Aa
big problem need all the help i can get
Well ive been dating the same girl for 2 years, always faithful 100%. well we ended up breaking up for 4 months and got back together at the start of july, i had fooled around and had sex with 1 girl in that whole time and i know she kissed 2 guys (from what shes told me) and swears that she never ever had sex with anyone while we were apart, so i lied and told her i also had not had any sexual encounters aswell, well that turned out to bite me straight in the behind, i recently started not feeling so hot in the genitals and had a small discharge and slight burn when i urinated, i went and got tested and came back positive for chlamydia, the doctor gave two pills and said it would be gone, the hard part is telling the girl im so in love with that i had a vd. how do i adress this? she has to know for her health, but i have been wondering could it have came from her or the girl before, the girl before was months prior to us getting back together, is it possible i didnt know i had it for 2 months? i am absolutely in love with this girl, and personally i dont care what she did while we were apart, i cant hold a grudge and i would forgive her instantly i just need help with how i should bring about this whole conversation, im not very good with words at all, i just really hope she stays after i tell her, i was a wreck for 4 months i dont know if i can do it again
You know, it's really too bad, using condoms could have prevented this whole problem. Both the problem of getting the chlamydia in the first place (if you got it from the other girl), and the problem of passing it on to your girlfriend. I have to ask, why don't you use condoms?
In my opinion as a female, here is a speech that you could say that would work. It would have to be accompanied by your mental clarity that you never intend to lie to your beloved again. If you are absolute on that, you will have the groundedness to make the speech.
The speech:
"I have to tell you about something that happened when we were broken up. I was really lonely. I went to a party and got really drunk, and I slept with a girl. It was just that one time. When you and I got back together, I was just so relieved and happy that I was afraid to tell you about it. I was afraid it would ruin things between us, so I lied. I am SO SORRY I lied. I wish I could take it back, and I never will lie to you again. It's my pledge from this moment forward for the rest of our lives.
"Now, I need you to know, last week I went to the doctor because I had some symptoms, and learned I have chlamydia. Since we've been having unprotected sex, you could have it too. It's not so serious for me, but if you don't get checked and treated if you have it, it could be serious for you. So, you need to get checked, and we need to be treated at the same time so we don't pass it back and forth.
"Again, I'm so sorry, and if you want to break up with me about the lying, it will kill me but I'll understand how you feel."
She'll probably be mad but I doubt she will leave you, unless you somehow don't seem to mean it when you say you will never lie to her again.
ps -- To be a decent human being, you also need to locate the girl from the party and tell her she probably has chlamydia. Her future fertility is at stake.
In my opinion as a female, here is a speech that you could say that would work. It would have to be accompanied by your mental clarity that you never intend to lie to your beloved again. If you are absolute on that, you will have the groundedness to make the speech.
The speech:
"I have to tell you about something that happened when we were broken up. I was really lonely. I went to a party and got really drunk, and I slept with a girl. It was just that one time. When you and I got back together, I was just so relieved and happy that I was afraid to tell you about it. I was afraid it would ruin things between us, so I lied. I am SO SORRY I lied. I wish I could take it back, and I never will lie to you again. It's my pledge from this moment forward for the rest of our lives.
"Now, I need you to know, last week I went to the doctor because I had some symptoms, and learned I have chlamydia. Since we've been having unprotected sex, you could have it too. It's not so serious for me, but if you don't get checked and treated if you have it, it could be serious for you. So, you need to get checked, and we need to be treated at the same time so we don't pass it back and forth.
"Again, I'm so sorry, and if you want to break up with me about the lying, it will kill me but I'll understand how you feel."
She'll probably be mad but I doubt she will leave you, unless you somehow don't seem to mean it when you say you will never lie to her again.
ps -- To be a decent human being, you also need to locate the girl from the party and tell her she probably has chlamydia. Her future fertility is at stake.
this is the hardest thing i have even needed to do, i hungout with her tonight and she seemed so happy, so i didnt break the news, a few days wont hurt right? i know i have to tell her but losing her again is going to be terrible and i dont think she will ever forgive me, but who knows. she was straight up anytime i asked her if she kissed someone or if she was messing around she would answer and tell me everything so i really think she has nothing to hide, hell with my luck ill tell her she'll get tested and nothing will be wrong. i just wish i could of had a luckier card and was able to just leave my skeletons in my closet, i really love this girl. seems like all the guys who cheat on their girls and play around never get caught but when i get lonely and make one bad decision and things get better it turns out it gets worse. the hardest part is going to be able to get the words out, i honestly dont even know how to start this conversation, i dont know if i can look into her eyes and see the girl that i love so much break down and cry or get angry with me, i feel like it would really just tear me apart
Good luck. In your favor -- you were broken up. You were drunk, it was one time.
Not in your favor -- you lied. You're going to have to do some patching up of that one over time, in the future, if she forgives you.
Not in your favor -- you lied. You're going to have to do some patching up of that one over time, in the future, if she forgives you.
This is a tricky one because your girlfriend could have very well lied as well and could be the one to have given it to you. I think it's time for the both of you to lay the cards out on the table and get it out of the way so you can proceed. Beginning a relationship (even if you had been broken up) on a lie is no way to kick it off again. It's time for some honesty which will give one (or both) of you a big sigh of relief. I do not know much about chlamydia, so I don't know if it "hides" in your system or not, but if have been sexually active with your girlfriend, yes, you both need to be treated. I hope it all works out for you!
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Okay, I would handle it like this --------- sit her down and talk and tell her you lied. I think some things can go unsaid but this will haunt you. You can tell her that you were broken up and you didn't want to hurt her and you don't know why you did it and it was TERRRIBLE and you HATED it and thought about her the whole entire time. And you so regretted it and didn't want it to come between you. So you made a mistake and lied. And as it turns out, the skank had an std that you now have and she needs to be tested for. You are ashamed and disgusted with yourself. You love her and only want to be with her and just felt like you needed to tell her the truth.
Then wait, hold your breath and hope for the best. The problem with telling her to get tested and not telling her all the details why is that she will start to take this apart like a puzzle. She'll start to question you and become distrustful and that will unravel a tight relationship. If you come clean and swear up and down that this was the only lie you told her and you'll never ever lie again-------- she is more apt to trust you overall than to have her piece meal try to figure out how you got vd.
Anyway, sounds like you already came to this conclusion as I read your second post and I think that is a wise decision. If you have to--------- show her this thread of posts. good luck.
Then wait, hold your breath and hope for the best. The problem with telling her to get tested and not telling her all the details why is that she will start to take this apart like a puzzle. She'll start to question you and become distrustful and that will unravel a tight relationship. If you come clean and swear up and down that this was the only lie you told her and you'll never ever lie again-------- she is more apt to trust you overall than to have her piece meal try to figure out how you got vd.
Anyway, sounds like you already came to this conclusion as I read your second post and I think that is a wise decision. If you have to--------- show her this thread of posts. good luck.
and by tell her i ment tell her about the girl while we were broken up, i just wanted to forget that i had messed around and let things go, i hope she forgives me im telling her today when she gets up, i just wish things would have worked out in my favor for once.
i would never lie to her so of course i would fess up if she asked, and it was most definatly a one time thing the one and only time, i was really drunk and lonely at a party and made the mistake. i regret it and did even before i got this sti. i cant lose this girl i really love her, one of my closest friends said if she loves you she'll stay and if she doesnt she will admire your honesty and courage. its the hardest thing ive ever had to do.the reason i didnt tell her is because i wanted to forget all the bad and concentrate on our lives now. i have the worst luck, people out there sleep with multiple people a day and never catch a think but the one time im feelin heartache and make a bad decision and things start to get better an even worse situation pops up. im feelin real down and not looking forward to this face to face conversation. just tonight she said i was her soul mate and i was perfect.. really hits the heart hard.
http://www.cdc.gov/std/chlamydia/STDFact-Chlamydia.htm points out that it can be very damaging to a woman's fertility to have untreated chlamydia. So tell her sooner rather than later, like, today.
Maybe you can finesse it. Tell her, "I have chlamydia, and I think you should get tested for it too, because if we both have it, we could pass it back and forth between us forever." If she's smart, she'll want to know how you got it, but she might give you a bye on that question. If she does ask directly, say "I don't know." Since you don't, for sure, know. (You have at least two candidates, for one thing.) If she asks directly if you had sex with someone else, I'm afraid it's time to fess up. Hint -- if you have to confess, the thing she won't forgive is if you say you loved someone in that short time. If you say it was a one-time physical thing, and you didn't want to tell her before because it meant nothing and you two were broken up at the time anyway, she might forgive you.
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