biology said yes, relationship says no

[kjbandme]

I'm 41 and 6 weeks pregnant for the very first time. It was unplanned. I was using the fertility awareness method (FAM) and just got overly confident I guess-- honestly didn't think I could get pregnant.  The relationship is only six months old, love each other but he's younger (34) and not ready, neither do I feel ready-- he definitely wants to have an abortion. I've been feeling so sick lately that I can't seem to get my head around a decision but I know I have to... I still just can't believe I'm pregnant.  Want to hear from ladies out there with similar experiences or insights in this situation.  How would I do this alone? How do you do this with an unwilling partner?

[carolina30]

I could never have an abortion.  My sister had one and it destroyed her.  If you consent to sex then you consent to the possibility of becoming a parent.

I hope your pregnancy ends in a happy birth and destiny.

BTW, I was in a relationship and I became pregnant at an awkward time.  I never once thought of having an abortion.

[BabyHardiman]

I agree with Carolina30, you had sex and you knew what could happen.  I am not going to lecture you about abortion because it only gets me into trouble and way too worked up.

This may be your last chance to have a child, have you given that any thought?  I would wait until you see your little one on an ultrasound to make your decision, I saw my little girl on ultrasound at 8 weeks along, you could see her body, her head, and little arms, and the starting of her little legs, it was an amazing sight.  I would ask your partner to join you in watching your baby on screen.

Does he have any other children?

[treazzure007]

bump a partner.  you're 41.  baby making days are limited.  as long as you're willing to be in it (parenthood) for the long haul and want it with all your might, i say go for it.  

sometimes the only person in life you can count on is yourself.  the only person many children can count on is mom.  women from all walks of life are finding that out everyday.  you can do it.  loving and caring for your child comes easier than learning to do anything on this planet

[SeriousSam]

If you want to talk about the choices abortion or otherwise I can try to be an unbiased devils advocate.  Given some of the religipous origins of some people I think you might already be on the border of being flamed lol.  I've been in the situation from the male perspective, granted, but I'd be willing to try to help.

Be blessed
Sam

[AnxiousGurl]

I agree with all thee above...

if he's not ready and not willing to take the responsibility for his actions than he can go on his merry way, you can only count on yourself these days as treasurez said, but make sure he pays up. He atleast owes you that much if he decides to be a deadbeat. Who knows as time goes on maybe he'll change his mind. I could never have an abortion no matter what my circumstances, that is a human being that is a blessing.
Good luck.

[brooklyn_gal]

Have you considered adoption?

[carolina30]

SeriousSam,

No one is unbiased--a devil's advocate takes a bias that is not popular and it helps to bring an awareness to that fact--it also highlights deficiencies in strategies.

Cheerio!

[AnxiousGurl]

lol catie. No disrespect SS.

The choice is up to her whether its:abortion, adoption or to keep it....whatever you decide to do kjbandme...best wishes

[goodeys]

I'm with SeriousSam on this one, I think that you are very brave to post about abortion on this site. I went through the same situation recently and whilst I was pondering my options I thought about posting on here and then thought better of it.

I have had a termination recently and I can honestly say that it was the right decision and I personally do not have any regrets. I am not mentally fit to have another child at the moment and it was in everyone's best interests for me not to continue with the pregnancy.

I would sit down and think long and hard about whether you do ever see children in your future, if the answer is yes then bear in mind that there is never a right time to have children and there is always a reason not to as nothing is ever perfect. Do you see yourself staying with this man? If you had the baby would your relationship continue, would he stand by you? Will the relationship continue if you have a termination, will you be able to get through it together? Make sure that what ever you decide it is your decision and that you are happy that you can stand by your decision for the rest of your life.

The choice is yours and yours alone, it is also a very legal choice in a lot of countries so don't let people's opinions sway you whatever you decide. It is a hard one to make but you will get there in the end and please feel free to PM me if you need anything.

Best of luck to you, I know that this is far from easy

xxx

[MrsOckert]

I had an abortion 24 years ago and I regret everyday that goes by that I did it.  At 41 you don't have too many days or opportunity's left to have a child.  Your post mentioned biology says it's right, etc.

It sounds like you want a child.  DFS and child services are there for a reason.  If you feel overwhelmed go and fill out paperwork and get whatever help is available.  They will also fill out the paperwork for your boyfriend to pay child support.  Whatever you feel about it it's only right for the child to receive financial support from the father.

If you go through with it at first you may feel relief that's it's over.  But as the years pass and you don't get pregnant again.  The closer you get to menopause the worse you're going to feel.  The more days you'll spend crying thinking about this growing child that isn't.

Sometimes we only get one chance.  What do you want to do with yours?  

[BabyHardiman]

Your story always hurts to read.  I want to thank you for always coming forward and sharing your experiences.

No matter if you use the word "abortion" or "termination" the result is still the same... you are still ending a precious life.

[angelica122]

its ur own decision.... though d days r pretty less for u to go for another child but if u r not willing to b a parent u cannot force urself n go for d child's birth... emotions vary frm women to women n if dis abortion doesnt affect ur emotions too den go for it... its better to go for an abortion instead of callin ur own baby "an unwanted child".......... but juz think twice before takin dis decision... dis will affect ur whole life......

[kjbandme]

Thank you so much for your kind and sane words. Why on 'this site' is abortion so touchy?  isn't this a medical website?  it's funny how this has gone from being a political issue to a very personal one... in any case thank you and hearing your story certainly does encourage me to think everything through... i'm taking a few days off to do that. will keep in touch.

[drmwvrjean]

kj,
i am in total agreement with goodeys.  and you are right, this is a medical website, but to be totally fair, you were not really asking a technical medical question, but a personal one....

i know it is a hard choice and people can get very passionate about this subject, especially those of us that are mother's and know what a joy a child is, even in the worst of situations.  i believe that it is a womans choice and we should have the freedom to make that choice, and goodeys is right....you need to make an informed decision and do what YOU think is right.  take care and God bless!!  xxxxx

[Jaybay]

  Well, you asked for insight from people in a similar situation.  I am like MrsOckert.  I aborted my child over 20 years ago, and have regretted it every single day since.  I never gave myself a chance to think about it and allowed the father's wishes to guide my actions.  Ultimately, it was all my choice and I will bear the guilt of my actions until the day I die.  

That is something you don't hear much about in the ongoing abortion debates: the mental aspect of the potential mother.  I grew up hearing how "lucky" women were to finally have this wonderful "choice" and "reproductive freedom."  What a bunch of bull tacos.  I know the truth of the matter: I killed my one and only child.  I never could conceive again and now it's too late.  Men and women who have never been through an abortion really have no idea how emotionally damaging it is.

This topic is not something I talk about.  Not many people who know me know what I did.  Why?  Because I am ashamed of myself - weak word though that is.  The more time that goes by, the more I am convinced there is no forgiveness for my actions.  Mine.  Me.  Not the father.  Not the doctor.  Not society.  Not my parents.  Me.

Were I able to do it all over again knowing what I know now, I never would have done it.  Whether I would have put the child up for adoption, I don't know.  What I do know is that I am tortured and will be for the rest of my life.  And it's my own d*** fault.  It was the ultimate act of selfishness.

I can only hope that more women question that so-called "choice" and look further than the immediate removal of a problem.  Abortion not only kills a child; it is an emotional killer as well.

[AnxiousGurl]

Oh here they are........I didnt know what happened to the thread..........yes it IS a medical thread but it gets personal when you speak of a human being a fetus who didnt choose life or death. Thats all. I wish you the best.

[pixijal]

Maybe the difficulty in your decision is a pure lack of knowledge.  I have ultrasound pictures of all three of my children at exactly 6 weeks pregnant.  They have little beating hearts that you can see and count who very quickly turn into amazing people.  It is nothing but murder to make the choice to end it.  

I truly wish you well, and will pray that you can be strong and get through this very difficult time in your life.  There are WORSE things that can happen to a grown woman other than pregnancy.  

[Pips]

My personal opinion of abortion happens to mirror many of those that have already posted, including pixijal ... however, I do understand how kjbandme is feeling right now.  I too found myself pregnant at a time in my life when it was not optimal and I would be lying if I told you that the thought of abortion never crossed my mind, no matter how fleeting it was.

From what I read of your post, it isn't looking to me like abortion is necessarily the path you wish to choose.  It looks to me like you are scared and are feeling very alone.  Let me assure you from someone that has been there... There will be no joy in your life (both past experiences and those to come) that will compare with the joy that child will bring into your life.  Can you do it alone?  Absolutely!  It is amazing what women are capable of when put to the test.  It can feel like a thankless job at times, but the rewards are endless as well.

As far as the boyfriend goes ... if it works out great for you and great for your child.  If it doesn't ... you can take over those roles yourself and find family and friends to help out with that male role model as well.

I wish you the best of luck and please keep us posted.

[ania_2]

What about becoming a parent frightens you? You say "neither do I feel ready-- he definitely wants to have an abortion", it sounds like his feelings are swaying your decision about what to do. I am personally against abortion unless it must be done for medical reasons. Children are a blessing, a gift from God. Not many people feel ready to become parents when they find out they are pregnant. A child is a lifelong committment. Good luck making your decision.

[SeriousSam]

Abortion is "bad" on this site largely because because of the education/religious background of the most militant posters. who have started to make their presence known on your post.

Plus it depends on the amount of regret that the people have regarding their lives.

Neither myself, nor my family members have had easy lives, as I offered before I am here if you want to bounce ideas off of someone.

[peekawho]

We often find ourselves regretting major decisions in our lives.  Those who do regret such a major decision will obviously be more vocal about it, and will want to share what happened to them.

I believe that such a personal decision should be made after much soul searching and examining all the options.  If it remains the right decision FOR YOU, after looking at all angles, you should do what you feel is best.

[kjbandme]

I'm interested in your opinion on all this from the man's perspective... my boyfriend has been helpful, came to dr. with me, cooked for me but everything is this awful burden on his face-- I would hate for a child to see that look on their father, resentful, like I have gone from being his wonderful girlfriend to a burdensome complication in his life.

He never looks happy to see me anymore. He doesn't want to make bigger commitments in light of the situation (live together or get married) but also doesn't want to break up. I feel that just dating in this situation causes more problems than it's worth, too much uncertainty and weirdness. He wants to have an abortion. He's being sort of passive-aggressive. I called him late one night to ask for help (I had a splitting migraine, was dizzy and throwing up) and he ignored my calls and then lied about having heard the messages. I was stunned... I could use a sense of security and protection right now, I haven't felt this vulnerable in a long time.

[BabyHardiman]

Is this is first child?

I have to say that my sister was sick her entire pregnancy, and it wore thin on my brother in law, he never looked happy either.  

Do you guys talk about anything other than the pregnancy?  Maybe a little break from it all would help.  It is still all so new to him.  

I am a mother and I am very proud of my little mini me.  Her name is Ava, and my pregnancy was complicated.  I knew her Daddy only 2 months, and like you I did not think that I could get pregnant - after all I was 30 years old and had only been pregnant once and that was 10 years prior.  I was a dumb butt for not using protection, but I have what is called a didelphic uterus, so I was only given a 30% chance of becoming pregnant and even less percentage to have a healthy pregnancy.  I was told by the doctors that I could conceive, but it was unlikely that the implantation would hold.  

I know you are tired of hearing that kids are "blessings", but I am here to tell you that Ava is a blessing to me... she is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.  Yeah she gives me a migraine every now and then, but mostly she is a great baby, my little cuddle bug.  

Now I'm ready to try for another baby, docs say it's not safe because of the uterus shape and the incision from the c-section.  My uteri (I have two of everything) are half the size of a "regular" uterus.  Ava was breech and was only 17 inches long and weighed 5lbs 12ozs.

Can I ask if you ever fantasize about your baby?  Do you ever wonder what the sex of the baby is?  Just curious.

  

[kjbandme]

yeah it's his first child and only his third serious relationship. we did take a break on date night, I said "no more pregnancy" talk we went to a movie and dinner and had fun, by the end of the night I realized "I like this guy" but I still can't get over the not taking my calls that night I was sick-- just felt like he doesn't have my back.

of course I fantasize about this baby. I mean I love this guy and when I look in his eyes and think this baby might have his eyes I just melt... but what sense does it make if it's going to be an awful situation for this child?  

so you knew your baby's daddy only 2 months? what happened to him, what happened to the relationship?

[hntrsmm]

I conceived my son the first time I slept with his father. When I found out I was prego I was scared he wouldn't care. 5 years later, his father and I are not together, and he has been unreliable. I do not know what I would do without my son.  I believe in the choice, but it wasn't for me, especially now since I probably wont have more kids.

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I really can't add anything else to what anyone else has already said.  Please don't think anyone is judging you.  No one is trying to judge you.  We can only speak to you from our own perspectives and our own experience or from the experience from others that we have known in life.

I have 5 kids and never thought I would have so many, but my life is so full and I often times think about what the holidays will be like at my house many years from now.  In a way, I can't wait!  In a way, I can because I will be much older!!!!

I know you love this guy, but (just hypothetically), what if you did terminate this pregnancy?  And what if you two broke up anyway??  You may really regret it then.  You may think to yourself "Here I aborted this baby for him and now he is not in my life anymore".  I mean, I don't know.....I am just throwing that out there.

I can say that my first pregnancy was when I was 17 and I was terrified to tell my parents; especially since my mom tried to put me on the pill the year before and I declined.  But I did it and I am much stronger today for it.

Like everyone else has said, make sure to make an informed decision.  And really think about the fact that he wasn't there for you when you needed him.  That is HUGE in a relationship whether there is a child involved or not.  You should be able to count on the person you are involved with.

[BabyHardiman]

We are still together.  We met on June 23, and I conceived Ava around August 13.  He is a fantastic father.  He already had 3 little girls when I met him by 2 different women, so I am the third mother.  Thinking of being 3rd was hard for me.  I was selfishly thinking that my baby would not receive the attention that she deserved from her father - and I was TERRIFIED of becoming a single parent - which almost happened more than once because I was constantly paranoid.  This is a tough life, but Ava brightens every day for me.

If you are fantasizing about your little one, then I think you will be devistated if you abort him or her.  That of course is just my thought.  I loved Ava's father before I found out I was pregnant, but I TRULY loved him when the prengancy was confirmed.  I looked at her Daddy differently too.  His eyes were different to me.  I day dreamed about his eyes the whol pregnancy hoping that Ava had those same eyes.  

All the while I still worried about the equality of our relationship with all the kids that were involved - we have a LARGE extended family, so many opinions, so many beliefs, so many different relationships to juggle... it is really tough.  

On top of that worry I also worried about my own health.  That is how I found MedHelp, I found this wonderful sight while researching my uterine anomoly.  I would like to recommend visiting the Maternal and Child Forum - there are MANY women with Loads of pregnancy knowledge there.. and there is also the Pregnancy 18 - 34 or Pregnancy over 35 forum - great groups of women here to offer support and knowledge with whatever you decide.

I wish that you felt excited, and I wish that your boyfriend would show more support.  Some men need to feel like they will not have to "do" anything.. they just want to be the creater.  I hope that doesn't offend anyone.  But to me it's true.  My brother in law didn't want anything to do with the morning sickness, the gestational diabetes, the hemoroids, the doctors appointments, the pre-op visits - nothing - he just wanted the 9 months to hurry up and pass... but he is a great father.    

[MrsOckert]

I find myself being very offended by your comment (both on behalf of myself and others on here).

I haven't noticed anyone being "militant" in their approach to this very specific topic.  Everyone has opinions be they for or against.  But I certainly haven't read any posts on here browbeating this woman or telling her what an awful person she is for even considering the option.  OF course she's considering it.  With the father pushing for it (either silently or verbally) she has to consider it, but we who have been through it are telling her what happened to us.  Will that happen to her?  Maybe not, but I wish someone had told me what I would be feeling years later.

If she truly was gung ho about having an abortion I don't think she would have posted a question on an anonymous website.  She would have terminated the pregnancy without a second thought.  But obviously she is having thoughts and wanted some other peoples opinions.  Whether she likes them or not.

And the only time I've told anyone about this was on a different thread a couple weeks ago and now this one.  I've never told a living soul in 20 years about the "choice" I made.  And like Jaybay, I've lived with the sorrow for over 20 years.

If sharing that with someone is being militant so be it.

[kjbandme]

please don't argue amongst yourselves and help me, serious sam would like to hear from you re: guys perspective, thanks, this is the hardest decision of my life, no she's not gung ho about any of it.

[momagain59]

Would it be different if you knew he wanted you to have it?

What would you do if you knew that this is your only chance to be a Mom?

Have you ever thought of yourself as one that would have an abortion?

What do you mean, how would you do this alone?

Has he ever got anyone else pregnant?

There are no guarantees in life to any relationships. I know alot of great single parents. Some of the best parents that I know are single parents. Do you have any family members or friends that would be willing to help you with your baby? I am sure being so sick makes all of this alot worse. It usually doesn't last through the whole pregnancy. Please make sure you do what is right for you and your baby, not for him, he may not stick around no matter what you choose to do. I believe the after effects of abortion are alot different for most men verses most women. Sorry, if I offended anyone, that is what I believe. I am saying a prayer for your baby.

[brooklyn_gal]

I don't know which way you're leaning towards, but you need to decide independently from your bf.  

If you have an abortion, your relationship with your bf is over.  You can convince each other all you want that you both wanted the abortion, but it will never ever be the same.

If you choose to have the baby, your bf will either be there or may not be there.  He may decide to be there for the baby, but not with you.

Not that it would help you, but I have two stories for you:

1. a gf (in your exact same situation) got pregnant after 2 months of dating.  The bf then insisted she have an abortion.  She chose not to.  The bf then came around and decided to stay w/her and they got married.  Their marriage isn't that great (probably b/c they didn't know each other well enough), but they went ahead and chose to have another child.  Despite everything, she can't imagine her life w/o them.  

2. a cousin of mine got pregnant (again) after a one month relationship.  She & her husband were "separated".  She was determined to have an abortion.  This would've been her  2nd abortion.  Her mother & I convinced her not to.  Mostly b/c I don't think her body could handle a 2nd abortion.  She and her husband reconciled and he decided to raise the child as his as well.  She's no longer with her husband, but she can't imagine her life w/o her son.  She's a happy single mom.

[BabyHardiman]

Just wondering how you are doing?  I've been thinking alot about you and your situation.  I hope you are doing WONDERFUL!  :)

[Glo_worm]

i'm sorry but i do not feel that abortion is even an option. Do you realize how many people would give anything to be a parent and biology says no? if your partner is not ready and you don't think you are ready then i think you should consider adoption. or like others have said if you have a change of heart when you see that beautiful life moving on that monitor then you should have your parter see it also. if he doesn't want to be a parent and you do then you don't need him you just be the best dern mom you can be and give the baby all the love in your heart and you will do just fine. :)

[BabyHardiman]

Can I ask what you decided to do?

[kjbandme]

update... you can also see my more recent post, He said WHAT?!!

Thank you everyone for all the advice that is given in good spirit. Again, I can do without the judgmental ones, so please don't waste your time on me if you are not being into being kind.  I know these forums can get pretty blunt.

I am not considering adoption so please stop sending me notes about that.  Re: abortion: again, please don't send moralistic preachy stuff. We all have an opinion, I understand it's a very primal thing and everyone is very charged about it but if you are truly trying to help please hold your tongue on the "I would never do that"  it's not helpful.

That said, to the truly interested and compassionate hearts out there:

I am truly between a rock and a hard place. I have now gone from 6 to 10 weeks and from ambivalent partner to non-existent partner.  And yes, I am still undecided and yes, I know I am running out of time.  I have gone back and forth so many times my head hurts. I am fully aware of the magnitude of my decision and yes, I am all too aware that this could be my one and only chance.  But then again, it might not be. Anyone got the crystal ball out there???

On a brighter note, I feel physically better so I feel better able and in a better state of mind to make a decision I can live with.

Thank you for thinking of me.

[kjbandme]

one more thought:

I'd be curious to know how many women are posting and saying have the baby, that already have a satisfying career or a passion in their life other than their children.

[kjbandme]

also please don't respond if your respect for LIFE does not include the life of the mother.

thank you!!

[BabyHardiman]

How would you feel if you miscarried your baby right now?

[angelica122]

dear i hope u decide soon.... its a long time d time u came on medhelp n askd to people who hav been showerin burnin remarks out here!!!

i wud say if u dnt think u want d baby dnt take tht much time else things mite get critical... n u hav a life ahead of u n no1z as important as ur own self!! so i wud request u to get selfish n think!!!

[kjbandme]

I guess if I miscarried right now I'd be somewhat relieved that this ordeal is over, maybe sad too, but glad that it's behind me. I'd end things with the father for good and never look back.  I'd be better for this whole experience.  At least I now know I can get pregnant and there may be another opportunity. If not, I will have to come to terms with that too.

[GRose]

I feel like the fact that you have waited such a long time to make your decision kinda shows that part of you really wants this baby. I don't want you to ever look back and regret your decision.
I also worry about you and the negative effects of having an abortion past the first trimester will have on your body (if you wait much longer).
I hope you don't take that as preaching because believe me you would know if I was preaching about this.
Good luck and I hope you make the right choice for you and your baby.

[BabyHardiman]

NO COMMENT!

[SeriousSam]

Didn't think so.

[fung]

I didnt read all the comments here- I just read yours. I'd done abortion about 6 th week pregnancy on my 3 rd child when I was 36-that was 7 years ago. . Everybody around me against it-including my husband. But I thought then- I was the one who knew what to do for my future. I just had my second child-happened to be Down syndrome, unexpectedly  1 yr later I found my self pregnant again. It's different situation with you-but I had the same battle in my thought as you. I had to concentrate on my second child who need extra for everything-financially and attention. At that time, my husband and I had a very bad financial problem. So I chose not to have another child and did an abortion. I never regret it because I'm the one who's in charge for my future. And it turned out a good decision to take.
So, now it's between you and your baby-leave your partner out because you can't depend on him anymore. Ask yourself -What do you want your 10 years life ahead to be? you'll be a mom to a 9 years old  girl or still free and a single career woman.
It's your decision to make .
Good luck

[Baba123]

I did not read whole thread just your post!
From a man point of view: if you wanted to play with FAM?  why  you want to loose the baby by mc or do an abortion...this baby might change your life forever and this choice will be the best you made....you can find another younger man who will accept you and your baby!!!! Drop the jerk keep the baby..

[kjbandme]

Thank you all for your comments.

Frankly, knowing that people like you all are out there... a mix of compassionate and loving souls and then some real cold-hearted judgmental pieces of **** who should not even have been allowed to have babies... makes the decision that much harder.

I'm signing off.

[Baba123]

I think this comment was directed to me....however I will not react to it....you are  so full of hate and it makes me wonder who really is the bad one.....YOU or your spouse..
I have two  very beautiful HAPPY children and  happy not borring beautiful wife and you have no right to comment  badly about them or anybody for that matter. I saw few posts of yours and if it's not the way you want them to sound you scratch peoples eyes out. Obviously you can't take constructive criticism either...One thing to remember???!!!:
"What goes around comes around".

[K1990]

You had sex you got pregnant if you can't act like an adult at 41 years old then god bless that baby.  But it up for adoption if you don't want it and never have sex again since you can't take responsiblity for your actions!

[K1990]

Okay finished reading your posts and think honestly abortion might be best for the baby if you aren't going to act 41 and but it up for adoption.  After your comments I'm pretty sure your childs life would be worse with you than anyone else.  So either adoption or abortion for you and we will all pray you never get pregnant again because clearly it wont work out for the child.  Sorry to be mean but it's very clear after you cuss out someone who has been on this site a long time and gives great advice.

BabyHardiman~ I wish I could have said no comment also I just couldn't stand back!

[GRose]

I agree with K1990
I find it very interesting that a 41 year old women can't take responsibility for her actions.
BH loves being a mother, she is in no way bored with it.
Must be hard to be so cold hearted.

[BabyHardiman]

My sweet angel is asleep in her crib right now, while I sit at my computer eating a nice big bowl of banana pudding.  I am thankful to the good Lord for my beliefs, and that I will forever have a constant companion to love for the rest of my life.  SHE is my biggest accomplishment, and I happy that I can share her with the rest of the world.  

To think of life without my blue eyed sweetie makes me hurt inside.  

I am not sure who you called a judgemental piece of ****, but I know it was not directed towards me.  I am a proud mother, and I am a WOMAN... I am built THE SAME as you, inside and out, I have THE SAME emotions... yet, I am very different.  

[Lady_Baglady]

Wow. Just wow, you're words, "I am built THE SAME as you, inside and out, I have THE SAME emotions... yet, I am very different" are the best words I've heard in a really long time. Thank you for simply posting that, great quote. Is this a quote or from your mind?

That being said, kjbandme, how selfish. It's alright for you to "fool around", but when it comes to the responsibilities of life you consider terminating it? You're killing a life. A child, something that could be a wonderful thing to this world. Think about more than yourself. At least consider adoption. There are thousands of women and men out there who can't have children, but want nothing more than to have a family. You should consider that kind of thing before you make a conscious decision to have sex.
Or just don't have sex at all. No matter what kind of protection you're using there's nothing that's 100%, and you should keep that in mind. How would you feel if you knew that you were unwanted in this world? EVERY life is valid. Including that child's. But when it all comes down to it, that's something you will have to life with though, not us. Most women regret that. And did you know, that women who get abortions are at bigger risk for Breast Cancer?

http://erlc.com/article/abortion-and-breast-cancer-the-link-that-wont-go-away

http://www.investigatemagazine.com/mar3abrt.htm

http://www.nrlc.org/news/2005/NRL03/Brind.html

[sweetpea03]

funny that your profile says male.... ??

anyways here are some numbers for pregnancy help:
Carenet/Heartbeat 1-800-395-HELP
Crisis Pregnancy Helpline 1-888-4-OPTIONS
Birthright 1-800-550-4900
National Life Center 1-800-848-LOVE
Bethany Christians Services 1-800-238-4269

or better yet:
1-800-395-HELP. It's a crisis pregnancy help line that can connect pregnant women to the closest crisis pregnancy center in their area. they provide FREE STD testing, FREE pregnancy testing, and FREE medical/prenatal care. they will provide financial, medical, and emotional help for the woman, all FREE of charge.
if she is alone, or needs a place to stay, they can provide her with shelter. all free of charge. these crisis pregnancy centers will help her arrange for an adoption referral, or help her in any way they can if she decides to raise the child herself.
again, the number is 1-800-395-HELP. it's FREE.

[K1990]

Good idea sweetpea!

[Agiesmom]

I'm not going to give you an "if it were me..." reply.  That kind of thing really isn't relevant or even accurate, to be honest.  We can imagine what we think we would likely do (and believe with all our hearts that we would definitely do it), but we don't know for certain until we're there.  So this decision is on you.

I just wanted to comment on your asking all the moms who say "have the baby" if they have satisfying careers and passions besides their kids.  That question makes it blaringly obvious that you don't get it, but it's really not possible for you to get it from your perspective.

I am a mother.  I have a career.  I own a business and I'm passionate about a lot of things--but NOTHING I do, in my opinion, is more important than being a mother.

When I die, no one will give a flying poo that I did a great job writing our employee handbook or that I worked hard to get our employees great benefits or that I had a hand in growing our company.  Or that I have wonderful parties or that I decorate my home nicely.  My employees don't look into my eyes with love that is totally indescribable.  They don't make me feel a way I once never imagined possible.  My friends won't tell their grandkids about the wonderful memories they have of me and things we did together.

But my kids view me in a very different and beautiful light--I have a special, one-of-a-kind relationship with them and my memory will live on through them...the way I carry on my great-grandmother's memory by naming my daughter after her and singing songs to my kids that she sang to me as a child and telling them wonderful stories about her and taking them to Ireland to meet her nieces and see the home she grew up in and the school and Church she went to before she came to America on ship as a steerage passenger.

That's what matters in life, really, but I think that in order to "get" that, you need to live it--or long to live it.  No one here or anywhere else can describe it in a way that will make you truly grasp the magnitude of it.  And I think this is the perspective from which those who are telling you to have the baby are coming.

All that said, I'm sure there are some people who live it but still don't get it.  But I'm glad I do.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you happiness and peace.

[mami1323]

Beautiful put Agiesmom.  That was so eloquent.  I don't think anyone could've said it any better.  I almost cried reading it.