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Worried that my husband is still in love with his ex girlfriend
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Worried that my husband is still in love with his ex girlfriend

I think my husband of 2 months, is still in love with his ex-girlfriend.  They have a child together that is 10 months old.  The child lives with the ex full time, and my husband only gets to see her every other Saturday.  He hasn't pushed her for more time with the child, hasn't gotten any solo visitation at all.  He tells me that he is working on her in little steps, that he doesn't want to **** her off.  He doesn't want to risk not being able to see the child at all, so he keeps the peace.  But in doing this, he allows the ex to call all the shots regarding the baby, when he can see the baby, etc.  Also, when he does go down there to see the baby, he will take the ex shopping, to the bank, out to lunch, wherever she needs to go.  They go and see friends that they have together and meets them at places or visits them in their home.
They are no longer together because she broke things off with him, and he went through major depression to get over it with counseling.  I have confronted him if he still is in love with her, but he tells me that he isn't, that he only loves her still as the mother of his child.  But his actions tell me otherwise.  He writes in the baby's journal that he still loves the baby's mom, and keeps a love note that she wrote him when they were together in our safe.  He tells me he doesn't love her anymore, but his actions tell me otherwise.  I don't know what to do.
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I don't want to sound too harsh but he's still got feelings for her.  You've only been married to him for 2 months and their baby is only 10 months old.  How long did you date before you got married?  Their baby isn't even a year old yet so it seems that they just sort of broke up.  How long were they together for?  He is not making any efforts to change the situation and it doesn't seem to bother him.  There is no need to take her places or to even see her.  If he wants more visitation than he needs to go to court.  He can demand more time and he can basically take his child anywhere he wants.  He could also get overnight visits.  He doesn't have to be controlled by her yet I feel that he doesn't mind spending this time with her.  Going to mutual friend's houses is completely unexceptable, they are acting like they are still a couple.  Where do you stand in this situation?  You are his wife right?  He seems to care more about this woman's feelings than yours.  Do you think that he rushed into marriage with you in order to try and let go of his ex?  You need to put your foot down, either he changes the visitation situation and only see this woman during pick ups or drop offs of the child or you need to leave him.  You can not be set aside, and don't let him think that he is playing you for a fool.
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Don't worry about sounding too harsh.  I know that he still has feelings for her and I guess I'm having such a hard time because he continues to deny that he does as well.  They were together for 10 months when they broke up in Feb 2006 when she was still pregnant.  We met 3 days before the baby was born in July 2006, and we were married in Feb 2007, so we dated for 7 months.  She doesn't own a car, and he says he doesn't like to stay at the apartment for his whole visit, as her mother and sister are there as well.  So he doesn't mind taking her here or there, because it gets him away from them and their place.  He pushed her into mediation even to get every other Saturday down for visitation, but he won't push her anymore.  He said that he promised her and her mother that he would keep the peace, but all that seems to me is that he is shutting his mouth and letting her walk all over him like a pansie.  He says he is working on the solo visitation, but won't push for it, and only makes little steps here or there.  He has only had one hour solo in the 10 months, and that was only when he dropped the mother off at the store and came back an hour later to pick her up.  The only arguments that we have ever had is this situation and the way he handles everything.  He totally knows how I feel and that I think he handles it completely wrong.  He says that I just need to trust him enough and let him handle it his way.  But for me, when I see him messing up a situation that affects me and my family, I can't keep quiet about it.  So we continuously fight about this.  And yes, sometimes I do think he jumped into our relationship to get over her, and to get himself in a relationship that would get him to move down here closer to the baby.  I have expressed all these things to him, time and time again.
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Julieanne,  have you given much consideration to getting a divorce?  There is no shame in admitting once you realize you've made a big mistake,  fixing it.  The shame is in sitting there and knowing you've made a mistake,  and waiting and waiting and God forbid getting pregnant and bringing a child into this.

It certainly sounds like he's still in love with her,  and this baby needs a father.  

Best wishes.  This is way,  way too quickly to marry a man who was in a major depression over losing a girl who has his newborn.  
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Yes, I consider getting a divorce each and every day.  I have two children from a previous marriage, ages 9 and 10, and they are already attached to him.  I don't want to mess them up, and I don't quite know how to handle everything that is going on.  I can't physically have any more children, so there are no concerns there.  When we first met, I was very careful to inquire and dig into his feelings about his ex and the baby situation, whether he was over her and had put closure on the relationship.  He assured me that he was and I took him at his word.  I guess I saw some very good things within him and could see a good future there.  He is a very good person, has a good job and a good provider.  He has a good head on his shoulders.  We are able to talk about everything, we have very good communication.  We do communicate about this situation each and every day.  I just don't see it ever being in a good way because of how he handles things.  But we do express ourselves.  But I have come across several things, like the journal, phone records and now this note, and it just seems like the lies and secrets keep servicing.  I truly feel he loves me, that is written in his journal as well, but I don't think he is over this ex-girlfriend.  I feel I was a good settle for him to try to move forward.  But now looking back, I wish I would have walked away from him the minute I found out about the baby.  But I didn't and I fell in love with him.  So now it is really hard to walk away and I don't want my children to be hurt.
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"I truly feel he loves me, that is written in his journal as well, but I don't think he is over this ex-girlfriend."


This is a very difficult situation and from what you've stated, it sounds like he does love you. But like you said, it also sounds like that he still loves his ex-girlfriend.

Are you and your husband both willing to get counseling ?
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Oh yes, we would be willing to go to counseling.  The problem there is that he is out of town working during the week and only home on the weekends, so we are 75 miles apart during the week.
I think my biggest hurdle is to actually get him to admit to me that he is still in love with her.  He hasn't done that, and when I directly ask him, he tells me he is appalled that I would even say that to him.  And then he never actually told me that he doesn't love her, but he didn't tell me that he does either, except that he loves her because she is the mother of his child.  He will bring up how things were with her and how much she hurt him and all the things she did to him.  I guess he is trying to throw all this out so I would think how could he still love her after all she has done.  But just because someone does something that bad to another person, doesn't mean that they still don't love each other.  It takes a lot for things to heal, and I don't think he completely has.  He continuously lets her use him, and won't stand up to her.  Sometimes I feel like he wants to live these two different lives.  He always defends her, no matter what the situation is, which will lead to an argument.  And it has gotten to the point where he becomes defensive when things come up regarding her.  He doesn't want to talk about it anymore, and it is getting to where I don't even ask him about his visits to the child.
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I think he needs to make your marriage a priority --- both of you do if you want to save this marriage. He should consider taking time off from work or changing his schedule so that he can make time for counseling.

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if he was the one to break it off with his ex, I think you would be okay. but he wasnt, she was. this is not good, and you will probably have to deal with this for a very long time.  if you leave and get a divorce, the hurt over the betrayal will stop NOW. anything that's hurting you will stop now.  I know it's sh!tty, but bad decisions will have bad consequences, and you have to deal with them. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, but if you decide to do what's best for you and end it, you will get over it, and you will be incredibly empowered.
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Julianne - I'm sorry you're in such a difficult spot.  I really think the best lesson you could teach your pre-teen daughters at this time is that you don't marry a man who has a teeny baby by someone else.   That's a mistake.  Even if he didn't want his ex-girlfriend and baby,  that's a mistake too.  You don't want to marry a man who's still in a deep depression because his girlfriend and baby aren't with him,  nor do you want a man who will walk away from them without hurting.   You don't want a man who has a baby by someone else.  

When I first read your post,  I thought you were maybe 18 years old.  You're too old to have made this fundamental mistake,  and I wish you well in correcting it before your girls get even more hurt.

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I totally disagree that his priority should be on his 2 month marriage.

His first priority (and actually,  only priority) should be on his baby.
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So now Rockrose is for divorce?  Or only when it suits her idea of the "American Dream."  What happened to all your spew aobut marriage being a commitment to one another?  That you should NEVER leave even if your unhappy.  Yout advice is always "You made your bed, so lie in it, find a way to live with your husband."  

Anyway seems as if you two should get into counseling.  You are his wife so he owes it to you.  If you love him try & make it work.  But you both have to be committed to making it work.  If his heart is somewhere else, then it never will.  Only you two can figure this out.  I wish you all the best.  
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IMO.... it doesn't matter how long they've been married.... they both took their vows. And this decision he will make will affect his happiness, which in turn will have an effect on his baby. Obviously I'm not saying that he should take away time from his baby --- only put in the extra time it takes to seek counseling --- if he and the poster wants to save their marriage.
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i feel bad for this poor gal. how long did you know him before you married him? if he has a 2 month old baby it couldnt have been very long. and you knew that a baby was on the way right? did he seem totally in love with you  and was there contact with the ex? look i will be straight with you. you have been married for 2 months. the age of the baby. so in the least im guessing you knew each other and got married all within the minimun of 9 months. that is oftly quick. i was a divorced mom with a child, i understand not wanting to hurt them by leaving. but to fall that quickly and knowing he had a baby on the way, you really put yourself in a pickle. i dont care if my dh had a child by another, he better not spend the day with the mom taking her shopping or having lunch as a family with old friends. you are being totally disrespected. i know you love him, but it sounds like his head is for his other family. i would probably tell him to go be with his other famiily and file. better to get out early on than to wait 3 years when everyone is really going to get hurt.
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I do want to thank all of you so much for all your thoughts and good points.  It has helped me see a lot of different sides.  But I think the main side is that I am being totally taken for granted by his expecting me to just sit back and allow him to do all that he is doing.  He should be able to put full closure on these feelings he has for his ex girlfriend, and if he can't, then he needs to be with her and not with me.  And if he really and truly wants to be with me, then he needs to change his ways and prove to me that he really wants me.  
All of your kind or harsh words have really hit me in a good way and is now going to give me to courage to really do something about all of this, as I know I can't let it keep going on this way and letting him continue to do what he is doing.  He needs to shape up or he needs to ship out.  And I now have the courage to tell him just that.  I have been afraid to force him to tell me the truth, but now I know that I have to really know the truth, and I'm not afraid of the end result, which could be that it might dissolve my marriage.  But I know I can't keep going on the way I have been.  
Thanks so much to all of you.
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Good luck ! I do hope that your husband is able to stick by his decision and that you get the closure that you seek. Just a though.... if you husband sticks around, it may be a good idea to set up boundaries when it comes to his ex. He should decide whether or not it is acceptable for him to be used by her.

If you can, please let us know what happens. We do care.
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I meant --- just a thought. I've been doing this all week --- not feeling too good here. = (

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Why don't you take out the hose and spray her with it.  She's already sad and down and you just love to kick her.  Yes, she may have rushed into the marriage without considering what the consequences are but it's too late to say she shouldn't have done it cause she did.  Let's focus on how we can help her now.  His priority is his child yes but when it comes at the expense of his own wife's feelings than something must be done.  She's not asking him to stop seeing his child she just wants to have a comfortable situation where he can see his child without having to see his ex that he still has feelings for.  Not unreasonable given he committed himself to her.  

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Miami - I'm not loving kicking anyone.  

Sometimes when someone asks a question (and she did ask) the truth is better than a sugar coated lie.

I've worked with new mothers,  and when they ask does it seem like there's something wrong with my baby?,  it's amazing how many people will say no,  your baby seems just fine she's just lazy.  It's very helpful that if something does seem WRONG,  say yes,  I think you need to get her checked out,  she seems significantly delayed,  I see what you're seeing.  (If in fact you do see what the mother is seeing).

Same thing here.  It does no one any good to say oh no how sad,  I wish you well.

Sometimes,  you need to say this was a mistake from the very beginning,  and it will continue to be  mistake.  Marrying a man who is in a "deep depression" over a girlfriend with his newborn,  is a mistake.

It's always better,  if you realize you've made a mistake,  to fix it and not sit in it and stew.

Also,  there are bunches of people reading this forum,  and someone needs to say this is a mistake,  and the outcome was predictable.

Best wishes to all here.  I'm glad there are a lot of voices who are always very supportive and loving,  and sometimes there needs to be a voice that says you made a mistake.



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Maybe we should just agree to disagree.   ;D

In my opinion,  it's especially wrong to water down your opinions because you think people will be unwilling to try to reach high standards.  

So there you have it.  Peace.
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Platelet - I know I do sound very judgemental on this forum,  and it's because I really care about kids and I'm kind of sick up to here with kids who don't have both parents with them.

I know sometimes that's unavoidable - things happen.  But we as a society have sort of decided that it's not that important that kids have parents,  and in this thread it seems obvious that most think the brand new marriage commitment is much more important than the commitment a father has to his baby.

We're all supposed to judge - how else would we have a society,  and have rules that people have to follow?  Of course we judge.

I'm sorry if my judgement seems harsh,  and when I post and disclose things that I'm doing in my family,  if someone honestly thinks I'm doing something harmful,  and making a mistake,  I truly hope they speak up.

Best wishes.
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It isn't our place to judge. It isn't your place and it isn't my place. Period.

As far as the children, we all care about children. And one thing I know for certain, is that it isn't healthy for ANY child to grow up with two parent's who have a dysfunctional relationship.
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Platelet - when someone asks a question,  I don't think it's beyond the pale to give an answer.

I'm not judging this original poster as a person - but giving an opinion on what she asked.

So.

Do you think when people on these forums ask for opinons,  the only appropriate one is "You're doing fine,  who knows why this turned wrong".

And now,  I'm kind of tired of talking about her as if she's not here, and discussing my own personal philosophy in a thread that I didn't start,  so I'm bowing out.

Sometimes,  giving negative feedback is better than giving positive.  Really.
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I always believe in giving honest answers. To be dishonest, is certainly not going to help any person who needs advice.

I admire the fact that you give your honest opinions, but telling the poster that her marriage was a "mistake" is a judgment. The fact is this poster's husband loves her and she loves him. The fact is, you & I don't know these people, their history and we could not even possibly make a judgment --- even if we wanted to. Only the poster can decide this for herself and to be honest with you, she married this man after he had told her that he had no feelings for his ex.

IMO... it is especially wrong to give advice based on our own fears or beliefs about how society should be.

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sparkeler - you're welcome to say,  and think whatever you think on these boards.  That's the whole point.

You can think my husband is cheating on me,  or think I've ever said I have a perfect marriage,  but in fact I might be a teenage boy and you'd never know it.

So there you go.  That's the essence of the boards.  I'm not going to get into some board fight with you,  it's not worth it for anyone.

Boards are for opinions,  and yours is fine too.

Best wishes.
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one thing im confused on is why is he nervous about visitation? dont they have a court order? why doesnt he get the baby on some weekends? why only is visitation with the baby and her? does she have some dirt on him? did he use drugs? has he been arrested? just because he is the father doesnt mean he is entitled to less rights or visitation if the answers are no. im sorry but id be unwilling to allow him to do what he needs to for the baby and the mother attached. no. he needs to be a father to this child and love it and care for it. but he needs to make you a priority as well. if he loves this baby why doesnt he take her to court for more visitation or partial custody?
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Since he was never married to her, he feels that she is allowed to call all the shots because they only have mediation paperwork where they agreed to every other Sat visitation.  At the time of this, he lived 80 miles away from her, so that is what he agreed to.  But they apparently had a verbal agreement that once he was closer to the baby, he could see the baby more often.  This has only happened a few times though.  This is why sometimes I feel I was convenient to him because I lived only 20 miles away from the baby.  But she does tell him that he can go and see the baby as much as he wants, but he doesn't do it, perhaps because right now he is only home on the weekends, or because he doesnt want to have to run her around, who knows.  Sometimes I wonder if she has something on him and that is why he won't stand up to him, but why wouldn't he care if I called her or not.  I just feel that there are things that I don't fully know about, that he has all these secrets.  He won't take her to court because he feels he would have to get an expensive lawyer, and doesn't want to put the money out for one, so he wants to work on her slowly, to keep the peace and not cause any arguments.  So basically he gets what she allows him to have right now.
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That's bs, she can not call the shots.  If he goes to court they take both sides into consideration.  He's married and is able to provide for his child and isn't running from his responsibilities, no court would refuse his visitation rights.  Something else is going on here.  It is not your responsibility to call his ex and confront her on things.  He, as your husband, is supposed to be the mediator and to make sure that things are content on both ends.  Yes it's best if he does have an amicable relationship with the mother just for the sake of the child but if it comes at the expense of your feelings than there is a problem.  She seems to be using this child as a means to get what she needs from him.  Either he is a complete wimp and allows this woman to walk all over him or he still has feelings for her.  And more than just what he says they are.  He can care for her because she did give birth to his child but if I were him I would be resentful that she was trying to control the situation and I would do whatever it took to prevent it.  You have a very difficult choice ahead of you and we can all give as much advice as possible but you are the only one who can say how much you can tolerate in this relationship.

RockRose, it is great that you love children and frankly not many people like to see children hurt but there is no need for people to stay together just for the sake of the child.  Some people are better parents apart than they are together.  I never had my father in my life and I don't feel like I was missing anything because my mom was both my mom and my dad all in one.  My father was an alcholic and I believe if he was part of my life I would've had more proplems than with him not being a part of it.  I don't agree that negative advice is better than sugar coating things.  No one is sugar coating anything but by placing blame on her for making a mistake is not going to help.  We all make mistakes, I'm sure you've made many but her realization of those mistakes is the first step to her bettering herself.  She doesn't need criticism, she needs positive reinforcement.  Yes, she made a mistake, she knows this, let's see what we can do to help fix the situation.  
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Miami - what you never had,  you don't know how to miss.  (I didn't say that exactly right - but what I mean is,  since you never really had a strong father figure and got to live in a home with a successful marriage,  you don't know what "holes" you have in your life).

Your post above,  maybe you were kidding,  but treating a husband like a child isn't the way to have a happy life,  it's the way to make yourself and him miserable.  If you never saw a healthy respectful marriage,  and lived in the love of one growing up,  you would think telling a wife to ignore her husband,  and in fact view him and treat him like a child is good advice.

Also,  I am all for being kind and empathetic,  but not to the point of giving bad advice.  Telling her to insist that she get her way in this one,  that he put her first,  I believe is bad advice in the long run,  it won't work,  and it will hurt more.

Original poster - I think you have every single right to tell him everything you know.  A man has no right to tell you not to "snoop" if he's dumb enough to write his thoughts down and leave them where you can read them,  and he writes that he loves his former girlfriend.  You have every right to access that,  and act on it,  and he's only being defensive saying you don't.

I truly wish you well.
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RockRose why do you always insist on thinking that marriage is perfect and a child growing up in a two parent family is ideal.  There are different types of families all over the world.  No family is perfect and never will be.  I don't have holes and I have been raised with a loving mother and a wonderful grandmother and beautiful godparents so I feel very fulfilled with my upbringing.  I have a lot of friends who were raised solely by there mothers and have gone on to get married, have children, go through college and have lived very comfortable lives.  You love to judge people and tell them what they should be like and how marriage should be.  I'm sure yours is not perfect, you have to put yourself in others shoes.  Plus, where do you stand, you pressure everyone in to marriage than tell them to get divorced.  Why do you waver so much?  Maybe because every situation is different right?  About the other post...I was joking with her but I do not know her and don't know her situation other than what she posted above.  If the only problem they have in their marriage is that her husband acts like a child than I think that that could be worked through.  If he were to be verbally abusive or physically abusive than that's a different story, which she did not write about.  

About your advice for this poster about snooping...I agree with you.  Shocking I'm sure.  But yes, as his wife finding something that he wrote or going through his things when you are feeling like something is not so kosher in your relationship is your business as his wife.  If he gets mad that's him just trying to take the heat off of him and turn it on you.

How would he feel if the tables were turned and it was your baby and the baby's father?  He wouldn't be sp comfortable I'm sure with the current situation.
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i think its time you suggest (as a very supporting wife) that the visitation, and all be made legal. im sure she tells him if he doesnt do what she says he cant see the baby, and might very well believe her. she holds no control if done through the courts. they will set up visitation, child support, who pays for what ect. i think it will be the best so that way she cant use it against him if that is what she is doing. now if she has something on him, she would have to be able to prove it. if he did drugs at one point, well they could follicle test him. it goes back i think 7 months to a year. but if he is clean now he has nothing to worry about. that is IF that were a concern. if he only sees the baby on occation then what difference does it make? i mean what if the courts said you can see the baby once a month? or you have to have supervised visitation (ok im being way on the edge but to prove a point) he is anyway. i hope im making sense. there is no judge that will tell him he cant be a part of his childs life unless he is doing things that could cause harm. you have children from a previous marriage (as do i ) so you should see what im talking about. i dont want to be this way but should he say he doesnt want to go through the courts, and he has nothing to hide, then maybe he likes things the way they are. seriously id be worried. if my husband of only a few months was off with the other gal. he sounds sneaky. be careful.
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Giving someone advice to stay with their abuser because of the children is certainly not "reaching high standards". My opinion...

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I agree with mami. I was going to ask about the baby and mention that it sounds like your husband could be terrified of losing any rights to his child and giving into his ex because of this. Or is he doing it because he still has feelings for her ? And is it okay with you that he is taking his ex shopping and out to lunch when he sees her ?

As far as finding the note and reading the baby's journal... I think you need to tell him and just lay it on the line. If you don't, you may tell him when you are angry at him and that would make things worse. You are his wife and this man has given you some reasons not to trust him completely and you have every right to know what is going on.
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Thank you Platelet, you and I seem to be on the same page.  It feels good knowing that we are seeing eye to eye on things and are both looking to help and not be judgemental.
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Here is my take on it--he still loves his ex. He is not with her, though, because there is something there between them that he already recognizes didn't work. He loves you too because he married you. He has a responsibility to both relationships now- not to the other woman but to their child together (he financially and emotionally must support this child and help facilitate the best upbringing for the child as possible) and he has committed to you too--he must provide for you and love you and look out for you too. I think that he may have to work out some sort of visitation or custody schedule that includes having the child over to your place or that at least involves him being alone with the child in a public place (i.e. a park) without her around. It is an uncomfortable situation, but since you knew going into it that there would be challenges, this is one that you must face--but together. If he is brushing things off, then he is not balancing out his responsibilities and that is unfair to you. He needs to also understand that him being with his ex, even if he says it is for his child, makes you feel threatened. It does not matter if he is not doing anything wrong--if you feel it, he must work with you to find a plan for this that makes you feel more at ease. In the end, he must help to raise his child and he will be a part of the child's life always and in some ways, that will involve staying in contact with his ex. Get some boundaries established and then you will feel at peace.
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Avatar_n_tn
My husband and I talked and this time he actually said that he loves only me, he doesn't love her.  He wants a life and future with me, and that we need to focus on our marriage.  He said that whatever he does during his visitations is for the baby onlyand the ex is attached to the baby.  I asked him that when things come up that he is at least open to discussing what bothers me and at least meet me halfway and compromise on a solution.  This affects me and I should be allowed to be a part of the decisions regarding it, and not to just sit back and have to accept what he decides to do.  He didn't seem to want to bend here, and that he wants to stick to the fact that he will handle things his way, and if I have a problem with something she has done, then I need to pick up the phone and talk to her about it.  That totally bothers me, because why would he not be willing to compromise with me and risk my being angry and picking up the phone and calling her, with the chance of messing things up with his visitation.  Then he throws in my face that I better make sure to not **** her off and mess up his visitations.  Why would he be so unwilling or scared to talk to her himself at the risk of my messing things up for him?  Why should I talk to her? It is clearly written in his journal that he loves her.  My big dilemma now is that I haven't had the courage to tell him that I read this in his journal, or that I have seen the love note in the safe, or that I have seen phone calls with her on the phone bill.  I don't want him to try to worm his way out of anything by turning this all on me and throw in my face that I was snooping and invading his privacy.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi again.  I want to thank you all once more for all your words and advisement.  My husband and I have gone thru a lot over the past few days, but I do believe that we have gotten everything out in the open, and are on the same page going forward, together.  We both understand each other and feelings, anger, resentment, disappointment, secrets, lies, etc., and we are going to be OK.  We have reached new levels, and most important, we will work thru all this together.  And we truly do love each other, and time will heal all wounds.
Thanks again, one and all.
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Avatar_f_tn

Great news ! I'm sure you feel a lot better now that everything is out in the open and has been addressed.

I hope you guys have a great weekend.
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177641_tn?1189759437
Hey Jullianne, I'm really happy to hear how you've taken charge of the situation, and it seems to have paid off! Mistakes (if you have made some) don't have to STAY mistakes :)

So much debate... (couldn't resist jumping on the band wagon)...

This forum is for EVERYONE to contribute so long as it isn't harmful or disrespectful (right?). It is up to the poster what they want to listen to, and if they like a particular reply, they can ask that specific person for more advice. Comments posted favouring one position over another aren't de-constructive. Good advice comes with bad, and bad advice can turn into good advice when the timing is changes.

The motley of ideas expressed on these forums is fantastic - let's not lose that. I might not agree with what particular people say all the time, but I find their input has much more value than if it wasn't present at all. If I can self-righteously give advice to this community of forum-contributors, it would be this:
       But don't fight back with criticism. React with insightful and supportive thoughts of your own. If you're confident that your advice is good and helpful, it will catch on and you needn't worry about advice you consider particularly unhelpful or even harmful.

Sorry for distracting from your post Jullianne. But thanks for keeping us posted. Your topic has certainly raised a lot of interesting points.
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Avatar_m_tn
(sigh) Ok you're not going to like the truth.

To be honest Julianne, I don't know why the heavens you married this man, knowing he deliberately jumped into the relationship in an attempt to forget his previous one. Even if you had a shadow of a doubt, why would you go ahead with marriage? marriage involves taking responsibility for your own actions, and being mutually, maturely respectful. For life.

Now you're stuck with him because marriage is a promise you took for life. Remember your vows?

You know what i say; Tough ******* sweetie. You really should have taken your marriage more seriously. So don't listen to people on this forum who recommend you get a divorce. That's a bad example to your future baby.

Too many young people rush into marriage, before having given the relationship time to mature. I'm only 27 and i respect that much. But i'm currently in a relationship with a man whom I treasure dearly and wish to marry one day. Because he is respectful, reliable, generous, loving, hard-working, successful and he wasn't a 'player' and never got anyone pregnant. He wants me and me only and has already shown signs of a loing-lasting future relationship to come, after only 2 years. that's right. 2 years. Not 7 months. That's something you should have settled for in the beginning.

If you had initially demanded enough respect for yourself (and your future child), you wouldn't have ended up in the mess you're currently in.

Stay with him. You made your own bed, take responsibility and lie in it.

Honestly, you should have thought about all these things before taking the plunge and tying the knot. After just 7 months? How does one even begin to know someone after 7 months when a person's true colours only just begin to emerge after 1 year and a half at least!

For the baby's sake, i do hope it works out. Too many unfortunate one-parent families not coping and living below the breadline.
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973741_tn?1342346373
This is from 2007.  
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Avatar_m_tn
(sigh) Ok you're not going to like the truth.

To be honest Julianne, I don't know why the heavens you married this man, knowing he deliberately jumped into the relationship in an attempt to forget his previous one. Even if you had a shadow of a doubt, why would you go ahead with marriage? marriage involves taking responsibility for your own actions, and being mutually, maturely respectful. For life.

Now you're stuck with him because marriage is a promise you took for life. Remember your vows?

You know what i say; Tough ******* sweetie. You really should have taken your marriage more seriously. So don't listen to people on this forum who recommend you get a divorce. That's a bad example to your future baby.

Too many young people rush into marriage, before having given the relationship time to mature. I'm only 27 and i respect that much. But i'm currently in a relationship with a man whom I treasure dearly and wish to marry one day. Because he is respectful, reliable, generous, loving, hard-working, successful and he wasn't a 'player' and never got anyone pregnant. He wants me and me only and has already shown signs of a loing-lasting future relationship to come, after only 2 years. that's right. 2 years. Not 7 months. That's something you should have settled for in the beginning.

If you had initially demanded enough respect for yourself (and your future child), you wouldn't have ended up in the mess you're currently in.

Stay with him. You made your own bed, take responsibility and lie in it.

Honestly, you should have thought about all these things before taking the plunge and tying the knot. After just 7 months? How does one even begin to know someone after 7 months when a person's true colours only just begin to emerge after 1 year and a half at least!

For the baby's sake, i do hope it works out. Too many unfortunate one-parent families not coping and living below the breadline.
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Avatar_m_tn
That's okay specialmom. I believe other people will find this forum useful. Many people use search engines when they're down in the dumps :) If one person doesn't read it, others will. That's how the internet works.
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Avatar_m_tn
Ok. I have to say. No he should not be putting this other woman first. However sometimes a baby's mom can really put the man in a situation to were he really thanks that he has no other choice but to follow what she wants him to do. After all she has full rights to the baby not him, and he may truly see this to be the only way to see his baby. It does not mean he is still in love with this woman. After all he did marry you. I know were you are coming from. I am marred to a man how has two little boys bye a other woman, and they were never married. She would call wanting him to stop everything he was doing and come to were she was and would even send him pic. of her.  Anyways to make a long story short. I had to get on the phone and just tell her right from the get go what I would and would not put with from her as his baby mom. I have to say that it work. she not longer calls wanting him to drop everything to come to her and the pic have stop to. See if you keep on letting his baby mom run him like this and call all the movies she is going to do it the hole time you are together with your husband. Tell your husband you want to talk to his baby mom and see if you can get any were with her. See it is easy for a woman to tell a man what to do but it is not for easy for a woman to tell a other woman what to do because she does not have anything to hung over your head. Stand by your husband and let him know that you will stand beside him throw this and let him know that you are welling to do what ever it takes to get him to were he see his baby without her running everything.
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3147776_tn?1349200103
Hi - you're responding to a comment made 6 years ago.  The members from this thread are likely long gone, or at least have resolved their issues by now.  There are plenty of active threads in this and other forums, and it'd be great if you would choose those to add your feedback to instead.
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