I am hoping someone can help me with this. My husband started personal e-mails and other messages with a woman from a fan site, I found out and he told me it was just a game with him. He apologized and swore to cut all contact, which as far as I know he has done. He has told me he loves me more than anything and he doesn't know why he did it, when I am everything he needs. I believe him, and I have found out through this I love him more now than when we got married nearly 23 years ago, he says the same thing. He has let me know the thought of losing me kills him, and he is afraid everyday I will up and leave.
My dilema......I keep getting feelings of him not really wanting me anymore, even though he says he does. I start crying at just the thoughts I get. I thought it could be perimenopausal but I don't know. If anyone could give me any insight, I would really appreciate it. If anyone can read through my gibberish!!!!
Your title doesn't match your post! You're worried that your husband doesn't love you and want you, and you think those feelings might be coming from a perimenopausal mindset. Is that what you mean?
He sounds like a normal guy, he's sorry for what he did, and you're going to drive him away with constant need for affirmation. Think of how much more attractive it is to act confident, and act like you know you're sexy, vs. I hope you find me attractive, I don't think you do, I hope you don't leave me. Eeks, that's not alluring.
Believe him when he tells you he loves you and wants you. ;D
Menopause or not, you have valid concerns about your husband. I hate it when women try to wave off such concerns by blaming them on menopause/pregnancy/PMS. Then they're so surprised when they find their husband cheating. Your husband was caught sending personal emails and messages to another woman - chances are he'll do it again, regardless of what he says. I don't know if your husband loves you or not, but many if not most men go through mid-life crises. They want to know if they're still attractive to other women. Some will just speculate, but many will test the waters. I've worked for a law firm in which most of the cases were divorce cases - I've heard some stories. I've also worked for a large company consisting of primarily middle-aged men. Many of the men who are always telling their wives they love them are the ones most often flirting with interns. You obviously doubt your husband's love for you and probably his honesty as well since you started off talking about the email exchanges. Please keep an eye on him and don't jump to the conclusion that it's "just hormones" - not just for your sake, but for the poor young women who are targets for sleazy married men. I won't sleep with a married man, but for every one of me, there are two women who will. It doesn't matter if he's bald or overweight - if he's got money, he's game.
I know this all sounds a little brutal, but I've heard so many sob stories from women who should've seen the red flags. Granted I'm a little disillusioned with marriage from my experiences, but I've heard too many sob stories from women who warded off the signs because they felt guilty for doubting their husbands. I'm not saying your husband is not being honest with you about his love or his promise not do the internet flirting isn't sincere, but men are horny devils, plain and simple. We'd like to think that the average American male is a straight-laced conservative Christian, but the high infidelity numbers in marriages say otherwise. He was clearly in the wrong when he emailed this woman back and forth and hid it from you. It would have me questioning what else he's hiding...
I would sincerely like to thank the responses I have gotten to my post. Putting them together they both make so much sense. I do realize men and women take their relationships differently, unfortunately things happen that shouldn't. I have always been self confident in myself, but when this **** came to light, I started wondering if getting older is the end for me. I have decided to take whatever comes with the aging process with grace and dignity, there is not much more beautiful than people aging gracefully.
I think it could be a mid-life crisis on my husbands part, he did say she pulled him in with her compliments that he enjoyed it. Therefore, I had to do some soul searching, realized our marriage had become too routine for either of our liking. I take partial blame for that.
I did send my own e-mail to the "other woman" and told her off. Her being a wife and a mother should have known better than to do what she did, as well as my husband.
Again, thanks for the responses!!!! They have really helped me come to terms of believing my husband to a point, but also, watching for any signs of these so called "games" again.
As for the perimenopausal part of my post, I actually thought that could be making more emotional than I should be. Now, I think I had every right to be emotional.
Thanx for the kindness you showed me while dealing with my self doubt, I am now working on my self confidence!!!
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