Aa
feeling alone
At one point I broke up with my fiance, and I thought it was for good but it ended up being for a week. I feel in my heart that hes the one...
Now this might seem nieve to you all. Ive been with him since I was 17 almost 7 years. When worst comes to worst he's there, when my mom was in the hospital he was by my side, whenever my family is verbally abusive or rude he's by my side, he know's everything Ive been through and is always wanting to protect me. He's very supportive when Im in any kind of trouble. Ive told him what I need from him communication wise and emotionally and I stressed to him during the break up that that's what I need,
That was several months ago, and since getting back together he's been really great, listens to what I have to say, doesnt say hurtful things, he's more attentive to my needs and actually makes me feel good, lifts me up when Im down. He makes me smile all the time.
He has parts of him though that are in fact controlling. (not wanting me to go to family get togethers or hang out with friends) This is where the problem begins.
He just said the other night ::::I hate that you have friends:::::.Flag:::::: The fact is, I feel alone.
With him, however I feel fullfilled. In another sense, I feel like crying, im so depressed and confused.
Friendship wise, I went out with a gf who has a baby now, but I found out she's not all that responsible and I don't want to be around someone that might put me in a situation that I don't want to be around. Another -x- friend....is an x friend because we went out dancing and she saw some guy she knew and he was with a friend and the friend tried to kiss me which didnt work, well i told my bf about it to be honest with him and because she was there and feels she's "a bad influence." I had to pick him or her. I lost that friendship..I didnt put my foot down, and it wasn't my friends fault, I handled it but now he just doesnt trust my friend...... Another friend ditched me in a very messed up way......
Another friend who I thought was a good friend ends up blabbing her mouth to everyone, I cant tell her anything let alone anything in confidence because she goes and tells someone else, I jus't can't trust the girl. One of my best friends is really great, but when she has problems, its like that's all that matters and she'll talk a mile a minute about her problems, dumping it on me, stressing me out trying to give her good advice that she doesn't take anyway.
Im just so alone outside our relationship. Aren't you supposed to have your own identity outside of a relationship. I feel so depressed over not having real friends. I cant seem to make friends with the right people....I feel now that I can't really trust people or open up to them. It hurts. & even when I do, he sometimes gives me a hard time. not all the time, it always depends on what im doing but he just has a hard time when I go out. I have been harrassed by people and he has reason to worry, but I wonder if it's more of a controlling thing then a protective thing, I mean I am a grown up woman.
Our relationship might be hard to understand, we don't give up on eachother very easily. Any problem we have we always work through, we have a very deep connection. I feel while we're working it out we're growing as a couple and we are stronger than ever. I might complain about him alot but the truth is I love him and am willing to work things out, and work with him on changing certain behaviors. We're not perfect but we work at it and its worked for us, now I know the controlling part is not okay and I worry about getting too isolated......I feel like I almost have no friends. it really hurts alot.. its sad..i hate complaining and I dont want pity I just want to have friendships........real ones...that are strong...I'm so confused and depressed. Do I just walk away and say this is what Im doing with someone who might or might not really be a good friend...I dont know...I dont know who to trust, I don't want to be hurt anymore.
Any response would be great. Thank you. & thanks for reading the whole thing:)
Now this might seem nieve to you all. Ive been with him since I was 17 almost 7 years. When worst comes to worst he's there, when my mom was in the hospital he was by my side, whenever my family is verbally abusive or rude he's by my side, he know's everything Ive been through and is always wanting to protect me. He's very supportive when Im in any kind of trouble. Ive told him what I need from him communication wise and emotionally and I stressed to him during the break up that that's what I need,
That was several months ago, and since getting back together he's been really great, listens to what I have to say, doesnt say hurtful things, he's more attentive to my needs and actually makes me feel good, lifts me up when Im down. He makes me smile all the time.
He has parts of him though that are in fact controlling. (not wanting me to go to family get togethers or hang out with friends) This is where the problem begins.
He just said the other night ::::I hate that you have friends:::::.Flag:::::: The fact is, I feel alone.
With him, however I feel fullfilled. In another sense, I feel like crying, im so depressed and confused.
Friendship wise, I went out with a gf who has a baby now, but I found out she's not all that responsible and I don't want to be around someone that might put me in a situation that I don't want to be around. Another -x- friend....is an x friend because we went out dancing and she saw some guy she knew and he was with a friend and the friend tried to kiss me which didnt work, well i told my bf about it to be honest with him and because she was there and feels she's "a bad influence." I had to pick him or her. I lost that friendship..I didnt put my foot down, and it wasn't my friends fault, I handled it but now he just doesnt trust my friend...... Another friend ditched me in a very messed up way......
Another friend who I thought was a good friend ends up blabbing her mouth to everyone, I cant tell her anything let alone anything in confidence because she goes and tells someone else, I jus't can't trust the girl. One of my best friends is really great, but when she has problems, its like that's all that matters and she'll talk a mile a minute about her problems, dumping it on me, stressing me out trying to give her good advice that she doesn't take anyway.
Im just so alone outside our relationship. Aren't you supposed to have your own identity outside of a relationship. I feel so depressed over not having real friends. I cant seem to make friends with the right people....I feel now that I can't really trust people or open up to them. It hurts. & even when I do, he sometimes gives me a hard time. not all the time, it always depends on what im doing but he just has a hard time when I go out. I have been harrassed by people and he has reason to worry, but I wonder if it's more of a controlling thing then a protective thing, I mean I am a grown up woman.
Our relationship might be hard to understand, we don't give up on eachother very easily. Any problem we have we always work through, we have a very deep connection. I feel while we're working it out we're growing as a couple and we are stronger than ever. I might complain about him alot but the truth is I love him and am willing to work things out, and work with him on changing certain behaviors. We're not perfect but we work at it and its worked for us, now I know the controlling part is not okay and I worry about getting too isolated......I feel like I almost have no friends. it really hurts alot.. its sad..i hate complaining and I dont want pity I just want to have friendships........real ones...that are strong...I'm so confused and depressed. Do I just walk away and say this is what Im doing with someone who might or might not really be a good friend...I dont know...I dont know who to trust, I don't want to be hurt anymore.
Any response would be great. Thank you. & thanks for reading the whole thing:)
Hi, I'm sorry that this post past me by. Anyway, I don't doubt that you both love each other very much. 7 yrs. in a relationship is a long time and there should have been some type of commitment by now, but I understand that you are still both young.
I think you are way too hard on yourself when it comes to wanting friends. This is something that happens naturally and you should always be yourself. If you have a good, out going, friendly personality, people will naturally navagate to you. I do think your b/f is controlling, but I also see that he only looking out for you. It's really important that you talk to him and tell him that you love him, he has nothing to worry about, but that you are struggling with searching for who you are, your individuality. It should threaten him and you have that right. You also have the right to have friends. To go out with your friends and not worry that he thinks they are setting you up with guys, etc. That means he is insecure, but don't let him control you. You must learn to appreciate your own space, individuality and self. So, have a discussion with him and tell him, I love you, I'm not going to leave you, but I want us both to be able to have friends, share friends and be trusting of one another. I hope he will be opened minded to your needs and let you be who you are. Good Luck, Judy
I think you are way too hard on yourself when it comes to wanting friends. This is something that happens naturally and you should always be yourself. If you have a good, out going, friendly personality, people will naturally navagate to you. I do think your b/f is controlling, but I also see that he only looking out for you. It's really important that you talk to him and tell him that you love him, he has nothing to worry about, but that you are struggling with searching for who you are, your individuality. It should threaten him and you have that right. You also have the right to have friends. To go out with your friends and not worry that he thinks they are setting you up with guys, etc. That means he is insecure, but don't let him control you. You must learn to appreciate your own space, individuality and self. So, have a discussion with him and tell him, I love you, I'm not going to leave you, but I want us both to be able to have friends, share friends and be trusting of one another. I hope he will be opened minded to your needs and let you be who you are. Good Luck, Judy
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