My boyfriend keeps trying to teach me how to love myself. To be confident and happy with me. He persuaded me to style my hair, which i haven't in years! But everyday, not on purpose though, he manages to dash the work i put in.
I've started to dress better, for my figure, more skin on show, enjoying getting dressed in the morning. But then he sees me, and it's either he doesn't notice anything OR he tells me he doesn't like how i'm dressed. One day i asked him to dress me, so that he liked how i looked. He covered me up completely. I've been out with his friends and when it comes to girls, all he wants is skin skin skin. So i feel like he doesn't want to look at me. He wants me covered up.
When he comes home, he talks about the girls he's seen while out. I have no problem with him looking at girls, it's fine. Lookie no Touchie. But why it bothers me, is i know he'll never talk about me that way. Never to his friends, never to himself in his head and i can never make him talk about me that way. No matter how i try. No matter what i wear.
And the finally straw, is i feel like he doesn't want me anymore. We talked about it, about how i was so grateful for him lessening on the porn intake - because it just made me feel terrible - and now we could enjoy "us" more... he said he doesn't like how long it takes. But when i asked about why he still needs the porn, he said sometimes you just like to pass large amounts of time. What does that tell me, he'll take as long as needed with a screen but he doesn't want to with me.
He doesn't mean to, but i love him so much, and everything he says and does.. it goes straight to heart and it hurts. I can't feel confident about myself, because i feel like he's telling me i don't want you. How i can i feel confident if the person who loves me, doesn't want me?
Hm. Okay, I'll say it. I just don't get it. First and foremost, I think you need to work on how you feel about yourself and your own independence and confidence level. I'm wondering what other things you have going on in your life. Do you work, have your own friends, have hobbies and activities of your own? I'm suspecting that you could improve those things in your life. This will help you be your own person and less dependent on your man's feedback of you.
And his feedback has me confused as well. Why are you so bent on pleasing him? I guess I want my man to think I am attractive, but I just, ya know, get dressed and hope for the best. What's with him covering you up-------- that sounds like controling behavior to me. And why is he talking about what other girl's look like to you? I mean, yeah, lookie no touchie but why the talkie? My husband doesn't come home and go------ geez, there was this hot thing out tonight. . . . If he did, he would be trying to make me feel bad. So, something is up with your boyfriend.
Is this relationship worth it? I ask because it has red flags of unhealthiness. I would seriously think about that and in the mean time, work on yourself. good luck
Ps, it does not go unnoticed that you say he is trying to work on your confidence by telling you to fix yourself up and then doesn't like it. That is NOT what I meant by working on your confidence. I'm speaking of inner confidence. good luck
I totally agree with specialmom about your bf's controlling nature. He is covering you up not because he's not attracted to you but because he doesn't want other people to be attracted to you. He's very inconsistent because he wants you to love yourself yet criticizes you. I still think the criticizing comes from trying to make you feel like you aren't worthy and you should be grateful for him so he doesn't lose you to someone else. You need to find confidence in yourself and not base your feelings solely around how your bf views you. The fact that he talks about other women to you shows his lack of respect towards you. I would really rethink being with him.
I just don't understand why he wants to hurt me. He dated my interior designer which I don't even talk to anymore He dated the girl at his office which I did Zumba with. Now he is dating a school teacher at the school where he knows I volunteer at all the time. I did nothing but love him unconditionally.
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