friend in the navy

[katkat1010]

Hi,
so ill try to make this short.. but basically this guy ive liked and somewhat had a "thing" with since last november just left today for the navy. we got along pretty well and i really liked him. we both had trust issues and neither of us could trust the other one in a relationship while he was gone and im in college. we ended up getting into a fight a couple of weeks ago that resulted in us no longer talking up until this past week which was when he told me he was leaving. i was out with friends when i got the message hed be leaving today and i broke down completely. mostly becuase i never got to see him again before he left.
ive been in a daze all day and i feel like im never going to see him again. he said that he would write me but im worried i wont hear from him again. i have never had any experience of dealing with someone on the military, and to be honest i never thought i would have to.
now im a mess and hes all i can think about, mostly because i know he doesnt even know how much i care about him. and he left without even saying goodbye, the last thing he said to me was asking for my address so he can write..
is there anyone on here that can give me any advice? im really not sure how to handle this.

..thanks

[kkgirl03]

Hey I'm not sure if any of you who posted on here remembers my situation from last summer? But basically I still feel the same for the guy that left for the marines almost a year ago. We still talk almost every day, and we talk about slot of really personal things. I've shared alot with him and I still have really strong feelings for him. But I have a boyfriend of nine months and he has no idea I've been talking with the marine. Is it possible to love two men at the same time? I have no idea what to do. The marine tells me to stay with my current boyfriend because it will be best for me for right now. But he wants me to wait for him until he gets out in four years. I have no idea what I want and in the meantime my current boyfriend wants to start his life with me and move in together in the fall. I want the same things he does but I also feel I'm being unfair not only to himbut more importantly to myself. I can't let myself fall for two people but I have no idea how to stop it. I can't discontinue talking to either of them. They both make me so happy. I truly don't want to lose either of them... What should I do?

[seattlemom2plus]

You know what if you are happy right now with your current boyfriend then I wouldn't even risk the relationship unless you are expecting an outcome with someone that will be leaving soon anyways.  You might jeopardize something good (your current relationship) for something is temporary.  Follow your gut on this.  Thanks for keeping us updated it's interesting to see how this is progressing.

[sweetpea03]

How old are you? Have you had your period yet?

Right now, I think you shouldn't be chasing after some old flame and you should focus on your current relationship. Sometimes we never get closure and that is just a part of life. He sounds like a player anyways and I think it would be best that you don't see him. Forget about the past and move on. You are sexually active with your current boyfriend and unsure if you are pregnant or not. If you are pregnant, then you should stay with the father of your baby and it does not matter how you feel about this other guy.

[katkat1010]

hey everyone! i know that it has been a while. but just thought id update you all in your busy lives:) i am currently still in the relationship with the guy i met in the summer. were going strong and im very happy. i havent felt this happy in a very long time.
ANYWHO... the friend in the marines comes home this friday (23rd)... ive talked to my boyfriend and he is okay with me seeing him and im pretty nervous as to how i will feel about seeing him again.
i have no idea how to go about the situation with him.. in his lettters he would often tell me how he wanted to go out to dinner and come party with me and blah blah blah. but ive heard hes been saying the same things to plenty of other girls as well. any advice how i should handle this situation? or if i should even see him? im kind of feeling like i need some closure at this point. but i wouldnt even know what to say, considering we never even dated.. we were justa thing that turned into more via letters... confusing!

haha still needing your advice.. and itd be greatly appreciated.
thanks!

[seattlemom2plus]

My friend that went into the marines did the same thing before he wrote a lot initially then about after 6 months I never heard much from him.  He actually switched gears big time and started only speaking "marine" in our letters and drawing marine logos.  I know its a weird story but true lol

[katkat1010]

Okay thanks.. So what do you think about my friend in the marines? Do u think he could just be really homesick and I can't really trust how he's talking? Maybe im just blowing this out of proportion.

[seattlemom2plus]

You never are bothering us that is for sure.  And thanks for coming back and updating us on this.

Actions speak louder than words.  And this is what I think of when I read what you wrote.  Going on with your life and meeting someone you have taken an interest in is great.  I am so glad that you went ahead and went out on a limb and tried it--- obviously the connection with this new guy is working.

I do find it interesting you said that you go for "unavailable" men.  Could this be a pattern with your own relationships that you need to look into to prevent future heartaches?

Sometimes we go for things that are unavailable or are more "attracted" to things we can't have because we want the relationship to fail or we want that distance because we actually either fear commitment... or are scared of it.  Something to ponder :D  Keep us posted.

[katkat1010]

hey everyone, so just thought id annoy you all with another update. haha sorry!
anyways, since the last time ive been on here, im currently in a relationship with the guy i met. it going well, hes amazing and treats me like a princess, we talk all day and skype everynight (since he lives far away). he only has nice things to say about me and its incredibly easy for me to talk to him, just feels so normal. up until today, ive mostly let go of the marines guy. i mis him terribly but i told myself i just had to let go, considering he has never expressed any feelings back, and he also writing to other girls.
today i got a letter, where he explained how much he misses me and cant wait to see me. and asked me about my favorite foods, movies, place, memory, anything i could change. he actually took interest in MY life. which hes never done before. i know hes missing home, but hes never talked to me like this before. he asked me to send a picture, and spray the letter with my perfume. im finding myself giving in and falling for him again. i always imagine what it would have been like if we could have found a way to make it work.
ive also concluded today that i always go for unavailable men! either where they live or what theyre job entails something dangerous..

anyways.. my boyfriend now knows about the marines guy, and i told him that since ive met him i think about marines guy less.. (up until today obviously..) i know i shouldnt be in a relationship if im uncertain about my feelings towards someone else. but i dont want to let go of him now because he is so incredible and i dont want to lose that. but then again, i desperately want to see marines guy when he comes home, i know i have to see him.

.. any new advice? im just spinning this web of drama more and more..

[seattlemom2plus]

you go girl!  you said it yourself, you had the answer in front of you the whole time, thanks for keeping us updated.  Go out and have fun :D

[gaby27]

good luck to you!!

[katkat1010]

thanks again, i think ill just let whatever happens happen. but we didnt leave on the best of terms and he never once said that he wanted to be with me when he got back. so if i do have a boyfriend or whatever when he comes home, then he only has himself to blame.
thanks everyone for helping me figure out what was right in front of me this whole time.

thank you!!!

[specialmom]

Listen, you CAN date casually.  You've got no committment to the guy in the marines and honestly, just making yourself single indefinately until he decides he might like to date you (or even can do to logistics) is just selling your life short.  

I don't know if it is a great idea to see the other guy either-----------  as your heart isn't in it.  But I fear that your mind is going wild creating scenarios that aren't based in any reality.  

I'd focus on school, work, friends.  Let the other stuff fall into place.  

You are not the only person that the marine is keeping on a string.  Remember that.  That probably hurts but it is better to understand that than create a day dream in your head of wedding bells.  If it will be, it will be.  But you are trying to make it into more than it should be at this point.  

good luck

[gaby27]

honestly if i were u i would give it a shot with this other guy.. having a relationship with a guy in the marines or any of those is hard especially when they are away and they are always moving. my ex is in the navy and that was the reason we broke and just like u i had that in mind to stay single nothing serious waiting for him but u cant sit around waiting for something that might not happen. now hes dating a girl he met when he was stationed in massachusetts last time i saw him was 2 yrs ago. i still miss him here and there but its better to move on.

[katkat1010]

hey everyone, thought id let you know. i got my second letter today. he told me all about basic and what not, and he seemed relatively interested in how im doing. it made my heart skip a beat when i saw the letter. ive been checking the mail everyday.
he told me he misses me alot, and he cant wait to see me and "party at my college" and get dinner or something.
i love talking to him even if it means i have to wait a week for a letter.
anyways, ive been in a good mood all day, happy and what not.
until i just saw that hes been writing to this other girl.
and i guess i feel like giving up now.
i figured i would proove to him that i can be faithful and be his and only his when he gets back in sept. but knowing hes writing other girls makes me feel like im just there to keep him entertained for when he gets homesick. i want to believe the best in him and i wish i could just call him up now and ask him straight up but instead i have to wait 10 weeks to talk to him. i really hate this.
im at a loss as to what i should do. im obviously not going to stop writing to him, but this affects how i feel in a major way. the other guy i have been talking to wants me to come see him this weekend and i cant help but feel guilty. and if i end up seeing him, hes told me how he wants to make it official. which is soon, but i think i really like him back.
but i cant help but think what if im overreacting? and he gets back and sees ive moved on just like he always predicted.
i have no idea what to do..

[seattlemom2plus]

We are certainly here for you, keep us posted indeed :)

[katkat1010]

thank you all so much i really appreciate all the advice. im definitely going to take your advice and just see what happens and take it day by day. i cant lie, i obviously have strong feelings for him,. seeing that letter made my heart drop. i guess i will just have to wait and see how strong his feelings are for me. he asked to see me when he gets home, so i guess if when september comes and he still wants to see me we will see if that actually happens. as for now hes my good friend who i really care about.
and the guy i met is amazing, he lives about 3 and a half hours away though:/ that is the only bad part. but the more i think about it the more i want to give him a shot. im just worried that when he comes home and that he actually does have strong feelings for me, if im in a relationship i will feel really guilty because i understand why he didnt want to get close to me before he left. but if when he comes back and he sees i didnt "get" with anyone, he might be able to see that i was being honest when i told him before he left that i could be faithful to him.
i guess for now, dating is okay, i just dont want to be in a relationship. right now hes all i can think about and i have to wait and see if he feels the same. and if he doesnt, then oh well he doesnt. and at least ill know in september.
i hope im making the right choice...
thanks guys

[specialmom]

Hi kat kat.  Well, I think his writing you is nice and definately made you feel good, right?  I'd NOT mention that he is writing others as it is his perogative to do so.  I'd store the information away as something you know about him.  He is keeping his options open and enjoys knowing he has many females to stay in contact with of which you are one of them.  

I'm glad you are seeing someone else now and I wouldn't let the guy in the Navy hinder that.  See where that goes without worrying about the guy in the Navy. I know you like the Navy guy and it spurs something in you to 'get' him-----------  but he is one of those situtations that is outside your control and you'll have to wait and see as seattlemom says.  And I must say, he's raised a couple of red flags that might indicate that he likes lots of girls and is NOT interested in a true girlfriend at the time.  So, don't let his existance and possibility of his coming back stop you from living life now.  Like I said earlier, I had a guy like this.  I was wrapped up in him.  And actually-----------  when still wrapped up in him while he was gone . . .   I met another guy.  I think had I met THAT guy at a different time, I'd have found him to be near perfect (handsome, great career, nice, funny, fun and best of all----------- really INTO ME!!).  But I blew it with him because I couldn't stop thinking about the other guy who 'might' be someone I date again.  Rats--------- a good one got away for me.  This was years ago and I'm married to a great guy I met in my 30's----  but I'm just saying.  Don't stop living because of 'what if's".  If the guy you are seeing is nice, try to give that a chance.  And whatever happens with Navy guy will happen.  good luck

[seattlemom2plus]

I always like to take the "we will just have to wait and see what happens" approach.  From the sounds of it, it does sound like you both had a commitment to one another prior to him leaving, so you don't have to feel guilty about living your life right now and dating or having friends. And if there was such a commitment established then why is he writing to other women at the same time?

I had a lot of male friends that went into the military in high school and I watched all of them do just about the same thing, gather addresses, talk to the ladies they wanted to write to them, etc.  I don't know exactly why they do it, but they do.  When they are first homesick they are writing their heads off to everyone.  Then after a few months they get adjusted and back off with the writing or worse yet they put a lot of girls "on hold" in hopes that they wait for him... which is ridiculous because nobody has control over what happens (i.e. military relocations, etc.)

So if you met a nice guy right now, enjoy it and don't feel guilty about it.  It could just be a blessing in disguise :)

[katkat1010]

thank you seattlemom2plus. i appreciate it. and i have found out that he did tell other girls he would write to them but im not really sure if he is or not. i guess at some point down the road i may ask him that but i dont want to start any arguments with him while hes away.
the reason im posting is becuase he wrote me today! i got his letter this afternoon. it was short but sweet. he apologized for how he acted towards me and explained he didnt want to get too close to me because he was leaving. he apologized and said he hopes im "still around when he gets back in september" which, conveinently, ill be at college less that 10 minutes from his house. he said sorry and he had ps please write back! so i wrote him asap and im sending the letter out first thing tomorrow:)
do you think that i should bring up that i know other girls have said things about him writing to them? or should i just leave it how things are now that weve seemed to start patching up the bad spots.
also, i have somehow, met someone else. just about a week and a half ago and hes incredibly nice and sweet. and i am holding back because of my friend.. im not sure what to tell him either because i dont want him to think i cant get to know him. but its exactly what my friend said before he left, that he cant trust me while hes away and im in college. so im not sure what the best thing to do is? should i just flat out ask him? and tell him ill wait but i dont want to waste my time if he doesnt want me back?
i just dont want to mess things up right now..

thanks

[seattlemom2plus]

I had a similar situation occur when I was much younger, and they did in fact eventually write to me, but little did I know they were also writing to other women too.  And when they came back in town, they saw those other women as well besides for just me.  I was fortunate to find out, but it was hurtful because I was actually honest with them and did not see other people in the meantime.  Knowing what I know now I would have set a boundary and not made any promises/or accepted their false promises while they were gone.  I put other relationships on hold because of them.  So thought I would share my experience on that, granted not every situation is the same, nor the people involved.

[katkat1010]

thank you all very much, im definitely taking all of your advice into consideration. and i will definitely keep you posted if he writes. i dont know how long it takes for someone to write, if its months or what. ive honestly never been in this type of situation before. but im praying it wasnt the last time i would hear from him. thank you again!

[seattlemom2plus]

specialmom is right there is such a thing as destiny and fate and sometimes we just have to let go and accept that we don't always have control over this part of life.

Wait for the letter indeed, but don't put your life on hold or miss a good opportunity just because you are focused on them.  Be open to whatever comes your way and wait and see what happens.  Keep us posted.

[specialmom]

Like a gazillion years ago, I lived in an apartment complex as a single chick.  There were other young adults there and there was a guy that I liked a lot.  He'd just gotten out of a relationship and so had I, so we were very casual.  We had a great time.  It was an odd 'fling' kind of thing.  Where I had feelings but hid them.  We also had an argument and hadn't hung out for about 2 weeks.  I was working and busy and he traveled for his job, I assumed we'd sort it out.  Then he stopped by my apartment and left a note on my door that he was moving.  I got home and went over to his place.  His car had a trailor on it and his apartment was packed up.  I mean . . . he was MOVING right then and there.  My heart was heavy because I felt like we had potential and unfinished business and he was leaving town for another state.  

Your story reminds me of that.  That out of control feeling of "this is it" and you can't do anything to stop it.  It is very disappointing when you have hopes of getting to know someone better and being able spend more time with them to see where something might go.  I was very very sad and almost desperate feeling when he left.  I'm sure you feel the same way.

You got good advice to wait for his letter.  Then keep contact with him so that when he comes back, you can try to spend some time together.  But also, go on with your life too.

Sometimes in life, we have to believe in destiny.  What will be will be.  This is one of those times.  good luck

[molefreckle]

He asked for your address... that is a good sign means he is thinking of you and would love to hear from you while he is away..  Look at it that way... he wants to still communicate with you.. =) Wait for his letter and yes when you write back let him know how u feel about him. If you care for him let him know... take care and best of luck... being away makes the heart grow fonder..