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Why cant I move on from my husband leaving me
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Why cant I move on from my husband leaving me

Hi
I was with my partner for 2yrs married for 8 months, when he decided to unexpectedly leave me. I was shocked because I never seen it coming, we had a great relationship, did everything together, had a great laugh, do stupid things.......
At the time I was going through a difficult time, I lost my job money was tight. I admit I was upset, crying all the time he accused me of moaning all the time. I just could not handle not having a job. He said he was leaving me because he could not handle being around someone who is always moaning and sad who never smiles. He said call him when I have sorted my head out. I was devastated not only had I lost my job, I lost my husband. At the time he was working long hours then on the week end he would work on the doors as a doorman, so it didn't help for I never seen much of him and if I mentioned us having quality time together he would say no, so I would be home all alone on weekends. I noticed he started to change when he got close to a certain doorman, he would go gym with him, hang out with him and always talk about him I did get jealous because I was no longer having his attention.
Anyway we were still on talking terms when he left, but a week later after he left, I found out he was living at another woman's house!! so my hope of getting him back were zero. I confronted him about it but he denied there was anything going on and they were just friends, but yet he was sleeping in the same bed as her.
this was a harsh blow for me....... not only had my marriage of 8 months ended, plus I lost my job, the man I loved walked out on me, then I learn he was seeing someone else!!!
I just cant move on from this, this all happened in June 2013. I lost a lot of weight, cant stop crying, I've been suicidal not just about him but losing my job. I feel humiliated, ashamed, jealous, stupid I feel everybody is laughing at me. I don't want to go outside through fear I might bump into them, other people have seen them together. I just cant understand what I did wrong. I feel he hates me, his not text or called me, he seems really happy with this person and his getting on with his life, but I feel I cant get on with mine, it still hurts so much. I just want to rebuild my life back.
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This is not how issues are supposed to be handled in a marriage.  Your husband is acting very immature and doesn't appear to take his commitment to you very seriously.  While he may have been bothered by your actions after losing your job, certainly the answer isn't to walk out on the marriage and then go shack up with someone else.  

His actions to me are severe and I doubt that I would even TRY to fix this.  Even IF he was truly upset by how you were acting, his reaction and response is unforgivable IMO.  I have a sneaking suspicion he kind of dumped this on you and made this YOUR fault when in reality, he was just looking for a way out of the marriage.

I would strongly recommend counseling, and also lean on your loved ones for support.  Give this time.  Keep job hunting, take a job for the meantime that maybe isn't perfect or exactly what you want, but it will help you so much to get back into a routine, meet new people, and of course have income coming in.

You won't always feel this bad hon, you WILL move on.  I don't typically recommend people give up on a marriage so quickly, but he kind of already did and there is just NO excuse for any of his behavior.  

Very best to you, sorry you're going through this but you CAN and WILL survive.  make it happen, YOU are in control of your destiny.  Don't give him the kind of power you have been.  Also, count your lucky stars that he showed his true colors this early on.  You could have been married 20 years before this happened, with kids.  There definitely are some good things about the timing.

Take care!
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I'm sorry You've been hurt but He is gone now and if You want Him to come home, well, He's laid it out for You what You need to do.  I think He'd like to see You "pull YourSelf up at the bootstraps", put a smile on Your face, find another job, laugh, smile and be happy.  It sounds to me that He was getting tired of You acting sad and crying all the time instead of taking charge.  Things happen, people lose jobs all the time, but You can't just sit around and cry about it - You might have seen that He wasn't being happy with Your "crying all the time" if You had looked beyond Your tears.  
He did say to call Him when "You have Your head sorted out" - So do that.  Even if He doesn't come back, You'll be better off if You learn to better handle a set-back.
Sorry, if this sound a bit harsh.  That's not my intent but I think You need to try to see this from His point of view.  It can be very depressing to see someone cry all the time - especially about something that is in Your control to change.
Good Luck.  I hope Your Husband comes Home to find You Working and Happy again.
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Hi, Chelbie.  I am sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time.  You might benefit from some counseling to help rebalance yourself.  You have to get him off your mind, honey, as hard as that is.  As long as you keep thinking about him, thats as long as you will feel miserable.  So what if you see him in town?  Ignore him.  And, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  It is his.  He chose to cheat on you.  He chose to walk away.  He chose to not treat you with compassion and respect.  Try to be glad he's not in your life anymore.  People come and go in our lives all the time.  No person is permanent, as much as we would like them to be, LIFE HAPPENS.  I think it would do you wonders to get out of your house, look for a job, and maybe relax in the park afterward with something cold and sweet to drink. :-)  Blessings - Blu
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Thank you for your kind words, I have been looking for jobs, had a couple of interviews but been unsuccessful. I have another coming up next week. I have also gone to parks away from where I live and just read my book, I am trying so hard to get on with my life, but finding it difficult to move on.
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"He said he was leaving me because he could not handle being around someone who is always moaning and sad who never smiles. He said call him when I have sorted my head out."......Is this what he calls a solution to the situation? Is this what he thinks marriage is about?  Leaving someone depressed?  

Well....Take care of yourself asap; focus on you.  Have you looked into some type of counseling that is offered for free in your area?  Find something you enjoy doing, i.e. hobbies.  Do you have friends and family that are supporting?

I am not so sure if he is happy.  Sounds like he likes to leave relationships instead of dealing with real issues.  He's shown his "true colors."  Say, just suppose he decides to come back and then some other issue arises.  Can you really count on him to be there for you? Or, will he run and go elsewhere?  

This is extremely cutting and hurtful, and I can understand you having feeling for him still.....he is your husband, but you are going to have to rise above and love yourself even more and do what you need to do to get Chelbie better.  

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Allow yourself time to get through this.  You've been dealt alot in a short period of time.  Take one day at a time.  
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I agree totally with Londres70.  BTW, I had my 23 yo son pass away just a couple of weeks ago.  I am learning how to deal with his not being here anymore, and I'm having some success, slowly.  Maybe we can help each other... message me anytime. - Blu
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480448_tn?1403547723
This is not how issues are supposed to be handled in a marriage.  Your husband is acting very immature and doesn't appear to take his commitment to you very seriously.  While he may have been bothered by your actions after losing your job, certainly the answer isn't to walk out on the marriage and then go shack up with someone else.  

His actions to me are severe and I doubt that I would even TRY to fix this.  Even IF he was truly upset by how you were acting, his reaction and response is unforgivable IMO.  I have a sneaking suspicion he kind of dumped this on you and made this YOUR fault when in reality, he was just looking for a way out of the marriage.

I would strongly recommend counseling, and also lean on your loved ones for support.  Give this time.  Keep job hunting, take a job for the meantime that maybe isn't perfect or exactly what you want, but it will help you so much to get back into a routine, meet new people, and of course have income coming in.

You won't always feel this bad hon, you WILL move on.  I don't typically recommend people give up on a marriage so quickly, but he kind of already did and there is just NO excuse for any of his behavior.  

Very best to you, sorry you're going through this but you CAN and WILL survive.  make it happen, YOU are in control of your destiny.  Don't give him the kind of power you have been.  Also, count your lucky stars that he showed his true colors this early on.  You could have been married 20 years before this happened, with kids.  There definitely are some good things about the timing.

Take care!
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you so much for giving me advice and opinions, Blu so sorry to hear about your son, for me this does feel like  I am grieving. I cant begin to imagine how your feeling and what your going through.
I have had great support from family and friends, I have thought about counselling but cant afford the sessions as yet, and I want to take up a hobby to keep me occupied just not sure what I want to do. I have lost my confidence and need to get it back.
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Avatar_f_tn
You've had good advice.  I'm sorry I did not realize He had "shacked" up with someone.  For Him to leave was "harsh" but I thought He was offering You an option and I didn't realize He already had a "honey" on the side.  I totally misunderstood
and
I totally agree with NurseGirl's advice on how to move on.  You can't change what He did but You have control to change YourSelf.  It's okay to mourn the man You "thought" He was and to be angry with the Man You now know Him to be.  There IS a grieving process to the end of a Marriage/Relationship.  It is a loss and You do grieve.  Don't be hard on YourSelf for mourning the loss of Your marriage but allow YourSelf to grow from what You've learned.
Good Luck
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It's ok hun, Thank you
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