can't reach an orgasm when with someone

[BethanySublime]

How common is it for women to not be able to reach an orgasm when they're with someone?  When I masturbate, I O really easy, but I have NEVER been able to finish when I'm with a guy.  I don't know if it's because there's not enough clit action or because I'm too shy (even though I'm extremely close and open w/my boyfriend who i've been living with for about 9 months now).  When I masturbate (sorry if too much info), I only pleasure my clit and don't usually even go inside at all.  I know there are differnt kinds of orgasms, the clit ones and the vaginal ones, so do you think I just can't reach a vaginal O?  But even when my boyfriend is pleasuring my clit, I still can't finish.  I want to be able to open enough but I don't feel like I will ever be able to!  I am 19 years old and still haven't.  It's sad :(

[shana-kay]

i can reach an orgasm and i dont know why.

[Vikushi]

Use Sentia pills or other pills. I have used Sentia and my bf says now that I'm very sexual and I'm just what he wants. As for orgasms I have them every time we have sex.

[misspooh]

NEED HELP!!!!
I'VE been with my boy freind for a year now, we are verry close to each other, talk about almost everything but when it comes to sex i dont enjoy it as much as i tell him i enjoy it. every time he goes down on me i get to a point were i feel dat i am about to pee and i push him away thinking iif i dont stop him i'll pee on him..
i have nver reach an orgasm with him...
PLZZZ HELP

[Arizonagirl]

I have a problem and i was wondering if anyone can help!
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years now! I i did loose my verginity to him! Im new to the whole sex thing! And i thought that when having sex w/ someone was supposed to be the most exciting thing that was suppose to happen to me right!? Wrong! Yes it fun and exciting to a point but, i feel like im just waitting until he ready to go and just get it over with! Hes always asking me did you go! And i thought that im supposed to do this! :/ Ande hes always trying to play w/ me(excuse me for the details!) But the other day we were talking and he had asked did i go and i had said no! And he diddnt get upset he was just worried! Im i not doing something right or and i not ecited enough! Do i need to try something Help me out girls, please?!?! :(

[peekawho]

Women don't have prostate glands.  

[me:)]

It's probably from the lack of experience.  I was the same way.  I have a hard time orgasming with penetration.  Usually my partner has to either be fingering me or oral sex with ME stimulating myself.  I would suggest that since YOU know what it takes to orgasm that you take control of your body.  This could be a learning experience for you and your partner.  If he's inexperienced then he may not understand what it takes to please you.  It took me a very long time to find a partner who was willing to understand, make me feel comfortable expressing myself, etc...  That makes a world of difference.  You may also want to try a vibrator.  I agree with the above regarding the "peeing" sensation...  That is your prostate gland filling up.  THAT is a different type of experience other than the classic orgasm.  In women, it usually empties upward into the bladder, but some women can actually ejacuate!  This takes alot of stimulation, and may be something worth exploring.  I'm not an advocate of porn, but Nina Hartley has great videos on topics like these and i found her extremely helpful in pleasing my partner, and in him pleasing me :)

[freakin-natural]

no comment since am a guy.. =) lol

but i hope those women helped..
have a nice day to all!

[anxiousmomtobe?]

I didn't experience regular orgasms until I married my dh at 35.  Mainly I just started speaking up, and the fact that I was with a man I adored and trusted completely was a huge help.  Try new things, tell him wheat work when you masturbate.  My guess is he wants to help you climax and it will be such a turn on for him as well.

Empty your bladder before sex.  Then if you have that feeling during, let go, there is a very good chance it is female ejaculation.  I never had ejaculation until I was pregnant with this baby.  The first time it happened I actually thought my water broke....  dh thought it was a huge turn on....

Doesn't happen everytime, don't know why.

Anyhow, relax, speak up and have fun.  

[ginmomof3]

Sometimes that feeling like you have to pee is not actually that you have to pee, it could be that you are experiencing what is called female ejaculation and when you hold it back it does stop the orgasm.  I read up on this a few years ago when I experienced it for the first time.  I thought I peed, but it didn't smell or look like pee.  I would suggest looking that up online to see if maybe that is what you are experiencing as well.  You could also show your bf how to stimulate your clit while having sex or do it yourself, as another poster said.  Your still young, if your confortable with this guy, then try new to things to find out what works.  i will tell you from experience, if you relax and let it out when you have the sensation to pee, you might be surprised.  Inform him first, but my husband loves it, he says it is such a turn on.  And again, it is not pee, although there can at times be traces of urine,  most is a fluid build up from excitement, kinda like the man when he ejaculates.

[Trialanderror]

Since you mentioned the G-spot, I have come to suspect that it is not where Mr Grafenberg who it was named after claimed it is. Everyone seems to think that this magic pleasure center is about an inch beyond the entrance of the vagina (sorry to be so explicit). Any stimulation in that area only causes me to go numb and feel pain when urinating for a day. All it does is irritate the urethra and stifle any libido. I believe that special spot is rather an inch away from the cervix. You could tell your partner to hold off on touching that area for a few test runs and focus on areas that you also prefer during masturbation. See if it feels better.

[BethanySublime]

oh god i'm glad I'm not the only one, hopefully it's just that i haven't figured it out yet.  I feel much better now since you said you probably couldn't at my age either.    Well I will try all of y'alls advice and try to just be patient & explore.

[misscloey]

I think Barn is right. I think alot of it could be your age. Not that 19 is bad, I just don't think that you fully understand your sexuality yet. It comes with age and experience. When I was 19, I don't think I could O either (except by myself) I think that if you try not to concentrate on it so much and just enjoy the sex, eventually it will happen for you. Maybe some foreplay or oral sex beforehand would stimulate you enough to reach that point while having sex. Or, try to manually stimulate your clit yourself while having sex. My hubby and I have been together a very long time and have always had awesome sex. We have been together since we were 19 or 20. (now approaching 40) Back then sex was always a bit rushed and sporadic, in crazy places  (kids). The more time you take to enjoy it and really take time to please and enjoy each other, the more intense it is. I don't think I've had an O with "sex only" EVER. Not without stimulating myself or oral sex. Every woman is different and you just need to figure out what works for you. Have fun with it.        

[BethanySublime]

OH and another thing that i can't believe i left out.

when i'm getting close, i feel like I have to pee - bad.  I don't get this on my own and I think that might be the problem is that I'm afraid I'm actually gonna pee!  but we've talked about this and tried moving to the shower where just incase, it wouldn't matter anyway, but I still can't.  I blame this all on one of those embarrassing stories in a magazine where a girl actually peed.   When he pushes on what I suspect to be my G-spot, that's when I feel the pee feeling.  What does it mean???? aww i'm determined to figure this problem out and fix it dammit...i want sex to be as good as it is for most people!!!!

[BethanySublime]

I think you're probably right about all that lol.  But there's more to it that I forgot about until now.  Sometimes I'll get really really close at which point one of two things happen:

1)  I keep getting closer and closer until...it just stops feeling good but i never climaxed.

or

2)  I keep getting closer and closer until...my vaginal muscles all tense up and end up pushing him out of me right when the climax would have happened, which sort of surprises me and prevents it.  and then it stops feeling good too.

basically i end up frustrated either way.

[barn babe]

Given your age, it could be a  combination of things. You don't say how old your partner is, but if he is around your same age, he may not have had much experience in oral sex and so might not be very skilled in it. (Sorry.)  So he'll need to be shown what you need. Let him watch you get yourself off. It may help him understand more how to pleasure you.

My experience is that men are using the "techniques" that worked with their past partners, simply because it is "what they know."  That's why communication is so important. You don't have to be a drill sergeant in bed, but it's really okay to "direct" him and guide him so that he can learn what really gets you off. My partner loved it when I gave him "directions" when we  first hooked up. (Well, he likes the talking in bed anyway.) I still do it to some extent because I like him to do different things to me, but at this point he knows how to bring me to orgasm quite easily.

I think for many women it also comes down to a level of relaxation and comfort with their partners. I hate to use the word "safety," because I'm not implying it in the way probably everybody means. I mean safety to open up completely and let yourself  go sexually.  For many women, that's  a big deal.  

The biggest issue is open communication with your partner about what is going on. He can't get you off if he doesn't know how, whether it's from his own lack of experience, or because you enjoy it a  certain way and he simply doesn't know that.