Aa
divorce?
During an argument with my husband he said he will move out of state and not be in my child's life. I'm 30 weeks pregnant. I have recently calmly asked him if he meant it and he said yes. He does not want drama and thinks that I will turn our child against him. That is a complete lie I have never once said anything degrading humiliating or hurtful about my husband to anyone no matter how angry I was or hurt. The further along I get in my pregnancy the more I feel as though he doesn't deserve to be in his child life because he will be just because we're married. I asked him months ago if any of his exs got pregnant would he be involved and he said yes but not be in a relationship with them. Is he just trying to hurt me am I overreacting for wanting a divorce to a man who won't be in my daughters life for no reason?
This sounds alot like both of you have said and done hurtful things to each other to take away the passion. There is a movie out called Fireproof and it is a movie about a couple in a similar situation as you. It tells of how just by one of them trying to make it work they come back together. You might want to watch it and see what you think. It is a Christian movie but many man and woman have found it to be helpful.
What I can tell you is if you for married there had to be something that have you both passion and love toward each other. You need to try to rekindle that love and passion. Don't bring up old fights and don't say hurtful things or let things hurt you.
Divorce is a big decision not to be taken lightly and not to be done just because you argue and hurt each other. All couples argue and the flame of passion and love takes alot to keep burning. There had to be a reason that you saw yourself with this man the rest of your life. Also in a comment you said you were tired of being a maid and not being appreciated. All woman I think can relate, but one thing I try to remember is I don't have to be a maid...I choose to out of love.
Guys sometimes struggle to show their emotions and their appreciation but I promise you that your man probably couldn't make it without what you do. Since you did love him then you can love him again.
But to me it sounds like your heart maybe set on divorce and that you think it will be easier and a happier choice for you. All I can say is make sure to weigh the pros and cons before you do it. Cause if you file for divorce that could be the final blow that makes your husband want to leave for good. If you get a chance sit down with your husband talk to him about this. Just hear him out at times don't assume he is wrong or is out to hurt you. If he sees you trying to hear him out then maybe he will hear you out. Also pick your battles sometimes when your right but it doesn't matter let it go.
I will be praying for ya...
What I can tell you is if you for married there had to be something that have you both passion and love toward each other. You need to try to rekindle that love and passion. Don't bring up old fights and don't say hurtful things or let things hurt you.
Divorce is a big decision not to be taken lightly and not to be done just because you argue and hurt each other. All couples argue and the flame of passion and love takes alot to keep burning. There had to be a reason that you saw yourself with this man the rest of your life. Also in a comment you said you were tired of being a maid and not being appreciated. All woman I think can relate, but one thing I try to remember is I don't have to be a maid...I choose to out of love.
Guys sometimes struggle to show their emotions and their appreciation but I promise you that your man probably couldn't make it without what you do. Since you did love him then you can love him again.
But to me it sounds like your heart maybe set on divorce and that you think it will be easier and a happier choice for you. All I can say is make sure to weigh the pros and cons before you do it. Cause if you file for divorce that could be the final blow that makes your husband want to leave for good. If you get a chance sit down with your husband talk to him about this. Just hear him out at times don't assume he is wrong or is out to hurt you. If he sees you trying to hear him out then maybe he will hear you out. Also pick your battles sometimes when your right but it doesn't matter let it go.
I will be praying for ya...
You mention Your Mother and Father as an example. You say They are a
"team" and You and Your Husband are not.
You go on to say when You were a Child Your Parents used to "fight" and You would see how "miserable" They were.
Maybe, perhaps maybe, They didn't give up on One Another and over the years They became that "team" You desire to be with Your own Husband.
and
it's six of one, 1/2 dozen of another for Your Child. I guarantee Your Child will not be happy if Mom and Dad are fighting
NOR
will Your Child be happy if Mom and Dad are divorced. This I know is true.
I vote stay together (at least for now) and seek counseling
"team" and You and Your Husband are not.
You go on to say when You were a Child Your Parents used to "fight" and You would see how "miserable" They were.
Maybe, perhaps maybe, They didn't give up on One Another and over the years They became that "team" You desire to be with Your own Husband.
and
it's six of one, 1/2 dozen of another for Your Child. I guarantee Your Child will not be happy if Mom and Dad are fighting
NOR
will Your Child be happy if Mom and Dad are divorced. This I know is true.
I vote stay together (at least for now) and seek counseling
BTW: I think he is saying these awful things out of frustration and anger.
Would you and he be willing to do counseling?
Would you and he be willing to do counseling?
@ Pink_Diamonds...........I totally get and agree with your last paragragh about not staying together for the sake of the children, however, either direction you make take will be difficult.
This is so hard.
Since we don't know him, it's impossible to know if he's just numb with fear or hurt, or is in love with a different woman, or whether he's just a manipulative jerk.
The thing is, good marriages don't take a lot of effort and work. They take two people who are reasonable and mature and compatible and want to make their own lives and their spouse's life a pleasure.
It's not a lot of hard work. It's a mindset.
And your husband is about as far from that mindset as I can imagine, almost bordering on a personality disorder.
Do you agree?
Since we don't know him, it's impossible to know if he's just numb with fear or hurt, or is in love with a different woman, or whether he's just a manipulative jerk.
The thing is, good marriages don't take a lot of effort and work. They take two people who are reasonable and mature and compatible and want to make their own lives and their spouse's life a pleasure.
It's not a lot of hard work. It's a mindset.
And your husband is about as far from that mindset as I can imagine, almost bordering on a personality disorder.
Do you agree?
@ specialmom we are two different people and I noticed we are both never going to change. We fought a lot before we got married as well I was so in love with him I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else. He has hurt me in so many ways that the love and passion I had I can't feel it for him anymore. I'm happy when he's gone I don't miss him. I'm too scared to be in love with him to be honest because I know the minute I let my guard down he will hurt me in some way like he has before. I know relationship takes effort and lots of work but when I see my parents or other happy couples they are a team and work together. My husband and I aren't a team we disagree on just about anything we don't talk much especially topics we're passionate about because it turns into a fight. We just watch movies and talk about light subjects. I understand when you have a child you should try to make things work and I felt the same way before I got pregnant. However I remember when my parents used to fight I would pray they'd get a divorce seeing how miserable they were and how upset they always were made me a nervous and unhappy child. So I don't agree with staying in a relationship just because of a child. I want my daughter to grow up happy and stress free not see her mother cry or her father yell. However divorce right now is not possible because I don't have a steady job and wanted to stay home for the first 6 months to take care of the baby. I have no where to go
COMMUNITY LEADER
Relationships can be difficult. But some that seem terrible can greatly improve. The point is, you chose to have a child with him. This means that you have now put a child into the mix which means you really have to give the relationship a chance to work in my opinion. It's easy to leave but is that fair to the child that you are having? How long have you been with this man? Is this new behavior on his part?
Also I feel like he doesn't love me. Recently we got in a fight and I went to sleep on the couch. I was crying from my back hurting so much from the couch I tried to sleep there for as long as I could and he never came to comfort me he didn't care if his pregnant wife is in pain or not. Instead he masturbate to porn in our comfortable bed. How convenient.
I am honestly tired of this marriage. I've had enough some days. I cry so much because I miss being on my own and independent. I'm tired of being someone's maid who doesn't appreciate it a damn thing. I will clean up he makes a mess. I try to have a schedule and routine he won't let me follow it or gets upset if I do things without him. I am 30 weeks pregnant I don't want to take care of two kids! Meaning he's the other big kid. I'm emotionally exhausted and drained. I miss being single now more than ever and no I will not sue him for child support. I will not try to force him to be in her life because it will bring her more pain and confusion growing up I rather be the mom and dad to her by myself. I'm so miserable in this marriage I am constantly tempted to cheat but honestly I never would.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Sorry things are so bad. I'm not sure what to say. he hasn't left you and hasn't divorced you. I would not ask him about this anymore and try to work on the relationship. You think this is from one wicked fight? Or is there general tension at all times? What kinds of problems do you have as a couple? Are there things you can start working on?
Therapists often say that if one person in a relationship starts to work on the problems and issues that the other person will start to follow and do so as well. So, don't give up hope.
As to being on your own or his not being in your child's life. Well, he'll ALWAYS be in his child's life because you are going to sue his butt for child support, right?
I think he is trying to hurt you and get to you the worst way he can. I'm thinking he sounds a bit like a jerk. But I know I'm only hearing one side of things.
See if you can move the relationship to another stage. And just know that if he removes himself from your child's life, it's HIS loss as much as your child's and you'll sue him and he will always pay for the child he made. but you can't control him.
so, again, if you need any help with specifics on relationship issues, let me know. good luck
Therapists often say that if one person in a relationship starts to work on the problems and issues that the other person will start to follow and do so as well. So, don't give up hope.
As to being on your own or his not being in your child's life. Well, he'll ALWAYS be in his child's life because you are going to sue his butt for child support, right?
I think he is trying to hurt you and get to you the worst way he can. I'm thinking he sounds a bit like a jerk. But I know I'm only hearing one side of things.
See if you can move the relationship to another stage. And just know that if he removes himself from your child's life, it's HIS loss as much as your child's and you'll sue him and he will always pay for the child he made. but you can't control him.
so, again, if you need any help with specifics on relationship issues, let me know. good luck
This person as i see it is going to hurt u and you child becouse he wants to leave in the most time you need him , i cant understand why, how is your relacionship 1-10?
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