being with a married man

[susiec677]

i am involved with a married man. He is older than me.and we share a child. His wife knows about the baby and our past affairs. we have been involved for 9 years,and we spend 90% of our time together. When there are holidays and birthdays,and etc. he is there with me. We just dont sleep together at night. He does not want me to be involved with another man. But he wants to keep his wife on the side. He does not stay with me. The way he acts, you would think that he stays with me, and paying bills, and etc. but he doesn't. I never ran after him, he ran after me, for 3 months, and i finally decided to start being friends with him. He never said anything bad about his wife. Neither does he talk about her like that at all. I was the one who always said to myself that i would never mess with a married man, but i did. So no one can really say, what they will never do. After being friends with him at first, I guess i let the situation handle itself , without me putting a cap on it. I dont know what i allowed my self to get involved in, cause this is way to long to be involved in this type of foolishness.

[specialmom]

This is an old post.  

[honestlady]

I don't feel sorry for you since you knew the man was married from the beginning. As for God he doesn't approve of anyone man or woman sleeping with someone who is married it is adultery no one way about it. As for someone who says she knows this by reading the bible she doesn't really know anything. I read the bible daily you are know as a jezebel in the bible. I'm a catholic an what you did is wrong you need to forgive yourself and move on. Go talk to a good preist about what you have done and go to church to find a way out of the mess you have made of you life and the poor innocent child you concieved with this man because the only who one is going to be hurt and damaged in the long run is the child not you. Start to change yourself god does forgive us all for what we have done. It will be a start in the right direction for you to find god. Being know has a homewrecker isn't a way to live your life. I know someone who is a person just like this and she doesn't care about anybody accept herself. she has destroyed marriages and families for years and is still doing it. Don't turn out like her were you care for know one especially yourself. One more thing this homewrecker, jezebel, and only chases married man doesn't care about the man only herself. She has no friends, no family to call her own, neighbors hate her, she calls the cops on people all the time, she is known as a troublemaker, and if you hangout with someone like that you eventually will be just like them. Now that is a sad way to live life. Am speaking from experience cause I have a woman just like you in my life right now who is doing it to my own husband he has nothing to do with our children cause of her she doesn't want him to have anyone just a beer in his hand all the time. I'm telling you its not worth being someone like her but you have a good start on it now. Do something right and get yourself out of the mess you made.

[honestlady]

I don't feel sorry for you since you knew the man was married from the beginning. As for God he doesn't approve of anyone man or woman sleeping with someone who is married it is adultery no one way about it. As for someone who says she knows this by reading the bible she doesn't really know anything. I read the bible daily you are know as a jezebel in the bible. I'm a catholic an what you did is wrong you need to forgive yourself and move on. Go talk to a good preist about what you have done and go to church to find a way out of the mess you have made of you life and the poor innocent child you concieved with this man because the only who one is going to be hurt and damaged in the long run is the child not you. Start to change yourself god does forgive us all for what we have done. It will be a start in the right direction for you to find god. Being know has a homewrecker isn't a way to live your life. I know someone who is a person just like this and she doesn't care about anybody accept herself. she has destroyed marriages and families for years and is still doing it. Don't turn out like her were you care for know one especially yourself. One more thing this homewrecker, jezebel, and only chases married man doesn't care about the man only herself. She has no friends, no family to call her own, neighbors hate her, she calls the cops on people all the time, she is known as a troublemaker, and if you hangout with someone like that you eventually will be just like them. Now that is a sad way to live life. Am speaking from experience cause I have a woman just like you in my life right now who is doing it to my own husband he has nothing to do with our children cause of her she doesn't want him to have anyone just a beer in his hand all the time. I'm telling you its not worth being someone like her but you have a good start on it now. Do something right and get yourself out of the mess you made.

[specialmom]

Ha, I said lesson.  Freudian slip----------  I meant lessen but haven't we all learned a lesson here too?  I learned one but will keep it to myself to remain polite.

Okay, off to try and be a good person.  Wish me luck!

[specialmom]

Okay,  good luck susie.

One thing I will pray for is that people grow their character and inner will power to say no to things like affairs.  Anything is possible and as people stand up for what is right and wrong and we all pray for people to do right, maybe the number of affairs will lesson.  I sure hope so.

[susiec677]

People are going to do basically what they want to do, and nooone can stop the willingness of either party involved. It is about a persons state of being and moral ethics. At the time of the sins that they create, but, when you are in a sinful state then there is no telling what you will do until you totally give your life to god. And that is not rationalizing.Thats facts. So thats why consider the way things are commented sometimes. The person allegendly wrote this never said that they were right, so how could it be rationalizing when someone said look i was wrong. She just but a but behind it, for the ones that still do, because she understands she's been there. Not saying that she condones it. But true enough everyone has faults so.......if she was a ho, when she did that what was you if, and when you did what ever ( not speaking to anyone inpaticular) you have done. Dont be so quick to cast the first stone. thats why i dont look down on liars, thieves, drug users and etc. i dont condone it, but you understand that that person has something going on in there lives at that moment, inwhich they chose to forget about god's will, and when you do that. And go on your feelings you omit good and go to evil.When you are in that state of mind set at that time you are not considering the other indiviual. But everyone has to live there life the best way they can and this will not stop the growing number of affairs that happen everyday, so isnt no need for me to continue this forum.

[AmbassadorofAwesome69]

Lots of good stuff here and I agree - sometimes people can rationalize their affairs/cheating to the point where you might tend to see their point of view.  I'm not sure what the poster's question really was but wrong is wrong.  It is a question of morals and ethics.  Messing with a married person is wrong no matter how one tries to justify.  I guess in the long run, like other responders said, just ensure the child is taken care of and raised correctly as not to repeat the sins of the mother.

[specialmom]

I give a lot of advice to people that actually ask questions.  You didn't come here for advice though.  

Now, I'm moving on to more productive topics.  Luck to all to be the best person they can be.

[susiec677]

my child knows her father, and when it comes down to her and her father, what we had together is seperate from him being a father he can be. This is his first child, and he is a great father, and he has let nothing come between that. hes more of a discplinary than i am, I am nore leniet on her than he. I guess thats just how fathers are to their children. He gives her support, cause he pays his support and he does extra, and never complained about doing so. He was put on child support, cause like common sense wise to me, he is married. But that never stopped him from being a parent or support wise. i really dont know, but i feel like parents should not have to be together for a child to still have two parents in their lives. And just like my father, i did not grow up with him in the home, but still i knew who he was, he supported me, and he is a great dad, and my dad was in my like, and everytime i needed my dad,and etc. He was there. and i hope to this goes the same way. Cause i dont see it changing at this point otherwise. I am not going to say i will never speak to him again. Cause I beleive when it comes down to raisng a child. it has nothing to do with two grown people and they past situations. So i am big on parenting. I am not a type of person, where i go arond being with different types of men or anything. I am a decent citizen of america that just got wrapped up in the wrong indivual, due to a badchoice in life. My child is not a baby,( which i know you didnt say that) but she's old enough to understand everything and his wife and my child knows about the baby, ahe knows her age, she knew he came if at nothing but just to see the baby. She was not in the dark about anything. She said that she did not want to be in it(as far as the drama of it). and dont call her, and do not come by her job or etc,. and she would not call me. She said this years ago. She said what ever happens or what ever you need to do you do that. Do not involve her. because i didnot marry her, he did, and i was not there when the marriage vows were said. i did not make that committment to her. I was just being alike any other women that does this kind of thing.So she said she is not going to take out her fustration on me. I dont call her or bother with her, and in dealing with him with the child, i deal with him, i dont deal with her. I dont even have to speak with her at all. So thats how that works on that end. but what we've done has nothing to do with him being a father to his child.( not saying that you said it would though) i am just saying .

[susiec677]

yes, i did put my comment on her, but we have been on this topic for a long time, and at the end of the day, someone let go something they once did that was not good. But just like special mom said she had a firend that was dealing with a married man and she stopped, but do that make special mom better than her or can look down on her, cause the woman made a mistake. cause special mom chose to do something else than what this woman has done. Yes everyone have different beliefs about the bible. But when you are talking about right and wrong, if god cant be apart of the decussion of wrong to make wrong a better, then why comment on a persons life anyway. Cause at the end of the day. We have a final destination place here. We are not just exisitng on earth waiting to die. We are here for a purpose. And Beliefs or not. The bible is in plain english. God say he made the wod so plain that even a fool could not error it. So its been said and so it is written. God word is like a two edge sword. (cutting going in and comming out) and Some eople want to run from that. Like god said people will do on judgement day. Want to say well, i am talking about your sin not mine, as if your wrong and sin does not matter. But it does cause we have to answer to someone higher thatn anyone else on this earth, and his name is jesus. So yes i will not talk about that anymore. and that is cool. but when wrong is involved, regaurdless, God should show up to the party. Heck  satan came. Why not bring God to clean out the sin sick soul. Like i said what ever i said came from the bible. and it was upported, for what ever reason, justification or cause. A person messing with a married man, is no different that two single people having sex and not married. If that is not true then why is it that you are married and not just having sex staying together with no papers calling your self common law. God ordanes marriages. you all want to live under some things of the law of god but would love to deleete the things that you dont want to deal with. No you talking about me but if you do that arent you luke warm too. just like i was. God too will spit you out his mouth. Thats why i say no one is different than the other. Unless they bring forth a change within themselves. a follow that bible completely. So unless you follow the bible fully. Then you are no more than an unrighteous sinner, just like anyone else that doesn't follow him. Not being a child of god , means that you are a child of satan, It is either one or the other. No one can serve two masters. Like i said look up the scriptures for yourself. reguardless what i have done i have repented and turned from my wicked ways and ran back to jesus. cause i fell down,but i got back up again. and i said you cant say what you wont do cause when you are a slave to sin, and satan is your god, no telling what you might get your self into. Like many other people do. Every one makes mistakes, and have situations and they are free willed, so on that you are right. and maybe thats why i feel like god said do not judge, but i did put my personal situaion on here. so maybe that was my fault, but there are many more woman and men out there that do  that(sleep with married people) But dont be so quick to judge harshly, if you are here to help someone and give advice. Cause why give advice to help, when you treat anyone in such a manner in a way that they are not going to listen to you.I am not talking to everyone on here though, cause some did not act in such manner but some did, Maybe i forgot to say that earlier. Again i am not upset. I keep saying that. Why am I going to be upset with something i chose to do. I am Good with squaring my shoulders and accepting responsibility. .

[imanaddict]

I am not going to judge, nor comment on your relationship with a married man. What I am concerned with, however, is your child. I'm just curious about what he/she knows about his/her father and your relationship, and how you think it will affect his/her future?

[mami1323]

LOL...I hear ya.  I agree.

[Ashelen]

LOL I totally get it..I had a nice long reply typed out before I decided that she doesn't deserve any more of my time - for someone who hates how "judgmental" I was, she's awfully judgmental of people who don't agree with her. So...moving on ;-)

[mami1323]

Sorry, I just was mentioned in her above post so that's why I had to comment.  

[Ashelen]

Moving on!

[mami1323]

I just want to make a comment, I don't mention Christ because I'm not a religous person.  We all have different beliefs.  But I do know right from wrong.  We are all human and yes, according to the bible judging is a sin but I would rather be judgmental then someone who interferes in someone else's relationship.  Do as you wish, you obviously are using the bible to sugar coat your choices in life.  If you wish to be forgiven, then you need to move on from this relationship and let him be married to his wife and you should find someone who is emotionally and physically available to you and only you.  Good luck.

[specialmom]

It's okay!   I do think some situations that people find themselves in (or place themselves in) allow for more scrutiny than others no matter what anyone says.  There are things that are morally and socially unacceptable and that is just the way it is.  I think it is fair for people to react to it in an honest way.  If it were my sister, girl friend, a coworker I cared for, cousin--------- whomever that was cheated on in this fashion---------  I'd think the man was crummy but would support them working out their marital issues if that was her desire.  The other woman would be the most unsavory character in the world to me.  That is only natural and human to feel that way.  If it were my sister, girlfriend, coworker I cared for or cousin that was the mistress-------------  I'd beg her to end it and get her life on track.  I actually had a friend that dated a married man.  We were college roommates and after school--------- she got involved with this man.  I told her that I would be happy to speak with her again when she ended the relationship and we did not talk again for 6 months until she did.  I took a really firm stance because I cared about her and wanted her to know that it was NOT okay and also because I was disgusted she was doing it.  I think my response to her was the right one.  

My whole point is that we can't live our life in a way that is blatently wrong and be upset if someone calls us out on it.  I didn't solicit the post but susie came here of her own free will.  She can not be mad that people are disgusted with her 9 year affair and wanting to tell other's not to react to it with that disgust is an unrealistic expectation.  

I hope her life gets better.

Okay, NOW let's all move on.  

[TTinKKerBBell]

I'm in SpecialMom's corner - I'm done

[teko]

Sorry special, we must have been posting at the same time. Case closed.

[teko]

I think if you are gonna come on here under the guise of deception and cherry pick verses from the bible to more or less put people in their place, then you better go back and read some more and not take things and twist and turn to suit what you want to say by taking them out of context. For example, you say  the bible says sin is sin and there is no sin greater than the other in gods eyes. Yes that verse stands alone doesnt it? But if you have a three year old and the guy across the street is a known pedifile of three year olds are you gonna consider that sin the same as your other neighber lying about coloring her hair? The bible also says it is ok to judge the sin and if you do not agree, then show me where it says it is not. The bible also says it is better for one who hurts a little child to put a milestone around their neck and be thrown into the depths of the ocean than to face god. Does this not insinuate god thinks this sin to be a might worse than some of the others? You tell me bible scholar but I will tell you this? Saving your soul does not depend on what I think but on what god thinks and since god looks upon the heart, I am sure he will understand why I rip yer eyes out for messing with MY man.  I can repent for it later according to you and still go to heaven? Why do I not think that is the way it works? Like I said God looks upon the heart but first you must live with man and take the consequences of your actions here on earth.  U mess with my kids or my man, you gonna lose an eyeball. Need I say more?

[specialmom]

susie,  Religion and biblical interpretation is a personal thing and we try not to discuss that in the general forums.  Let's leave it at I don't agree with you on your biblical interpretation and am not interested in discussing it with you.  

I am glad you have given up this lifestyle.  Start over with your child although once you have a baby, things change.  Now you must do as caregiver has said and seek some legal rights for your child.  It is only fair as this child did not ask to be brought into the world under these circumstances.  

Again, let's keep the discussion on topic and your venting on how you've justified this is not helpful to anyone but yourself as you rationalize your life.  I get that you admit your guilt but you want to believe that we are all like you.  That is the bit I will not buy.  It is not true.  I do sin in god's eyes but that is not what we are talking about.  We are talking about moral fiber that comes into play as we make decisions that affect ourselves and other people.  We all evolve and grow and I'm sure you are doing that but your post started out a little in your face-------- "I'm the mistress" and for a second I thought you were going to say something rude about his true wife (who I presume he is now with full time.).  So you didn't speak of how you were remoreseful and would like to change your life and that you recommend that no other ladies get themself into the situation you did which would have brought you empathy.  You tried to tell us we are all just like you.  Not true.  

Let's all move on from this post please.

[penswriter]

I'm with Teko.

As a married woman...I can say if my husband did that...he'd no longer has a reason to be called a man. He'd be out on his rear faster than he could say "sorry babe". And the "woman" who he did it with...well...my nice, calm, non-confrontational side would be gone. This wife of his is either too use to the money and could care less as long as she has a good lifestyle OORRRR she's planning something. Or both. Watch out...she could clean him out, kick him out and you're stuck with him.

[susiec677]

on your second post at first i do agree, but i did not come on here for drama, and i am not angry at the world. I didn't feel like anyone should have supported me or anyone else for doing wrong, wrong is wrong. And i did put some of my business on here, just as well as commented. but like we agree on i just wanted to say in this forum that people should not get crazed and ignorant calling names in order to vent at someone, because of their use to be or is lifestyle, like you said this is just not protaning to me, just in general. I just turned it personal as of showing , how very harsh judgemental people really is, without looking at their own faults in life as well. cause like i said everyone has sin, how would anyone like it if their trangressions where done the same that is all i am saying though. but i do apoplogize for all the hoopla it caused. i guess it got that way, because everyone was trying to prove a point, and it got out of hand. So no i am not  upset with anyone, because at the end of the day. evveryone is entiltied to their own opinion. and yea, i said some true godly things, and that does not chage what was for myself and anyone else. but i am not trying to be a preacher. Thats not my profession. and i never justified any wrong, because if anyone read the passage correctly i did say i was wrong. like any other women in this situation. and how can it be self serving if the gospel is truth, just because people neglect to hear it. The bible has many verses and scripture. If you fail to understand or comply, Ignorance of the situation is no excuse for me nor anyone else. So dont take this as i was justifying my self, cause i addedtruth, and guilt. Not my innocents. and anyone could say that every Gospel term that i have used as been truth . and it does not self serve me, gods word serves the purpose of everyman that wants to see him one day, whether we want to believe the truth ornot. The truth is i was once doing wrong. Now today i am not. The truth is, people go through things that are not pleasing to every one god nor man we all are guilty of that in some way. That does not make anyone no better than the next one . Because there are some things that you'all would do that maybe i wouldnt or might be saying the same thing that you do. But i can't say that i am in a better place than you(generally) wrong is wrong and right is right. So if a man shall be good let him be. not by our laws, but by gods law. Cause whom are man to judge. Not at all. Not just about my problems but about everyones problems. So yes special mom some of what you say is true about this column, i was making just a statement. and really not a question of a sort. I went on here the other day and saw some people with comments on this same topic, and people just attacked the situation rudely,and they did not and still dont know the whole situation about a person before they just go off. just because someone is messing with a married man. like i said its bad but dane. name calling, and i didn't say you did. but i am just saying. so i wrote this.so yes super mom, this is all you are going to hear from me with this passage. i was just trying to make a statement. Not get this out of hand.(oh, P.S.) If at anytime we hear, or read anyone saying writing or quoting the word of god, ***** monger or what ever, and you can go to the bible and get those same answers from the source, then we should believe it.  God said follow him not man anyway. and God will and can use anyone he sole desires. Not of which a person feels that they are. God never just use santified, glorified people. Sometimes he use people you would never guess that he will use. Just because we feel like na! i shouldn't listen to this because she did this she did that. Then they can miss maybe what god was trying to say to them that was probably meant  for them and not what the true topic is about. So thanks for letting me vent this to the readers.

[TTinKKerBBell]

This is the most elaborate self-justification for wrong doing that I have ever heard!!

and your preaching is also self-serving and has become very annoying.