Why is it when you are boyfriend and girlfriend sex is great/but when married sex is schduled

[pain309]

have been married for 2 years and been together for 4, sex in the beginning was amazing, we would do it every where, and try everything, since we got married unless its scheduled it ain't happening, and it makes me want to wonder outside which I haven't but I want to meet someone that I can do everything to and that wants to do everything with me, but then go back to normal life after, I guess a friend with benefits, which I know is wrong but sometimes after so long without sex you can't control it, anybody understand what I mean.

Pain AZ

[teko]

What you are experiencing in your marriage is normal. That high you experienced at first was normal also. You need to decide if yu meant the vows of marriage and go fromthere,  If you play just remember, there will be a price to pay that you may not want to.

[drifter0213]

increased responsibility- drifter0213

[treazzure007]

i see you've posted several times about your lack of thrilling fun in the bedroom.  you must talk to your wife and tell her this is a major problem for you, major as in something that you cannot live with.  
if my husband was having this type of frustration i would appreciate him coming to me and sharing his concerns and as his wife, we would work it out
talk about it!

[imanaddict]

Sex in the beginning of a relationship is ALWAYS the best so even if you found someone else, you end up in the same situation eventually. Have there been any factors that disrupt your sex life, such as children, busy work schedules, etc? Do you still have that "Fire"? What is different now than from when you were dating? Maybe think back to that time and do some of the things that you used to. Walk up to her and just hug her for absolutely no reason. Look into her eyes and tell her she is the most beautiful woman in the world, and expect nothing in return at that moment. Take her on dates again, and for a walk in the park. If some of the spark is gone, do what you can to get it back. Sex isn't just an act with a lot of women, it's also emotional. Good luck! And PLEASE don't stray!

[eel81]

i wouldnt say this is true in all relationships althought most go through a slow patch. why dont you sit and talk with your wife, men so quickly go for the whole if i dont get some soon ill cheat thing why????????
maybe she feels like that is all you want, take it froma  woman if i felt my husband only wanted sex from me he wouldnt get it and i would barely go near him, but if you show her affection and love, cuddle her without making her feel like it has to go somewhere, then maybe she will give in to temptation, but dont be so quick to cheat that is unneccesary talk to your wife. communication answers all, be open and honest and show her some respect

[babypooh]

Yes, you can control it if you want to. Just "keep your thing in your pants," like someone I know once said.

[Trialanderror]

Great advice from Sammy if you want to make your marriage work.

If you rather want to fulfill your own dreams and desires, you are better off single. There are tons of married men out there who think and talk in terms of "deserving" to spice up their sex life elsewhere or else cheating and prostitution would not exist to the extent it does. It always amazes me how much the philandering men actually need their safe and uneventful haven called home to go back to, just as you mention in your fantasy. Like warriors in red light districts that can not be without mommy`s lunch box. And a substitute mommy is what your wife is being degraded to if you lead that double kind of life. She may not like this role.
I believe a lot of marriages only work because both partners are happy to see the relationship evolve into something of more depth over the years or they work because both partners have already sampled sufficient spices in life before they met.

[sammy73]

Relationships often seem to go this way.  I don't know whether it's specifically to do with being married; it may be more just the relationship maturing, and you two getting older.  It's not such a problem if both partners are in step, they are both happy with the way their sex life is changing, but clearly in your case your wife's libido has decreased, and yours hasn't.

I don't know how much you've discussed this with your wife.  It's worth being honest with her that you are not happy with the way things are now, but if you are constantly bringing it up or pushing her to have sex when she doesn't feel like it, then you are probably making things worse.  Women need to be in the right mood to have sex (unlike men who could happily do it with famine-struck children on the TV and the Barney The Dinosaur song playing!), and feeling pushed or pressurised will really put her off.

Work harder on creating the mood - give her a massage, or a back-scratch, don't leap straight into obvious fore-play from out of nowhere.  Try doing these things occasionally WITHOUT it leading to sex, too, otherwise she'll think you're only doing these things to try and get sex, it'll put her on edge and it'll lose it's effectiveness.

Going away on holiday together can do wonders, go somewhere new and unfamiliar, preferably warm, somewhere you are doing stuff together.  If your sex life is revived while you are on holiday, hopefully the momentum will carry on when you get home.

Is your wife fulfilled when you are having sex?  Has she lost interest because she's not really enjoying it?  This is nothing to do with how much of a "man" you are, it's whether you focus on what she needs and likes during sex, rather than just pounding away in a manner that feels good to you.  Does she have any particular fantasies or kinks that she'd like to explore?

If you have any value in your marriage, or any love or respect for your wife, don't go looking for sex somewhere else.  You'll destroy your marriage.  Even if she doesn't leave you, you'll have inflicted a wound that will never completely heal.  If you really feel you cannot live with your current situation, and don't think it'll ever get better, at least do the decent and honourable thing and leave you wife BEFORE you start looking for sex from someone else.