When a mom does too much for her only chils a son who is now 28?
Well, I have a 28yr old son who is still into being the go to guy for all his pal's who are in relationships. I have been still doing way to many things for him, such as calling in his wkly unemplyment and just always been there to help when needed. His father andI have been married 30 yrs. We are in a what some may call a platonic relationship. His and her rooms. But we don't fight it just works for us both I guess. The other night our son is in between a house to rent so has stayed a few nights on the couch. After being I guess, a nag I was asking if he had taken care of a certain bill from his last apt. Well, long,long story short. I asked him why his Father has so much more respect from him then myself. He told me he hasn't respected me for awhile for the way I treat his Dad. We, honestly don't fight . But, his Dad has terrible table manners and He is now hard of hearing that I have to repeat things 3 or more times. My husband is so forgetful that if I dont leave a note for garbage day he truly forgets and we have had this service same day for over 20yrs. Honest. the few times I dont leave one he forgets. So Son tells me he hates the way I treat his dad. Again we do things togeather every weekend. Son is only here on holidays. I am not a monster and when he told me I was a ***** to his dad his father was right there and told him he didnt know what he was talking about and not to say that. Mind you after 3o yrs of marriage our worst fights are over our son. Of whom we lended him $6,ooo.for a motorbike he wrecked it in 8 mo's had paid some money like$2,300. Car breaks dwn his Dad co-sighns for a car loan 5 mo's wrecks it Insur will pay thank goodness. He feels as though since times are tuff for him that he need's to plan for a slow winter. Basically, I nag about some sort of pymt for MC,He is in matter of fact way he cant pay us. Yet, has a 70 muscle car in shop to pay over a thousand bucks to get it runnin and back on the road, interm I was laid off from work he know's we are struggliling and he thinks I should find a job just like that. His father in 30 yrs has never talked harshly to me. Our son in the last 2 yrs since I have been laid off has called me a ***** which is the worst name I have been called only by him.
I know, I need to say your on your own. But, how does a mom take thier only son saying they have no respect?
Oh my. Okay. Let me be straight up with you. You are treating your adult son as if he were a child. I'm not sure why--------- if it is out of habit or if you are afraid he will fail or if there is something wrong with him. But it is a very bad idea. We have 18 years to prepare our child for the real world. That is a long time. During that time, a child should have opportunities to fail so that they can learn to be responsible for themselves.
What would happen if he didn't pay his bill from the apartment? Well, it would happen to him and not you and he must suffer a consequence to grow. There is a good that I need you to read "LOVE and LOGIC" by Fey (can't remember the first name ---- Charles?). It is geared towards younger folks but it applies here as it sounds like your son has never been allowed to fail. He now lives in some kind of bubble where mom and dad rescue him. No way should a mother of a 28 year old be nagging him to pay his bills, clean up after himself, get a job, fill out his unemployment. You need to let that go and let him live his life. He will crash and burn or he will rise to the occasion.
Now he will resist this and really get nasty about it (as he sounds like a bit of a nasty guy already)--------- but that is okay. It is for his own good---------- AND YOURS.
It is none of his business the kind of relationship you and your husband have. I'd actually escort my son to the door and change the locks if he disrespected me as an adult in my own home. It is not okay and this man child needs some boundaries. Frankly, I'd talk to your husband as he needs to be on your side and tell his man child that it is not acceptable to speak to his mother that way.
STay firm Anna. Some lessons were lost in the early years but it is never to late. Your son sounds like he is not doing well in his life at all and coddling him will not help with that. And as he is rude and nasty to you---------------- what is your motivation to do it anyway. Let it go and let him be a man. (and charge him rent for sleeping on your couch if it becomes more than 2 nights. And if he is rude---------- Motel MOM is closed!) good luck
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