fathers day dilemma- please advice!

[apple_jacq]

So my fiance is upset, ill try to make this short as possible, that I didnt do enough for him on fathers day. He actually said i ruined the day. But we live together with my son whom I share custody and his son he only sees on occassion and neither kids were here today. My dad also died a few years ago so today is hard on me. But no I didnt mKe a big plan for him because hes not my dad but he was so miserable n upset with me I had a hard time even telling him happy fathers day or telling him I appreciate what he does for my son. I feel like hes just begging for an excuse to say ive done wrong by him. He spent the whole evening telling me how im not meeting his expectations and even admitting he was trying to make me feel bad when I asked him flat out if he was. He said u didnt try to make my day good y should I do anything for u and said hes cancelling a camping trip I planned so that he wont do anything for me either.
Im frustrated n dont know if I seriously was wrong or not??
Any advice please n thanks in advance... I will return the favor (())

[RockRose]

And yes,  when he's hurt,  he's trying to make you feel bad enough to know he's hurt.  

[RockRose]

I think you should have had your son do something - create a card,  something like that - telling him Happy Father's Day,  and you should have written him a card also telling him you appreciate that he's a father to your son and you are blessed to have him.

If that's the truth.  If it's the truth that he's a positive father figure,  and he's generous with you and your son,  you are remiss in not celebrating that.

It's hard to tell from just a simple post,  but I think you owe him more gratitude.  It seems you are a little angry at him that he's alive and your dad is dead,  frankly.  

Appreciating your fiance,  and loving him,  doesn't diminish the love you had for your dad.  

I lost my beloved dad this year,  and it didn't stop me from joyfully acknowledging  Father's Day for my husband.  

[Chima7]

Does he always act like such a big baby or is this a new development?

[goldenlove]

Did he make a big deal out of Mother's Day for you? If so, I wonder if that's why he's acting the way he is. Not acceptable, but maybe why he feels the way he does?

Personally, I think he's acting like an immature child. I agree, he isn't your father, so you don't need to make a big deal on Father's Day when there aren't any kids around for you to make a big deal for.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome. Very sorry to hear of this situation.  Truthfully, he sounds very childish.  I would not stoop to the level of giving into his childish way of solving problems.  Pouting, putting down, berating and threatening retaliation.  None of that is helpful.

I would try to talk to him at a different time when the kids aren't there.  I would just be honest and say this is why father's day went the way it did.  A. you are NOT my father.  My father has passed away.  I didn't realize I was supposed to plan a day for you like you were my dad or like the kids were there to celebrate.  but beyond that, B.  you two haven't been getting along very well lately and until that is sorted out, it is hard to want to celebrate with you period.  and C. his tactics of handling his disappointment (the pouting, berating, threatening retaliation) are a huge turn off and cause an opposite affect so that he may want to consider other ways of communicating with you.  

I don't expect that to go very far with him because based on what you write, he's pretty immature.  He'll react badly to your attempts to have an adult conversation about a difficult subject.

I'm thinking if my husband were here and not my kids on father's day--  I would probably wish him happy father's day, maybe get his coffee for him and give him a card/ small gift and maybe we would go out to dinner or I'd make a dinner he likes.  But I certainly wouldn't go crazy and fawn over him.  He's the father of my children and I respect that but he's not my dad.  

Have you been together long?  Do you have other issues?  Is this relationship healthy?  

I would be very careful with your son living here.  With this kind of tension in the home, it's not a happy place.  Kids can sense that and it becomes a bad environment to live.  

good luck