baby names

[AnxiousGurl]

My bf and I were talking about baby names, I may or may not be prego, but if im not ... we plan to get married soon and have a child together. We have agreed upon a girls name, but if its a boy he demands that he will be named Philadelphio after his Grandfather(my bf's dad), which they call his father Fred, So I said how about "Freddie" I think its an adorable name and still coorelates with what they call his father. He says that its like an insult,But shouldnt I have some say, when im the one carrying him for nine months and going through the pain of childbirth, nope he says I have no say. Last night he got so heated about the topic and said  "just abort the baby" (if I am pregnant), and "I hope your not, ill just break up with you" Hes all against abortion and then says that to me all over a babys name. I mean alls I want is a happy healthy baby, but Im sorry I dont want to name my baby Philadelphio.  So I told him I will ask his parents how they feel if I were to name my child "Freddie" after Fred...Im sure he wouldnt be insulted, My bf said he wouldnt say anything, but he would be hurt! IDKK should I just name him Philadelphio? Shouldnt my bf compromise a little I mean this is my child too. He said if its a boy I have NO say.

[Jasmine205]

I think since you are carrying the baby and going through all the pain and changes within your mind and body and he's just watching it all happen from a distance, YOU should get 1st name choice.. Yep..YOU!
Be firm on it too..

Tell him, I like "Philadelphio" as a 2nd name, and this one *whatever you like* Freddie etc as the babies 1st name. Don't let him bully his way through, if he loves you he will compromise just like you are willing to do, right?

If you are pregnant, all the best with your pregnancy.

[kathy1029]

If a man who supposedly loved me told me to abort a child I was carrying I'd pack my bags & leave his sorry ***.  Just my opinion.  Good Luck

[Jasmine205]

I think he probably told her that to force her to do what he wanted .. Guys don't realise us girls see through all that stuff, and once you won't let it work on you they lose all the power on that type of stuff.
Hang strong..*hugs*

[RockRose]

I'm kind of understanding why you call yourself "anxious girl".  You're borrowing trouble.  ;D  

You have this boyfriend,  and he wants to name kids this and that.  You aren't married,  you aren't pregnant,  and then the next step is,  you aren't pregnant with a son.  

That's a lot of anxiety to borrow ahead of time.  If you do get married,  conceive, deliver a boy,  a good compromise is "Phil".  Very cool name.

[sammy73]

Hmmm, there are no real rules about who gets to say what a new child is called, but a couple of useful guidelines should be:
1.  Both parents have to agree
2.  If there's a tough choice between two or three names both parents like, if it's a boy, the father gets the casting vote; if it's a girl, the mother does.

But guideline 2 does not mean the father should be able to force a name that the mother is not happy with!!  Philadelphio is a pretty unusual and non-standard name - I know lots of people go for that these days but I'm not into it, and I wouldn't want to saddle any child of mine with a name like that  (says someone whose great-grandfather was called Robert Cunliffe 'Surname', and used Cunliffe as his main first name!!).

I think the middle name option is a good one.  I've got an unusual middle name inherited from my ancestors, which I've passed on to one of my sons as a middle name (not Cunliffe thankfully!).  It's interesting to have it, and nice to have that link with the past, but you don't have to live with it on a daily basis.

[Agiesmom]

I'd say you both need to agree on the name.  I wouldn't have a child with a man with that attitude--that you have no say if it's a boy.  Is that a cultural thing?

That aside, have you resolved all your relationship issues?  He's ok with your family now?  He better be--once you have a child, you'll gravitate even more towards them.  Is the jealousy still a problem?  What about trust?  See how tough it will be when some girl at work shows him attention when you are 8 months pregnant and swollen.  He isn't getting drunk with the neighbors and consoling other women anymore?  See how you feel when he decides to go out drinking while your pregnant or when you are home with your baby girl, or the baby boy you refused to name Philadelphio, and he's not interested.  Will you be ok when you are exhausted, need help, but he's playing video games?  And have you talked to your doctor about your anxiety meds?  Are they safe to take while pregnant?  If not, what are the alternatives?  And it sounds like he has anger issues--I know he used to be verbally abusive to you and it sounds like it still reverts back to that.  Just because it's not constant doesn't mean it isn't happening.

Just some things to think about.

All the best to you.

[AnxiousGurl]

Thanks agiesmom and everyone else...I do admit I have to put all of that into consideration, ofcourse it is all an issue and something I need to really think about before getting deeper into this. I found out I spelt the name wrong its Filadelfio but anyways Ive thrown it out there how about "Freddie Filadelfio" but nope hes really mad about it I think it is partially a cultural thing, he was named after his uncle(fathers bro) who passed away right before he was born and his bro was named after someone so its like tradition. Anyway, he said he hates me for it, for not wanting to name our baby filadelphio if im even prego. And Agiesmom...im not on meds for my anxiety. I want to try to deal naturally/ so thats not an issue. He is verry jealous and gets mad easily when I bring it up...I dont know what to do if I am pregnant...I really hope  im not

[Jasmine205]

He shouldn't tell you he "hates you" for anything..that is such a harsh thing to tell someone you love. He is trying all the tactics to guilt you into doing what he wants..you should tell him when he delivers his 1st child (himself- lol) he can name it whatever his heart desires..
Have you taken a pregnancy test? are you scared too?
Go with a close gf and pick one up this week and take it and see, okay?

[AnxiousGurl]

He will say anything to get what he wants...he's done it plenty times before...and usually ends up getting what he wants in the end....he's really being a jerk about it giving me a really nasty attitude calling me a B

Its too early for a home preg test....I can check the week before Im supposed to get my period  which is the end of next week. I really think I am....Ive been peeing ALOT when not even drinking really....I know that usually happens later in the pregnancy when the blatter is being pushed down......but last night I looked it up and read on a blog that some people experienced that before they even found out they were pregnant.....but anyways I will let you know what happens next week........im stressin...starting to think I got in to far with him......if Im not prego thank god and I know I cant have ababy with him....or continue this relationiship with someone whos gonna continue to act this way

[mami1323]

Actually the constant urinating is what I had right before I found out I was pregnant.  I didn't know why I was peeing so much.  So that could be a sign of pregnancy.  I really hope you aren't.  The worst thing is to have a baby with someone that isn't right and then to be stuck with them forever.  You already know how he is and what you will have to deal with for the rest of your life.  I hope this is a wake up call for you.  Maybe you see how he truly is and decide to move on after this.  Good luck and keep us posted.  I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

[bubbles1096]

As I sigh deeply reading your questions and the answers, it sounds like you have a bigger and more important decision to make than what to name your baby....do you really want to be with your b/f if he makes those kinds of statements? He sounds petty, manipulative and immature.

I wish you nothing but health and happiness for you and your family but to set that big issue aside, how about making your baby's first name a traditional, classic distinctive name and using the middle name as a way to carry on the family name?

You said in one of your comments you hope you are not pregnant and if you are not, set some time to just your self and re-evaluate your relationship with you rb/f. You sound liek you are a smart, young intelligent woman with a bright future ahead of you and uncalled for that someone would want you to "abort" because of a baby name or that he is the jealous type.

[AnxiousGurl]

Thank you Jasmine, Mami, & bubbles I really need the support....tonight he said if Im pregnant & with a boy he will take him away from me....hes really showing his true colors more and more......I love him to death but he has really got to go.....Its really opening my eyes....because a family is something I want to have and it will be my top priority and I will put my heart and soul into caring for my family....its such a serious topic for me and I cant believe hes being sooo ridiculus....I can see it now...this is what he will be like with every single thing// I mean I lost two friendships I had to pick between him and my Best friend....then I was going away with gf's and he begged me not to go....I didnt....then he pulls that BS about the girl at work. at that same time-mind you I was 18-19yrs old wanted to go out dancing with friends...no he made me chose between having fun with friends at a "club atmosphere" and him. Now a childs name...I dont know why I stayed this long I should of left 3 yyears ago. Now im in sooo deep.
I was in love now I just care about him and he's pushing me further and further away. Everything you said Bubbles and Agiesmom is accurate and I appreciate everyone who has replied. I guess the next question to ask is what do I do if I am prego with a boy......he said he wont pay the doctors bills now bc I wont call my child Filadelfio. If I am pregnant I just hope he changes his mind...or I hope its a girl....& that will be the ONLY child I have with...I told him im NEVER sleeping with him again.

Im praying.

[ania_2]

sounds to me like your bf is trying to control your life. it's your life so don't let him. I can understand that your worried now that you might be pregnant, things will work out as they should.
question: are your bfs true colors coming out all of a sudden, or have you been lying to yourself and making excuses for him for a long time and this is the breaking pt.? people don't change all of a sudden...think about it.
when I had my most recent daughter, we kept her a suprise till the end. we both agreed on a name, if he didn't like the name or i opposed his suggestions we thought of a new one. your bf is being unreasonable.
I would either accept him as he is, or move on.
You should demand that he give you the respect you deserve. he shoud Never call you a B. and he should not even speak of an abortion. He sounds childish.  But sometimes men are childish or act crazy to mask other emotions...like fear for example.
maybe he is scared of becoming a father?
i wish you luck.
RELAX if possible.

[AnxiousGurl]

His true colors have been there from the very beginning.....he's been like this from day 1. controling, manipulative and possesive........and I dont know if I try to make excuses or if I just am scared to lose him. & the thing is he wanted to be married already..he's been talking about marriage since he was like 20 and I said no Im too young to get married I want to wait...he wants to have a baby before his father passes away..and I didnt give into that. Ive been with him since I was 17 and hes my first boyfriend. I just think Ive stuck it out with him this long hoping he'll be different......

this situation for some reason I feel is gonna be the deal breaker....I cant believe the things that hes said in this past week.

[MrsOckert]

My husband named all four of his children.  She got to carry and bond with them, he got to name them.

Is it really such a big deal to let him name his son?  Name him Philadelphio and call him Freddie.  If you can't be graceful and give into something that obviously is extremely important to him, then don't marry him and make him miserable with you.

[AnxiousGurl]

MrsOckert Im agreeing to give the baby that name. "Freddie Filadelfio".  Filadelfio is the SAME as FRED in english. What you do in your life is up to you. Just because I dont want to name my child Filadelfio doesnt mean im being "disgraceful or ungraceful"
and im not miserable...im actually a very happpy person despite my problems.

[ania_2]

don't listen to mrsockert, just cause she chose to let her husband name her kids doesn't mean you NEED to do the same. Obviously we know who wears the pants in THAT relationship!
anyhow...the real question is what do you want and will you have that with him? Your young and first loves are never forgotten but people change....you can't change them back.  My bf and I have been through a lot and we've been together for over 3 yrs. I love him but for a while there I had to deciede if I loved who he was now, or who he had been. sometimes I wish he were more romantic and more of the innocent beautiful guy I feel in love with. don't get me wrong I love who he is today, and I love how he takes care of our 2 daughters.
do you want to marry your bf anymore?
people say stupid things sometimes, don't pay too much mind. what do his actions show you. theres your real answer.

[AnxiousGurl]

His actions tell me he loves me ..his words however show me different only when he's mad about something (he's not good at communicating-instead he says hurtful  things)...ive learned to accept who he is today as much as I want that guy I knew when I first met him. He's very funny and jokes around alot and im a sensitive person and he would say something and many times I would take the wrong way....Now after 5years I get his humor and dont take things to heart....its just apart of who he is.

Last night he went out to play poker with a bunch of friends and he texted me to go to his house. I asked him why he said he needed to talk to me. So I went to his house and he got there, we layed on the bed and he spilled his heart out, tears streaming down his face after a few minutes of explaining what happened to his dad when he was 5 (had open heart surgery) which I knew, but I didnt know that his maternal grandfather came all the way from italy to give him blood, he was the only one they knew that could give him blood. They said if something happens again he probably wont make it. He takes blood meds to thin his blood(which Ive seen his father take before). No matter what my bf has done, good or bad, mistakes he's made, accomplishments he's had, his dad was there and supportive through everything. I can say for myself that his father's a good person and when I was being harrassed at my job 4yrs ago he came to my job and hung out all day, when ever I had car trouble he was there for me too. He's helped his extended family whenever they were struggling, took in cousins that needed a roof over their heads and food in their mouth. He explained that his father may not be here in another 5years and when he found out I might be pregnant he was SO happy. He wants his child to live his legacy and he wants his father to live to see his grandchild and be able to treat him like he did his own kids and nieces and nephews.

From that point I completely understood why he was saying hateful things to me. (which I know doesnt make it right) He had me crying. And I know it wasnt one of his manipulative games I know it came straight from the heart. He barely ever cries. & Barely ever communicates on a serious note. So I made him promise to try to communicate with me more especially when he's mad. He promised...hugged and kissed me told me sorry and I told him I understand now if you would have told me from the begginning I would have had a much better understanding of how important this was to you. So I said Ok, but as long as we can give him a nickname like Fily(Philly) or Freddie, he said YES ill be so happy as long as Filadelfio is on the birth certificate.



.......If I knew all this I would have never even posted in the forum....but he had me so stressed calling me names and saying mean things.

Thank you all for your support and input very much appreciated.....

I just wish he would have said it from the beginning.....

The more I say it the more I get a little more used to it but alls I can think about is Philadelphia creamcheese LOL



So, now that I gave in........what do you think of the name, honestly lol?

I could get used to Fily
& I like Freddie, and Im sure no one will call him by his full name its tooooo long

I just hope kids at school dont make fun of him for it

[AnxiousGurl]

Or I hope I have 3 girls lol

[Jasmine205]

*hugs* Be cautious though, it could be another lil mind game to get you to do what he wants, think I am kidding, trust me I had an ex who did the exact same thing.. I mean why not tell you this story straight off as to why the name meant so much to him ? It only gets shared when you hold firm on chosing the babies name.
I still say, make it the middle name, okay? and have the first name your choice..

I didn't realize he was your first bf and love... this is why you feel so bad not to give him his say, right? He has to love and respect your wishes to, sweetie.
A relationship ( loving one) is two-sided, not ever one.

It's all your choice what you finally want to do, and its you that has to leave with your bf, not any of us.. But this if you are pregnant and with a boy should be a name you want 1st off. Not one you got bamboozled into using. :\

[AnxiousGurl]

Thanks hun, I just hope im not prego and that would solve this issue alltogether...I never dreamed of my baby boy named Filadelfio, and im the one carrying for 9mos and going through the pain of childbirth at the same time I see why its such a big thing for him now, and I mean I'll see what happens if I am pregnant, I'll wait to find out what the gender is and take it from there//

BTW.....how soon can you tell if its a boy or girl, can you find out by 4mos?

[AnxiousGurl]

also,..it happened sept27 so if im supposed to get my period around the Oct 18th does that mean I could take it Saturday (since thats a week before im supposed to get it)and get accurate results or do I wait another week? I dont want to take it too soon

[mami1323]

Typically you can find out the gender at about 18-20 weeks.  So about 5 months.  Some people get lucky and can see it earlier.  I saw my little boys parts at 20 weeks.

[Jasmine205]

I just want you to be happy with the name you chose for all the reasons above that you listed *hugs*
I'm not sure about when you can tell the sex, I would think that your first real OBGYN  visit they will be able to tell you.. But someone whos gone through this, should be able to tell you exactly.
*fingers crossed for you*
I hope it all works out the best for YOU!

[Jasmine205]

My sister wasn't told here, they wouldn't tell unless there was complications, odd huh?
I would hate the not knowing the sex, you have to plan the room, colors, clothes and name and loads of things, you need the babies sex.

[AnxiousGurl]

That would drive me crazy, why couldnt they tell her, thats strange...you should have the right to know? & so many people want it to be a surprise too....I know I wouldnt be able to wait to find out, I want to know otherwise we would have to get all neutral colored stuff....if its a girl im going all out .. pink and pretty, a boy all blue and boyish......I dont want a yellow room lol anyway *Every1 ..thank you for your suppport*hugs

[Jasmine205]

I'd go out all pink too. I already have my girls and boys names picked out  *smiles* did it awhile ago.. my bf said to me he liked "eloise" for a girl..no offense to anyone here with this name but I don't like that name and I abruptly said NO! to him..lol I don't like it, I have better choices..
Yep, I can be out spoken as to my likes and dislikes.. :-)

Keep telling us what is happening , okay?

[ania_2]

you can test as early as 5 days before your missed period, and I suggest testing first thing in the morning, thats when you would get your best results.
Im glad you and your bf got things figured out.
so what happens if your not pregnant?? are you guys gonna try to get pregnant then? it sounds like hes wanting you to have his baby real soon on account of his dad.
how would you feel about that?

[AnxiousGurl]

If im not pregnant than I am going to finish school ...find a decent job and go to school part time for my Bachelors. I am not going to try for a baby until I know I am financially set. I said to him last night if Im not pregnant, do you want to try for a baby, not because I want to ..but I wanted to see where his heads at. He said no, we cant afford it and  a basement apartment is no place for a baby, I need to be able to provide...as does he....and he completely agreed (which I was surprised)...so If Im not we are waiting til the right time and place comes along.

[mami1323]

That's a mature approach for the both of you.  I hope that this is a learning experience for you both.  Maybe he can communicate better from this day forward.  I wish you both the best of luck.  But if you start to see him slip back into his old habits then I suggest you think really hard about what it is you want.  I know that I've said a lot of hurtful things to my fiance out of anger so I know when two people are fighting things can be said.  Just make sure that he does respect you and that he learns how to talk to you better.  Part of communication is learning how to deal with each other in a respectful manner even when the emotions are high.  For example, when I was mad at my fiance recently because of his cheating, we got into a huge fight and I told him to leave and say good bye to his son.  That was horrible and I called him back right away and said I was sorry, that I would never use his son to hurt him.  It was out of anger and I had every right to be p i ssed off but that's not fair.  I need to learn how to talk as well.  I'm just telling you this because you should not be his punching bag either.  Good luck with everything.

[AnxiousGurl]

Thanks. I will keep my eyes open wider, this experience so far has really made me think about these past 5yrs. Im glad that he was able to open up to me this time and hope that he can continue to communicate with me. Im sorry about everything your going through Mami I know your going through a hard time, and I hope you two can work it out and if not maintain a healthy relationship for your son. I cant say I know exactly how you feel but I know what it's like when another girl comes in and tries to ruin what you have together. I myself can say Im glad I stuck it out with him, and although he didnt cheat on me it still haunts me to this day(did he cheat) what if another girl comes along and he's tempted. They say if it happens once its bound to happen again. But I believe that there are a few good men out there( I hope we've found them),I believe that people can change but they have to want to and it doesnt happen overnight.  I really think my bf has a good heart and has gone through alot in his life which has made him who he is and Ive learned to love and accept him, I think everytthing we've been through together has kinda shaped how we treat eachother, I was only 17 when we got together, and im his first real gf and I think we just have alot of growing and learning to do, Im not giving up on him, but will take into consideration all of the advice I have recieved, demand respect and if I feel im being mistreated again and nothing gets better....im out. I know that through this experience I was at my breaking point, but since he opened up I give him one last chance to be good to me.
Thank you girls*
Mami I wish you the best of luck, I hope everything work out for the best and I hope that you can heal . <3

[mami1323]

Thank you hon, that is very sweet of you.  It is always in the back of my mind, what if he does it again, can he resist temptation.  Therapy is helping us both with our issues.  Helping me to heal and him to really value love and family.  I'm hoping he does realize what he has and won't take the chance in losing his family.  He knows that that would be the consequence of doing it again.  He says he wants his son to be proud of him, he wants to be there all of the time, not share visitation.  So lets see what happens.  I think that if someone is cheating, they will eventually be caught.  There is no way they wouldn't be.  He knows how smart I am and what lengths I will go to to find out.  So he would be mighty stupid to do it again.  I wish the best for you as well.  I think you will be ok, you sound like a strong woman and you know what is best for you.  Keep me posted on your testing and you can always send me a private message if you would like to talk.

[Anne1721]

Sorry, if a man ( boy..in my opinion ) talk to me like that he'd be history! If  he talked to you like that over a name for a child, then he obviously can't love you that much.
  This where I say that people today need to think about what's going on. Get your schooling done first. I highly doubt that your pregnant....you probably missed your period due to stress living with someone like that.
   Another thing, You mean to tell me that this person has never though of the fact that others will TEASE this child as it grows up with a name like that ? Come on, get real....I could see giving this name to a child as a middle name, if it was a family name that had been passed done for generations....But hey, it can't be that BIG of family name if your boy friend doesn't have it for his own name.
    If it were me, I would concentrate on school...and really think about TRUE love. So many people are in love with being in love....
    This person hardly sounds old enough to be father / husband material to me !
Good luck....

[Anne1721]

You have a lot to learn about life young lady....the ONLY person to give someone BLOOD ? Come on, I have heard it all now .....Boy, that's a good one ! He has got you believing so much bull..that pretty soon he will most likely BLAME you if you have THREE girls and can't give him a son. ( Everyone knows that the "man" is the one who is responsible for the sex of the child when it's conceived....)
   Oh well....I think a call to a local RED CROSS...chapter, or better yet, an appt with a Doctor to sort out this crazy story...( and I would take him with you...betcha he will refuse to go....)
   Ever heard of O positive blood ?    If this guy will lie to you about this stuff....what else in a few years might you catch him at ?