Will the pain ever stop after an affair?

[Fool2011]

I learned a week before Christmas my husband had been having an affair for at least 6 months. I found a love letter from his girlfriend in his work bag. We have been together for 21 years. I have never felt so much pain. I can't get thoughts and images of them together out of my head. I don't know what she looks like but I picture someone much prettier. I do know she's 3 years younger than me. Of course. He travels so it's easy. He as a hotel room and he's in another state and they work together.
I'm tired of crying all the time and thinking about them. I cry in the shower, in my car to work, during lunch, in the car on the way home and when I go to bed.
We have 2 children and I don't want to hurt them.  I have thought of divorce but of course my husband is sorry...he lost his way...didnt realize what he had. All the typical answers you would expect to hear. I don't know what to do. I feel like a fool. I have always felt ugly and now i really feel ugly.  I had a feeling something was going on all last summer but I was told no and that I'm being ridiculous. Then the truth comes out only because I caught him. What if I didn't find that letter?
I have been told by others to let him go because he will do it again. I have been told I deserve better. My dad cheated on my mom. My neighbors I grew up next to, he cheated on her. My sister in law is currently having an affair, our newest neighbors are divorced due to an affair. Does everyone cheat now? Does anyone know what it means to be married? I have thought of revenge. I know there's one guy if I asked him to have sex with me he would. I've thought about doing it to put him in just as much pain as I'm in, but then I realize I'm a better person and I know right from wrong. It would make me just as sleazy as him.
I want to know if his affair is over. He says yes, I don't believe him. I want to know everything about her that is better than me....he won't tell.  I want to know if the pain will go away? Will I ever trust him again? Will I ever forgive him? Am i going to be made a fool of again if i stay? Will I ever love him again?

[student1124]

Hello, I just read your story. Can you give us a little update please? My husband cheated on me with the mother of his child. She became pregnant as a result. I had no children with him when he cheated. I stayed & became pregnant about 4 months later. That was 12 years ago. Maybe about a year ago I learned to live with it. It still hurts and it FOREVER will. I am happy with out relationship now, but it was HELL over and over again living through it. Everyone gave me the same advice you received but we will always do what our heart tells us to.

[GroovyDeeDee]

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  Many member here could tell you I've been through this and all the emotions you describe rocked my world for years.  I still get a little shaky just reading your posts and all the replies.  Here's what I can tell you.  My husband threw himself into counseling and into our marriage.  He was truly sorry, and now, more than 4 years after the affair ended, he continues to devote himself to me and our family.  I was hard on him, I went a little crazy for a while.  (If you can find the old 'infidelity' discussion board, you will see.  I believe the only way it could have worked out was him doing whatever I asked as far as counseling and transparency, etc.  We had also been together more than 20 years, married for 18. You have a long road ahead of you, I wish you luck.  

[MotifSky]

Let me start by saying I have never had to deal with a cheating husband.  I can't imagine the pain and betrayal you are going through.  

Have you all even consider counselling at all to try to sort this out?  

[Asialove774]

Wow this is truly so sad. How men can cheat on their wives whom they have been married to for 10+, 20+ years... Are you guys telling me, men will never change. They will always cheat at any age? No matter how long u been together or eveb if theyve been caught already before... This is really sad.


My husband and i been together since 2009. Married in 2014.. he cheated on me in 2013. While we had a 2 yr old and i was pregnant...

Its been 3 yrs and i still cant get over this. Like honestly i seem more angry now than i did when it happened. Idk how to get through this honestly, any suggestions??

I guess its a personal issue of me just not wanting to forgive him. Even tho i know i should. I thought i did when i took him back and decided to marry him but then the girl contacted me on facebook this yr in feb while i wss pregnant with our third child basically throwing things in my face of what hes tokd her about me. Apparently im crazy and she said some crazy stuff like i dont see how you keep having kids, he told me you guys never had sex thats why he always comes back to me.. he said they only had sex once... She also threw the fact that she loved seeing my husbands privates in pics and videos. Oh yea same day she messages me she texts him... Mind u he changed his number when i caught them the first time. She texts his new number.   How??? Why?? He said he doesnt remember giving her his number again or if he did it wad when i wad asking fir her name and he basically contacted her to tell her that i wss gonna come question her or sum bs like that...  So now i am even more mad sbout everything and everywhere i turn its someone named ericka(girl he cheated on me with) her name on tv. Books. Signs. Stores. Everywhere. So now everytime i see her name or hear it i get mad at him for cheating on me. Im really confused. I should seek a couselor but having three kids and a stay at home mom i know we cant afford that. I guess he is sorry or was but ive been bringing up him cheating in argyments now that hes probably annoyed with saying sorry but arent they supposed to be remoreseful until i can heal. Bthen i see where he is coming from bc i am lashing out at him bc i am hurt. How could he her meet like this. Still cant accept it i guess thats step one.

[Bschmidt77]

He put himself into your marriage by having an affair with your wife. By not telling his wife you are enabling his lies and are party to them. I admonish you to tell everyone - his coworkers, wife, friends, family, tell your friends, your wife's friends and family. Tell everyone. It will end the affair and give you the support you need.
When someone dies in your family - do you keep it to yourself or share with friends and family? An affair is no different. Share it with everyone.

[Trina4maya]

I am so glad I found this site. My fiancée cheated on me with a young lady he met on Plenty of Fish. They have been together for a year and I am so done. I don't know what to do I have cried while shopping, going and coming from work, before going to bed, waking up, watching tv...omg I can't stop crying. I don't know what to do he was so upset when I found out that he couldn't go to work. He did show remorse but it seems like it was because he had to chose between her and I. I contacted the woman and she sent me all the text messages between the two of them and the one that hurt me the most is he didn't want to marry me. He only agreed to the marriage because his family was around and that he was serious about being with her.  He said that he was only saying that to her because he was just stringer her along and he didn't know where my head was.  We were breaking up so much before the proposal that he didn't want to be alone.  But my thing is he continued and then turned around and proposed to me a few months after I proposed to him.  He said he wanted to do it to make it official.  But he continued until I found out this October 2nd.  I can never forget this day. The woman was hurt but not as much as me.  I started drinking and hated to come home to him.  I look at him differently now and he ask me everyday what can he do to make things better.  But at the same time it feels like he is still cheating.  I think he is trying to keep me off guard so he can go back to do him.  I don't know what I feel right now. The trust is gone.  I am so tired of checking his phone and I am so tired of crying.  I want to just let it go, I am hurting so bad. And he is not. How does he get to just move on?  How is it so easy for him? Why do I feel less than nothing? Why can't he hurt like hell? Why do I deserve this? I was never one to be insecure but I am now. I feel less than nothing he could go be with someone and invest quality time with her. Texting her saying he misses her, how sexy she is, that he wants to be with her, and how I am not what he wants. Why would God do this to me?

[kinglessqueen]

Hello. Do you have any updates on your situation? Your story is very similar to mines and our emotions are very much the same.

[Trinkat]

You are so right.  In the early part of our marriage, my husband made it look like he was listening and compromising from the heart.  Later he admitted that maybe he stopped doing one thing only to do the same behavior in a different way, i.e., delete one dating profile only to create a different one with a different email address.  All hidden and done behind my back. All the while feeding his ego with the attention of other women. He recently emailed pictures of a woman in explicit photos to himself from one of these private accounts. He doesn't see that he did anything wrong. I feel that he disrespected me and our marriage. I stopped wearing my ring. If I mean so little to him, then why live a lie and allow others to believe that I am happily married.

[luxc]

I have been dating my boyfriend for seven years.

Recently, I found out that he was dating a girl for a bit about two years ago for a whole year and a half on and off when we were at a rocky stage in our relationship.

At that time, I had just moved back in to his place and he had started a business with a friend. He was really stressed at the time, nothing was going his way and he had spent an ungodly amount of money on this new business. The man was a nervous wreck and always stressed about money.

About 4 months after moving in, I moved out because he was confused and seemed as though he needed space. I had found out that he had lied to me about a person in his phone who had been contacting him. He had said it was one person, when it was really another. I was very angry at him because he had NEVER LIED to me before, but he told me that if he had originally told me who it was, I would have been mad and blown things out of proportion.  I moved out with my daughter to my parents for 3 months, then came back home. We never really had a clear cut conversation about what our relationship was, but we were still sleeping together and acted as we did before. For about a year or so, though, things were really rocky. He would easily get annoyed with me and just seemed unhappy with himself and life in general. I thought it was more with himself and the business that was failing…nothing to do with me.

Fast forward another year….things have been great OR at least I thought they were. We seemed to have a really good thing going. We made time for each other, had fun together when we could, made love, have family time with my daughter. IT seemed like we were getting this whole family thing down pat. Everything seemed hunky dory, until a woman contacted me via Facebook and said that she just needed to “get to the bottom of things”. She knew me as my boyfriend’s ex and she was just wondering if that’s really what I was.

To make an extremely LONG story short, I ended up calling the girl. She basically told me it took a lot of courage to contact me and she said that she had dated my boyfriend for a bit. From what I gather, it looked like it was a relationship that lasted a year to a year and a half….on and off maybe….They didn’t really see each other all that much. However, though, about 6 months ago, they went on a break, but very recently he had contacted her about missing her etc. They also within the last two months saw a movie together and he kissed  her after when they were in the parking lot. I also believe that they may have had sex within the past six months. I don’t know really. The girl was very fuzzy on the dates of things. She said that she felt used and stringed along.

He however, said that it seriously had started out with them being friends and texting. Come to know, the person who he had lied to me about previously was this chick. Then when we hit that rough time, they started talking more and more and things started to develop. He felt as though when he was with her, he could get away from all the ******** he was dealing with at home. He would just go over to her place and do menial things, nothing spectacular. He said it was nice to get away from all the chaos that was going on in his real life. But I know that they had sex. According to the girl “a lot”. All the sweet things he said to her, he really just sort of is brushing them under the rug like he didn’t mean them.

Basically, now I am at a standstill. My boyfriend has never lied to me until this point in time. He is or was a trust worthy person and I prided him always on being loyal and not a cheater. Even his friends and family were shocked that he would or could do something like this.

My thing is, why did he allow me to move back in when he was seeing someone else. That were at least two other times during the course of the past two years, he could have broken things off with me and it wouldn’t even have been his fault.
I mean if he wanted to be with this girl, why didn’t he leave me for her?

I am not angry about the situation necessarily.  I only get angry once in a while about it when I go back and look at the proof she sent me of their relationship. Like the pictures they took together or recent text messages. You might as well of photo shopped my head in there because it was like seeing myself with him, not some other girl.

I am just hurt, confused, and feel completely side swiped by this. The more I read about cheating, the more it seems as though it’s so common place in this day and age. You can’t trust anyone and the temptation to go outside what you have is very strong.

I just need advice should I stay or should I go? Is this even worth working through? He said that he would completely understand if I wanted to leave, though he doesn’t want me to go. However, with this whole thing he seems more disappointed in himself then that remorseful. Then again, though, this man is NOT the best at showing his emotions. He seems unsure of our relationship and though things were not perfect in it, I thought we were doing well and that we had a good thing going.

Any guidance, experience, or recommendations would be much appreciated.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  This is a really old post.  The original poster is long gone.  thanks!

[Jason2015]

'Not affectionate enough' is an excuse because in most cases, once should look first at oneself for causes, rather than blaming others.  If everyone made the assumption that the were 51% of the cause of any issue, think how easy it would be to solve them?

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Welcome to the forum pampered.  This is a very old post.  It helps to write your own post to get responses to your own situation.  Your story is very painful to read so can't imagine living it!  I'm really sorry ---  so very sorry this has been your situation.  infidelity crushes us.  And your husband single handedly ruined your family.  And I agree with you, it's difficult for a woman in her 40's to be divorced with kids.  We try to go on with life with a lot of things stacked up against us at that point.  We do it because *WE* are loyal to our children and would never consider letting them down.  Women are strong and do what they have to do---  but being a divorced 40 and older woman is very hard.  Men don't seem to have it as hard---  they are still dating easily and whatnot.  

Life really is NOT fair in this regard.  Again, sorry for your difficulties and struggles.  peace

[pamperedjane]

It has been 3 years since I CAUGHT my husband cheating on me with one of his co workers, who has since been escorted from the facilities' premises for stealing narcotics. She was a charge nurse whom he'd begun "confiding" in about our problems - rather than come to me. Ironically, he's never been a communicator, but I guess he trusted her, given her position as a "nurse" - she also happened to be the new "conquest" that was busily being turned like a doorknob within the predominantly male population within the confines of their work facility - I know, typical, scorned-wife statement there.....merely the absolute truth.
In my husband's deluded fantasy, mid-life, BS state-of-mind, confiding turned to friendship, flirting and while I was away for a week, pornograghic images being sent by her per his request,  via FB. By the time I returned, he was trying his damndest to create an argument in which he walked out the door and in with a friend - a plan he had previously put in order. He was then free to "move about the cabin", and behave in a manner of a separated, unattached person. Within a week, he had sex with her - supposedly for the first time. I'm supposed to believe that over the course of the month he was out of our house, they had sex a total of only 4 times.
I'll spare you the lurid, depressing details, but say this - by FAR, the two things most devastating? #1 - He's NEVER admitted ANYTHING, I stumbled upon the filthy, online exchanges and #2 - most devastating, I begged him to accompany me on a cruise, Dec. 14-17, 2012, a desperate attempt to save our 20-year marriage - (long before discovering his affair) - he agreed to go on the cruise, it was Magic - we came home renewed & he agreed to come home, only he would have to return to his friend's house that night, December 17th - since his uniform & gear were there at his friend's home. It seemed logical at the time & I had no reason to question or doubt my husband's word then.
It wasn't until January 31st, 2013 - after he'd returned home to us, celebrated the holidays and life had returned to " normal", that I discovered the filthy email exchanges and her nude photos on my husband's open computer in our living room. Worse, it wasn't until June 20th, 2013 I finally noticed the JPEG date on one of the photos that blew his "sex with her once" lie. The JPEG date read "12-18-2012" 1:30am......that would be the night we got home from the MAGICAL cruise, when he had to return to his friend's house and leave from there for work that day for 5:15am - he called her that night, she came running and he had sex with her AFTER WE RETURNED FROM THE CRUISE, went to work and then came home to me and our children...........I'm beyond devastated. It's been 3 damn years.
I've been a good wife, a devoted wife. We have 5 children - I keep myself up well, I keep a beautiful home, I've been available to him &  for everyone for everything. I've put my career aspirations on hold for the sake of his and the family. I have lost over 50 pounds SINCE 2013 from my already healthy frame & now share clothes with my 14 year old, a size 5 juniors. Meanwhile, hes still pre-diabetic, somewhere around 300, lazy, lethargic and full of empty promises and always soooooo tired - favorite pastimes - tv & napping. I'm in my mid-40s w/ 5 kids - society isn't kind to the woman - it's the man who skates away, smelling like a rose who reaps sympathy. I don't want sympathy but I'm not giving up my life either. So I suffer in silence.
This is the cross I now carry - Why? I ask myself that all the time. What did I do to deserve this?

[Tull1956]

9 years ago my wife left me with no explanation.  We just had our 10th anniversary.  My wife cheated on me twice while we were engaged.  She had an alcohol problem. I quit because I wanted to and said I would no longer stay with her if she ever drank again.   We go married I have a large farm and she signed a prenuptial agreement to protect me and my partner.  5 years later I found out she was drinking and we had a big blow out.  She was sorry and we stayed together.  4 years after that she was having an secretive affair at the welfare office where she worked with someone I would never know and she would never tell me. I found out she started drinking and she said this guy always flirted with her and was much older.  He asked her to marry him and she said yes.  We went through much counseling but she quit.  She said she felt too much guilt.  She never admitted after that she was an alcoholic and she promised me she would never tell me who he was.  I have spent 9 years of my life obsessed with this man.  I wish she would have told me from the start so I could let it go.  Now it is like he is in our bed.  I found out in our many attempts to have children and seeing doctors she thought I was sterile even though tests said different.  She admitted she was trying to get pregnant with him.  We went through in vitro and found out she couldn't produce a viable egg so we used an egg donor.  We have a beautiful son who is the joy of both of our lives.  I know she is the mother but I know I am his real father. She doesn't want to tell him when he is older.  I feel like it will someday be my revenge….but who am I to continue this sickness. It is I who can't deal 9 years actually 19 years of lying and cheating.  I feel this great secret is to protect her lover as a back up plan.  Its all a guessing game for me because she will not tell me the truth.  If she did not admit it to me and her entire family I would have never known.  I feel in order to get the sickness out of my head I need to care for myself and find solice in a secret affair.  Something I can take to the grave and enjoy in my inner thoughts.  That is how I feel.  I am 58 and I have known joy and anger.  I have a multigenerational business that could go down the chute if I don't stay at the top of my game.  I have begged her to come clean and quit protecting this lover but she would end our marriage before she told me.  None of her friends have ever known about this affair.  She has no close friends and her family is at war over jealousy and anger.  One thing..she told was me her older brother molested her when she was 5 and older.  How common it is to hear that story in this farm community with a church on every corner.

[mattp_p_help]

I just don't really understand all the justification for someone cheating...they obviously didnt have you in mind at the time of cheating now did they....there are plenty of men and woman out their that deserve faithful partners...why spend years getting your relationship back to where it was knowing it will never be the same? why not put those efforts into someone worthy that you can make new happy memories with...no man or woman is worth wasting any of your life over...you would all feel so much better if you just let go and move on...you can and will be happy with someone else. you wont regret it and if you have kids your only giving them a life lesson that cheating isnt on, otherwise your just bringing more cheaters into this world. this topic really annoys me when people try to accept justification to cheating its not acceptable ever!

[retseh]

Yes I agree with your input.  Staying or leaving is difficult either way! Three year's after giving birth to our first child, I discovered my husband fathered another child who was basically the same age as my daughter.  Three years of betrayal and not knowing was horrific for me but I did not want my child to be without her dad so I struggled through the pain and stayed in the marriage.  Later on, after have two additional children, my husband became deathly ill and went into surgery not knowing if he would come out of it dead or alive.  Our entire family spent months enduring with that turmoil and I nursed him back to health upon his leaving the hospital months later.  Once he was able to walk again and started gaining some of his strength back, he told me there was something he needed to tell me, but was afraid to do so.  To make a long story short, I discovered that day that he had also fathered twins by this same women TEN years earlier.  I am in my 50's and stayed with the marriage because I felt he was my soul mate. We met in High School years ago.  This new discovery was three years ago.  I did not know what to do at the time because you cant just turn off love AND he was still in the recovery stages of gaining his health back.  Our children would have been torn apart had I made any additional major moves within our family.  Especially after having to deal with the possible loss of their fathers life.  Thus, I went into a stupor and continued to stay with him.  I love him, but I still go through major spells of tearful and painful episodes throughout this crazy marriage.  He had always told me it was simply sex, which was painful enough to deal with... but now I believe this was an on going invested affair.  I am so heart-broken and in pain.  One minute I want to leave, and the next, I want to stay.  Finances have always been an issue for me and my children, and the discovery of why we had to go without and lack even the basics over the years, has been a difficult cookie to crumble.  Today, even after finding out the news of my husband having three children with the other women, and not honoring me enough to be honest down through the years, I am struggling with how to begin a new chapter in my life without him.  My struggles are both emotional and financial.  I have been laid-off from work for a year now, so I decided to return to college to finish my degree.  My own mother and brother's do not know of the the turmoil I have gone through over the years.  I believe it is time for me to leave my husband even though I still love him.  I believe me and the kids deserve better!  I just don't have a clue where to begin.

[lovestoomuch]

nothing wrong with swearing! do whatever you can to get the words on paper- it does help to journal

[BigDaddyJ]

I caught my wife and high school sweetheart of 15 years cheating on me 3 days before Christmas of 2011 and I can assure you I have felt the same pain, and asked myself alot of the same questions you have. I became suspicious with her over active and very protective cell phone use. I contacted out cell company and activated a monthly text message report for our numbers. I also back logged it 6 months and found 15 pages of text message history with the same number, the problem is that by the time I received the report it was too late! She met this guy at work after he kept approaching her and complimenting her, he ended up talking her into swapping cell numbers and the sexting began. The really terrible thing about all of this is that these 2 selfish human beings were both married with young families and they set everything aside for themselves. After getting caught my wife went on the defensive for this clown saying she was afraid he would ruin her reputation at work and that he had mentioned several times how they had to keep it very secretive forever because they both have families and didn't want to ruin their kids lives......
I called this guy and set him straight that he is to never contact my wife again, ever. not for any reason and he better not even look her way. If he does his wife will be receiving a package containing all the text message history between my wife and him. He apologized up and down and agreed to my terms. I have since been left in the dark, they still work in the same building and have for the past 3 years. I can't help but worry everyday of the week, i do not trust my wife, her words are as credible to me as a politicians. Our lives have been turned upside down and life has become very very very difficult for me. I've read several online forums in regards to cheating spouses and have tried to take the advice given, i always believed that times heals everything. I've given it time, lots of time and things are kind of cyclical we have good days and bad days, good months and bad months but overall it's been an absolute nightmare. I stick around for my kids, I try to be a man about this whole situation and i've handled it all inside on my own. I've wanted to talk with my closest friends or my dad about it but I just feel humiliated about it and can't come to terms with myself to share the problems I have locked down inside. I know my wife can see in my eyes the pain I have inside she is well aware and I bring it to her attention often why I am in the state of depression I am in. My wife was such a beautiful soul when we met, she was kind and absolutely gorgeous. The kind of girl every man on this planet would dream of landing, I always felt the best thing that ever happened to me was her. I always asked myself and had other people ask me...lol... how did an ugly guy like you land a woman like that. My only explanation for that was "my personality, I make her laugh. why else would she be with me?" Truth be told i'm not a great looking guy and I've always had a conscience about that and always wondered what happens if that good looking guy comes along one day and she decides to go for it. I guess you never expect your worst nightmare to come to reality folks, but it happens, it's life. You can either let it beat you down to a pulp or you can believe in yourself and stand up! Yes ive seen the bottom floor of life, I might just be there right now but i'm not quitting. All I can suggest to you hun is this. Your husband ****** up. he ****** up really bad and i'm soo sorry he put you through this but you're not alone I feel your pain too I'm a grown *** man and i know whats it's like to cry myself to sleep. Be strong for your kids and live your life don't let his terrible decisions knock you down and make you feel less then you are. I don't know if the hurt ever ends and if forgiveness will ever come our way but I really hope we can get through this journey to see a better day.

[freddiecarter]

Ya you said very well. i really impress with you

[carrie135]

Thank you, for me as right now I  need one more semester to finished my NP and then i plan to relocated to another part of the state I'm in, not looking for anyone, just dedicated to my sons and my career and I'm happy, thank you

[specialmom]

Hi carrie, this is an old post.  Hopefully once you were suspicious that he was still married ---  you chose to see him for what he is (a man of very low character that lies and takes advantage of people).  People like that are not worthy of your time.  

I do know that some women take some time to realize when someone is married if they've been charmed and are lied to by a skilled low character person.  You can't help that.  It's what you do with the information.  Glad to hear you left him!  good luck and hope you find the 'right' relationship at some point!!

[carrie135]

I've been divorced for four years now and not because of cheating, we were married for 17 years, we have three sons, and we felt out of love. We just didn't love each other anymore. I divorced and moved to another state with my two younger boys, my oldest joined the military. One year after my divorced I met a man that I thought was the nicest man in the world, we were together for two years, during these two years he cheated, lied and stole money from me, when I discovered who he really was, I walked away with my heart into a million pieces, but I survived like I had done in the past, I decide to go back and get my Nurse Practitioner, there I met a very nice man who was about to retired from the navy. At this point I really didn't wanted to get involved with anyone, but he keep on insisting to go out with him. He would leave roses in my car, nice notes, email me love letters. I even blocked him, yet he would look for me at University and at the hospital I worked, bring me lunch until all my friends keep telling me to give myself a chance, he told me he was divorced. I gave him a chance and five months into our relationship I found out he is married with three kids. I knew of his kids but he said he was divorced, I cared for him and I left him the minute he told me that his divorced was almost final but that he was still at his family house. I should had suspected because I never went to his house because we were always busy yet I had the address, that he provided to me. he continues to come and says he loves me.With him everything was so nice, he would open the door of the car, always found time text me and talk, lunch or dinner and it wasn't only sex it was companion, friends, and someone you could truly trust, he even ask me to move in with him many times but I wanted to finished my NP first. I'm tell the story of the other woman not the wife, but if I knew he was married, I would had never accepted him, and I never meant to hurt a wife.

[swungtime]

All of you who stay with your husbands are pathetic....let him go have the ******. I let mine & haven't regretted it a day since. There is life after the cheating *******. There is a career, and a new man waiting for you. Get off your ***, stop making excuses for the sorry SOB and GO GET YOUR LIFE BACK!

[KatieKat96]

wow,I agree with this comment so much.I believe she shouldn't forgive him though,since he could have the guts to again,and shouldn't have in the first place,but everything else,very much.Sex and all that is just a small thing truly,and doesn't last forever,loving each other and being like best friends DOES and should last forever,and be the most important always(:

[KatieKat96]

Wow.I am so sorry,that's horrible.No one should deserve to go through that kind of pain.I am not going to say what other people will try say,to forgive and forget,go to counseling,things with you two will get better,all that blah blah,no..It seems you have done nothing wrong.And forgive and forget may apply to other mistakes,but in my opinion,cheating is DEFINITELY,not a forgive and forget.People can change from other mistakes,but if they have the guts to cheat once,they can have the guts to do it again.Maybe they won't,but,it's highly likely they could.If he really truly loved you,and cares about you,and your marriage,and only you,he wouldn't have.I am a Pagan,and do not believe in Christianity,but I have morals,I know what is right and wrong.If he wants to sleep with a young,pretty woman,then he really should have thought about commitment and love before ever getting married.Marriage is difficult.There are many rough times,very good times,etc etc.He is supposed to love YOU no matter what,through all of it.Was it over sex?To me,that is ridiculous.Sure,sex is fun in marriages,but,it shouldn't mean everything.Too many people are blinded the past,hmmm.60-70 years?They think it means everything,and that is more important than it really is.Sex is not a bad thing,and like I said,can be a fun activity in relationships,but it shouldn't be the most important,not even close.Too many people these days cheat,divorce,become unhappy,and ruin everything over it.Idk,it just depends on the people.but,the people they supposedly love,they are willing to throw everything they had with that person away,over wanting to be pleasured.How selfish.Love is no place to be selfish.Where are the days when people loved each other and stuck with each other through everything?NO MATTER WHAT?It's obvious those days are gone,and it's sick to see...But hun,you are great for not stooping to his level.Honestly though,it's obvious you are very hurt,and you don't deserve to be feeling like this.If it was a small problem,unlike cheating,then I think it could be resolved of course,but,to me,cheating is something unforgivable,if he loved you and only you,he should have never considered it.Any one can control themselves in that situation,no matter what excuse they use,he just chose not to,and you deserve better than a man who after as long as you have been together,would do something so hurtful like that to you..you could file for divorce,take time to heal,and meet a guy who really respects you,cares about you for you,and would never even imagine doing something like that to you.You just have to be strong enough to do it,I know you can do it(: Plus,I am sure you are gorgeous,and instead of stooping to his level,and remaining the better person,you obviously are a good person and have morals.Even if this girl is young and pretty,she is immediately less attractive because to have a married man cheat on his own wife with her,it's obvious she isn't a very good person,which is quite ugly.Anyways,to wrap things up,I know it hurts very bad,and it will for a long time,but,you can be strong,and go out there and find the man you deserve,not this guy,who threw 21 years together over a young woman.That is ridiculous.You deserve SO much better.I hope you feel a lot better though<33