Why do men do this?

[twinkly84]

Hi,

Just recently, I had received an e-mail back from that Frenchmen I spoke about.
I ended up purchasing a calling plan from my service so that, I could call him cheaply. I called him on Wednesday night & we talked a bit. Last night, he wanted me to call him again. When it came time to call him, I noticed he was online so, I asked if he wanted me to call him now. He told me to give him 10 minutes. After the time ended, I saw that he logged off the site. So, I called him. Guess what? He put the answering service on his cell!!!! I was like, WTH? Then, not even 20 minutes later, he came back online w/ 2 sites IMs. He did not even ping me in them. So, WTH is he doing? Playing mind games or what?

Similarly, another man from Turkey this time has been constantly sending me compliments on my FB photos & e-mails indicating his "love" for me. He has yet though, to answer any questions regarding his age, family status, etc.

What do I do now about these 2 men? I'm just so disgusted. I am tired of being single, alone yet, even when I do take small chances to be w/ men "out here", look what's involved.

I am so disillusioned, why even bother? As an independent woman since age 19, I should just GIVE UP. I've been single, unmarried, no kids all of this time, why even bother? I can only go to so many events, post so many dating profiles, go out so much, go to places I wouldn't normally go to either. Yet, it's like, why even bother b/c of mind games, dishonesty, etc.

[twinkly84]

*Frenchman.

[heatherlynn22]

honestly twinkly...quit looking. when you stop looking is when the perfect man falls into your lap. focus on something else. work, having fun, hanging out with friends or get a hobby. take up something where you can meet a lot of people. join a gym where you can make friends and get into classes (which you can meet tons of people in), or get into cooking classes, painting or anything. you'll get to meet lots of people and have fun doing it. don't worry about meeting a man, falling in love and getting married. just go out, live life and have fun.

[mami1323]

Honestly, I'm not a huge fan of dating websites.  It leaves too much open for dishonesty.  You get a lot of men that are married or in relationships and who are looking to just mess around.  Plus, not all men are what they say they are or look they way their pictures do.  It's too easy to fake a persona.  When a man gives you no detail about his life, assume the worst.  If a man says yeah call me and they avoid you, there is a reason.  Maybe he's awkward and feels more confident over the internet than he does in a personal conversation.  Some people have trouble trying to come up with conversations and it's just easier to communicate behind a computer screen.  I think we told you before that you are trying way to hard to nab someone.  I agree with heatherlynn, join a book group or cooking class or the gym and get out there.  You're not going to find some stand up guy on these sites.  Not saying it never happens but I don't really think it's the perfect way to meet someone.

[jo929]

you my dear are being played with, and if you fall for it he will make a fool of you drop them there are men here   luck  jo

[megochick101]

Here's a simple answer: Men do this because they can. Simple as that. It sounds fishy and like they are just playing you, and it probably jsut do it for the boost to their ego.

I don't trust dating sight at all. Like heatherlynn said it is jsut too easy to lie about everything online and I'm sure you'll have to sift through 10000s of men before you would find one that may almost fit you.

[twinkly84]

Seriously, I appreciate your comments. Thank you all.

I think it is the best advice of all...just not to even bother or look or even try to think of ideas (wasting time, energy, money).

I am just going to continue working, earning my degrees for which I'm working currently on, go to gigs, travel Europe as I've been doing and damn-well not anticipate or expect anything while being fun & humourous/kind in the entire process.

I'm firmly surrendering all of it off as of today & now... Cheers.

[megochick101]

Good luck and have fun! :)

[jo929]

Good for you, thats the spirit   kuck  jo

[JosieKat]

Why are you so desperate? When you come across like that, it can make the person on the receiving end very uncomfortable. If you are this desperate now, what are you gonna do if you actually get involved with someone? You could only tend to expect more from this person than is realistic. You seem to be consumed with this, and please be careful that you don't open yourself up to something that is unsafe. Especially if you are reaching out internationally, you could and probably are, getting guys that are not who they say they are. Don't travel to meet someone you don't know, and don't give out personal information!  It just seems that in your urgency to meet someone, you are compromising yourself.
You say you are surrendering off today, you've said that several times only to come at it again from another angle. I think you've received the best advice in waiting. You are still so young and should treat yourself as the special person you are. You should validate yourself first, and not look to anyone else to complete you. Believe me, even in the best of relationships, you will be disappointed at times. It's obvious you are searching for something or someone, to fill you and make you happy. I hope you will look to God because He wants to be there for you. He is reaching out to you, and I hope you will take His hand and let Him lead you, and guide you into your best life. He loves you like no one else can. I can assure you that if you invest the time to get to know Him, you will not be disappointed, and you will find an inner peace and joy that is amazing, and probably just what you're searching for. Read Psalms 139, and you will see how much you are loved!
I wish you the best on your journey, and I know good things await you. Hope you understand where I'm coming from, and in your search, keep yourself protected okay. God Bless- Peace
=o)

[Judy246]

He is playing you like a fiddle and nothing is going to come out of this relationship, but we told you this before. Don't be a fool and let this "frenchman" (does he even have a name?) sucker you from the internet and phone. Let him purchase the card and call you! not the other way around. Judy

[twinkly84]

Hey Judy,

Just on Friday, he actually called & left a message on my machine. When I got home from work I noticed my roommate had listened to it. He called me & told me too, who it was (lol). He said it was nice he called but, I knew otherwise....

Anyway, I was not going to call him back. Yet, as the hours went on, I did. I had this kind of weirdness/guilt inclinating b/c he called me, apologized etc from the ignoring from the night before. He claimed his PC was down & he turned his phone off. He also claimed he owes $1500 from back bills from using MySpace in the past when he was involved w/ a woman he's not in love w/ anymore (he claimed) from  Texas. Am I stupid & naive & missing signs here?! I only talked to him for a short time. We agreed I'd call him back again at 8:00pm that night. However, I did BUT....I did NOT talk. I lied & told him I was going out & had to go right then but, I was just checking-in w/ him that I wasn't ignorant & didn't skip the call. Actually, I just wanted some time alone, to rest & chill-out w/ some wine before work early (6:30am) on Saturday morning. It's my choice & it was a little white lie that didn't hurt him otherwise. He sounded kind of weird on the phone though, I told him I'd talk to him next week. Then, he was like, "oh ok, I'll try to have a nice weekend." He said that statement in a kind of sad-ish voice. What was he doing that for?! What, was he trying to get me to call me more? I am so just tired of these men's games...that's why too, I swore all of this off!

Secondly, I have to admit, ever here of that movie/book, "he's just not that into you"? Honestly, I really, really feel these inclinations/intuitions are true. If he's NOT calling me, not e-mailing me, etc, then, why am I even bothering back?

That's why I am living & not even caring whether or not if I meet the one or marry. It's all a bunch of literal bollocks to me, seriously.

[twinkly84]

Holy cow...what a mess...

*mens

*hear