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being with a married man
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being with a married man

i am involved with a married man. He is older than me.and we share a child. His wife knows about the baby and our past affairs. we have been involved for 9 years,and we spend 90% of our time together. When there are holidays and birthdays,and etc. he is there with me. We just dont sleep together at night. He does not want me to be involved with another man. But he wants to keep his wife on the side. He does not stay with me. The way he acts, you would think that he stays with me, and paying bills, and etc. but he doesn't. I never ran after him, he ran after me, for 3 months, and i finally decided to start being friends with him. He never said anything bad about his wife. Neither does he talk about her like that at all. I was the one who always said to myself that i would never mess with a married man, but i did. So no one can really say, what they will never do. After being friends with him at first, I guess i let the situation handle itself , without me putting a cap on it. I dont know what i allowed my self to get involved in, cause this is way to long to be involved in this type of foolishness.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hm.  I think that some can really say what they will and won't do if they have strong conviction.  I really do.  There are things I absolutely would not do.  Never have and never will.  I have strong conviction and much inner strength and willpower.  
Anyway, that is neither here nor there.  Do you have a question?
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144586_tn?1284669764
The current state of affairs is unacceptable for the child. As for your own behavior I am neither a judge, nor a jury. Your baby is in a poor legal position and is entitled to child support, as well an an inheritance. In the event this man dies, it is not fair to the baby. You cannot count on his wife assisting in any way. What you need to do at this point is to consult an attorney, and establish paternity and formalize a legal document regarding this person's responsibilities to the child.
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13167_tn?1327197724
Hmm.  I can certainly say I wouldn't touch a married man.  There are some things you can't control,  like you can't say "I will never be homeless".  "My children will never run wild".  You can't predict those things,  you can't always control them.

But I certainly can control whether I have an affair with a married guy,  it doesn't just "happen" - it's a decision you've made,  and have stuck with it for almost a decade.

And yes,  it is way too long to be involve in "this foolishness" as you say.

Best wishes redirecting your life in the way you know in your heart that you should.
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285927_tn?1380802356
I guess Im not supposed to call it as I see it in this day and age, I think it be called truth and what you are looking for Im not sure. Is it support? Nah, not happnin. You are a cheater, a ho, a homewrecker, a traitor of other womens homes. And you dont even get yer bills paid. You my dear is a poor excuse of a woman in my book. You dont take what does not belong to you, period... Watch yer back tho, lots of em out there like you that c nothin wrong with it at all and you will get yers. I think its called karma. But, since you are here for support, good luck with that. :)
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Avatar_f_tn
I have to totally agree with Rockrose, in that this was a choice you made and you can choose to live your life differently. This man is married and will stay married, but you can choose to walk away from him. You can still have him see his child, but you shouldn't do anything more than that. Good luck.
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1614183_tn?1305049300
I can agree wit rockrose... there are things I can say I will never do an honestly mess wit a married man is one of them... I was married and sum woman knew he was married and now they are together and have 3 more children together... my ex husband and i have 2 together but at the end of the day u need to think, how would u feel if u were in the wife's situation...??? There are consequences for every action and every consequence doesn't come the same as the act made...
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Avatar_f_tn
Almost everyone makes a good point. Everyone makes a decision, whether it is right or wrong a fact or an opinion. But the reson for me writing this is to see what you all opinion are andsee the response. Yes this is true, but we all have problems and faults and mine thing of today is this. I knew I was wrong and for the most part dealing with someone for 9 years is not easy to just break of, when there is a child involved. but its in the making.I to, do have to deal with my problems and issues that what any other person problems that they may have. I have asked god for forgiveness and i am working on my delieverance. and to stop making foolish decisions based on my feelings. But the question of the day is. Just like in the bible, rather this happened to you or not. Can you cast the first stone. Are you to left without sin. Are you in jeopardy of going to hell, as i was once. even though you ask for forgiveness about your sins. do you completely turn away from your wicked ways? Cause all sin is un to death, but the gift of life is eternal. so no one is with out sin, no not one, and if you judged me, then then you are condemned also. Cause all sin is equal. not seperate. lie, steal cheat hore, whoremonging, back biting, and etc. We all fit this catagory. So while you all are worried about you all hurts and somebodys wrong. We all have faults. So dont let this world make you think. just a woman that sleeps with a married man is worse than any other sin. cause its not. Believe me having sex with a single man and not married and messing with a married man is no different sin, cause the mistress is a fornicator regaurdless, and if you fornicate you will not see god, or heaven, amongce any other sin that we tend to committ.
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Avatar_f_tn
oh, and i forgot, an adulter in bible terms, is a married person that divorces for any other reson other than sex. not a mistress that sleeps with married men. if you divorce your spouse and its not cause of them cheating then you have sinned . cause you cause that person to commit adultery. Casue they will likely get with someone else and have sex. and that not what god ordaned.look it up its in the bible. But i am not making excuses though. all of it is wrong. So if you are having sex with someone and you are not married. then you will be no more different than someone having sex with a married man. Forget what you heard.That is what jesus says. So stay or get married and dont have sex with no one but your husband and stop committing other sins also that can get you in to hell. soon as you die. cause again there is no sin greater than the other. none! So if anyone wants to cast the 1st. stone you will have to go through God first. And you know what he will say check your selves.Just like he authored me to say today.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Sounds ever so slightly like an excuse to me.  But good luck with the rationalizing.  

I think caregiver gave you the best advice here to make sure the financial needs of your child are met.  
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285927_tn?1380802356
Yes, God says we can judge the sin. But then you already know that right? Secondly, the devil knows every word of the bible as well and knows full well the difference and the consequences between good and evil. He did not listen either. But the problem is, you were not addressing god when you came to this forum wanting opinions/advice/support? You were talking to us lowly humans, asking for our opinions. What exactly is it that you want to hear again? Is it that the other woman deserves to be cheated on by her husband and you? That if she were taking care of her man, you would not have him? Or would not have a child with her husband? And tell me again how God fits into all this again? Somehow I dont think any of this is his doing, do you?
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145992_tn?1341348674
You know what bugs me the most is people who quote the bible when they aren't exactly following it.  You're having an affair with a married man and then you're bringing a child into this mess.  This isn't about religion, it's about being moral and treating someone with respect.  You are being completely selfish in your actions and then trying to justify the affair.  There is no justification for what you are doing.  It is wrong, plain and simple.  I also can say that I would not ever have an affair with a married man because I would never hurt another human being in that way.  I'm sure it hurts to leave him but what exactly are you getting?  A man who splits his life between two women.  You are getting no support.  It just seems really sad to me.  What are you teaching your child?  You can control your actions.  
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Avatar_f_tn
no one said that i was right of what i did, and no one said that i came on here for sympthy. I stated that even though i was wrong. wrong is wrong and right is right, and fornication is fronication. and sin is sin. no god said do not judge. read the bible. and he says it is a sin to call one sin bad and another one good. i am not rationalizing my sin. honeys i brought it to the table. as confession. Showing that i was wrong. not gloating that i did it. All i am saying is i hear so much about people pointing fingers at other people as if they are right about the stuff they do to like one wrong is on is better than another wrong. we are talking about spirituallty, because the only reason why i chose to get it right is because whom i want to please god, and if we are on the same path. in trying to please god then we should learn to do better. my situation was my trial, and a trial i had to go through. We all have, had and will have the same trials. so since we all do. regaurdless what my trial is or another persons trial. Who are you to judge, when we should be trying to please God and not each other. It turned religious, because yes i was stuck in the sinful state, but dont mean i have to stay there either.That to is a choice, which god Always gives us. Miami you are so worried about hurting a human being to the point to where i never heard you say anything about christ yet, which says you do not put him first. Just like at first i didn't. But like i said i never ever said i was right, not to even justify it, by all i have to do is fall on my knees and repent,(which i have already) and turn from my wicked ways, and my slate is clean, cause thats just how much god loves me. Can you say the same. Its not good to hurt other people. But people regaurdless who they are we all tend to make mistakes reguardless what they are and again. one is no different thatn the other, just because you chose not to do it. I chose to sleep with a married man, (fornication) but i didn't chose to use drugs, kill, back bite or lie, or what ever, but you know what i minuse well have cause i was a sinner , and i was guilty of it all. I know the bible, because i know the father, I accepted god a long time ago, so i know the basics, but god gives us a choice, and it was a bad one that i chose, and that is my trial and tribulation. and you have trials and tribulations to. your's are just different. But along with that i chose to turn it around and start a new. I dont seek sympothy, cause its not about other people.  what i do today does not determine my tommorrow. man will never forgive you , but god will,. and thats all i care about. he who i have to answer to. We are only on this earth, because there is a spiritual battle going on, one you cannot see.its not about this stuff we see before us today. so i have to fight daily, cause life is and forever will be a struggle if you step out of the will of god.
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285927_tn?1380802356
You said, i am involved with a married man. Not was, used to be, back when... I am is pretty current is it not. Guess you better get back on them knees eh?
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973741_tn?1342346373
I still don't know what the heck your question is.  Perhaps a life of secrecy is putting you in a position of confessing anonymously?

Life is about choices.  We are all responsible for our own.  I'm sure this is not how you wanted your life to turn out and I am sorry for that.  

One last comment, one of the things that I think you may be missing is that the point of acknowledging our transgressions is to ask for forgiveness and stop doing it.  
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973741_tn?1342346373
Actually, I do have one more comment.  You've come here telling us of something that is socially unacceptable and taboo.  I think it is unfair to be upset that people reacted to that.  I feel more pity than anything else for your situation as I'm sure it wasn't your dream to live this life.  

Again, not sure if you actually have a question but wish you'd ask one so this post feels like it is going somewhere productive.    
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Avatar_f_tn
No one is "judging" You but simply saying it is wrong to be in this relationship with a married man - and wrong it is!!   You acknowledge that it's wrong BUT You follow with heavy duty preaching to the rest of us that no one is without sin.  We agree that's true but that doesn't justify what You are doing.  You're more or less telling everyone that You have chosen Your "sin" and because we're all sinners then it's okay ("sin is sin") - well....it's not okay.   God probably wants a little more from us than just to ADMIT we are sinners - my guess is He might want some atonement - and I think that would include repentence - You aren't repenting or atoning while in the MIDST of an affair. You say it's not good to hurt other people but I guarantee You have hurt that man's wife a ton more than anyone here has hurt You.  It's surprising that You would have an affair with a married man for NINE YEARS and then be offended that no one here is supportive of that.

What were You looking for - approval?, understanding?, what??
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1035252_tn?1371343440
Just want to clear something up, since you seem to be hinging all your arguments on the bible. You claim that a person who is a mistress is not an adulteress, but I beg to differ.

Proverbs 5:27-29 Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.

If you supply "she who sleeps with another woman's husband, no one who touches him will go unpunished"...yeah, that would be YOU.

(Hebrews 13:4) 4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled: but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers.

My point with that one is - the point of asking for forgiveness is to confess your sins and to NOT CONTINUE DOING THEM. As long as you continue to sleep with a married man, you are both committing adultery, or if you want to argue that only he is being adulterous then you are committing sexual immorality while he is committing adultery. And you will be judged as long as you continue. Ask for forgiveness...sure...but you can't just keep doing it!

Look..you're nothing more than a concubine. You deserve so much more. why do you let yourself be treated this way...? Don't you think you deserve to be in a relationship where you are the only woman the man is with, and your child is respected? If you're really done with this foolishness and you've been down on your knees...then move on. Put him behind you and get into a relationship that you deserve!

I just don't understand why you'd let him do this to you, unless you have no self-respect.
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Avatar_f_tn
i am not mad and if anyone of you read anything that i wrote you would have heard me say that what condemed me then , on one day does not condemn me on another, and that means because i have asked for forgiveness, and turned from my wicked ways. In doing so does not make me a guilty of that sin any longer. Becasue a backslider can do just that. And that is called repentance. And for the last person that wrote the comment an that did not explain about adultery. You need to read the bible carefully and check Matthew reading boo. from the one a true Holy bible. Not the rewrite copy. Which is neither here nor their. because a fornicator, which means sleeping with someone and not married and a adulterer and a whoremonger and etc. shall not enter the kingdom of god, which certainly means that even if you are a single woman or male having sex with a single indivual. you are commiting a sin and that sin is fornication and you are in mo better shoe than someone that has messed up and messed around with a married man. I am not justifying the sin at all. i am just saying all sin is unto death. but the gift of god is eternal life. so in that i can walk away and become a new.  and just because someone has, had, is or having sex with a married man doesn't mean that they would have or want to sleep with yours. Although i sympothies with this, in the same token i feel like we all have sinned and we when people that are,or feel like they are without sin should approach people in a way that to tell them what is wrong, how and allow them to understand that there is a better way, cause you've either been there or you've been on the other side. No for encouragement to keep on, but for a way of escape out of a black tunnel inwhich they lye in. causelashing out at someone because you are hurt or sensitive about the situation is not helping you nor that indiviual, and at that point nothing will be accomplished. and to the last writter. I was once looking at this preacher. and she said her and her husband was smokers, and they was trying to stop smoking so they both went to god in prayer that same night together before they went to bed. When they woke up. The husband went to the trash and threw his cigareets away, when she still had a craving for her cigarettes. She was wondering what happened cause she was suppose to not be feeling like this. She still had that craving and that urge to smoke. She said god came to her and said to her. I didn't move that from you the same way i am going to remove yours, because i just dont want it to be that easy for you i want you to learn something from this and go through this because when i bring you out of this (his way) then you are going to be a witness to others.  My saying is yes i have asked for forgiveness and chose to not get sexually involved with him. although the emotion is still there.  I can end this thread as saying, that when you all approach a situation like this one, and i wrote this out here like this cause i know the one who love to bash people will comment, and forget about they own flaws. A fornicator is just what it is i have the word and definition to back it up. Someone who have sex with someone that is not his or her husband. An a adulter is NOT someone who sleeps with a married man. Forget what you heard thats in the bible to not the dictionary. Cause just like god hates fornicators, he hates adulters to .He does  not hold 1 higher than another. Read up on marriage in the bible, the one that was the last one who wrote on here. I am not holding on to something that is not mine, and refuse to mess with anyone elses man. And also, god is going to get all of us that does not live and do by his word, so dont throw that quote on me like hes just gona get a person who sleeps with a married man, and not a liar, a cheater, a thief a whoremonger and etc. Hes comming back for a church( which means us indiviually) without a spot nor a wrinkle. Which would conclude that anyone that is unclean he will spit out of his mouth. Thats why we must confess our sin and turn away daily. You keep saying that i should have turned from my ways(which i have) thats good but since you putting people on chopping blocks have you turned form all of yours and totally accepted him as your personal savior. Cause we all have to stand before him on judgement day. Are you ready. Watch your self.Remember dont judge, unless you to will be judged. Dont that sound familiar, since your are quoting the scriptures. So if you are judgeing me then according to the scriptures let everyone lay their chips on the table. Married or unmarried, but i never went around messing with other peoples husbands anyway, this was just this one time affair.   But it doesnt again make it right. Me, or any woman nor man can change the past they can only create a brighter future for themselves. So if you were in a relationship that was the wife and that happened to you. Let the pain of it go. Cause yall jumped on me fast and quick,like i said i was messed with yall man or something. I guess this ends me talking about this and thank you for hearing my story. The ones that commented.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Susie, you never asked a question.  I must conclude that your only reason for posting this was to create drama.  May go along with your lifestyle choice.  Good luck turning your life around and I sincerely mean that.
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Avatar_f_tn
You say you have "turned from my wicked ways" and "asked for forgiveness", yet you are still involved with a married man, as you said in the beginning. If you really want to make things "right" you need to stay away from this man. He has a wife and you are the other woman. You made the choice to be with a married man, now make the choice to walk away.
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Avatar_f_tn
havent i told all you, when i wrote this, that i wanted to comment on people that was lashing out hard on people that had some situations going on in tthier life, one of which is A woman messing with a married man. The only conclusion here was no one has the right to go hard on anyone about a fault that they have, or had in thier life, if they are not right with themselves either. not in a throwing stone way, i feel like they  should be told what is wrong and etc. but not bashing. but this is my belief. The question was already talked about and for told. Why do people approached women that messed or messing with married men in a way that they do, when most of the population is doing the same wrong. not rying to justify it. im not trying to say not to say anything. And its nothing wrong with critizing them, but its a way to do anything. If you want that person to do right, or live in the right manner, then there is a wy to do that because we are all human and indiviuals. There are good critizem and it is bad. Harsh words turn away. Peace attracts. You can be peaceful and critize at the same time. and maybe you can get through to a whole lotmore that bashing. But thanks for the imput and the replys and i respect your comments. Achange for the better. I have vowed to myself never to do that again though. Not because of what you said but for the hell it brings along with it.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Susie, your first post had no question in it.  It insinuated that others would have made the same choice as you if presented with the same situation.  I think that is rude to imply.  Stones were not thrown though until a few posts down.  You must be used to stones and took comments about turning your life around as insults.  This is not the fault of those here but your own sensitivity.  Again, I can only conclude you were looking for drama.  

As to preaching, well.  Honestly, you lost credibility awhile ago.    I really don't appreciate having someone try to interpret the bible for me in order to make themselves feel better.

I said it before and will say it again, I do feel bad that this has turned out to be your lot in life.  You are human and are just living your life.  Whatever, but in the way you post ------- it provokes a negative response.  Again, you are taking out your anger at all who have made you feel bad about your 9 year affair out on us.  
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973741_tn?1342346373
Whew.  I think I got it and this took some mental handiwork on my part, I will tell you.  Your original post was not about your affair of 9 years and all of the details you gave of it but that people shouldn't judge you because they are sinners too.  You were more making a statement of sorts------- I guess, right?

Well, I do agree that there are ways of saying things and ways not to.  If the subject is general and not to any known individual----------  I think people should be able to share their opinions any way they choose even if it is brutal.  But if the person is telling their own story, I can agree that one should have things said to them that are honest but still with respect.  I can agree with that and will also add that the majority of the posts here were that way.  

The manner in which you wrote things made the subject which is already controversial feel even more a little controversial.  I still think that you are angry at the world and we just helped you vent that.  Anyway, hopefully this is the end of this.  good luck
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Avatar_f_tn
This is the most elaborate self-justification for wrong doing that I have ever heard!!

and your preaching is also self-serving and has become very annoying.

  
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Avatar_f_tn
on your second post at first i do agree, but i did not come on here for drama, and i am not angry at the world. I didn't feel like anyone should have supported me or anyone else for doing wrong, wrong is wrong. And i did put some of my business on here, just as well as commented. but like we agree on i just wanted to say in this forum that people should not get crazed and ignorant calling names in order to vent at someone, because of their use to be or is lifestyle, like you said this is just not protaning to me, just in general. I just turned it personal as of showing , how very harsh judgemental people really is, without looking at their own faults in life as well. cause like i said everyone has sin, how would anyone like it if their trangressions where done the same that is all i am saying though. but i do apoplogize for all the hoopla it caused. i guess it got that way, because everyone was trying to prove a point, and it got out of hand. So no i am not  upset with anyone, because at the end of the day. evveryone is entiltied to their own opinion. and yea, i said some true godly things, and that does not chage what was for myself and anyone else. but i am not trying to be a preacher. Thats not my profession. and i never justified any wrong, because if anyone read the passage correctly i did say i was wrong. like any other women in this situation. and how can it be self serving if the gospel is truth, just because people neglect to hear it. The bible has many verses and scripture. If you fail to understand or comply, Ignorance of the situation is no excuse for me nor anyone else. So dont take this as i was justifying my self, cause i addedtruth, and guilt. Not my innocents. and anyone could say that every Gospel term that i have used as been truth . and it does not self serve me, gods word serves the purpose of everyman that wants to see him one day, whether we want to believe the truth ornot. The truth is i was once doing wrong. Now today i am not. The truth is, people go through things that are not pleasing to every one god nor man we all are guilty of that in some way. That does not make anyone no better than the next one . Because there are some things that you'all would do that maybe i wouldnt or might be saying the same thing that you do. But i can't say that i am in a better place than you(generally) wrong is wrong and right is right. So if a man shall be good let him be. not by our laws, but by gods law. Cause whom are man to judge. Not at all. Not just about my problems but about everyones problems. So yes special mom some of what you say is true about this column, i was making just a statement. and really not a question of a sort. I went on here the other day and saw some people with comments on this same topic, and people just attacked the situation rudely,and they did not and still dont know the whole situation about a person before they just go off. just because someone is messing with a married man. like i said its bad but dane. name calling, and i didn't say you did. but i am just saying. so i wrote this.so yes super mom, this is all you are going to hear from me with this passage. i was just trying to make a statement. Not get this out of hand.(oh, P.S.) If at anytime we hear, or read anyone saying writing or quoting the word of god, ***** monger or what ever, and you can go to the bible and get those same answers from the source, then we should believe it.  God said follow him not man anyway. and God will and can use anyone he sole desires. Not of which a person feels that they are. God never just use santified, glorified people. Sometimes he use people you would never guess that he will use. Just because we feel like na! i shouldn't listen to this because she did this she did that. Then they can miss maybe what god was trying to say to them that was probably meant  for them and not what the true topic is about. So thanks for letting me vent this to the readers.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm with Teko.

As a married woman...I can say if my husband did that...he'd no longer has a reason to be called a man. He'd be out on his rear faster than he could say "sorry babe". And the "woman" who he did it with...well...my nice, calm, non-confrontational side would be gone. This wife of his is either too use to the money and could care less as long as she has a good lifestyle OORRRR she's planning something. Or both. Watch out...she could clean him out, kick him out and you're stuck with him.
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973741_tn?1342346373
susie,  Religion and biblical interpretation is a personal thing and we try not to discuss that in the general forums.  Let's leave it at I don't agree with you on your biblical interpretation and am not interested in discussing it with you.  

I am glad you have given up this lifestyle.  Start over with your child although once you have a baby, things change.  Now you must do as caregiver has said and seek some legal rights for your child.  It is only fair as this child did not ask to be brought into the world under these circumstances.  

Again, let's keep the discussion on topic and your venting on how you've justified this is not helpful to anyone but yourself as you rationalize your life.  I get that you admit your guilt but you want to believe that we are all like you.  That is the bit I will not buy.  It is not true.  I do sin in god's eyes but that is not what we are talking about.  We are talking about moral fiber that comes into play as we make decisions that affect ourselves and other people.  We all evolve and grow and I'm sure you are doing that but your post started out a little in your face-------- "I'm the mistress" and for a second I thought you were going to say something rude about his true wife (who I presume he is now with full time.).  So you didn't speak of how you were remoreseful and would like to change your life and that you recommend that no other ladies get themself into the situation you did which would have brought you empathy.  You tried to tell us we are all just like you.  Not true.  

Let's all move on from this post please.
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285927_tn?1380802356
I think if you are gonna come on here under the guise of deception and cherry pick verses from the bible to more or less put people in their place, then you better go back and read some more and not take things and twist and turn to suit what you want to say by taking them out of context. For example, you say  the bible says sin is sin and there is no sin greater than the other in gods eyes. Yes that verse stands alone doesnt it? But if you have a three year old and the guy across the street is a known pedifile of three year olds are you gonna consider that sin the same as your other neighber lying about coloring her hair? The bible also says it is ok to judge the sin and if you do not agree, then show me where it says it is not. The bible also says it is better for one who hurts a little child to put a milestone around their neck and be thrown into the depths of the ocean than to face god. Does this not insinuate god thinks this sin to be a might worse than some of the others? You tell me bible scholar but I will tell you this? Saving your soul does not depend on what I think but on what god thinks and since god looks upon the heart, I am sure he will understand why I rip yer eyes out for messing with MY man.  I can repent for it later according to you and still go to heaven? Why do I not think that is the way it works? Like I said God looks upon the heart but first you must live with man and take the consequences of your actions here on earth.  U mess with my kids or my man, you gonna lose an eyeball. Need I say more?
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285927_tn?1380802356
Sorry special, we must have been posting at the same time. Case closed.
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I'm in SpecialMom's corner - I'm done
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973741_tn?1342346373
It's okay!   I do think some situations that people find themselves in (or place themselves in) allow for more scrutiny than others no matter what anyone says.  There are things that are morally and socially unacceptable and that is just the way it is.  I think it is fair for people to react to it in an honest way.  If it were my sister, girl friend, a coworker I cared for, cousin--------- whomever that was cheated on in this fashion---------  I'd think the man was crummy but would support them working out their marital issues if that was her desire.  The other woman would be the most unsavory character in the world to me.  That is only natural and human to feel that way.  If it were my sister, girlfriend, coworker I cared for or cousin that was the mistress-------------  I'd beg her to end it and get her life on track.  I actually had a friend that dated a married man.  We were college roommates and after school--------- she got involved with this man.  I told her that I would be happy to speak with her again when she ended the relationship and we did not talk again for 6 months until she did.  I took a really firm stance because I cared about her and wanted her to know that it was NOT okay and also because I was disgusted she was doing it.  I think my response to her was the right one.  

My whole point is that we can't live our life in a way that is blatently wrong and be upset if someone calls us out on it.  I didn't solicit the post but susie came here of her own free will.  She can not be mad that people are disgusted with her 9 year affair and wanting to tell other's not to react to it with that disgust is an unrealistic expectation.  

I hope her life gets better.

Okay, NOW let's all move on.  
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I just want to make a comment, I don't mention Christ because I'm not a religous person.  We all have different beliefs.  But I do know right from wrong.  We are all human and yes, according to the bible judging is a sin but I would rather be judgmental then someone who interferes in someone else's relationship.  Do as you wish, you obviously are using the bible to sugar coat your choices in life.  If you wish to be forgiven, then you need to move on from this relationship and let him be married to his wife and you should find someone who is emotionally and physically available to you and only you.  Good luck.
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Moving on!
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Sorry, I just was mentioned in her above post so that's why I had to comment.  
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1035252_tn?1371343440
LOL I totally get it..I had a nice long reply typed out before I decided that she doesn't deserve any more of my time - for someone who hates how "judgmental" I was, she's awfully judgmental of people who don't agree with her. So...moving on ;-)
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145992_tn?1341348674
LOL...I hear ya.  I agree.
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I am not going to judge, nor comment on your relationship with a married man. What I am concerned with, however, is your child. I'm just curious about what he/she knows about his/her father and your relationship, and how you think it will affect his/her future?
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yes, i did put my comment on her, but we have been on this topic for a long time, and at the end of the day, someone let go something they once did that was not good. But just like special mom said she had a firend that was dealing with a married man and she stopped, but do that make special mom better than her or can look down on her, cause the woman made a mistake. cause special mom chose to do something else than what this woman has done. Yes everyone have different beliefs about the bible. But when you are talking about right and wrong, if god cant be apart of the decussion of wrong to make wrong a better, then why comment on a persons life anyway. Cause at the end of the day. We have a final destination place here. We are not just exisitng on earth waiting to die. We are here for a purpose. And Beliefs or not. The bible is in plain english. God say he made the wod so plain that even a fool could not error it. So its been said and so it is written. God word is like a two edge sword. (cutting going in and comming out) and Some eople want to run from that. Like god said people will do on judgement day. Want to say well, i am talking about your sin not mine, as if your wrong and sin does not matter. But it does cause we have to answer to someone higher thatn anyone else on this earth, and his name is jesus. So yes i will not talk about that anymore. and that is cool. but when wrong is involved, regaurdless, God should show up to the party. Heck  satan came. Why not bring God to clean out the sin sick soul. Like i said what ever i said came from the bible. and it was upported, for what ever reason, justification or cause. A person messing with a married man, is no different that two single people having sex and not married. If that is not true then why is it that you are married and not just having sex staying together with no papers calling your self common law. God ordanes marriages. you all want to live under some things of the law of god but would love to deleete the things that you dont want to deal with. No you talking about me but if you do that arent you luke warm too. just like i was. God too will spit you out his mouth. Thats why i say no one is different than the other. Unless they bring forth a change within themselves. a follow that bible completely. So unless you follow the bible fully. Then you are no more than an unrighteous sinner, just like anyone else that doesn't follow him. Not being a child of god , means that you are a child of satan, It is either one or the other. No one can serve two masters. Like i said look up the scriptures for yourself. reguardless what i have done i have repented and turned from my wicked ways and ran back to jesus. cause i fell down,but i got back up again. and i said you cant say what you wont do cause when you are a slave to sin, and satan is your god, no telling what you might get your self into. Like many other people do. Every one makes mistakes, and have situations and they are free willed, so on that you are right. and maybe thats why i feel like god said do not judge, but i did put my personal situaion on here. so maybe that was my fault, but there are many more woman and men out there that do  that(sleep with married people) But dont be so quick to judge harshly, if you are here to help someone and give advice. Cause why give advice to help, when you treat anyone in such a manner in a way that they are not going to listen to you.I am not talking to everyone on here though, cause some did not act in such manner but some did, Maybe i forgot to say that earlier. Again i am not upset. I keep saying that. Why am I going to be upset with something i chose to do. I am Good with squaring my shoulders and accepting responsibility. .
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my child knows her father, and when it comes down to her and her father, what we had together is seperate from him being a father he can be. This is his first child, and he is a great father, and he has let nothing come between that. hes more of a discplinary than i am, I am nore leniet on her than he. I guess thats just how fathers are to their children. He gives her support, cause he pays his support and he does extra, and never complained about doing so. He was put on child support, cause like common sense wise to me, he is married. But that never stopped him from being a parent or support wise. i really dont know, but i feel like parents should not have to be together for a child to still have two parents in their lives. And just like my father, i did not grow up with him in the home, but still i knew who he was, he supported me, and he is a great dad, and my dad was in my like, and everytime i needed my dad,and etc. He was there. and i hope to this goes the same way. Cause i dont see it changing at this point otherwise. I am not going to say i will never speak to him again. Cause I beleive when it comes down to raisng a child. it has nothing to do with two grown people and they past situations. So i am big on parenting. I am not a type of person, where i go arond being with different types of men or anything. I am a decent citizen of america that just got wrapped up in the wrong indivual, due to a badchoice in life. My child is not a baby,( which i know you didnt say that) but she's old enough to understand everything and his wife and my child knows about the baby, ahe knows her age, she knew he came if at nothing but just to see the baby. She was not in the dark about anything. She said that she did not want to be in it(as far as the drama of it). and dont call her, and do not come by her job or etc,. and she would not call me. She said this years ago. She said what ever happens or what ever you need to do you do that. Do not involve her. because i didnot marry her, he did, and i was not there when the marriage vows were said. i did not make that committment to her. I was just being alike any other women that does this kind of thing.So she said she is not going to take out her fustration on me. I dont call her or bother with her, and in dealing with him with the child, i deal with him, i dont deal with her. I dont even have to speak with her at all. So thats how that works on that end. but what we've done has nothing to do with him being a father to his child.( not saying that you said it would though) i am just saying .
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I give a lot of advice to people that actually ask questions.  You didn't come here for advice though.  

Now, I'm moving on to more productive topics.  Luck to all to be the best person they can be.
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Lots of good stuff here and I agree - sometimes people can rationalize their affairs/cheating to the point where you might tend to see their point of view.  I'm not sure what the poster's question really was but wrong is wrong.  It is a question of morals and ethics.  Messing with a married person is wrong no matter how one tries to justify.  I guess in the long run, like other responders said, just ensure the child is taken care of and raised correctly as not to repeat the sins of the mother.
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People are going to do basically what they want to do, and nooone can stop the willingness of either party involved. It is about a persons state of being and moral ethics. At the time of the sins that they create, but, when you are in a sinful state then there is no telling what you will do until you totally give your life to god. And that is not rationalizing.Thats facts. So thats why consider the way things are commented sometimes. The person allegendly wrote this never said that they were right, so how could it be rationalizing when someone said look i was wrong. She just but a but behind it, for the ones that still do, because she understands she's been there. Not saying that she condones it. But true enough everyone has faults so.......if she was a ho, when she did that what was you if, and when you did what ever ( not speaking to anyone inpaticular) you have done. Dont be so quick to cast the first stone. thats why i dont look down on liars, thieves, drug users and etc. i dont condone it, but you understand that that person has something going on in there lives at that moment, inwhich they chose to forget about god's will, and when you do that. And go on your feelings you omit good and go to evil.When you are in that state of mind set at that time you are not considering the other indiviual. But everyone has to live there life the best way they can and this will not stop the growing number of affairs that happen everyday, so isnt no need for me to continue this forum.
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Okay,  good luck susie.

One thing I will pray for is that people grow their character and inner will power to say no to things like affairs.  Anything is possible and as people stand up for what is right and wrong and we all pray for people to do right, maybe the number of affairs will lesson.  I sure hope so.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Ha, I said lesson.  Freudian slip----------  I meant lessen but haven't we all learned a lesson here too?  I learned one but will keep it to myself to remain polite.

Okay, off to try and be a good person.  Wish me luck!
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I don't feel sorry for you since you knew the man was married from the beginning. As for God he doesn't approve of anyone man or woman sleeping with someone who is married it is adultery no one way about it. As for someone who says she knows this by reading the bible she doesn't really know anything. I read the bible daily you are know as a jezebel in the bible. I'm a catholic an what you did is wrong you need to forgive yourself and move on. Go talk to a good preist about what you have done and go to church to find a way out of the mess you have made of you life and the poor innocent child you concieved with this man because the only who one is going to be hurt and damaged in the long run is the child not you. Start to change yourself god does forgive us all for what we have done. It will be a start in the right direction for you to find god. Being know has a homewrecker isn't a way to live your life. I know someone who is a person just like this and she doesn't care about anybody accept herself. she has destroyed marriages and families for years and is still doing it. Don't turn out like her were you care for know one especially yourself. One more thing this homewrecker, jezebel, and only chases married man doesn't care about the man only herself. She has no friends, no family to call her own, neighbors hate her, she calls the cops on people all the time, she is known as a troublemaker, and if you hangout with someone like that you eventually will be just like them. Now that is a sad way to live life. Am speaking from experience cause I have a woman just like you in my life right now who is doing it to my own husband he has nothing to do with our children cause of her she doesn't want him to have anyone just a beer in his hand all the time. I'm telling you its not worth being someone like her but you have a good start on it now. Do something right and get yourself out of the mess you made.
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I don't feel sorry for you since you knew the man was married from the beginning. As for God he doesn't approve of anyone man or woman sleeping with someone who is married it is adultery no one way about it. As for someone who says she knows this by reading the bible she doesn't really know anything. I read the bible daily you are know as a jezebel in the bible. I'm a catholic an what you did is wrong you need to forgive yourself and move on. Go talk to a good preist about what you have done and go to church to find a way out of the mess you have made of you life and the poor innocent child you concieved with this man because the only who one is going to be hurt and damaged in the long run is the child not you. Start to change yourself god does forgive us all for what we have done. It will be a start in the right direction for you to find god. Being know has a homewrecker isn't a way to live your life. I know someone who is a person just like this and she doesn't care about anybody accept herself. she has destroyed marriages and families for years and is still doing it. Don't turn out like her were you care for know one especially yourself. One more thing this homewrecker, jezebel, and only chases married man doesn't care about the man only herself. She has no friends, no family to call her own, neighbors hate her, she calls the cops on people all the time, she is known as a troublemaker, and if you hangout with someone like that you eventually will be just like them. Now that is a sad way to live life. Am speaking from experience cause I have a woman just like you in my life right now who is doing it to my own husband he has nothing to do with our children cause of her she doesn't want him to have anyone just a beer in his hand all the time. I'm telling you its not worth being someone like her but you have a good start on it now. Do something right and get yourself out of the mess you made.
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