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Avatar universal

a little confused

Hi i was wondering if anybody could give me some advice,
since i split up with my boyfriend about 2 years ago now, i havent been able to find a guy i connect with or love since, my x used to mentally abuse me calling me fat , ugly , all the names under the sun and it tore my heart out, he meant the world to me, i have fancyed guys all my life ever since i was about 11 i can remember being in love with a guy from school , and then every year or so i would be attracted to another guy , i used to have pics of leonardo diccaprio on my wall so there was never cause for concern of being lesbian at a young age,and i never once questioned my sexuality until recently when i was watching tv and there was a lesbian love scene on and i actually got arroused by it and i know its not a bad thing but i have been feeling really guilty about it , and now its like i darent even look at a lesbian for fear i might start to like them,  even tho i have never felt loving feelings towards a woman , or felt say any sexual desire or fantasised abou any wemen i know , it kinda freaked me out and made me paranoid thinking omg wot if im a lesbian  its like ever since i got arroused that day im scared to look at a pretty woman for fears of fancying them ,with me thinking i havent found anybody i love since my x there must be a reason , im pretty terrified by these thoughts, i got turned on by lesbian sex and now its ruining my life, is it normal for straight ' wemen to be turned on by watchin this ? is it just some sort of i dunno underlying fantasy ? ive herd alot of people can go through these doubts somtimes it can just come from nowhere,
i think the fact i havent found anybody i love since my x who i loved more than words could say , i all of a suddon questioned myself recently and then my minds been working over time ever since,. i do suffer with OCD more with the obesessive thinking . depression and anxiety, which dosent help the situation . i just feel pretty messed up right now, its not a big issue compared to others on the forum and i feel kinda bad wrighting but its really bothering me. i dont want to be a lesbian , i never have , ive never felt lesbian urges towards any1 in my life, but i got turned on by seeing it ? is this normal ? im probably making a big issue out of nothing as thats what im like having ocd .
thanks
sarah
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Avatar universal
hay i think your right about the hearing the moans n stuff , its nothing to be ashamed about getting turned on by it but it was a bit shocking for me at the time, i think im just going through a bit of a rough time at the mo , thanks everyone for your comments its re assureing to know there are nice people out there that understand. Im sure il get over this phase , pretygirl07 i think your right about everyone gets these kind of feelings once in a while , i remember i was driving by a strip club with my best friend and she turned round and said, ' i wanna go in there and check that place out' , i think its just part of growing up perhaps , she now has a bf , i think my problem is i over analyse things way too much , i need to chill out and go with the flow i reckon
thanks everyone :)
Helpful - 0
484465 tn?1532214032
"i dont want to be a lesbian , i never have , ive never felt lesbian urges towards any1 in my life, but i got turned on by seeing it ?"  you're not lesbian.  seeing sex on t.v. in any shape or form can spark Arousal.  it does not indicate you sliding down the scale of lesbianism.  i remember asking a guy what could possibly turn him on about watching 2 gay women go at each other and he said it was seeing all of those curves and female anatomy everywhere on the screen that made it enjoyable, not the lesbian stuff.  just seeing and hearing the sex and moans probably got to you as it would others
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Avatar universal
thanks for your replys everyone really appreciate it ,
Its just really scary when all of a suddon i found myself getting turned on by a lesbian love scene on tv, some people would just let it slide but i couldnt help but panic thinking oh my god what if im now a lesbian (not that thats anything to be ashamed about) but it was just shocking to me that i could be turned on by it, having loved men all my life,it just didnt make sense,
i think maybe i do need to get a councilor n talk this through , i shouldnt have let it bother me so much but im 1 of these people that worry alot
thanks every1 again
Helpful - 0
646779 tn?1281996041
I think you are temporarily put off men !!!!
Honestly I do. Don't loose heart because I think it may be just that.
My ex was abusive and I too stopped fancying men - I think you kind of go numb to them, loose interest, and it's because you were being treated badly by your ex. You sound very similar to how I was in that aspect of your post. It took me about 7 years to start fancying a man again.
We were together for 7 years. I too thought I had changed - didn't fancy males like I used to randomly fancy them, didn't have much interest in them. It took the seventh year into our relationship when BAM, I met the man I fancied the pants off !!!!!!
I found lust, desire, want, all whirled up into the moment he spoke to me, looked at me, etc.
We're together now, amidst a long story, and and a year on he still floats my boat.

I think you need more time to heal, don't worry about the lesbian thing. Its more an issue stemming from that ex.

Hope that helps !!
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Avatar universal
Psychologist will often say that everyone is "bi" to some degree.  Also abusive relationships can make a persn doubt there sexuality.  There is a good chance it may pass.

But first of all you need to get counseling to help yourself.  Speaking from experience you will otherwise keep getting the same personalities going after you again and again abusing you and you won't even realize why.
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Avatar universal
Hi Sarah,

My opinion is that sexuality isn't like a light switch - you are just one thing or you are the other.  It's more of a sliding scale:  some of us are almost completely one thing or the other, most of us are mostly one thing with varying amounts of the other, a few are right in the middle and consider themselves entirely bisexual.  So, it is not wrong, or abnormal, or disgusting, or anything like that for a mostly heterosexual woman to be able to be turned on by seeing or thinking about lesbians.  It doesn't make you "a lesbian".  Plenty of predominantly straight women can be turned on by the idea or lesbianism, or by including an element of lesbianism into their fantasies.  I suspect the same is true for a number of men too, although they may be more reluctant to admit it, even to themselves!

It is a real shame that your last boyfriend treated you so badly.  Since you say you loved him so much, it sounds a very one-sided and abusive relationship.  I'm sure you know that not all men are like that, that there are guys who will treat you with decency and respect and love, but still it must be hard being able to trust that and to trust another man.  Too many people go from one bad relationship to another that is just the same - they are attracted to a certain sort of person and end up in the same situation they just got out of.  Watch out for this trait in yourself, if you start to develop a relationship with someone ask yourself if he is the sort of guy who will end up treating you like your last boyfriend did.

Good luck, keep optimisitic, one day you will find a good man, or he will find you!
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