Why do men pay to enter fantasy websites

[justme779]

After reading the post regarding the husband chatting on-line, I was talking to my friend that went through the same stuff with her husband and I think the part that gets her is why do men really do it? We spent forever going back and forth and then I told her I would post it on the board and see what people say. I know medication was mentioned in the other post so are they sick? Her husband was paying to go on a fantasy website where you actually see live cams of girls and they act out the fantasy with you over the internet. YOu do not talk about personal things or on your regular e-mail. He said it was just for fun and a tension releaser after working long days, but we just do not get it. He spent about $4,000 over two years. I know he makes a ton of cash but still. As soon as she said that it really bothered her - she saw that he closed the account. So if it meant that little why do it in the first place and pay $4,000?

[hardcoreback]

ok, heres a clue.. we men are a more "VISUAL" type.. its the reason why we loves watching you kiss our body.. lol.. about the tension releaser thing.. well its kinda correct.. it does take away the tension from our daily tasks.. thus, without us moving a muscle and just watching evrything.. but i wanna let you know that i dont visit those sites.. just an idea from a man's point of view.. maybe her husband is kinda bored somehow and needed a new excitement.. where he finds kinda wrong somehow.. thats why he closed his account when his wife told him so.. you cant understand it though... and to think that many many men are on this thing, at all parts of the world.. its kinda fantasy thing... yeah... dont you worry its just for a fantasy... its just a way where he can escape reality and watch unknown women do their thing.. its wrong, i know.. but who i am to tell all those oldies.. ask him and ull understand why.. his answer for sure will be very simple..

[DollChina]

It was my husband who chatted online.  To me it's cheating because there's a real person on the other end the stuff they talked about should be between a husband and wife.  My hubby told me the same thing, it's a stress releaser, fantasies, self-esteem issue, blah, blah....but I am his wife, he should be communicating these emotions with me not some random women.  
It hurt so much because for me the trust that I lost for him is worst than than chatting.  
I don't know.  Do you all think he will do it again?  He said it's not an addiction...

[slow_healer]

Some people have a very hard time admitting to their partner what they really fantasize about. Instructing some abstract person who is completely isolated from them can be a much safer way of expressing those fantasies without getting hurt or judged. It's not that your partner doesn't trust you - it's just the fear of being judged is too great - especially if they've already tested the waters by making suggestions and you've turned down those ideas.

There was a poster here not too long ago who talked about irrumatio, and feeling ashamed (from what I could tell) about wanting that from his wife. Some acts men find gratifying can be perceived as degrading or disrespectful. I think that makes it harder for decent men to imagine having these "dirty pleasures" with a woman they love and respect.

[justme779]

That really is an insightful way of looking at it! Okay now we have to ask you another question (if that is okay). Why do you think the same guy used to go for full body massages if you know what I mean. But he knew enough to end it right before his wedding without being caught or told. If he did not think it was wrong he would not have stopped it as a married man so why could he justify it when he was engaged? How could he not have thought that was cheating then.

[Jade2007]

My friend recently started dating a man who adores her. The problem is, this man cannot communicate with her directly. The only way he can be intimate with her is via e-mail! She's getting ready to break up with him.

[DollChina]

It still doesn't make it right.  Everyone has fantasies, I don't go out and find some radom man to tell them mine.  If you are "speaking" to others to find pleasure then you are cheating.  If not, why would cheaters lie and hide if they don't see what they are doing is wrong?

[justme779]

Sorry but I thought of this too.... all his friends go to strip clubs and spend a fortune as they have it. He told my friend and when she said it bothered her he could not understand at first. BUT when she related it to a guy rubbing his privates all over her - it hit him and he agreed that he would not go anymore. But why did he ever think a lap dance was okay? This is an educated man - does he just have no common sense or do men view it different?  

[slow_healer]

A guy friend once told me it's not big breasts or ass or whatnot that make men happy - it's having something DIFFERENT. lol, I was put off when he told me this, but to some extent I think it's true. We ALL need to think about more than our partner when fantasizing.

First question. Some men seem to view marriage as the point of commitment - the point after which they must really and truly be committed to that one person. A lot of guys like to binge on the "having something different" right up until society tells them they must be exclusive now. Whether it's considered cheating or not, they may perceive it as part of those "wild years" they're entitled to.

Second question. In society we have a lot of contradictions and double standards for what is acceptable from men and women. Men are SUPPOSED to be faithful to their wives, yet they're also expected to be horny dogs that drool on the sidelines over strippers. Imagine how this guy you mentioned is constantly reinforced by his friends and messages from society about how (even though it's unfaithful) it is acceptable for him to do.

One last thought. Men and women act very differently on their restlessness. Stereotypically women read romance novels (for example). Because men can't see our fantasy, they generally seem to have no problem with it. But could you imagine your partner geting upset about you reading those trashy novels, when you could easily argue that it's not like it's hurting anyone because you're not actually doing anything. He might complain for the same reasons (the guy in the novels is giving you things I'm not giving you, I don't want to be compared, etc.)

I'm not saying it's acceptable (that varies from person to person) - just trying to be devil's advocate.

[justme779]

I really never thought of any of it the way you presented it and I must say your points are more than valid. Again you have great insight and a wonderful way of relating it to a woman's point of view. Thank you!!