I have been married for almost 20 yrs. My husband has had a group of friends that he has hung out with (play cards, go to casino, etc) for years. One of their stops has been a "girly" bar (bikinis, slutty women serving) and although I never really liked it I always thought it said more about his character than mine (for example, I stayed home & took care of the kids like I was supposed to, I never really needed that kind of outlet.) Lately it has been bugging me though, because we have a daughter old enough to work there (so it just seems creepy to me) and some of these guys have wives with breast cancer or other illnesses & I just find it disrespectful.
OK, be brutal if you must. Am I overreacting????? Should I just drop it or am I right to be bothered?
Sorry but I can't reply to offer any additional info--I wouldn't dare post this from home but I will check in for any replies.
I apreciate ANY input!!!
Women don't do that sort of thing, is why you don't do it. We aren't wired that way, and that's why there aren't many bars that have nearly nude men and cater to women.
Does it seem excessive to you - like, does he do this more than once every couple weeks? It does seem kind of immature, but if he also does other things with them, and this is not a couple times a week maybe you could let it go.
As creepy as it seems, men like to look at pretty women who are your daughter's age.
I was talking to my coworker about this the other day. He is 49. He said he can't put himself to going to any of those places because he is afraid someone he knows or one of his kids, their friends, or parents of friends would see him and he would be way too embarassed. He says he doesn't even care to go to one, but he really doesnt because he doesnt want to be seen. Wouldn't that make him ashamed of going there? I can see single older guys doing it, but married, committed men...shouldn't. I say the only time a man in a relationship should go to those bars is for a bachelor party, not because they "have good food" lol. And I agree, my dad (41) likes looking at younger pretty girls, but he doesnt go out to those bars and what if I worked at one? (not that I would) what would he think? He would not like it, nor would my mom. I think you have the right to be bothered.
It is hard to advise someone, on something that has been going on for sometime, my comment would be, that you should have addressed the situation, when it started, now , it may be a little late, you could try , and see what happens.Matbe if he thinks enough of you and his children, he will stop, and you and he can go somewhere together. I wish you lots of luck I personally would not like it one bit. lots of luck jo
My husband has gone to a t***y bar 3 times since I met him in 1985. Yeah, I'm old... Each visit was the occasion of a bachelor party, and I had no problem with him attending because I trust him entirely. That said, I would have an issue if his attendance in such places became a regular habit. I do know one married couple who both go to topless bars. Whatever floats their boat, but at least they do it together. :-)
jo makes a great point in that this behavior on your husband's part has gone on for years, so why do you now have a problem with it? Has his visits to these establishments become more frequent? Is he going alone rather than with his (loser) friends in a group? As a casual observer, it does seem he should have outgrown the whole t***y bar thing by now. Have you discussed it with him?
I'm nearly 58 years old..the last time I was in one of those places was about 30 year ago.
I find them incredibly boring. I've been on business trips with colleagues who wanted to go to these places, and I opted to return to my hotel room..even when I was single. I don't see why any man would go to one of these places when he has a loving wife waiting for him at home..I don't get it.
my husband hasn't been to a strip club since his bachelor party. granted we are only married a little over a year, but i agree with jaybay in the sense that, if it is only on occassion that he goes there, its not a big deal to me. your husband however, i would say, frequently attends such an establishment and the frequency in which he does would be a problem for me. as rockrose pointed out, its something women dont understand as we would never think of going to that kind of place "enjoyable". on the other hand, you have not said anything about him frequenting this type of place until now. so, imo, thats a little hypocritical. to be aware of it for so many years, yet not say anything about until now is unfair. i do agree that with your daughter coming of age it is creepy and im sure your husband wouldn't appreciate your daughter serving him or anyone else drinks half-naked, older men like to look at younger women (younger women that aren't their daughters) and that will never change. men, for the most part, will never change.
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