Relationships Community
Your advice in love and pregnant
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to relationships, abstinence, arousal problems, birth control, cohabitation, commitment, communication, couples counseling, desire, sexual technique, and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

Your advice in love and pregnant

I have been in a relationship in about 6 months we already have lived together and Iam also pregnant I now dont live with him in the course of our relationship I have caught my boyfriend lying to me In the past I went through his phone...... First i must say my bf has adhd and all he does is sit in his room and do nothing so he said his hobbies was just flirting with random girls online i was so hurt and heartbroken he promised to stop going online to talk to girls i so i stayed even though he lied to me since then his family has totally taken advantage of me and i  moved out his house so then we found out I was pregnant and when we found out he started totally avoiding me I felt he was hiding something thats why he didnt even want to come around me or even talk to me i was very hurt so now we are back happy and had the best day yesterday but this morning i found out he is back on tagged and made him delete his app then he had pictures of girls in his phone claiming all they talk about is college Im not dumb or anything but if you are not interested in a female why do you have mutilple pics of the same female when i try to talk to him about it he always says im hurting myself because I thinking about it for anything he maybe will never see any of those females but its the principle how can you trust someone who lies to you over and over again Im pregnant now and when i found out he talked to other girls but ignored me for a whole week..... he says i make him mad and iam snappy and very forceful at times but im pregnant ......it hurts because i have our baby inside me  i know he loves me he just have a hard way of showing it i dont want to have to look in someones phone to be able to trust them but it seems like thats what ill have to do im pregnant and i cant be worried but iam i love him soo much any advice also im his first love this is his first time actually loving someone and adhd can cause him to do things without thinking i mean he goes through alot could it be because im selfish at times idk but i see hes changing because he wants a family but what kind talk should i have with him what should i do to make it work with ugh this is so much to deal with i dont know what to do i just hate the lying ughhhhh helpp
Blank
184674_tn?1360864093
The first thing that really stands out to me in this post is he seems to have you convinced that ADHD is the source of blame for his behavior, and you want to buy that. Sorry, but a learning/behavioral disability is NO excuse for lying and cheating. It's just not, no matter how you try to spin it.
Secondly, you say you are his "first love"and "i know he loves me he just have a hard way of showing it."
No. He is being an immature boy who is, I'm guessing between the ages of 18-22, and not ready to commit to a relationship or start a family. The *idea* to him sounds nice, and something to which he feels obligated to try, but if his heart was truly in this--he would not be treating you this way and neither would his family (even if his family does not like or love you for whatever reason, if HE were serious about you, your relationship together, and raising a child together, he would stand up for you and not let them "take advantage of you," however it is they did that).
Could ADHD play into the maturity factor in this? Absolutely. I won't tell you he should act more mature, firstly because of his age alone, and secondly because of a behavioral disorder. But again, I come back to both of these factors giving him NO excuse to lie to you and be trying to hook up with other women.
My advice to you is to prepare yourself to raise your child on your own and write this realtionship off and quit deceiving yourself that he cares about you as much as he does and using ADHD as an excuse. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I'm trying to spare you a lot of frustration and grief that'll come tenfold once the baby is born if you keep this guy tied to you, begging him to maintain a relationship with you.
What I am NOT telling you to do is cut him out of your life. He is the father of your child so he needs to be responsible for that whether he's ready and mature enough or not. You need to be sure to establish his paternity when the child is born so he is obligated to pay child support and has visitation offered to him so he can be involved and hopefully mature into becoming a good father while creating a bond in with his child in that timeframe.
You, however, do not need to tie yourself down to this frustration, confusion, guilt, and deception he's putting you through.
I was 20 years old when I had my first child and I pretty much had to raise him all on my own for quite a few years. You can do it, and your child is counting on you to provide him/her with a home and life that is stable and free of drama.
7 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
184674_tn?1360864093
The first thing that really stands out to me in this post is he seems to have you convinced that ADHD is the source of blame for his behavior, and you want to buy that. Sorry, but a learning/behavioral disability is NO excuse for lying and cheating. It's just not, no matter how you try to spin it.
Secondly, you say you are his "first love"and "i know he loves me he just have a hard way of showing it."
No. He is being an immature boy who is, I'm guessing between the ages of 18-22, and not ready to commit to a relationship or start a family. The *idea* to him sounds nice, and something to which he feels obligated to try, but if his heart was truly in this--he would not be treating you this way and neither would his family (even if his family does not like or love you for whatever reason, if HE were serious about you, your relationship together, and raising a child together, he would stand up for you and not let them "take advantage of you," however it is they did that).
Could ADHD play into the maturity factor in this? Absolutely. I won't tell you he should act more mature, firstly because of his age alone, and secondly because of a behavioral disorder. But again, I come back to both of these factors giving him NO excuse to lie to you and be trying to hook up with other women.
My advice to you is to prepare yourself to raise your child on your own and write this realtionship off and quit deceiving yourself that he cares about you as much as he does and using ADHD as an excuse. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I'm trying to spare you a lot of frustration and grief that'll come tenfold once the baby is born if you keep this guy tied to you, begging him to maintain a relationship with you.
What I am NOT telling you to do is cut him out of your life. He is the father of your child so he needs to be responsible for that whether he's ready and mature enough or not. You need to be sure to establish his paternity when the child is born so he is obligated to pay child support and has visitation offered to him so he can be involved and hopefully mature into becoming a good father while creating a bond in with his child in that timeframe.
You, however, do not need to tie yourself down to this frustration, confusion, guilt, and deception he's putting you through.
I was 20 years old when I had my first child and I pretty much had to raise him all on my own for quite a few years. You can do it, and your child is counting on you to provide him/her with a home and life that is stable and free of drama.
Blank
4524508_tn?1357427635
You are right in a way i haven't begged him but he called me saying he was crying which could have been a lie and i gave him a time frame to change idk anymore
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I agree with AHP84.

What You see is what You get.  Words can be meaningless (tears too) but His Behavior can't be denied.  
Love is Good - Love is NOT HurtFul, Inconsiderate or UnKind.
Good Luck
Blank
1268057_tn?1399131913
Agree with the above posters.  

He doesn't sound worthy of you, however, he is RESPONSIBLE for this child on the way.....NO doubt about that.  

Secondly, is he even seeking help for this ADHD issue?  If he is NOT and he is just using this as an excuse for "this and that" then you definitely don't need to be in any romantic relationship with him.  

All the best.
Blank
4524508_tn?1357427635
well I now had a miscarriage from stressing I just hate myself now
Blank
1268057_tn?1399131913
Oh goodness.......that's terrible.  So sorry for you dear.

Blank
3060903_tn?1398568723
I'm so sorry. I lost my first child too, and that's hard to take. You've learned some very valuable insight into when and who you are involved with for your next child, and that's priceless. Be extra special good to yourself, and take it easy. God Bless you.
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Relationships Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
The 3 Essentials to Ending Emotiona...
Sep 18 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Control Emotional Eating with this ...
Sep 04 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating Control: How to St...
Aug 28 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Relationships Answerers
13167_tn?1327197724
Blank
RockRose
Austin, TX
1268057_tn?1399131913
Blank
Londres70
France
973741_tn?1342346373
Blank
specialmom
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
TTinKKerBBell
CA
3149845_tn?1386354841
Blank
Life360
fort lauderdale, FL
580755_tn?1357673215
Blank
Vance2335
Buffalo, NY