bf dealing with xwife kids

[LV0204]

i've been dating my bf for 2 1/2 years, we've been talking about moving in together. i am hesitant about this because he was married before with a woman that already had two kids when they met and then  had one child together. my bf picks up his child and his ex-wifes kids twice a week and he will take care of all three kids when the exwife goes out of town for work or for pleasure. he was married  for like a total of fiven years. my question is "is this normal for him to still take care of the step kids and pay xtra child support "  

[iam1butterfly]

I don't know how common it is; but, I sure give your bf a lot of credit.
So, are you hesitant because of the shared time that you'll have with the kids?
Or, are you thinking that your bf is over-extended and bearing far more than his fair
share of financial responsibility?
It's quite understandable if you answered, yes to either question as either scenario will have a significant impact on you should you decide to move in with him. Just keep in mind that if you accept living with him; you'll have to accept life with his kids.
Now, if you're up to the challenge without any issues or voicing any complaints, then go for the living together arrangement. But, if you're not entirely comfortable, perhaps that's where the "hesitation" that you mentioned comes in, then you better hold off moving in together... as the saying goes, "when in doubt, don't."

[megochick101]

I think it is great for him to take his step children and his child in. You have to think of it this way, he was married for 5 years to this woman so he was a father to her kids for five years and he probably still sees himself as their father even now. Especially if their real father isn't in the picture. He should be praised for still thinking of them as his kids and letting them have a father in their lives.

Like iam1butterfly said though, are you hesitant about sharing his time with the kids or about him being overly nice about the situation?

Have you met the kids or spent time with them? If not I would advise getting to know them better before moving in with him. That way they don't feel like you are trying to take their father away. But if you are really serious about each other i would go ahead and move in.

[jo929]

If you are having doubts now, you will have more later if you move in with him especially if you have a child with him, then will he be able to support that many children, if he did not make it with her, do you have doubts that yours will work, if so just wait, and give it some time  luck  jo

[mami1323]

I think it is very honorable for him to do this.  My fiance was married before and he helped raise her child.  When they separated she refused to let him see her son that she had that wasn't his even though he wanted to take care of him.  I think it's a great thing that he's doing that.  Although he's not obligated to pay support for those kids, its his decision and if he can handle it than I think its really up to him to decide if he wants to stop.  

[vhc09]

he really needs to focus on raising his kid. after 2.5 years i guess you feel you've invested alot of time so its hard to let go, but moving in, maybe having yet another kid with you, it sounds like a lot of chaos to me. wouldn't it be nice to marry a guy with no ex and no kids and start a family where everyone lives together all the time? alot more peaceful and healthy for the kids.

[imanaddict]

I certainly understand where you're coming from! Honestly I don't know which side of the fence I'm on though. I highly respect your boyfriend for taking on the fatherly role for those children. Not many men would do that, especially after a break up. He is evidently very close to them and they to him.

Have you talked to him about this? Have you tried to get to know these kids? Would their mother not let him see them anymore if he refuses to pay support? Has he ever considered going for custody (for his child, not hers)? Is it JUST the money that's the issue, or is it the attention?