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Avatar universal

dont judge me !!!

I like this guy so much he use to be my middle school 2007 crush since he stays close to me and everything . I was 13 he was 25 he didn't know that I had like him and I know for sure I wasn't his type cuz I wasn't all that and plus I was a kid . I would have fantasy lol having sex with himn taking my virginity and having kids by him .. When I started high school I had a BF and my crush wanted to talk to me I was always scared you know because I never thought I would had a chance with him so I didn't want to loose my BF so I always turn him off.. I was done with high school entering college no BF no Fwb. Everytime I see my crush my heart will pound I wanted to have him I must admit I was lusting for him it's 2014 November I'm 20 years old now  So I decided to go to his house and leave my number for him to call me since he wasn't there . He end up calling  the next day we talk . We got intimate sex was good but his penis wasn't all that big in my thoughts I was like I waited all this time for this small **** lol..we didn't have sex much Maybe twice from last year and I stop talking to him for a good 7 months ..then his mom die this year 2015 I wanted to be there for him but I was afraid you know cuz we not dating and we don't talk much I no I should've tryed. We starting talking again in June we don't have a decent conversation it's always about sex I mean he's 33 with a banging body and I can't keep my eyes off him we start having sex alots of time . Then my close friend came back in my life I start telling her about him she thinks he all about sex I told her I don't want to be with him or have a relationship with him. She like I no who you are you going start catching feelings for him . I do like him but I don't have deep feelings for him is that wrong? Sometimes I feel she wants me to get ride of him then she be telling me she wants something like me I can call anyone to have sex with I don't get what she saying .. When I ask him how does he feel about me he said we good ! I mean I like him i like the sex part nothing else. idk what to do it's more to the story should I stop messing him ?
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Avatar universal
I am not sure what you are asking here.  

If you just want sex, what's the problem? It's not your friend's decision or ours............it's YOURS.  

If you want something meaningful, then this isn't it.  He doesn't want you to be there seriously in his life, e.g. when his mother died; he wants you to be available for the booty calls.

What's the "more to the story?"  That would be interesting to know.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My observation :

You are BOTH "all about sex"  (You: " His penis isn't all that big " AND "I waited all this time (?!) for this smal **** " (?!)  You asked not to be judged but I must say that sure strikes me as an incredibly immature thought for You to have !!

You've said nothing here that suggests to me EITHER of You are looking for a 'meaningful' relationship - just sex

a 'meaningful' relationship would be difficult to obtain with such an age difference anyway. You are only TWO years past being a teenager - 14 YEARS past being a teenager for Him !! That's too big an age gap at Your very young age.

You should be looking to meet someone in Your own age group - maybe someone with the same values and standards as You  ......just saying
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