Ok, please tell me if I need to run the other way quickly. My boyfriend of 3 years (on and off several times) has temper tantrums and snaps at me when he gets angry or frustrated. Also when hes tired, hasn't eaten in a while, and on and on....He says mean things or makes up something to start a fight about, like a gave hime a dirty look. Today we had a huge fight, he came home at 0330 in the morning drunk and passed out then urinated in the bed. I woke him up at 0530 when I had to go to work and told him what he had done ( he has done this several times before and dosnt think there is anything wrong with it) and that he needed to change clothes and sheets. He became extremley angry with me and we ended up yelling at each other and he began mocking me by repeating back what I was saying but in a really childish tone. He has the ability to really take care of me and treat me well, but then there are moments like these. More than a few moments like these. I'm at the end of my rope. It used to be worse but things had been alot better lately, then we are back to this. Anybody?
It doesn't sound to me like he's a child, it sounds like he's very mentally and emotionally abusive towards you. It also sounds like he may have a drinking problem. Whichever way you slice it, it's not a good situation. This may seem like someone that you should get far away from and quickly. It will never get better it will only get worse. How do you know that his verbal attacks won't become physical? I can't even tell you to go seek counseling. I think the best thing for you to do is reconsider being in this relationship. You are not married and I'm assuming you have no children...well one big one...but really, there is nothing holding you to this man. Can you honestly say that you love him? You may hold on dearly to the person he used to be but he's not that person any longer. What's holding you there?
run. if this man is p.issing the bed because he drank too much there is a problem with alcholol. if he is making up reasons to fight and has tantrums, he could become abusive. either way i know i wouldnt want to live this way. are you in the military, most dont put an 0 in front of their times. i ask because if you are, do you want this guy doing something to ruin your career? if its been off and on for 3 years, most likely it will always be off and on. sometimes we have to just let them go. if my dh peed in the bed id kick him out and make him sleep in the backyard!
You will become an emotionally battered women if you stay with this man. His behavior is likely to remain set, seeing how he cannot even empathise with how his abuse is affecting you now. I agree with previous posters about the behavior escalating - nobody starts out acting like this to their partner. They start out polite and sweet, slowly introducing the abusive behaviors as time goes on.
What's even worse is that some people with alcohol problems "black out" and don't remember their behavior. You may be experiencing this more on your own than you think. How can this person ever fix their behavior if they don't acknowledge/remember it?
you should definately get out of your relationship NOW.. i was in a relationship with my ex for over 4 years and he was an alcoholic and we lived together so i had to deal with his **** just like you. He used to do the same exact things until one day enough was enough.. only you can make that dicision to leave him, no matter what anyone tells you, you're not going to do it until you can't take anymore. A person can only take so much, my ex came home drunk one night pulled me out of bed and then trashed my whole apartment, put his foot through my glass coffee tables and end tables, fist fought one of my guiy best friends, ruined my dressers, and broke almost everything and then seriously expected me to take him back like it was nothing. i would have never imagined that his drunkeness would escalate to that level. Remember never make someone your everything because when they are gone you have nothing. Do this for yourself and realize that you are better than this. It isn't fair for anyone to have to deal with this. Good luck!
Run the other way...FAST. Life is too precious and short to waste your energy on a situation like this. He needs help and it is obvious he is not going to take you seriously. He sounds bipolar and alcoholic. Not a good situation. I was married to a man like this for too many years. Being in a stable, healthy relationship now makes me realize how SICK it really was. You become sick also. Don't get pulled in further. Please get out.
I have one more thing to add to this. I remember when my ex husband acted this way...throwing things around, yelling at me and the kids, etc, etc...it finally became physical towards myself and our animals. Funny thing, I didn't feel sorry for myself but I hated that our animals were getting kicked, thrown, hit because they were innocent and helpless. Men like this are dangerous. It started with little things and escalated over the years. You know what I did? I kept telling myself that there was a good man in there somewhere and that with enough love he would finally realize. He would feel guilty and do nice things and I would forgive him and it would start all over again until I finally got so tired of feeling horrible and scared. But nobody...not my family, friends or coworkers who were telling me to get out and leave had any effect on me. I kicked him out when I was ready. Like I said, looking back now, I cannot believe I allowed that for so long. But we become sick caretakers. We keep loving and making excuses and we become scared to take that step. I hope you come to your senses long before I did. This is not healthy.
Run the other way. Next time he comes home so drunk and passes out. Put him in a diaper have your girlfriend drop him off at his mom house ring the bell and leave. You deserve someone better in your life.
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