found boyfriends porb stash, sick to my stomack.

[lnik22]

I found my boyfriends porn stash of about 15 movies. I wasn't searching I really came acrosseed them on accident. I am against porn. I hate how it makes me felt as a woman, and how I feel when were intimate. I don't know what to do.... do I leave it alone and ignore my feelings? Do I get rid of it andnot say anything? Do I tell him I don't want it in our home and make him get rid of it? Should I be mad shiuldbi let him keep watching it? I already don't trust him but that were working on this just added fuel to the fire I guess.... I'm so blah I don't know what to do. I'm 25 he's 34.

[lnik22]

Your not the one with the problem. I feel the same exact way about porn for the same exact reason, I found my dad's when I was young. I went a long time of feeling uncomfortable even when songs would come on talking about sex it was soooo uncomfortable.

Anyways I had intended to talk to him civil but we got in to an arguement the morning I brought it up. I actually just blurted out " get rid of your ponr in the closet"during his apology ... he said "throw it away I haven't watched that in forever....I was looking for something for my bong ( he did have stuff in the box for his bong) ... so I threw it away and it never came up again. Like he didn't even bat an eye.

Ugh I feel so bad for you... I know how in knots my stomach was. I can imagine how you feel finding more after he said he wouldn't. My guy and girl friends said that most men watch it yea but they should respect how I feel and THATS what's important regardless if what most men do.

I sure hope he can take your feelings know to consideration...besides your the real deal seriously if he doesn't give it up for the real thing and would rather watch a DVD then who's really got the problem????

Hang in there. This ***** I'm sorry... hugs!! It sounds silly and childish nut unless people feel how you and I do then they don't understand. Right!?

[sweetpea03]

Well you have to decide what is a deal breaker to you. To me, porn is one of those things that I don't tolerate. I find it incredibly disrespectful of women and I would hate to see the man I am with look at women as a sex object, like they typically do in porn. Those are my beliefs and not everyone feels that way, but it's something you'll have to think about. I know my fiance hates porn and so do many of his friends and other male friends of mine. Not all men watch porn. I do hope your bf can see where you are coming from and you can work things out. Have a good discussion with him about it and see how it goes. Hope it all goes well.

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I agree w/ sweetpea.  No, you don't have to tolerate it.  Your feelings should count and for me, it's a deal breaker.  For others, it's not.  But no one here can dictate what is acceptable or should be acceptable to someone else.  We are all different.  What is okay for one person, may not be okay for another person.  That's what makes us all unique.

If it's not okay with you, then it's not okay with you.  But you will have to decide if you feel strongly enough to end the relationship over it.  Only you can decide that.  No one else can.  Just because it's okay with someone else, doesn't mean it has to be okay with you.  You are entitled to your beliefs and your feelings.

Good luck.

[beckcakes]

your fiance is a star. it reassures me to think there are men like him actually out there! ive been led to believe by everyone who has passed their opinion on this - including my doctor yesterday - that ALL men watch it and it is MY problem to deal with.

i have my fingers and everything else crossed that my boyfriend should finally understand now just how strongly i feel about the subject and stop it. i will go to councilling and hopefully i wont be quite so extreme on the subject, but unless they give me a brain transplant i really cant imagine ever accepting this as a part of every day life. i am giving him another chance, but only because hes the nicest bloke ive ever met. part of me wishes he was just a prat in general and then i could make a clean break.

[RockRose]

Maybe I'm the only one who doesn't really care that much.  I would actually find this a great way to look at them and see what he's "in to".  If they're just plain old sex with beautiful women,  great.  If they're weird,  like violent or some kind of uncomfortable kink,  you've learned quickly what this guy is about.  If it's just sex with women in the movies look pretty much like you,  then all the better.  

If you didn't know he was watching porn until you stumbled across some movies,  it doesn't sound like it's a regular habit for him.   Did you check for dust on top of the covers?

The only thing in your post that seems a real concern is that you don't trust him but you're working on that.  Do you have cause to actually think he's unfaithful?  Also a little bit of a concern is the age difference.  A 34 year old man,  IMHO, should have moved on from the interest level of a 25 year old woman.  

[sweetpea03]

You are not alone in your feelings against porn. I HATE porn and would never be with a man who enjoyed it or watched it regularly. There are men out there who feel the same way and do not like porn. My fiance does NOT like porn at all and does not watch it. He is just one example of a man who doesn't like or watch porn.

It's a decision you have to make. If you really don't like porn and your bf does, then you need to decide whether you want to get over your feelings about it and continue your relationship or cut him loose and find another guy who shares your feelings about the issue. It's a difficult decision, but it's up you to decide.

[beckcakes]

hi. i would be really interested to know how you have got on with your situation as i am in a very similar one.

im 33 and i have hated porn ever since finding my dads stash at a very young age. i now associate it with dirty perverts (even though im fairly sure my dad wasnt a pervert...!)

after finding the first dvd (my bf doesnt have internet access.. thank god) about 4 weeks ago, i spoke to him about it and when he could see how upset it made me he promised there would never e any other porn in his flat again. well i found another dvd this sunday and flipped out.

anyway, to cut a long story short... i have put posts on this site and received mixed advice, ive spoken to female and male friends for their advice, and yesterday i went to see my doctor. i am gutted to say that unfortunately it seems that the general opinion of society is that I am the one with a problem because i have such an extreme view of it and now i have been referred to a councillor to deal with it. my appointment isnt for a few weeks so i am now left stewing on this, feeling like im abnormal.

i feel devestated to think that i have to seek therapy to get over MY problem of not being able to accept that my boyfriend/men want to watch images of other women having d**cks shoved up their ar*e!  

my reaction on sunday when i found the second dvd was to just leave him. now ive calmed down a little and understand that im never going to find a man who doesnt watch this crap.

i really feel for you and i hope that your boyfriend is considerate and respectful enough to just stop it if he hears how strong you feel about it. just wanted you to know though, you really arent on your own x

[sweetpea03]

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

[lnik22]

Thanks so much. I will talk to him and see where it goes from there.....you really calmed me down about it. My stomachs been in knots all night.

[sweetpea03]

I think you need to talk to him and have a heart-to-heart discussion about it. If you have not already told him that you do not like porn, then this will be coming out of left field for him, so try to bring it up slowly and don't rag on him right away. I completely understand your feelings about porn, as I also am totally against porn and my fiance has known this from very early on in our relationship. Open and honest communication is very important in any relationship, so you need to discuss these things now and see where each of you stand. You can ask him how he feels about porn, why he likes to watch it, and so on. Then tell him how you feel about it. Typically, that is all it would take for him to get rid of the stash on his own because he would want to make you happy. Though if he doesn't, then you need to think about whether or not this is a deal breaker for you or if you can handle him watching porn for the rest of your relationship. That is up to you to decide. Hope it goes well.

[lnik22]

Should I see what he would say if I explained how I felt and asked him to get rid of them?

[melipops]

Hi tyr not to worry too much. I think if he is watching porn he is not out there cheating. I understand feeling awkward about it. If you don't trust him be careful full stop. Maybe you need to find someone who has the same moral ideas that you do Take care

[lnik22]

Sorry for the typos new phone!!!!!!