Aa
am i wrong??
Well today was me n my boyfriend 7th year anniversary and my first cousin got engaged wit his boyfriend of a year. The only thing I got was a mexican dinner and a tease of gettin me a pet hamster which I really really wanted but he didn't have enough money.....am I bein a ***** for bein mad at him??? Or I'm jus over reacting
I agree with everyone above.
I also think an anniversary should be a time where you exchange gifts with one another, or do something nice TOGETHER, since it's the celebration of a union, unlike a birthday, or XMas.
Him saying you shouldn't buy him anything very well could be a way to make you more accepting of the inadequate gifts and seeming unwillingness to take this to the next level, you know? That way if YOU don't get him anything, he doesn't feel as guilty, and your standards are lower.
Besides even the money factor, there's a lot to be said for thoughtfulness at a gift giving time. Nothing is more special that a gift chosen with thought behind it, something that is meaningful...and that doesn't have to equal expensive.
Kind of sounds like this has maybe stalled out...you've spent a long time with him, you just have to figure out what you want to happen next. At some point, a relationship sort of has to evolve, it's just a natural progression.
Very best to you!
I also think an anniversary should be a time where you exchange gifts with one another, or do something nice TOGETHER, since it's the celebration of a union, unlike a birthday, or XMas.
Him saying you shouldn't buy him anything very well could be a way to make you more accepting of the inadequate gifts and seeming unwillingness to take this to the next level, you know? That way if YOU don't get him anything, he doesn't feel as guilty, and your standards are lower.
Besides even the money factor, there's a lot to be said for thoughtfulness at a gift giving time. Nothing is more special that a gift chosen with thought behind it, something that is meaningful...and that doesn't have to equal expensive.
Kind of sounds like this has maybe stalled out...you've spent a long time with him, you just have to figure out what you want to happen next. At some point, a relationship sort of has to evolve, it's just a natural progression.
Very best to you!
Mami, it kind of sounds like you're taking your frustration with your boyfriend out on people here in this forum who are just reacting to what you wrote.
Reread your first post. You yourself said he didn't have enough money to buy a hamster.
Reread your first post. You yourself said he didn't have enough money to buy a hamster.
Exactly AHP84.....that's EXACTLY what I meant.
Also agree with Tink and Specialmom.
Also agree with Tink and Specialmom.
The aim "higher" comment was mine and it wasn't to "judge" you.....in fact it was to SUPPORT you in saying you DESERVE better. After 7 years I would think you RATE a dinner AND a hamster.
I don't know you to judge you. My comments were based MERELY on what you have stated.....nothing more and nothing less. I don't know YOU or the "particulars" of YOUR life.
All the best.
I don't know you to judge you. My comments were based MERELY on what you have stated.....nothing more and nothing less. I don't know YOU or the "particulars" of YOUR life.
All the best.
I agree with Tink and specialmom. The "aim higher" comments and those implying it were meant to compliment and support your feelings of frustration with your boyfriend, not to offend you.
He may be "precise" when it comes to money, but there's a big difference in being financially savvy and frugal and being an insensitive cheapskate, which, from what we are able to determine based of what you have written, he is being an insensitive cheapskate.
After seven years of dating, expecting something more than a dinner at a Mexican restaurant (which probably wasn't a five-star, classy and expensive restaurant, I'd guess...but maybe I'm wrong) and hopes for something as simple and inexpensive as a hamster that he teased you about getting but then didn't, please don't be offended when I say he has the behavior of a stingy, unwilling-to-commit, insensitive cheapskate jerk.
I mean, if he is THAT frugal and "precise" with his money as to be THAT stingy with your dating anniversary after SEVEN years, then WHY, after all these years, has he not been "precise" enough with his money to have enough saved to even offer you an engagement or be married by now, considering you're both in your mid-twenties?
So to answer your initial question "am I bein a ***** for bein mad at him???" I'd say no, you are not overreacting and I wouldn't be to thrilled with him at this point either.
The final sentence specialmom made in her last post is where your choice lies now. Decide if this relationship is just good enough for you or if you want more...after seven years and being in your mid-twenties.
He may be "precise" when it comes to money, but there's a big difference in being financially savvy and frugal and being an insensitive cheapskate, which, from what we are able to determine based of what you have written, he is being an insensitive cheapskate.
After seven years of dating, expecting something more than a dinner at a Mexican restaurant (which probably wasn't a five-star, classy and expensive restaurant, I'd guess...but maybe I'm wrong) and hopes for something as simple and inexpensive as a hamster that he teased you about getting but then didn't, please don't be offended when I say he has the behavior of a stingy, unwilling-to-commit, insensitive cheapskate jerk.
I mean, if he is THAT frugal and "precise" with his money as to be THAT stingy with your dating anniversary after SEVEN years, then WHY, after all these years, has he not been "precise" enough with his money to have enough saved to even offer you an engagement or be married by now, considering you're both in your mid-twenties?
So to answer your initial question "am I bein a ***** for bein mad at him???" I'd say no, you are not overreacting and I wouldn't be to thrilled with him at this point either.
The final sentence specialmom made in her last post is where your choice lies now. Decide if this relationship is just good enough for you or if you want more...after seven years and being in your mid-twenties.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there, I don't think anyone was being judgemental but rather trying to be helpful. On the internet, it can be hard to tell how someone intends what they right but I assure you that everyone here just wants to help.
Okay, so here is the deal. You've been going out a long time. He's not proposing. I'm thinking he really doesn't want to at this point. so you must decide if you want to stay dating him indefinately or make a break so that you can find someone to possibly have a marriage with. Actions speak louder than words and he seems quite content to treat you simply as a girlfriend. If you want more in terms of marriage--- he doesn't sound like he is taking things there.
Secondly, you say he is precise with money. Well, I like someone who is frugal. my husband is frugal. but that is different than not wanting to spend money. That is different than saying no to a birthday hamster. That is a red flag in my opinion.
I suspect that if you do stay with him longterm (well, longer than 7 years) that you two will never see eye to eye financially and he will always disappoint you.
I'm just not sure this relationship is going to change much--- so you need to decide if it is just good enough or if you want more. good luck
Okay, so here is the deal. You've been going out a long time. He's not proposing. I'm thinking he really doesn't want to at this point. so you must decide if you want to stay dating him indefinately or make a break so that you can find someone to possibly have a marriage with. Actions speak louder than words and he seems quite content to treat you simply as a girlfriend. If you want more in terms of marriage--- he doesn't sound like he is taking things there.
Secondly, you say he is precise with money. Well, I like someone who is frugal. my husband is frugal. but that is different than not wanting to spend money. That is different than saying no to a birthday hamster. That is a red flag in my opinion.
I suspect that if you do stay with him longterm (well, longer than 7 years) that you two will never see eye to eye financially and he will always disappoint you.
I'm just not sure this relationship is going to change much--- so you need to decide if it is just good enough or if you want more. good luck
I don't think You are expecting too much. I too am wondering why You would not have already been engaged and even MARRIED after 7 YEARS!!
Personally, I would not spend any more time on this relationship. It sounds to me that He is putting You off - cuz He can.... and He knows it!!
"We Teach People How To Treat Us". He knows He doesn't have to commit to an engagement (or Marriage) by Your behavior, by Your acceptance of the situation.
Good Luck
Personally, I would not spend any more time on this relationship. It sounds to me that He is putting You off - cuz He can.... and He knows it!!
"We Teach People How To Treat Us". He knows He doesn't have to commit to an engagement (or Marriage) by Your behavior, by Your acceptance of the situation.
Good Luck
And to the comment I need to aim higher in regards to men.....Sweetie let me say this I don't date broke men I came on here to see if I was over reacting in my situation I didn't come on here to get judge and higher sweetie I stay higher then the clouds choosing my men so don't judge me based off what u read on this post. I suggest you aim higher being less judgemental. <3 Bless u sweetie <3
I'm not saying that he is broke because he has a good *** job but I will say this when it comes to money he is very precise about it. What I'm trying to get at since everybody is so confuse is how come my boyfriend is still stuck on the basic ****......for example taking me out for dinner for our anniversary which he always do instead of buying an engagement ring??? And as far as my cousin situation I was saying he been dating his mate for a year and he is engaged but I been with mine for 7 and he keep telling me he gonna do it but he trying to wait til everything is set in his life far as his job and our apartment we working on. So I figured that's understandable its worth the wait but now I really wondering what the hell is going on....we got the type of relationship he don't want me to get him nothing for our anniversary he say the men suppose to give their girl something so I don't see why all of you guys is asking me that. <3 hope I answered the questions y'all asked <3. P.S. To the person who asked our age "We are in our mid twenties"
How old are you two?
If he can't buy you a "mexican dinner" and a "hamster" after you have been with him for 7 years then you shouldn't look for "engagement" anytime soon. I mean.....the cost of a dinner and a hamster is NOTHING. Not sure if he just doesn't have the money OR if he just doesn't think you're worth the money OR if he is flat out CHEAP. All these senarios spell DISASTER on your behalf.
I guess after 7 years I would EXPECT MORE than a "hamster and a "Mexican" meal. I can buy those things myself...... why would I need a man to buy those things?
You need to aim HIGHER in regards to men.
Curious.....did you buy him anything?
If he can't buy you a "mexican dinner" and a "hamster" after you have been with him for 7 years then you shouldn't look for "engagement" anytime soon. I mean.....the cost of a dinner and a hamster is NOTHING. Not sure if he just doesn't have the money OR if he just doesn't think you're worth the money OR if he is flat out CHEAP. All these senarios spell DISASTER on your behalf.
I guess after 7 years I would EXPECT MORE than a "hamster and a "Mexican" meal. I can buy those things myself...... why would I need a man to buy those things?
You need to aim HIGHER in regards to men.
Curious.....did you buy him anything?
I'm really confused with this post. Mainly, I'm with the others in wondering why there is no commitment beyond boyfriend/girlfriend after seven years of being together.
And I'm not following how your first cousin's engagement to his boyfriend has anything to do with the rest of your post.
And the hamster...that just really threw me off. Is that not something you can just get for yourself? I mean, I own two hamsters myself, and I bought them on a whim because they're very inexpensive and their setup for care makes a combined cost of less than $80. So...when I wanted them, I just went ahead and bought them.
I guess what I'm saying is my confusion lies in not expecting more than a hamster from your boyfriend after seven years...?
I'm also curious like Life360--what did you get him for your anniversary after seven years?
And I'm not following how your first cousin's engagement to his boyfriend has anything to do with the rest of your post.
And the hamster...that just really threw me off. Is that not something you can just get for yourself? I mean, I own two hamsters myself, and I bought them on a whim because they're very inexpensive and their setup for care makes a combined cost of less than $80. So...when I wanted them, I just went ahead and bought them.
I guess what I'm saying is my confusion lies in not expecting more than a hamster from your boyfriend after seven years...?
I'm also curious like Life360--what did you get him for your anniversary after seven years?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. I'm going to say the same thing--- I would not really want to marry someone that couldn't scrape together enough money to get me a hamster as a gift. Let alone a ring for an engagement.
Money isn't everything but am thinking that yes, I'd start to wonder if you aren't wasting your time. good luck
Money isn't everything but am thinking that yes, I'd start to wonder if you aren't wasting your time. good luck
I suspect this is about having a BoyFriend of 7 YEARS and still You're still not engaged? Is that right? That maybe You wanted an engagement ring but instead were offered a hamster that You didn't get? Is that correct??
I agree with RockRose that I'd be out of there. After 7 YEARS I would want a Husband rather than a BoyFriend and I'd want a man who could afford a hamster.
I agree with RockRose that I'd be out of there. After 7 YEARS I would want a Husband rather than a BoyFriend and I'd want a man who could afford a hamster.
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