do we get along too well?

[Buttercuppy]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6.5 months now, which I know isn't a very long time, and we really are very much in love with each other. We get along wonderfully which is what kind of worries me. Aren't you supposed to have fights when you're in a relationship? I've been mad at him and attempted to tell him about it but he just doesn't respond to it. We were friends for about 2 years prior to dating and we had our share of fights then but now he just won't fight back. Should that bother me as much as it does?

[Yermonia]

I’m in the same type of relationship but we haven’t been together for that long yet, I came here to find the right answer. I never knew what I wanted until I put myself into situations where I was selling myself short all while being the best version of myself and it always fell through. But now I got a guy that’s literally MADE FOR ME it’s crazy I only thought these things happen in movies but he’s literally the most beautiful person inside and I think he’s mind blowingly cute too *swoons* ANYWAY everybody’s different and we don’t have the type of attitudes that wanna look for a “spark” by fighting or breaking up. We’ve been dating for a little over a month and we’ve been actual friends (no flirting) for 2-3 months so it’s interesting to hear others talking about their relationships and how you’re gonna fight about stuff after you clear a phase “honeymoon” but I’ve never had a honeymoon phase as perfect as this and I don’t fight in general even though I am  the one that is little more bossy lol okay  we even work together so at work I am his boss so he’s used to doing what I say but I don’t walk all over him and I’m sure he wouldn’t let me if he thought I wasn’t being genuine for some reason. I like to think that it just really comes down to you two and your individual quirks and how you handle conflict I’ve been upset with him and he listened and apologized and we talked about it and there was no actual fighting just a misunderstanding that was treated and handled well enough for me to think that I’ll never get tired of this boy and I hope time doesn’t prove me wrong. Good luck! I’m rooting for you guys! <3

[DLG5]

You claim to be non-confrontational, but you can be when you don't want to have sex!   When he wants to and you don't,  his feelings are hurt,  and perhaps the only way to keep from a confrontation is to back off.   What's wrong with that??  

I agree with Prince85;  grow up, what exactly do you want??    Well,  that's another pet peeve about females,  very few if any actually KNOW what they want.   Since you've only been dating for 6.5 months, what right do you have to demand anything from him anyway.  Your giving it up for free without being married, so expect to get what you get and be happy with it or look elsewhere!

Donald

[dka25]

2 of my best friends have been together for 2 years, they have been married for almost 6 months now, they have yet to fight.  you are fine! you have one of those relationships that everyone wants.  just keep up the communication.  much luck!

[Prince85]

Wow wow vee...

This really proves that human beings would never ever ever ever be satisfied with what the get.

Seriously, just consider this, if ur boy friend was fighting with u 24/ 7, then u wud come here stating tht he is fighting 24/ 7, mayb shud consider a break up or whatz the best way to patch things up. & Now tht he is in reality respecting u so much and not fighting with u, which proves tht he really loves u to the core, then u on the other hand r gettin worried tht he is not fighting with u, so something may go wrong in the future.

Come on grow up. What exactly do u want.

Anyways, all I cann suggest here is, he is not fighting with u, this shows how much he cares for u & does not want to hurt u in the slightest way. So u shud also respect him in a simillar way. Since u hav this negative thought in ur mind, then I wud finaly say, that u shud b prepared for thhe worst and hope to patch things up incase something goes  wrong, but at the same time u shud always think positively and have a nice & happy life ahead.

Cheers!!

[RockRose]

Buttercuppy,  I'm kind of confused by your posts.  

First,  I don't think having arguments means you're passionate.  Having great sex,  or great conversations,  or great adventures means you're passionate.  Being passionately engaged with each other doesn't mean disagreeing,  necessarily.

And your second paragraph went right to my heart.  Gads.  Way back in the day in the 1980s,  in college,  I was engaged to a guy who was very punitive about sex.  When we were together the sex was very formula - in the morning,  afternoon and evening.  Or if we  saw each other for only part of the weekend,  sex was then.  Period.  No wiggle room.

If we didn't have sex because I was sick or other people were around or some other reason, he was hateful.  

Buttercuppy,  if this is describing this guy,  GET AWAY NOW.  Really.  You have a whole fun wonderful life ahead of you,  get away from this punitive guy.

Best wishes.

[Buttercuppy]

Yes apparently because I'm a female I WANT TO FIGHT! NO I don't want to fight but to me having little arguments means that you're passionate about something. I just want that reassurance I guess.


RockRose, my biggest issue with our relationship is that when I don't want to have sex he always seems like he pulls away from me. He says he doesn't but he definitely backs off, recently he's even just turned his back to me and gone to sleep. It hurts me and when I try to talk about it he just says he doesn't do it and changes the subject. So he basically just ignores that it bothers me. It may seem petty to some stereotypical men but it's an issue. I'm a very non confrontational person as it is so the fact that I even get mad about it enough to try to bring it up takes alot.

[DLG5]

And NO, fighting does NOT bring people closer together!  Girls will remember and store away all those fights, (even if you worked them out) and use them at just the right moment to zap a guy later on. (which starts another fight)

The only people I've ever heard actually are comfortable fighting in a relationship are co-dependants.  And that ain't no way to live.

I know I'm gonna take some heat for this post, but c'mon people, what is up with this idea that if a couple doesn't fight, somethings wrong?

Donald

[DLG5]

I don't think I've ever heard a more stupid question!    Are you saying you WANT to fight?  Oh, I forgot, you're a female,  of course you do.  

If fighting somehow "makes" or validates a relationship for you, then find someone you hate and go out with them.  leave this poor bloke alone.

Donald

[charliebrown269]

i have also been in a relationship for just about 7 months.. and i have been able to feel love that i never knew possible.. i thought i knew what love was before this one... but i was wrong. my boyfriend and i have never fought once. we have had disagreements but whenever something's on my mind.. i talk to him about it -i force myself to, because i know it wont go away. and with him.. when i frustrate him.. he doesn't tell me.. he just acts different.. and then i know.. so i get it out of him.. then things are better.
we've talked about 'if it's normal to fight'.. and 'fighting brings people closer' because i've also herd those speaches..... but i dont really know.. i think we're fine not fighting, i dont think you need drama in a relationship to keep it fresh.. just try new things i guess.

[Jaybay]

There's a big difference between a fight and a difference of opinion.  As long as you aren't letting differences simmer without being resolved, what's the problem?

[RockRose]

I don't think fighting is good for a relationship,  Buttercuppy,  but neither is ignoring concerns when they're brought up.

You don't say what you're fighting with him about that he is ignoring,  and that would be helpful to know.

In the best relationships,  one person expresses a hurt or concern, and the other answers back with sorry I'll try to work on that or I actually can't change that because . . . etc.  Without extra hurt and anger.

Your post title is confusing because it sounds like you both get along well,  but in fact you have concerns that he is ignoring . . . is that what's going on?

[jo929]

There is an ole saying  dont borrow trouble it will come soon enough, be happy for what you have now  luck  jo

[SquirreliciousAngel]

Don't over analyze, you lose a lot trust me and you may instigate a fight unknowingly. Just enjoy your relationship and be happy that the two of you seem to be very much in love and good for each other at this time.

[Buttercuppy]

I guess sometimes I just worry because I see so many couples fight a lot or just here and there and I've heard people say it's good for relationships. And lately he's just soo much more affectionate than normal, it really kinda worries me. He says I love you a lot more and calls me baby all the time.  I guess since this is my first relationship I just don't know how to go about these things and from seeing my friends constantly fight with their boyfriends I just kinda thought that's how it would go.

[mayflowers]

Sounds like you two are good for each other and have a healthy relationship.    You were friends first, got to know each other and then started a romantic relationship.  That's a great way of doing things.  Nothing wrong with that.  Enjoy your healthy relationship without feeling guilty that you two are getting along and respecting each other and here's the best part, having fun together.

You don't need to constantly fight and have drama to prove your love for someone.  That's actually a sign of a dysfunctional relationship, where the people are mismatched.