I've never posted or asked advice for something like this but here goes.
I have been with my girlfriend now for 2 1/2 years (She's 20 I'm 22).
Within the last 2 or so months we have been going through a bit of a rough patch and that has led us to be on a 2 weeks break (basically just space, no contact for 2 weeks which was my idea).
To start our relationship has been great! The best 2 years of both of our lives and it seems we have been through so much together. When we met (we knew each other from primary school but were never really friends as she was a grade below) up again she was hanging out with my sisters and used to come over a fair bit and we spoke but very shyly.
She hinted towards liking me and my sisters told me also and I always I guess had an eye for her so I asked her on a date.
I was very nervous and things went really slowly for the first 2 months but it was great.
After that things moved a little faster and we texted each day, talked a few times a week on the phone and saw each other usually twice a week.
At this point I was working full time in a trade that I didn't like and was unsure of my future while she was in University doing Nursing.
We always made time for each other and within a year we knew we and still are very much in love.
During my apprenticeship I was getting a little depressed with the death of a family member and the shock of leaving school doing something I didn't like. It was difficult for me and she tells me now that it was quite exhausting for her at that time. So after about a year of being with her and having numerous talks I decided to change career path.
I decided to save some money, sell my cars and start studying what I always wanted to do which was IT.
I think from here it went downhill for us because I was not working and it seems like I was just starting my life over again while she is finishing University this year and is unsure what she wants to do.
I know she wants to travel and always said we should travel together and live in another country for a while and I was always very keen but unsure when we would get the chance. But we still often saw each other and nothing seemed to have changed in our relationship. I had been introduced to the family and went to many family events that she had (she has a big family) and it was great.
Now I guess it the part where it is going downhill. Recently the last 2 months or so she has basically been making time for everyone in her life except me and I think I got a little worried and maybe a little clingy. I am always the one to ask her to do things and I am a bit worried that If i didn't text her and set up plans then we wouldn't see each other. She has been hanging out with friends which of course is fine because she hadn't done much in the past. But now I rarely get invited to do anything even though I always invite her to things that I do with my friends. I was a little worried so we had our first real relationship talk about what has changed and what she wants to do in life etc. I told her what was on my mind about her not making time for me and she said she had been very busy at Uni etc which is understandable but she has been busy at Uni since we started dating and she always made time for me. She did say she would start putting more effort into the relationship though which I was happy about. It didn't last long before we had another talk and once again we were both in tears (I seldom cry but I feel like this would never happen).
She is still unsure but said it has only changed in the last couple of months because I feel a bit clingy and want to move the relationship forward (after 2 and a half years) and she is not sure.
I have been doing alot of research and reading forums about other relationship experiences and I am really keen to move the relationship forward (move in together, travel together or if there is another way to move it forward im all open). The only thing is it seems she is happy just seeing each other once a week at either my house or her house (we both live with parents).
All of my friends around me have moved in or are having kids (which I don't want for a long time, we have discussed this) while my girlfriend and I have been going out for the same amount of time if not longer than them but seems like we are going nowhere?
I have told her these things and she is not sure, she used to be so excited to have a life with me and she has and still always talks about when we have kids in the future and have a house etc, but it has just seemed to of changed recently. She is definitely not seeing other guys or is not interested either and I believe her and trust her. So basically I suggested that we have a 2 week break where we don't contact each other. She and I were both very upset but I think it is best for the relationship.
Do you think this is a normal thing in relationships? Do you think maybe we won't make it? Maybe we just need our space?
I don't really have anyone to talk to so I thought I would ask here.
I'm really sorry about how long this is aswell, I just had and still have so much more to say but thought I should stop...
I also forgot to mention that I have booked a small trip to the coast and we are staying in a nice resort/apartment for a week on December the 1st. I am not sure after the break if she will still want to but I have been excited about this for a long time because I thought it would be nice to finally spend some time together alone and maybe we could re-kindle what we once had?
i think the break is a good decision you've made bcz both of u will sit back n think without pressure n hopefuly things will get better between u two.the trip is a very goid idia (its on my birthday aswell lol) that gives u more time n space n she will realise that u should move forward in ur relationship.wish u all the best
I don't think this is a common path for a relationship that ends up working out.
You sound like a reasonable, rational guy and I trust you that what you're observing - that she's distancing herself and making you less a priority - is an accurate picture of what's going on.
I also don't think 20 is old enough for her to make a life decision of a partner - and I don't believe in living together and having kids outside of marriage.
So. In my opinion, the way you "move a relationship forward" at this point in a relationship is to begin talking about marriage in the future, and discussing your goals in life to see if they're compatible.
Best wishes. I think it's likely that when you begin speaking with each other again, the relationship will deteriorate quickly.
At ages 20 and 22 there really is no way to have your whole life all figured out and that include choosing a lifetime partner. Moreover, I don't think you should be in a hurry to do this either at your ages.
I would take her not being sure and finding less time for you as signs a romantic relationship isn't priority for her at this time in her life. She could be struggling with trying to figure out how to tell you directly that she wants out.
My guess would be when you meet again after two weeks this will be over for good.
I don't think there is nothing to "rekindle," but the fact you both are growing into adults and taking different paths......you both are maturing. Taking a romantic relationship from your teens years to adulthood is usually not successful.
I agree with the above..You both are very young..Not like you are teens, but you are trying to figure out your careers. I would just try to be strong and know it could go either way..You could still go on for a while or for Life, or it could lead to breaking up. Either way you need to stay strong and know this was meant to be. Keep us updated on whats up ..OK? I wish you the best that Life can give and always know if you do break up that it will always be a good memory and that you can always be friends.
Thanks for the words of wisdom. I think VICourageous were the most comforting mainly because of the 'it could go both ways' thing which i guess is what i realy wanted to hear. It has been okay so far even though it has only been 3 days :( i just have so much to tell her, so much on my mind so i have been writing it down for when we next make contact. I also had a talk to one of her girlfriends who is also a mutual friend because i dont really have anyone to talk to in real life. The talk went well and i think it made me feel alot better but it has all been very up and down. Who knows.. maybe this is just a stepping stone to a stronger relationship and will be future hope to those that are going through the same thing :)
Thankyou again everyone and I will keep you updated.
Just a quick update.
She texted me lastnight about 1am while she was clubbing with her girlfriends. It said 'I miss you'. I read it in the morning when I woke up but I was not going to reply. I ended up replying about 6 hours later saying 'You too, do you want to sort this out sooner?' but no reply yet.
I know I shouldn't have! What do you think?
It's difficult to say exactly what that meant. I find that people text, say or do things at that time of night and especially if they have been drinking and/or out with friends that are more in the "heat of the moment" without really thinking about what they are saying and/or doing. Alcohol and/or other people are usually influences in these situations.
I thought you both were meeting after this two week break to discuss things? That would be ideal vs. her sending texts @ 1am stating she misses you. If she had texted "I miss you and want to see you tomorrow" that would be something different, but she didn't do that.
If she doesn't reply, I would take that as being the situation I described above meaning the next morning came and she realized it was a mistake to text you/contact you.
If she contacts you and says she wants to meet then you still might have some chance at this.
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