going out without the s/o

[heatherlynn22]

so a few of my friends and i got into an argument over this topic....going out without the husband (99% of my friends and myself are married). i said there has to be a line drawn at what you do and do not do when you have a girls night/day out. they say no strip clubs but everything else is gain. i say nuh uhh. going to bars ...maybe. if it's a local joint where everybody knows everybody yeah sure that's fine (where we're all originally from our local hang out is like a high school reunion every night...places like that i think are ok) but going to night clubs, dancing and to "major bars" (for my friends and i that would be going to southside, station square, northside or strip..that's where our major places are...where we went when we were single, or when i was working) i say places like that are off limits if the menfolk are not there. (if i go out dancing....yeah. the guys who are there are pigs....i just do NOT feel comfortable if my husband isn't with me) UNLESS it is a bachelor or bachelorrette party......which again with my friends we all usually meet up after a few hours of having the girl/guy time and it turns into a co-ed party for the bride and groom....

what is everyone elses opinions? am i crazy for thinking dancing and places like that should be off limits unless the husbands are there?

[91004]

I would say no it shouldn't be off limits if you are there to be with your friends and hang with them, now dancing with other guys and flirting and talking to other guys off limits. If your just hanging with friends your not paying attention to the guys anyway so it shouldn't matter. I don't think I would want my man going to somewhere like that without me though. So with that aspect I couldn't go if I wouldn't want him to do it.

[jenkaye21]

I guess it depends on what you / your spouse are comfortable with.  For me, i am with you.  My DH and i agree not to go out to places like that with friends.  

[heatherlynn22]

well see i don't care if we're together and we all go out (all of us, friends, dh and i, LOVE to dance.) to dance. it's being without the husbands/boyfriends/fiancees that i don't agree to.like 91004 said if i wouldn't want him to do it why would i? i see no real issue going dancing, drinking and letting your hair done once in a while...sometimes that is what you really need. but as long as your hubby is with you. i've seen so many of my "friends" say "oh i won't do anything stupid. i promise." and when they go out, they get drunk and well....are not as faithful as they promise to be. which disgusts me. (i've lost a few friends over their cheating. i won't tolerate it and i let their s/o's know, and i don't do it just to do it. i'm friends with my friend's s/o's and i would be so MAD at them if they didn't tell me if dh was cheating on me. plus....pictures that are taken through the night don't lie....)

[megochick101]

While I do agree with you that going out and getting drunk and dancing with other guys is completely out of the question IMO. However, when i have a girls night out we all get prettied up and still go dancing, but since we are all either married or have a stable bf(except on of us) we all just have a couple drinks and dance with each other. And if some guy comes up to one of us, we say "sorry I'm with her" hehe. It's a quick way to get the guys back off and then we can still dance and have some fun, and the guys faces are priceless when one of us has to tell them we are with the otehr woman lol

But I do have one annoying story about a perv out there! UGH One Saturday night on our girls night(we do one a month), this cheesy, disgusting older guy just came up to me while I was dancing with my friend kristy and he just started grinding on my butt and his hands started going everywhere, and I do mean EVERYWHERE, he seriously went straight for my you know what!! Look I'm 23 and he had to be about 50+ and I went off. I started b*tching him out like no other, and pretty soon 2 security guys came over(they actually heard me yelling at this guy OVER the music) and they took him and me and took this guys pic and banned him from ever coming to the club again. It was so horrible, completely ruined my night, but at least I got the pervert banned from there!

But i do know what you mean heatherlynn about some girls who think that since they are away from the hubby they can just go out get trashed and grind on any guy out there, and I used to be friends with someone like that until i told her hubby(who was actually one of my best friends and who I met her through) about it. i also have no tolerance for any of that ****, and i will call up any of my friends husbands or boyfriends and tell them if one of them is acting crazy because grinding on some other man at the club to me is cheating and it's despicable and i will not be friends with someone who thinks that's ok.

[mami1323]

I think it's fine to go out dancing as long as you respect your relationship.  Which means, no dancing with other men.  I think its fine to hang out with your girlfriends and dance.  Although, I know that it bothers my fiance when I go out and I have enough trust issues with him that I really don't like when he goes out either.  I guess its about open communication and deciding what's acceptable in your relationship.  If you can both go and come home at a decent time then it should be ok.  Now there should be no double standard, if your hubby goes out with his friends, than you should be able to go out with yours.

[Judy246]

I agree that we all have friends and have the right to take a little time away from hubby and kids and get together and have fun, but not put yourself in any situation of what I call "temptations", such as single bars, strip clubs, night clubs. I think we all know our limit when in a functioning marriage. Keep trust and respect in the relationship and there is nothing wrong in having fun with the girlie friends.

[91004]

I agree it is hard to trust anyone when alcohol is involved. You see to many people that have to many drinks and make a huge regret. So if you don't trust yourself on alcohol without your man then I wouldn't do it or if you don't trust your man then don't do it. My friend when she went out everyone knew not to give her tequila if anyone knows the song Tequilla Makes Her Clothes Fall Off well that song was meant for her. Her husband knew it also. So if she went out she couldn't drink it.

[heatherlynn22]

lol 91004 that sounds like one of my "friends". she never has an actual b/f so we don't usually have a good reason to stop her from having her tequila (besides her stripping.....which yeah...we don't like all that much).

[Judy246]

LOL...with the Tequilla shots,song and cloth coming right off...thank goodness her hubby is on to her behavior, but their marriage is strong enought where she can go out and have a good time with her friends, yet respects her marriage enought not to drink it. Comment was very funny :)

[j7653]

Seems to me that you shouldn't do anything that you wouldnt want your spouse or bf to see or know about.  If it has to be a secret then it's probably wrong.

And I would think that you and him must have a good idea in your heads what is and is not Off Limits.

[imanaddict]

I can agree to a certain extent with some places are not meant for married people going out separately. I guess it all depends on the couple and how they are without their S/O. Some people can tolerate places and things and some cannot. My best friend and I love to hang out on Lower Greenville (a major party spot in Dallas). I am married and she is single. When guys come up to us, I will point them in her direction. If they want to buy me a drink, fine, but I make it a point to let them know that they aren't getting anything from me and I have a wonderful family to go home to when I leave. My husband is really cool about that aspect and he'll tell me to let guys buy me drinks so it doesn't cost us as much..LOL! He knows how I am and I can handle my own.

[heatherlynn22]

ohhhh my dh does not tolerate men buying me drinks. (he's very jealous) i remember last year (pre pregnancy of course) we went out to matrix (a local nightclub that my friends and i go to) with a few of my g/f's and some guy started hitting on me. after i repeatedly told him to get lost, i'm with someone, he was about to get his behind beat....greg well....beat his behind. lol. he snatched the guy up by the shirt collar, drug him out of the club (so he wouldn't get in trouble) and proceeded to be beat the snot out of said guy.

i don't know...maybe i'm just getting old. i just feel so ackward being out dancing or anywhere like that without him.

[MrS_L0PeZ]

Heatherlynn22 I know how you feel. I don't go without my husband to bars and clubs. If I did I will feel really awkward. We both go everywhere together and we don't mind it at all. I love going out to bars and clubs with my hubby because I know hes there to have fun with me and protect me. He gets very protective and jealous as well. I don't let any other man buy me drinks. I don't trust them. So many crazy a$$ men out there you can't trust them. They might put drugs in your drinks or who knows. Especially where I live in Miami the party scene is CRAZYso I would never go out with just the Girls!

My Husband and I trust eachother to go on our own, but we have no desire too. We LOVE every chance we get to go out with eachother.

[Judy246]

Awww...that's sooo sweet.

[imanaddict]

That's what I meant by it all just depends on the couple. My ex was the same way. He was SOOOOO jealous and beat many a man's a$$ just for saying hi to me. That doesn't fly with me! My husband is the exact opposite. He doesn't necessarily want guys flirting with me, but he does take it as a compliment that a guy might take a double look at me. He'll be like, "Yeah I know! And she's all mine!" type attitude. He's very non-confrontational which is a nice compliment to my spicy personality.

[heatherlynn22]

that' how we are mrs. lopez. we trust each other to go out without one another...just don't want to. i feel awful if i'm out having fun without him. i don't think we've been out without each other in over a year.

see dh doesn't get mad if a guy says hi (i do have a few male friends that i've been friends with forever) it's when they're persistant and don't stop that he hates. i'm not a very confrontational person (i'm too nice for my own good.) dh is. if he sees i'm having problems getting a guy to leave me alone he steps in and does it for me. lol.

what's bad are the guys who STILL keep at it even AFTER they see the wedding and engagement rings! some men are true pigs (notice i said some and not all) same with women. i have yelled at quite a few women for staring at my husband or hitting on him (he always wears his ring).