MamacitaTP
Age is not "just a number" - it's WAY more complicated than "just a number"
That being said, I'm happy for You that Your relationship has worked out for You
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But, ORDINARILY - be it Him or be it Her, when a much Older Person is seeking a much Younger Person, well then, control is OFTEN the issue. I did not make up this rule - BUT, I do observe this is a "troublesome" issue much of the time.
IF this is working for You, I applaud that.
Age is just a number, if you love each other you love each other. I'm 19, and it's a normal 19 year old thing. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years, and did have this problem in the earlier years (mutually). As time went on, we realized we were right for each other and treated one another the way we deserve to be treated and I couldn't be happier.
Ditto Tink......exactly.
Let me ask you this.....how would you feel if she was trying to change "this and that" about you? If she is comfortable with herself why should she have to change for you? i.e. quit smoking and lose the male friends. What she is doing is TYPICAL for a 19 year old.
I think you are acting more like the girl's father than bf. This is nonsense IMO. Control-ish.
"she doesnt have many girl friends and mostly are guys around her. last week i told her i cant take it anymore and i wanna break up. she started to cry and swearing that she loves me and ..."..............That's probably the BEST thing to do. Let her live her life as she wants and you move and find someone else who "ticks" all your boxes, i.e. doesn't smoke, no male friends, etc.
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Incredible post Tink. as usual.
Hmmm, you've considered the age difference no doubt, and have chosen this girl by the personality that she has.....(mature).
I understand why one of the posters mentioned that it might not be right to expect her to skip really, her path if she were to stay in her own age group.....
But, you've both chosen each other it seems. I'm wondering whether you have friends that she can consider her own now? I'm sure that she would mature around other mature adults, ie. if you have friends that are couples, going to university, musicians, singles that don't flirt with couples, etc. I think if you're going to expect her to lose her crowd, there should be a definite replacement for social contact.
I'll accept Your definition of insecurity.......it fits this situation.
danger = You're afraid of losing Her (or of Her cheating)
injury = Broken Heart if She leaves You (or cheats)
1. As I said earlier - She's still a Teenager and is behaving like one. A ten year spread is too great an age difference at this age.
2. You want to control Her - not good at ANY age.
Does She appeal to You because She is GIRL that You might "teach" to be what You want in a WOMAN?
The object is not to "change", "mold" someone, but to find someone who ALREADY meets Your criteria. To attempt to change someone into what/who YOU want = disaster (at any age)
If You want a GirlFriend who does not smoke, You should look for a Woman who does not smoke.
If You want a GirlFriend who does not have (male) Friends, You should look for a Womam who has no (male) Friends.
You look insecure to some of us because You don't trust HER to have male Friends. Even should You suspect THEIR motive(s) You are displaying that You don't trust Her to turn a guy down if He does indeed make a pass.
from my knowledge and understanding insecurity can be defined as the state of being subject to danger or injury. right? im not scared of getting hurt. what i want has nothing to do with insecurity. it's about who i want to see around!
define insecurity please.
"i wanna know is this normal or im a skeptical man.".......Well, it is neither. It's a man with some serious insecurity issues.
Why are you trying to change this girl because of your insecurities?
19 and 29? You might want to rethink this.
I agree with thatquietgirl that this is Your insecurity. There is nothing wrong with Her behavior. She's still a Teenager, You are an adult man.
Perhaps You should have a partner Your own age - 19 is VERY young compared to 29. Ten more years of life, learning, experience, etc., is BIG -It's a priveledge She deserves to have.
You need to deal with your own insecurities. The problem is not her being around guy friends. The problem is that you don't trust her and are feeling insecure because she's got guy friends. She's talking about a future together with you. Why can't you trust her not to keep a friendship just that: a friendship? Search for the answer within yourself, talk to someone about these insecurities.