Would u sue if your ex or bf gave you and STD/STI?

[Artemis04]

I thought the guy I was seeing was being monagamous with me but he was not. He was lying to me and was seeing me and his ex/baby mama at the same time. Well she told me he has HPV/cervical cancer/warts, which he gave her awhile back that I have now been exposed to. My mom and my best friend want me to sue him if I come back positive for it. All because he did not tell me he had it and knowing he did and put me at risk. Also, he stated to his ex that he did not care that he may have given it to me. I do not know if I have a legal leg to stand on to be able to sue him for giving me HPV if I come back positive. Personally I want his pen&^ to fall off and for him to rot in hell. But would you sue someone for giving u a STD or STI?

[jo929]

You would have to prove that he knew he had this also the ex would have to testify for //you, because if she does not you have no proof, that he knew, also you had consented sex   lots  luck  jo

[Artemis04]

Well she said she would testify for me that he has an std and gave it to her. I do not know if it is possible to I would have to consult an attorney. Thanks for your luck.

[sweetpea03]

you're going to sue? really... how's that going to help the situation? is it really worth your money, paying attorney fees, etc.? I don't see the point.

[RockRose]

You may want to research HPV.  

You can be having monogamous sex with a man who has had a previous partner with HPV,  and he can give it to you.  It's not like he has to run back and forth and back and forth and back and forth to give you HPV.

If you knew he had a prior girlfriend who he left with his baby to be with you,  you already should have known you were at risk for HPV.

If you can somehow prove you had no idea that he had any prior sexual partners,  and that in fact he was very convincing that he was a virgin when you met,  you might stand a tiny chance of winning.  

As it is,  if you thought he had sexual contact before,  you should be aware he can give you HPV.

[Artemis04]

There is more than the hvp...lets put it this way his ex and I believe he was sleeping with more than us, which we did not know about each other until last week.

[SeriousSam]

Were you guys virgins?  I looked up HPV and it says most men never have symptoms sohow do you even know he was the carrier?  I'm kinda curious on this one!  No opinion but somehow part of the story is missing?

[Vance2335]

You can not sue over a STD. You took the risk and had sex with him.
The only thing that has ever been brought to court is someone with HIV knowingly infecting others. HPV is not going to kill you.

[teko]

I am married. Vows taken, promises made, whole nine yards. I have agreed to be faithful and live with this person for better or worse till death do us part. Based on that scenario, you betcha! Because he would have violated everything we stand for and broken a contract. A legal one.

However, if you are lying down with someone you are not married to, and you both are free agents, then your expectations are unrealistic to assume he is not going to step out on you. He was with someone before he met you and will be with someone else after you. You have in essence agreed to share your sexuality. I do not believe under those circumstances you would get vary far in court. Save your money. The only one I know of which would be punishable by law is if someone slept with you and had HIV and knowing so went to bed and gave it to you. That is the same as taking a gun to your head. A death sentence so to speak.

[mami1323]

You barely knew this guy and you were having unprotected sex.  That's your fault just as much as it was his.  Morally, he should have told you but he doesn't have to.  I know that someone can be arrested if they were infecting others with HIV and they knew they had it.  HPV is not deadly, if you have had at least 2 sexual partners in your life, most likely you have it.  It can remain dorment in your body for years.  You could've had it even from a previous partner.  So there is nothing you can do about that.  Take this experience as a lesson learned.  Use protection.

[Judy246]

You would have to prove without a reasonable doubt that he gave it to you. That means doctors, labs, attorneys, money, time off work if applicable, witnesses. Is it worth it? Maybe, but he has to live the rest of his life knowing what he did. His conscience is his jail.

[Judy246]

also, let this be a lesson, abstinance or protection.

[Artemis04]

His ex was the one that said that I should sue him. Because he knowling has been giving out stds......HPV (gential warts), Chlyamidia, ect. which he gave her and he was sleeping with us both at the same time. I dont think I am going to sue if I do or dont have anything. I went to the dr and am waiting for my test results. He does have to live in is own hell.

[Judy246]

I agree that he might not have a conscience now, but it will catch up with him and I believe in Karma. Everything in the dark is exposed. I hope all will turn out ok for you. Also, I recommend to stay away from the ex.

[Artemis04]

I probably should stay away from the baby mama/ex, but me and her have no ill will toward each other. We both have talked and have realized what a dumb *** he was for using us and being a lying *** dog. I just feel bad for the situation she is in with him....baby and one on the way and all - which are so precious. She has a good heart, hell she told me about the stds, because he was not going to be a man and do so. I do not have a problem talking to her, I just don't think her and I ought to be too close after what has happened. But we are on a need to know speaking terms, so to speak.

[Judy246]

I think you both should dump him and warn him that for his sake you better not have any STD's or you sue him. That way he will think twice and be on notice that you are aware he has a STD and can contact the police and tell them he is have unprotected sex with a desease. It can get him arrested.

[Artemis04]

I am not with him anymore....he lied and broke my heart and I do not want to be the other woman. Well the baby mama is still with him lol......he begged her to stay and she did for the sake of the baby and the one on the way. Well he has tried to call me since he has been busted but I did not answer my phone. He hurt me badly and I want nothing to do with him right now or at all.

[vmvnpv]

I don't see any legal leg for you to stand on.  It was consensual sex.  Possibly contracting an STD (or getting pg) is part of the risk.  Even if you could prove he gave it to you knowingly I don't see how you would win a case.  You didn't use protection, nor did either of you get tested before having sex.

[vmvnpv]

Plus HPV is common.  HIV is a different story.  If you were married to him, that would be a different story too.

[Artemis04]

I was std tested back in december 2008, and he was the first person I had been with since I was tested. I do not sleep around with people if that is what u are insenuating. As for my ex boyfriend, I trusted him and maybe I was being niave in doing so. It is what it is and I cant go back and change anything. I do not plan on suing or anything, my best friend and my ex's baby mama suggested that I should sue him for spreading stds.

[mami1323]

You could still have contracted HPV from a relationship before him.  It can lay dormant in your body for years.  So you can't prove it was this last guy.  Just move on with your life.  Take care of your health and let him go.  

[BearHitch]

I find it curious that his ex thinks you should pay for a lawyer and sue but hasn't done so herself if she believes so strongly that there is a case... which I am in agreement with other posters who don't think you have one.  You don't say anything about confronting him on this matter, so to my knowledge you are just going by the word of his ex that he even was sleeping with her, and if he was - how did she know about you unless she was sleeping with him knowing he was seeing you?  This is all very complex.  In the end, I would not recommend pursuing anything legal because it would be a waste of money.  

[vmvnpv]

Please reread what I wrote and tell me where I insinuated that you were sleeping around?  I merely stated that unprotected sex is a risk.  You risk getting pg and your risk contracting an STD.  It was consensual.  That means you both agreed to have sex (willingly) without protection.  That also means you take on the responsibility of whatever unprotected sex brings.....including STD's.  There's no grounds for a lawsuit.  And don't read too much into what people write.

[Artemis04]

I did go by my ex's place to confront him and he knows that his baby mama told me about the stds. He had nothing to say and was not at all in the least ashamed of having genital warts or chlymidia and spreading them to people. All he seems to do is care about himself. He knows I went to the dr to get examined and tested.

[Artemis04]

Well she is scared of him and has filled charges against him and dropped him because he beat her up.

[Artemis04]

The post was meant to get your opinions on if you would sue if an ex gave you and std...syphillis, chlymidia, ect. I never said I was or was not going to sue him....I was considering it due to my best friend and my ex's baby mama mentioning it to me. They just thought he should pay for knowingly putting my life in danger as well as that of others. If I was going to sue him, it was not going to be about money it was going to be about the principle of not being a lying dirty dog.

[SeriousSam]

Have you had the vaccine for cervical cancer BTW?

[mami1323]

Liar or not you didn't know him that well and willingly slept with him unprotected.  I'm not trying to come down on you because I know you are going through a lot as is so even though he's a pig he's not solely responsible because you allowed him to sleep with you without using a condom.  His defense could be that he didn't know he had it.  

[megochick101]

You can't sue someone because you were stupid enough to have unprotected sex with them(sorry) If you have an STD it's YOUR fault for not protecting yourself in the first place.

And it doesn't even matter if he knew he had an STD and still gave it to you. it's still your fault for not protecting yourself. Yeah he'd be an a$$hole for not telling you about it, but you should always use protection with any new partner!!

Sorry I was rude but I hate when people talk about getting STDs there are easy and simple ways to avoid most of them!!

[adgal]

HPV is not as big an issue as is being made out in the media these days.  And I don't think anyone was insinuating you were sleeping around. Having unprotected sex just one time can give you an STD. Mami is correct, most women that have had more then one sexual partner have HPV.  Many don't even know, and may never find out.  I was never promiscuous either, and I have it.  It's more an annoyance then anything.  And not every type can lead to cervical cancer.  I don't think you would be able to sue.  We women have to take charge of and responsibilty for our own bodies and insist upon condoms for our own protection.  If a man refuses then in my mind he does not care about you (or his own health for that matter) and isn't worth your time.  I agree with the others, take this as a lesson and insist upon condoms every single time.  And I also recommend you educate yourself on HPV.  The only real change in your lifestyle now is that it is extremely important you have regular paps done, which we all should anyway.  And until you know for certain it is a committed relationship, use condoms.  Sadly, not everyone you will meet is completely honest, or may be a good person but not even know they have something.  Good luck to you.

[mami1323]

One other thing that I have to say.  It's sort of an "I told you so" kind of comment but most of us on here heard your story from the beginning, gave you prior warning to what we thought this man was doing and you said yourself you were not going to allow yourself to get that emotionally involved.  We had recommended you cutting him off completely and you said - no I want to try and remain friends with him and if it doesn't work out than at least I will not have let myself get that emotionally involved.  Now you talk as if he was an ex-boyfriend and he did you so wrong.  Sweetie, it was only months of your life, not years, no children invested in this.  I'm not saying you deserved this but you went in pretty much with your eyes open.  I feel more sorry for the girl who has been played by him for years and has 2 kids from him.  You need to just let it go and walk away.  I'm sorry you might have contracted STD's from him but learn something from it and move forward.

[mami1323]

I wasn't promiscuous either and contracted it from my ex and we were in a long term relationship.  Doesn't mean he cheated on me, he could've gotten it from someone before me.  HPV is so common and I have never had an outbreak of genital warts or anything like that.  I just have regular paps done.  My friend who was married for years and only had one other relationship (7 year) was recently diagnosed with it.  I have another friend who was just diagnosed with it and was in a 7 year relationship as well.  So you are not alone.  Like adgal said, read up on it.

[Artemis04]

Well she said she is giving him another chance after what he did. She has not had the second baby yet, she is 2 months pregnant. Well I was niave to believe him, but I did. I honestly try to think good in people. I did not lie to him about my intentions but he lied about his. I probably should have cut him loose at like month one or two, but he said how he was ready to move on with his life with me and how he cared about me, ect. He seemed sincere in what he said but as I see now he was not.

[Artemis04]

I went to the dr and he said that I seem to be ok and he does not believe I have anything but I do not get my real results back until later this week. Also, I am getting the Guardasil shots.

[Artemis04]

Well maybe I should have not slept with him, but I did. It was not like I was planning on sleeping with him right out....I waiting 2.5 - 3 months before I did. We were just having a good evening...dinner, movie, ect and it happened. I did not plan on it, but it happened. Maybe that was not enought time...maybe I should have waited 3 years but it is what it is.

[mami1323]

Not everyone has good intentions, you have to enter into relationships very carefully.  If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, then it is a duck and that's what we all saw about this guy.  You were blinded by his "talk" and couldn't see what we all could and that's only because were weren't emotionally involved.  Sometimes we have to take a step back and see what others see in order to get the full picture.  We have all been victim to it.  Good luck and try your hardest to get this man out of your life.

[Artemis04]

I dont want anything to do with him being how he treats women especially his baby mama, which is the mother of his daughter and the second baby on the way. He still calls me but I do not answer. Hell I do not know why he is even calling me. I am trying to focus on summer school, my new job, and my clothing website. Maybe I will find someone new or not, I honestly do not care at this point. It is like the salt is fresh in the wound. His actions and words did not match up, but as I heard from his baby mama he cant be monogamus with any woman, because he always I guess has a side person. My mom thinks all men are dirt balls and that is what I am trying not to do.

[mami1323]

Well I do think there are a few great men out there but I do believe in my heart that most of them have problems with monogamy.  Just my thoughts.  Well if it bothers you that he calls you why don't you just change your number all together?  I don't even think it necessary to talk to the baby's mother.  I just think you should cut all ties with that situation.  She will be a reminder of him all of the time whether she's talking about him or not.  I think you need to start fresh and in order to do that, you need to let go of anything that is bound by him.  

[Artemis04]

Well he has not called me in a couple of days lol, but he has called me last week multiple times. I probably should cut the baby mama loose. She is nice but I think we may remind each other of what happended even if we do not discuss him, which we try not to do when she does text or call me. Well she said she wanted to know how my std testing goes and I told her I would let her know what happens but after that maybe we should not talk. She has a baby by him and another on the way in 6 months, which is a constant bond to him that I do not have. He is her problem and if she wants to stay with his cheating behind (that beats her)  that is her.

[mami1323]

It just is odd to me.  If the woman my fiance cheated on me didn't know about me, I would not begrudge her in any way, however, I would not want to remain friends with her if I were to be staying with him.  I wouldn't even think of befriending her even if me and him didn't stay together.  It's just odd.  If you had a child or were pregnant with his child as well, then I would only so that the children can remain in each other's lives because they would be related but there is no need to be friends with her.  I would be very leary of her intentions.  You may tell her things and she may go back to him and talk to him about you.  He does not need to know about you at all.  It just doesn't sit well with me.

[Artemis04]

Well I do not know if she is talking about me to him or not, but by you saying that it is now causing me to think about that. Well he knows about me and my life and well as I do him.....we were seeing each other for almost 4 months. She said she was not going to ask me about him anymore after I had to tell her to stop...she was asking me questions about him to figure out why he did what he did and what my relationship was like with him. My best friend said that she was probably trying to determine why  and what her man say in an african american woman. My friend said that she was probably puzzled by the fact that I do not act ghetto....since we are stereotyped to. I am what my friends call a white african american.....I am middle/upper class, am a medical student, I listen to rock/alternative music, ect. Maybe she is trying to gage me and figure out what I am all about...I honestly do not know. But I did state to her if she ever needed help with the babies she could bring them to my apartment.

[mami1323]

She probably is curious to what the attraction was but those answers have to come from him, not you.  If it wasn't you it would've been someone else and sounds to me like you won't be the last.  She has to figure out why she feels the need to stay with him but you don't need to help her to figure this out.  It's your job to work on your healing.

[Artemis04]

Well I am trying to focus on me and my stuff. I told her I have enough drama in my life with medical school and stuff to not have to deal with her trying to determine what her baby daddy was doing dating her, me, and another chick. Well if she needs help with the baby and the one on the way...I have no problem with helping...all she has to do is ask. As for her trying to figure out why she is staying she says she wants her children to grow up with a nuclear family and he begged her to stay. And also he is her first love, ect. and she says she cant live without him and wants to marry him. Be that as it may, she told me that he is controlling and beats her, but he never treated me this way.....controlling in a way but he never laid a hand on me at all. All I could tell her to do is pray like I have been and maybe things will work themselves out. P.S. - she has not idea he calls me or still likes me - lol. I honestly do not think he can be with one woman.

[mami1323]

You were with him for 4 months, she has been with him for years, so I'm sure he does hit her.  It was only a matter of time before he did it to you as well.  Well again, you can take my advice on what you want to do but I think you need to realize that there is no need to help her out with those children.  It's a nice thought but being nice is what got you in this situation in the first place.  You are way too trusting.  This woman could turn on you in a second.  But again it's your decision.

[Artemis04]

Well I am not going to help her unless necessary and that is if I do. He is the baby daddy, she needs to make him do what he is suppose to, but she is scared of him because he hits her. She has her mother and grandmother....hopefully she can build a better relationship with them and they maybe willing to help her. I have to keep away from the entire situation, because it is crazy and I may end up getting hurt again. Because she may end up being an evil witch....but as of yet I see not sign of it...just a woman with a broken heart and soul.

[Artemis04]

My parents raised me to be nice, maybe that is a fallicy in my character. I keep telling my friends to help me be evil and mean, but they know its not in my nature. I was raised that the bad people go to hell and the good to heaven...I just did not know the trials on my character it was going to take to make it there in the present and in the afterlife.

[mami1323]

You don't have to be evil and mean, you can however be cautious.  People can sense someone is being kind hearted and learn to take advantage of that.  You just have to pick and choose in what type of situations you can lend a helping hand.  It's all about life experience.

[Artemis04]

Well I guess life is a learning experience and I have to take it as a grain of salt. I have to learn not to be so nice and trusting of people, because you can end up getting burned. I am just going to take one day at a time, keep praying, and focus on my life. Once I find out my test results, I think I am going to let that be the end of it all. She has to make her own decisions about her life and her babies lives and I have to do so for myself. I have to not try to help her unless it is da*& serious and I mean life or death serious. And at that point she best have exhaused all of her options before contacting me. I cant try to help everyone, because everyone cant be helped. My best friend of 8 years told me that I have to let the baby mama figure it out on her own....that a man beating and controlling you is not appropiate...children or no children with him.