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boyfriend issues

my boyfriend and I have been going out exclusively for 2 years and 6 months. I love him dearly and he says he adores me. But the problem is I have caught him in several small lies. he has lied to me about the fact that he watches pornography, he has lied to me about talking to other girls on thek computer through emails I know this because I set up phony email addressand caught him. he also lied about that and told me he knew it was me the whole entire time. and also his best friend of 23 years who is no longer his friend has been telling me stuff about my boyfriend from his past such as he cheated on his girlfriend or he will not be faithful to me or that he still has a friends with benefits he still keeps in touch with on the phone. some of this I have asked my boyfriend about and he denies it tells me his best friend is trying to cause him trouble and ruin the relationship for some reason. his best friend on the other hand side he's trying to warn me because I'm a nice person and I should not trust the person I'm with . he also told me if my boyfriend would cheat on me in a heartbeat. my boyfriend and his best friend had a falling out about a year ago. his best friend just told me that he's just tired of the way my boyfriend treats people and treats me. he said he's not doing this to be with me because he told me that I should run from him and my boyfriend. I am confused and really do not know at this point who to believe. some of the stuff his ex best friend told me I checked out and it was true. should I just ignore what his best friend says enjoy actually have physical evidence my boyfriend is being unfaithful or doing something behind my back? I've already caught him in one lie when I set upa Phoney email address in the name of another person who was a 25 year old girl and he responded to her email address should I just keep my eyes open and keep digging to see if he really is lying to me about other stuff? His ex best friend is obviously pissed at my b..f.  I'm unsure what to do or who to believe.
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3060903 tn?1398565123
I sure wouldn't settle for someone who I knew was cheating on me, in a heartbeat if the chance came about. No way to that.

It does sound like you need to do something different in your own life, to make you happier. Maybe start with a hobby, maybe a single parent's dance? And yes, if you have low self esteem, find out why you feel the way you do, and work on it.And please remember, you're modeling behaviors to your child or children to see. Though they now see someone larger than life, when they're older they'll be able to see the big picture, that mom did settle for a guy that used her and cheated on her. (in all probability). Instead, if you got free, and got into a place where you could meet a proper working role model for your kids, maybe even a blended family for your children. you would be teaching them how to truly find every happiness. That waiting for the right thing, for finding the right thing is better than settling. You've got to be thinking for more than just yourself here.

Also, if he's a hard drinker and maybe smoker, he may not be around for too long. The house may then go to his siblings, and you'd be out on the street.

If I were in your position, i'd get to a therapist first to talk about the reasons for my low self esteem, then i'd do everything I could to find a great man for myself and my kids. I'm wishing you all the best, and will pray for you. Christian Mingle wouldn't be a bad idea either.
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
I think your last post sums it all up.  I wouldn't be so harsh as to call you a fool, but I WOULD encourage you to find out why at 25 (is that your current age?) you would be willing to "settle" for a man who really has no motivation, has a lot of baggage (DUIs) that make the possibility of him being successful pretty minimal, not to mention the living with his parents and the lying issues.

Love is great, and he may be a great guy in some ways, but my opinion is that there are just too many deal breakers.  When you choose a life partner, there are all kinds of factors to consider.  Sorry to say, but there are way more "cons" than "pros" with this guy, and I think being depressed may have a lot to do with why you've "settled" for him with all of those cons.  

At least think about getting yourself some help, you may be VERY surprised how much different you may feel once YOU are in a better place.  You will want more for yourself, a brighter future, etc.

Best to you.
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Avatar universal
To add; any one who want s to comment, Please do so. I know it would best to walk away but I love this person.he has a wonderful out going personalitya larger than life personality he has a good heart helps me with $ when he can.I'm a single mom its not easy being alone. My son likes him a lot and he has introduced me to his entire family and they like me .They think I'm a nice girl and I am. And he has told his friends and family he wants to marry me. He did say one odd thing ; that if I stay with him his parents are leving him the house when they pass and it will be ours. So what if I put up with his crap that's my reward?? I am a fool I know it and I do need to do some soul seaching or try christain mingle. I'm depressed really.
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Avatar universal
Nursegirl thanks for taking the time to answer. The only physical proof I had was when I set up a phoney he mail in a girls name who was 25.I emailed him and first few times he didn't respond but eventually did. He didn't know it was me at first. I asked him what he was looking for he repplied someone I can love with out drama. I sent him a phoney pic also which he thought she awas very pretty. I accidently startged texting him and he found out it was me.he told me my phone number appeared on the e mail a lie. He said he knew it was me and he was playing along. Lie. My friends said when I emailed them my # did not appear so I know he lied. He proffesses to have been faith ful to me since he has met me. His ex best friend never said he was cheating only that a leopard doesn't change his spot and his past will be his future. And if gave the chance he'd cheat.my b.f. is 50 and still wants to chat with the 20 something group. Also I found out one of my relatives a teen ager tried to kiss him and his best friend and mine both told me later so I know its true. My b.f. was drunk and told my best friend. She didn't want to hurt me. And he didn't tell me till I told him I knew then he confessed and said he didn't want to cause a problem. My.b.f. lives with his parents still and can't drive ever d.u.I  s. . And doesn't work a lot. So why do I think he is so great?? I don't know I do know I have low self esteem - very low. Would other 25 yr old girls really want a 50 yr old living with mom who can't drive license revoked permanently?? He seems to think I'm lucky to have him .  because I'm very insecure with my self... he says he loves me and want to marry me in the future.I just don't want him to need me cause I drive or put up with him. I'm getting seriously tired of the lies even if they are small ones
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7053344 tn?1405888876
I think if you caught him in lies that's enough for you to make a decision to whether you should stay or not.
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Avatar universal
To add:  If you think someone has "stuff" you need to dig up or dig for to find out the truth of the situation then I would say that's not the one for you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Just with the information you found out on your own minus the garbage his ex friend is telling you should be enough to reevaluate the relationship.  

Chatting with other women without your acknowledgement and watching porn without your acknowledgement........hmmm, doesn't sound ideal to me.  

Quit talking to this ex friend of his and make your decision based on what you actually know; not what's being told to you.
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
Well, the first thing that's very obvious is that there are WAY too many people involved in your relationship.  The other issue is that trust seems to be a problem, rightfully so.  Your BF seems to lie frequently about pretty important stuff, like talking to girls, etc.  Watching porn is one thing, but actually corresponding with women (strangers, or exes, doesn't matter) is another.  That's not okay.

I think you've got some soul searching to do.  I personally would move on from a relationship where I struggled to trust my partner so much and so often.  While SOME of the issues may be related to others gossiping, it sounds like you have enough first hand evidence of your own that indicates he's less than honest.

If you decide you're going to stay with your BF and work on the relationship, then things have to change on both ends.  NO more talking to others (especially guys) about the inner workings of your relationship, and your BF is going to have to be much more transparent, and if he's doing nothing wrong, which he claims, then he should be perfectly fine with that.  If he fights you on that, I'd say that would speak volumes.

Good luck to you.
Helpful - 0
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