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hard to stay hard
The guy I am seeing has a hard time getting and staying erect. When we are intimate with each other he has to masturbate himself to become erect. We have tried having intercourse, but he doesn't stay erect. Does he have a medical problem, could he be nervous, or is not that attracted to me?
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2 things that may be the cause - Chemistry(lack of) or a medical problem, the chemistry part can happen to anyone, i used to date this girl that was pretty attractive by any standard, but something was just missing....no chemistry whatsoever....and another chick that couldnt stand beside her looks wise would have me hard as a rock....i couldnt explain it.

Oh another thing, no offense, but odors would do that too...i hope there arent any odors emanating from your vagina...the strange thing about odors is the women never seem to smell it(or maybe they do but just ignore it)...that will definitley make a limp penis even limper......and most men will have a hard time getting hard...plus how do u tell someone their vagina stinks....i am only talking from experience here, this is not a direct afftront to u.
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Could well be a medical problem, or caused by medication (does he take any?) Have you to talked about it - does he have any explanation?
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332074 tn?1229564125
I would go with the medical theory. I want to give most women the benefit that they try and stay clean for their man.
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338939 tn?1291346760
this may have nothing to do with it at all...but some drugs can cause a limp noodle....my guy is a recovering addict and opiates kept him from getting hard....also...i found that his 1st head controls alot of what his 2nd head does....if he's worried about something or has a lot on his mind....like trying to get it up or keeping it that way once its there will kill it dead in a heartbeat....hope it helps....

carrie
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had similar problem.  The reason for the problem was her bad vaginal/anal odor.   A sexual chemistry is also a must.  
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also.......physical chemistry is extremely important.   Sometimes men have hard time saying it but if a woman is not in shape and is not physically attractive ........its hard to keep it up unless they r drunk.  For me the most essential thing is a clean smelling woman.......and i mean fresh between her legs and her *** crack!  
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Teko's "advice" is completely inappropriate here. It's vague and off-topic. Drugs? Cleanliness? Whether or not somebody is clean (meaning did they take a shower, for f**k sake?) has nothing to do with E.D. LMAO.

This sounds like anxiety, since he can get an erection masturbing himself. There are sex therapists around who can help you two figure this out if you have the bucks to pay for a few sessions.  The other thing is to look on Google for information about "erectile dysfunction solutions" or something like that. There is probably tons of info on this issue on the Internets. He might need to simply learn some relaxation techniques to help him with his anxiety. Perhaps not focus on his getting an erection when you two are sexual. Just enjoy one another's bodies and release him from the "pressure" of having to "perform" in that way. Once the two of you are comfortable doing that, he may be able to relax and get an erection. Take the focus off the erection for a while, though.

If he feels like it is something physical, he needs a complete physical exam by his doctor. Again, it sounds like anxiety to me (since he can get hard on his own), but if you feel there might be something physical going on, he should get checked out.
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A.B., Psychology, UCLA
M.S., Psychology, UC Berkeley
M.B.A., University of Texas, Austin
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Semi-retired. That's why an MBA is nice.
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184674 tn?1360864093
Nah, barnbabe was a lawyer from San Francisco, not a psychologist. Oh but wait...you can be anything and anyone you want to be on the internet, right?
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U GUYS ARE ALL FIGHTIN INSTEAD OF HELPIN THE POOR GURL WITH HER QUESTION... I AGREE WITH ((BLACK MARRIED DUDE)) ITS EITHER A LACK OF CHEMISTRY OR AN ERICTILE PROBLEM....
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The odor thing can do it.  It doesn't even have to be a "bad" odor!  Sometimes it can just be a benign odor like a weird conditioner in some cases.  I knew this one gal who put stuff on her hair that would make her smell like my mom. Unnoticeable normally but when the lights were office, Mr Willy wasn't having none!  just too dang... twilight zonish.

First just try to, next time you guys are going to be together, take a shower shortly before, no perfumes, just a little deodorant and see if that helps.  And yes anxiety can play a part in performance anxiety.

I have actually heard of guys having more problems with a woman the really like than otherwise.  
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Back to your original question.  Are condoms being used? Are you in a place you know won't be disturbed? how long ago was his last relationship? etc?
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173939 tn?1333221450
Alcohol can do that too. Daily consumption of more than 2 bottles of beer or wine or the equivalent in hard liquor. It silently increases the presence of estrogen. I have no idea if everyone would be affected by this, though. I believe it takes half a lifetime of drinking to show up as ED later on and I read that beer will be more harmful because of the yeast. Just a hypothesis. Don`t drop your New Year`s drinks right away!
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