I've been with my boyfriend for over 7 months and thought that by now my friends would be a bit more supportive of my relationship, but they aren't, at all. I know my boyfriend is almost 11 years older, so not everyone agrees with my choice to be with him, though it's not like I went out searching for a man that much older. It just happened. Actually the first time I hung out with him, I told him it wasn't a date and I wasn't looking for a boyfriend. But after a while of getting to know him, I fell in love with him and he's amazing. About a week ago, I had made plans to spend the evening with my boyfriend, going to the beach and hanging out. A friend of mine called up and asked if I was free the same evening I had plans with my boyfriend. I told her I had plans with him, but invited her to bring her boyfriend and we could double date. Well now all of a sudden, she can't go out that evening. She's "busy" or something. It hurts me that my friends don't seem to want to give my boyfriend a chance. I want to plan a pool party later this summer for everyone to come and enjoy, but I feel like a bunch of people will back out because they know my boyfriend will be there. I don't know what to do. I've just kept everyone separate, not mixing my friends and my boyfriend. Though I really wish that I could do that. It'd be nice to go on a double date. Is there any way to help my friends along to be able to give my boyfriend a chance?
If they are your true friends they will give him a chance esp. if he treats you well and you are happy. If they don't then they are not your true friends. They should not just write somebody off because he is older than you. I would say to start letting him mix in with your friends. Maybe spending time with him is what they need so that they can see he is a good guy. It may take awhile for them to get used to the idea and him but after awhile hopefully they will come to accept him and if not then question if they really need to be in your life. You deserve to be happy and age is just a number. Do what makes you happy. Good luck.
thanks! I have a pool party planned for a little later, which I really hope works out. There it will all be mixed with my boyfriend and friends. I really hate that some of my friends can be so close minded. Yea, he is older, but he's a great guy, not some scum bag. I just want my friends to be supportive. I am really happy and it'd be nice if they could be happy for me too.
From your profile I would guess you're around 20? So he's 31ish?
If you were to be completely honest, are there things about him other than his age that they disapprove of? Have you asked, point blank and insisted they be completely honest, what they don't like about him?
I really think you'd find it isn't the age difference. It's not like he's 50. For really none of your friends to accept him . . . I think there's more here than age.
I asked a friend today to just tell me why you don't like him, and he just said he's too old. Nothing other than that. It was weird to him to see someone our(my) age be with someone so much older.
My boyfriend is a very respectful, old fashion type of guy. He has always treated me well, which is a lot more to say than for some of my friend's boyfriends. I've seen a couple freinds boyfriends boss them around and order them to do things for them. That wouldn't and hasn't happened in my relationship. I can understand that if my boyfriend wasn't the best that they want to look out for me, but my boyfriend hasn't done anything, but be very supportive and loving. Like my one friend said he just finds it odd that at my age I'm with some older 'adult'. Nothing beyond age...
Hm. This is tough for me-------- to picture. I'm the same age as my husband (two years younger). . . but his two best friends married women with the same age gap as you and your boyfriend has. One met his now wife when she was in college and 20 and he was 31! Okay . . . my husband and I were in their wedding, they were in ours and . . . 4 kids later, they are a happy couple! She's one of my dearest friends even though she is significantly younger than me. My husbands other best buddy met his now wife when she had just graduated from college at 23. Hm . . . married, and they also have 4 kids now and are happy. (the friends, my husband and I are all in our mid 40's). I'm trying to figure out what the big deal is. I can see parents being a little upset as they can be protective. I can see you questioning some things as the age difference has a couple of issues to it (people being at different stages of life, you kind of moving up an age group due to his being older thus missing out on the fun 20's, um . . . him saying that song reminds me of college and you saying it reminds you of elementary school . . .) ----------- but friends aren't usually so judgemental. I am wondering if they are using the age thing as an excuse. But then again, they haven't been with him to know him well enough to dislike him either.
I think I'd say to a good friend---------- won't you please get to know my boyfriend? He's a good guy and lots of fun. And ask her to go on the double date. The pool party will be fun . . . but it would be nice for him to have socialized with one or two of your friends prior to that.
thanks. I don't understand why my friends are acting like this. My parents have gotten over it and they know him pretty well. He's been over the house a lot. I've never been one to really act 'my age' and I don't like the drinking/partying scene, so I don't feel like I'm 'missing out' on anything. I'm happy with my life and wish my friends would just be happy for me as well. My friends really don't even know my boyfriend and I would like them to, but they avoid it. And that's been really hurtful to me. It's not like he is so different. He works full time and has been going to school part time. I met him through a school club. He's never been married, no kids. There's nothing that is 'out there' about him for my friends to dislike. I've tried asking more friends what they think about my boyfriend, what they don't like about him, but only one friend really responded. It's just hard to think that after all this time they still can't get over it..
Well, just call up the one you like and value the most and say-------- we are going on a double date. Pick a day! And set it up. They can only avoid you for so long. I'd just force the issue, I guess. It is odd as this wasn't my experience with younger women. Often and older group is not excepting of someone younger . . . I've heard of that many times before but this seems backwards. So, I'd push the issue if it were me.
When I first started dating my husabdn we were both in our 20's i know it doesnt help but there is a large age gap (7 yrs) between us so im close lol. I had a few really close friend from school ( I had just graduated when we started dating) not only was he older but we met on the internet on a dating website. lol. When not 3 months after dating i moved in , moved and hr away from my friends and to be honest... there was no shift ion the eather . the world didnt stop i made ne friends and i barely talk to the old ones now. if your firneds arnt supportive then get new one. one you and your B/F make together. you will have more fun with people you both like then just people YOU know, that look down on you and him both. why would you want to be around someone like that anyways?
Have you considered that you guys may want to try to find, and hang out with more couples that are similar to yours. I am really not sure whether it is possible to change other people. Do you by any chance live in a smaller community?
My best friend is 24 and her bf is 37 and there couldnt be 2 other people made for each other. Age is just a number. He treats her awesome and vice versa. I think if they were truley your friends they's get over this cause I know I wouldnt leave her because she has a bf older then her.. My mom is 41 and my step dad is 51. and Im thinking of going older as well.. Do what makes u happy!
I think they are using the age gap as an excuse. Frankly, 31 is far from being old. That is very ignorant of your friends to think that. I know when we are in our 20's we always think that anything past 30 is over the hill, but once you get there, you realize that it isn't that much different. The only difference is you are a lot more mature and experienced. But I can party just like a 20 year old, well not so much because I'm a mother and get tired a lot earlier than I used to...lol. In my 20's I could pull an all nighter and go right to work but now I have to be in bed pretty early to make it through the day. I remember you and your boyfriend broke up before over things that he was not being honest about and you both just got back together. Could that be the possible issues your friends are having?
We actually live in Southern California, so it's not small by any means. haha. You really don't know where one city stops and one begins. I have just backed off from a number of so called friends who aren't supportive, but there are a few who I really thought were great friends that I don't want to lose. And it's those couple friends that are making this really hard...
well all of his friends and coworkers love me, and we all get along fine. I've backed off from some friends of mine that I wasn't that close with to begin with that haven't been supportive, though a couple of close friends are the ones that trouble me. I don't want to stop being friends with them, as they have been my friends for years and we've been through a lot. I had major surgery and they stuck by my side, so I know that they are not just "fair weather friends". I had an argument with one of them last night, and she apologized and said she'd give him a chance since she was being unfair and was sorry she hurt me by it. Though another friend said she hasn't changed her mind, she said she's sorry I'm upset by it, but still thinks he's too old. In my opinion, think she's still mad at me for speaking up when her boyfriend was treating her like crap and she got real defensive.
If you are 20, the circles of friends are much different with different tastes than someone 31 years of age. Not much in common there and tho I can see you having a relationship with someone older, I can also understand how the 31 year old has nothing in common with 20 year olds. It is easier for you to fit into his circle of friends and form some of your own together, than for him to fit in with your friends. There is a vast difference of life experience between the ages. IMO
I met my boyfriend through a college club, as he has been going to school part time, so my friends and him have things in common. He's a fun guy, kind of a kid at heart, always up for things to do. I know that people's idea of what "old" is changes as we ourselves age, but I wish my friends could just see past that fact that he is 10 years older.
I'm not so sure it's the age gap that is bothering your friends. Or at least not the only thing bothering them about him. My friends get really protective of me when my husband does something to hurt me and I'm willing to bet your friends are the same way.
I know certain friends can be real protective of me, as well as my family. Though my boyfriend hasn't done anything to bring this on. He's been very supportive as I've been struggling these last two weeks with a lot of stuff going on with my health, plus my grandparents failing health. I don't know what I would have done without him around to keep me sane. I don't understand why they are acting like this...
Ask them to respect your relationship and you and to just be your friend. It's your life, your relationship and your friends should have no say in it unless he is doing something to really hurt you. Even then, it's still your decision and as long as he makes you happy, your friends need to respect that.
This may sound silly but I have generally found that you can ask anyone to respect you or another person but all you will really get is people pretending an when people pretend you don't see the knife that gets you in the back.
How are his friends with you are relations better in that direction?
His friends are really nice and include us in things. We'll all go out for a date night or what ever. I really enjoy being around his friends. They are great. It's just my friends who are being lame. I feel like I'm back in high school with my friends, with them being so 'clicky' and stupid about things. It's really annoying and hurtful to me that they can't grow up.
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