Why do I feel like my parents favor my older more achieveing sister?

[Bunni1911]

I'm a 13 year old girl, who has a 15 year old sister who plays in a rugby team and will soon be taking her GCSEs. Since she started her rugby team my parents get her stuff like thermals and say to me I can get something later but when it comes to it, they say they don't have the money to get me something. I'm starting to doubt my family and think whether I even belong where I am in life, my school work is getting harder because of the new GCSEs. I'm in year 9 of high school and teachers in every lesson are saying we are starting them. How am I meant to do good if I can't even ask my family because I'm doubt them. I think my family wants me to be up to the standards of my sister. Please help me?

[specialmom]

Hello.  Yes, wise advice to not compare yourself to your sibling.  Just do YOUR best.  I can say that from a parent's perspective, I want my kids to try as hard as they can to be the best they can.  Younger siblings often aren't the over achiever's their older siblings are.  Not really sure why that is.  I'm a younger sibling  by the way.  I thought my sister was perfect until I got old enough to realize that we all have our struggles.  Some parents do indeed favor one child over another but that is their problem and a flaw in their parenting.  No two kids are alike.  And if you are doing your best, you should be recognized for your achievements at your own level.  Try not to get caught up in this and just keep the focus on YOU.  Do you and be the best you can be.  good luck

[Chima7]

I kind of know what you're going through because I have an older sister who is 1 year older and she was always in advanced classes, getting straight A's and successful in volleyball. Whereas I was always more into the creative arts like pottery and choir and stuff like that. I saw how they doted more on her initially when I was at your age. But what I did was that I just kept working hard at the stuff that I knew I was good at. Eventually they started recognizing that my talents were different than hers and they accepted that my path was different from my sister's.

You'll see as you get older that everyone has their own talents and abilities, and that there is no one right way. I'm sure you'll find an activity in which you end up excelling beyond even what your sister was able to do in something completely different than whatever she is doing. And that's great, because being recognized as an individual with your own talents in the areas which interest you is far more fulfilling than trying so hed to keep up with something that maybe doesn't interest you at all.

[Nighthawk61]

Also, having a high achieving older sister is a Good thing, if you choose to see it that way. Their are many inter city youth that are susceptible to under-achievement, without as many education opportunities than some others in the country.  Whether it is a Good Thing that your sister is high achieving or a bad thing that your sister is high achieving, it is all Your OWN Perception of this situation. YOU are a powerful person who can change your own reality and the reality of the people around you, forever.

The start that you take at this age will have far reaching effects. YOU must fight with everything that you have to get ahead in your own life (that's what your sister is doing.). You come from the same genes , there's no reason why you can't change your attitude right now, and make this life ONLY about you, and how YOU are achieving, not anyone or everyone else. It's your life, it's all about you, you can be your own best or worst enemy.

It sounds like your parents aren't rolling in money, if they have to be so careful with money. That is the case in many, many households.

They say , in fact somewhere, that kids that are blessed with many children,  because they learn how to act and handle similar relationships better, such as school friends, business associates, special interest groups, etc and the same goes for being financially challenged, that it teaches children responsibility and a certain drive for personal achievement. There are MANY important people that have persevered through a huge amount of financial uncertainty and many negative aspects of life at a tender age, only to rise above the ashes and shine like a phoenix.

I think you'll be surprised to see your parent's showing their support. Depending on how much of an economic restraints you live under, discuss choosing with your parent's , a sport or competition to define YOURSELF , that doesn't have excessive cost challenges to your family. Your sister so far has a pair of "thermals" that are required , I believe, to keep her warm.... a necessity.. not a vanity purchase. A team requirement. How awful would it be after all her hard work to get on the team, for your parent's not to give her their last dime to buy her her team colors?

My son and myself get out clothes very inexpensively all these years through used clothing stores, and learned to play an inexpensive guitar off kijiji. When i can afford to buy him nice things i do, when i can't he understands. We respect each other. It's what you need. Mutual respect and I think that should be your goal as to your relationship with your parents. It sounds like you're afraid to talk to them in case they tell you that they cannot give you money for things, (if i'm reading this correctly). Their is no I in Team. Everybody must wish for the well being of each and every member.

There are times in a family when it is necessary to focus on one or another child, in others words, it's not that it's not going to happen (that your parent's to support your needs) it just hasn't happened , yet.

Be patient, work hard, be logical, beware of the 10 deadly sins and work towards a communicative relationship with your loved ones. Talk about how you feel. Read on the internet, how to express yourself. Watch public speaking youtube videos. and practice outloud getting how you feel across to others.

YOU ARE VERY PROACTIVE AND THAT'S WHY YOU REACHED OUT THERE. CONTINUE DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING. YOU'RE DOING GREAT!!!!!

[Nighthawk61]

Also, joining a group in high school is a really good idea. There are many different groups, or clubs. It's would be good for you to join an extra cirricular activity. You should think about joining a group yourself. It looks great on your resume, or for college applications. Don't think you can't do it, or you would only be doing it to keep up with your sister, do it because it's a healthy thing that will bring you happiness and your own achievement.. Yes, it will also make your parents. proud. but that's secondary to the real reason for joining special interest groups. Try to learn from your older sisters example of having a healthy high school experience, whether it's a sports team, the debate team, swimming team, etc. Why not you?

[Nighthawk61]

When you say, "How am I meant to do good if I can't even ask my family because I'm doubt them" i'm not sure what you mean? Do you need them to help you with homework but are afraid to ask?

Because your parents are supporting your sister for all her hard work you should not be jealous. Not yet, If you try as hard as she did, and they ignore you and are not supportive, then you'd have reason to say that you "doubt them"., but until then i don't think you should doubt them. Your sister put in a lot of hard work to get the praise that she is getting.

Don't assume that you cannot do as well. Fight for your best work. If you need extra help at school, to do your best, then ask for it. Ask your parent's for help if you need it.

Heck, ask me for help with your school work. I help another girl with her homework, no problem. I can help you too. Ask and you shall receive.  

[RockRose]

Bunni,  sometimes parents favor a child because they are the weakest one,  and sometimes they favor a child because they're the strongest one.  

I don't know how to categorize your sister,  compared to you.  

Do your best.  You are the captain of your own ship.  You're only 13.  Don't decide you can't succeed just because at the age of 13,  you think your parents favor your sister.  

Captain your ship,  and succeed!!  God bless you,  sweetheart.

[a_ani]

You don't compare yourself with another person, just because you family seems to favor your elder sister does not mean they don't love you, what i think you should do is to do what they require from you, surprise them by doing what they wouldn't expect from you by so doing they would begin to pick interest at you...for the things you need, i don't think if they are your family and they want your success they wouldn't give you what you want, it probably might be true that they don't have money at that time to help you with.

now before you run into hasty conclusion this is a quick check to do.

Is your elder sister need more important than yours? when i mean important i mean what she cant do without, and if it is then it would have been done for you if you were in her shoes. so i say don't feel bad but rather look for a way to develop yourself