Would you give up sex?

[BG52]

Whaaat???

Ok. Put on your imagination hat and think about this one carefully.

Let's say...you're a 62 year old woman. You like sex. You've been married for nearly 30 years and you like your husband. He's a nice guy. You don't want to break in a newer model, and you don't want to live alone. (This is tongue in cheek levity. Don't throw things at me.)

For the men, you're 58 and she^^^is the most important thing in your life. Your health is delicate, and making love makes you extremely ill for several days. Really sick. But then, every type of activity makes you sick after a half hour or so, so you have to give up a lot of things you like to do.

You can weed the garden and get sick, or you can make love and get sick.
Maybe have a heart attack.

What would you (her, me) do?
Enjoy it while you can, or...?

[Londres70]

Ditto SM's last post.

I don't think she married you "just for the sex."  She sounds deeper than that.  I think you are putting too much thought into this.

Talk to her about your concerns and/or fears.  I think that would be more fruitful than polls on the internet on several sites.

Your post sounds more like it is pertaining to your ego taking a hit than anything else because you aren't able to perform when and how you want...........something you can't control or accept.

Quit hiding behind the sarcasm and polls, reconsult your counselor and sort this out.  

Show your wife what you've just typed out here and she will COMPLETELY understand why you need therapy again.  Trust me.

[specialmom]

I guess that if my husband was having this issue and trying to figure out so much what I thought about it that he was polling people on the internet, I'd rather he talk to ME about it.  None of what we write here matters.  Just talk to your wife. Try not to put words in her mouth or feel like you know what is in her head.  maybe she's not valued sex quite as much as you believe.   You never know . . .   because you haven't asked.   good luck

[vicki595]

Thank you for answering my question and I understand...I agree that therapy might be helpful and hope you follow through.

"We haven't had this specific conversation"

It's a conversation that really needs to occur. Don't you think?  Just to tell your wife how you feel and how you want to get it straightened out. You're not an old man! You've got a lot of years to enjoy all that life offers...and it's so important to keep the communication open; especially when it comes to sex.

Good luck with this and be well-

[BG52]

We haven't had this specific conversation, but she knows what my health is like, and that I've been complaining about my heart a little more than usual.

When I get too worn down it skips beats or feels like it is out of rhythm for a few seconds.

My wife has been asking me how I feel and monitoring my overall health. She can tell when I am not good. If she thinks I need to rest another day, she tells me, and we wait another day.

She doesn't want to stop completely at this time.
She wants both. She wants me to be as healthy as possible, and she wants the lovemaking.

To answer vicki595, it is the physical activity.
I got really sick 7 or so years ago and almost died. It messed me up and I haven't adjusted mentally to the limitations I have. My GP, my wife, a counselor, we've all talked many times about what physical activity does to my body, and my head.

For years we did not make love, but something changed this Spring. It's a big deal. It's the first time in years that I feel like I am...useful...productive, alive.

My wife has a gleam in her eye.

I'm a type A person who never was able to stand still. I'm also a perfectionist and a wee bit of a control freak. I have been pushing my body to the limit off and on for several years. My GP advises me and tries to help me live some sort of life, and sometimes he lectures me. I hear it from all of my friends. Slow down. I can't flip the switch.

I told my wife several days ago that I needed therapy again, but I couldn't articulate why. It's right in front of my face. I just typed it.

But tonight my wife is looking forward to affection, and pleasing her makes me feel like a million dollars.

Better than whatever other thing I would find to overdo and get sick from.

    

[specialmom]

I think it is all well to ask people this question and to hear how they 'think' they'd handle things but the real question is what does your wife SAY?  

[vicki595]

Eating rib eye is a good analogy!  To me, the answer is obvious. If having sex would make my partner so sick he was bedridden for days...then I wouldn't have sex with him. I wouldn't want him to go through any suffering...

I have to ask, and you don't have to answer, but I'm wondering what could possibly cause you to get so ill from having sex? Is it the physical activity? Orgasm? Is it cardiac? I'm just very curious about this...and have you worked it out?          All the best!

[TTinKKerBBell]

I don't understand SO much importance on 'erection', and 'lovemaking'.  

Granted, it's the greatest to 'make love' but to 'risk our life' for the 'act' of making love??  No, I wouldn't choose that.  I would choose to keep my love partner for as long as possible and show my love in many, many ways other than intercourse if that were going to end my life or His.  There is no more ultimate love than a parent for a child - no intercourse involved there - SO the greatest 'act' of love is NOT intercourse.

If You were told You could never eat rib eye steak again, You would still find satisfactory ways to eat, to survive, to love, and to feel loved, and You would be happy, and so would Your Wife be happy.  You would not choose to eat the rib eye steak anyway and just go ahead and die, not when there were other solutions to the problem of not getting to eat rib eye.  And to choose another steak would give Your Wife the pleasure of Your Companionship for a longer time.

[BG52]

This is something a lot of people will face as they get older.

Some day I may end up on a drug that will not allow me to have an erection. My BIL is already this way due to a heart attack.

My wife and I enjoy lovemaking very much.
Why should I stop now? The threat of death? I could die before I get a chance to push the submit button on this post.

If I live long enough, the day will come that my son or another relative will take my car keys away and tell me I am too feeble to drive.

I had to do that to my Grandmother.
T'was a sad day.

I understand that as we age, some things change. My parents are dead, and my wife's parents are dead. We've seen various itterations of what aging does to a body.

I think I would prefer to be selfish and enjoy the superficial pleasure while I am able.

Is that selfish, or is that living rather than existing?  

[Life360_Dave]

Hi also, your wife loves you very much and i think the horror of your dying way offsets a few moments of superficial pleasure. Grow old together and dye together. Take your creative talents and put them into practice. Create a Patented product and get rich so you can really feel good about yourself.

[BG52]

I like your answer. I can tell you put a lot of thought into it. Thank you.

That would probably be the practical and proper thing to do for your soulmate.

But the lovemaking has been incredible for both of us.
So...I don't wanna. :(

I used to be a contractor. A busy working man with a business and blah blah. Now I watch Gunsmoke and take naps. I want some fun.

On the other hand being sick most of the time is not fun.

[BG52]

If I sit at home, take a nap every afternoon, get a good night's sleep, I feel ok. When I feel ok I am not a burden on my wife. I can even be helpful around the house and be a companion.

NO PHYSICAL ACTIVITY!

When I'm ill, I wake her up at night. She holds me.
I sleep more during the day and she creeps around trying to not make noise. I can't really have a conversation or visit with anyone or watch TV because I get emotional problems and have difficulty with comprehension and other brain functions.

So I'm not a very good companion or helpmate when that happens.

That makes lovemaking a little selfish on my part. My wife isn't trying to push me one way or the other. She can see both sides of the issue. She tries to slow me down a little. My libido has been enormous the last few months.

I asked this question on another site that is male dominated and around 30 guys all said they'd die first. Hopefully with a smile.

This is a light hearted way of asking a serious question.

[specialmom]

Hello.  Interesting question.  I believe in the scenario you mention, I'd forgo sex with my partner, remain faithful to my vows/commitment and show them as much love and respect as I can hoping to get it in return.  

That's what I think I'd do.  But this hasn't happened to me so that is just my best guess.