cheating or not

[yukiyo]

my husband and i been together for a long time and he always have a back problems four years ago i got pregnant and he start sleeping on living room sofa or floor and he saya when he sleep there he feel better he also stop having sex with me and when i ask him why we dont have sex he says his back hurt. i try so many time to get closs to him but he pushes me a way well my son is three years and i am pregnant again i did not get pregnant nomal way its got so bad every month i know i could get pregnant i have to beg him to sleep with me.five months ago i got tired of begging and i decided to go for invitro that how i got pregnant.my biggest problem now is last night i was watching my sons vidio which my husband have been taking since my son was a baby in that folder i came a closs a pono vidio so i was so mad and i ask him what there were doing in our sons vidio he say he dont know how they get there i told him to stop lying to me because the vidio was download by him that when he came clean and confess. what feel right now is he was helping himself with pono and that why he did not bother having sex with me i know for sure he was helping him self with them because my husband is white and i am black and he is attracted to a black women and the video was all white men and black woman i am so hurt i dont know what to do i could not sleep all nite plus my blood pressure  is too high due to pregnant.

[SixStringer]

What has your husband done that you "can't forgive him"?  Pornography is very common among men, and is easily available.  Yes, he should have been sleeping in the same bed as you, and he should have been sexually involved with you.  But marriage counseling for both of you just might turn things around, if the only problems include porn and lack of sex.  Give him a chance to tell his side of the story.  It might help if a third party is there to moderate things as in marriage counseling.  The one surprise here is the IVF that you did to have another child.  

[yukiyo]

i realy dont know what to say about me having another baby in beginning we both decided we want to have three kids and i didnt know my husband way playing game with my feeling i talked to him last night and i ask him to leave for fews days because i cant stand sleeping in same house with him for now, he try to says how sorry he was but i cant forgive him . as for    the money he make a good money and i am a nurse but as youy know money is never enough when someone have the kids

[jo929]

Yes i would say something is wrong, and it is your husband he is not treating you right, if you really want to know about his back go to the dr with him and wait for a decision with him, i think you will find that he does not have that much back trouble, but why why would you want another child with this man is beyond me babies cost money and takes up time, does he earn a lot? i hope so, but try not to be to hurt if you find out that he is not what he seems to be   lots luck-jo I think i would kick his a$$

[yukiyo]

thank you so much for replying to me and its true he could still sleep in same room with me but i guess he could not ejoy his porno in sme room with me.about me want it to have another baby is idid not know  all that was happening i realy trusted him and i thought he love me but now i have a dought.i have done so much to this man i was born in kenya but i grow up in tokyo when we meet i was visted a family friend hear in america we like each other and we had a long distant for more than three years he beg me to move with him here but its very big decision for me to make lieving my family and friend was no easy.i started from zero i could not even speak good english and going back to school was not easier but i did it so we can be together and in the end this is the way he thanks me i dont think i nwill ever forgive him                                                                                                                                    to jo yes i am same yukiyo who wrote about my  20 years old son and i am very sorry i am a female i did not know my profile says i am male i will  fix it later nothing going right in my life at this point of my life what i work hard for so long its breaking in pieces right in front of my eyes.when my husband started sleeping in our lieving room        i remember my 20 yaers son asking me whether i think of  myself  been married when i ask him why he always says a husband and wife suppose to sleep in the same room if  i think of it now maybe my son did see something i did not see.

[jo929]

I looked at your profile you do not give your age but your profile states you are a male can you plese clarufy some of these points for me plese, or was i mistaken  jo

[jo929]

Are you the one that posted on the abuse column about your 19 or 20 year old son being abusive towards you and stll living at home ? I would like to know before i make a comment to this post.  jo

[sammy73]

I wouldn't want to guess one way or the other whether he was cheating.

The sleeping separately because of the back could be genuine - some people with bad backs do sleep better on the floor, but I wouldn't have thought sleeping on the sofa would do him any good.  Also, if it was just a matter of needing to sleep on something firm, he could perfectly well sleep on the bedroom floor, so he could get the back support he needs but still be close to you.  If he's sleeping on a different floor, it sounds more like he's avoiding you.

Whether or not he's having an affair, it's clear he's lost interest in you sexually.  If you need to resort to IVF to get pregnant just because he won't have sex with you at all, he's going well out of his way to avoid sex (I assume he's still the father, and at least agreed to supply the semen sample).  I don't buy the bad back arguement with that one - if he really wanted sex, there's plenty of options that involve him lying on his back that probably wouldn't hurt his back too badly.  And if he's still looking at porno then he's not lost interest in sex itself.  So either he's seeing someone else, or at least as likely, he's satisfied just by watching porn and maintaining an intimate relationship with his right hand.

It's interesting that you would choose to bring another child into this relationship, this family, when your relationship with your husband has deteriorated so badly?  Currently, do you feel you still have a decent future with this man?  Is he a good father to the child you already have?  Is it possible that you wanted another child as a substitute for the love you are not getting from your husband?