he was upset and told me to take some time and think about things.  He waited a few days and called me, missed me, wondering how I was doing, we did alot of talking and got back together.  Two weeks ago, something made me look at that personals site.  To my surprise, there was his profile up, and active within the last 24 hours.  I was pissed!!!  Emailed him in the morning that I saw it and said that it's obvious I meant nothing to him, that he didn't care at all for me and that I was DONE, don't email me cause I blocked your email address and don't call me cause I don't want to talk to you.  He called me the next day, I didn't answer, left an almost 2 minute long email that if I let him explain, he could show me on the computer that the credit card he used on there was cancelled last month and that his subscription was cancelled and that after he read my email he signed into there and it won't let him do anything until he puts in a valid credit card and that why I was on there to begin with was beyond him.  He went onto say that he really cares for me, loves the time we spend together, whethere it's as friends or intimate and if this is going to go anywhere, or not, he doesn't know, that we have somethings to work out and if he doesn't hear from me he wished me well.  I called him back and we talked,  said he was sick all day and really upset over the fact that I thought he was screwing around on me and that he would never do that.  And that night he got into a car accident cause he couldn't focus on things.  Which made me feel worse.  He also added that he doesn't know what I'm looking for and that he doesn't see himself never getting married again (he told me on our first date that I was the first one he was with since his divorce)  I know she hurt him bad, stole from him, etc. and that she's still doing things to make his life miserable, and honestly I don't think i want to get married again either.  I went over his house that night and he tried taking me into his office and wanted to show me that he couldn't change anything on that site, I told him I didn't want to see it, that I belived him, he insisted atleast 3 more times that he really wanted to show me and I said no.  We talked more and I brought up the subject if he would ever think of me as his girlfriend, and he looked at me funny and said what do you think you are now? And I said I didn't know cause we never talked about it, early on we had the disscusion that we wouldn't date anyone else.  He's been really sweet and extra affectionate since then and told me he was upset that he didn't know if he would ever see or talk to me again.  Always calls me sweet names.  Has been calling me more and sharing more about his childhood and things like that.  Monday night I saw him and had plans to help him with something in his house and about a half hour after I got there, he held my hand and said if it's alright, I'd rather do that another night cause right now I just wanted to spend time with you.  Which I thought was sweet.  He told me the other night that sex with me was amazing, like heaven and that he loves the way I touch him, kiss him, do things for him, etc.  But he's never said I love you....but used the word alot in sentences, loves spending time with me, etc.  I guess what I'm getting at is that if someone tells you your his girlfriend, and the other things I listed, does it sound like I"m a booty call and just filling in the time still something better comes along?  My friends tell me that it's obvious he has feelings for me, cause all 3 times I broke up with him, he won't let me go.  I really care for him alot and I do love him, but would never tell him, I've only told 2 other guys in my lifetime that I loved them, it's not something that comes easy to me.  But am I wasting my time if he never sees himself getting married again?
Thanks in advance for any replies.

[mami1323]

Not all relationships start out on the right footing.  Sometimes the confusion about titles and where you stand with each other causes major drama.  I would just take it one day at a time and see what happens.  He will tell you he loves you in his own time.  If he's doing all these sweet things, then he does care for you.  Don't push it.  Just because someone says they will never get married again doesn't mean it to be true.  They might not have found the right one.  My fiance said the same, that he would never get married again or have any more children.  Here we are engaged and have a 19 month old.  Nothing is written in stone.  Just enjoy yourself and the time you do see one another.  You will know after a while if you think it's not going any where.

[Judy246]

I do believe that he truly does care about you or even love you, but due to his past experience, unfortunately, he is afraid to open his heart to you. Thats ok...dont' pressure him and just reassure him that you care about him and are there for him.

This is also a good opportunity to begin to communicate with him in a more opened way. Tell him that you want to know about his past...all the details, so that you have a better understanding of why he behaves the way he does and why he doesn't fully open up to you. Tell him how you feel ( I know it's easier said than done), but he knows you mean business. Share with him our feelings and your fears. Tell him just like that, I want to "share" with you how I feel, without him feeling like, Oh, oh...here come the "L" word. The word love will come at the right time, so don't let it overwhelm you or doubt his love for you, because I do think he is in love with you, just afraid to say it.

You will both be ok. This relationship seem to have it's issues, but salvagable.

[teko]

He will still have his son, he will still have his hobbies, had stated he could not see himself getting married again, and the personals things just puts the icing on the cake. Honestly, I do not see this working out for you. Too much drama early on, besides with all the above and a iffy financial situation, you would be better off moving on.

[tuesday1125]

Thank you all for your comments.  I guess when you get to this age (36) you kind of want things instant, lol.  I know I have my own issues to work through, as does he.  I guess time is the best thing to give it and see if anything comes out of it.
Thanks again