does husband love me or need me for maid

[haas2005]

Hi everyone.  I am new to this forum and to tell you the truth I don't have anyone else I can confide in.  I have been married for 4 years, I gave up my job everything to move to Cape Girardeau from Tn.  Everything is in my husbands name...house,,,car..phone..etc...it's like I don't exist.  A few days ago I had to be rushed to the er for breathing issues and he was almost violent about it.  You could tell that he resented have to see after me.  When I got out of the hospital 4 days later, I had to do laundry..clean for them...them meaning my grown step son and husband.  whenI go home.  I honeslty think that he on;y married me to cook clean and pay half the bills HE owes!
I married for love, but I am begininng to think that he just need financial help.  We havern't had sex since we have been married...my family would think I was crazy.  I wish I had more time to explain everything.  pleaes help me

[heatherlynn22]

have you tried talking to him about it? it is ridiculous for him to be mad at you for getting sick! it happens. if he gets mad when you do try to talk about it i would say suggest counseling. if he still gets mad get a lawyer and serve his a$$ with divorce papers. you do not deserve to be made a maid and cook for your husband and grown step son. i'm not sure what the laws are where you are but in some states even if everything is in the mans name half is yours. that is something to talk to a lawyer about. i'm sure they would know the exact laws and what can be done. remember you DESERVE better than that. don't back down when you do confront him. let him know that how he and his son are treating you is NOT acceptable! let him know you are his WIFE not his maid.

[Judy246]

Hi, welcome! ok, after carefully reading your post, this is my opinion on the issue.

* You have given up everything for your husband and pretty much all possesions are in
   him name. Don't worry about this, because God forbid if anything happened (divorce,
   death, etc. you get everything, so it is not his, but you have rights as a wife to what
   is his regardless if it is in his name.
* You had a health emergency and his reaction was very upsetting, insensitive, selfish,
   inconsiderate, uncaring, unloving and overall wrong! (Red flag)
* Home from hospital, he should have catered to you like a Queen. Bed rest and
  recovery, pick up food/medicine and monitor you that you are healing properly
  and feeling well. Help around the house and he did none of the above (Red flag)
* Married 4 years and have no intimacy since the beginning (Super Red flag)

His behavior is insensitive and unexceptable and your feeling as a maid is justifiable. It's time to have a discussion with him regarding his unexceptable attitude and behavior during an emergency. It was uncaring and insensitive on his part and you want to know why. Also, tell him that having you do all the housework, etc, right after coming home from the hospital was inconsiderate and hurtful. Ask him what is going on with him that he is treating you less than you deserve to be treated as a human being, person and his wife. He needs to be made aware that you did not appreciate his insensitivity and if he has any issues that he needs to talk to you about, that is the right time to do so. After his response, you can make a decision and re-evaluate your relationship and what proper steps to take next.  Good Luck, Judy

[Beargizmo]

I have given up baseball, football games, gatherings with buddies a million different thingss to take care of my wife when she's sick...most of the time I have to insist that she go to the hospital...and my work colleagues and manager INSIST...FAMILY FIRST..so there's never a problem there.

it took her over a week before she could get out of bed after breast cancer surgery and I took care of the house, ,the cleaning, the cooking, etc...

I don't think I've heard of a more selfish man...Judy has it right...time to re-evaluate

Best of luck...Jim

[mami1323]

I agree, something is wrong here.  First not to be intimate with your husband for nearly 4 years, that's strange.  The fact that he doesn't care to take care of you when you are sick, the fact that he expects you to clean up after him and his son.  What are you Cinderella?  I don't think he will change and I don't think this marriage has much love in it.  At least not from his end.  I think you will do much better on your own.  He's very selfish and self centered.

[jo929]

yes i agree with all of the others and i say it is time for you to speak up for yourself and say i am here I am somebody, and i will be treated as somebody get your dander up and let him know that you married for love and will not toleraate being treated as a maid at least they get paid, if he just wants a maid then charge a high price, or just take half of what he has and leave  luck  jo

[dawnangela]

I certainly wouldn't clean or cook for any grown stepson, and if i was working and not getting any help from my husband i wouldn't cook or clean for him either, You are being a maid for him and his son, and no sex for four years that in its self tells you there is a big problem with him. Why is everything in your husbands name? You do need to be strong now and gain some confidence, we dont know the full story of course he must be unhappy in him self as well. But dont hang around and put yourself through pain..Dawn

[peggy64]

Do you have someplace you can go for a couple of weeks to reevaluate things? Pray for strength and wisdom.

[teko]

I think it is time to take your life back. After reclaiming the you, you gave away, if you are not good enuff, leave him and his to their misery. Life is simply too short and it would seem that the definition of love is according to ones individual wants and needs. Yours and his do not seem compatible and you gave away the only person who could make you happy. YOU!

[peggy64]

I think you already know the answer. Now, just pray for the strength to do what needs to be done.

Please keep us posted as you will be lifted up in my prayers.