Relationships Community
hard to stay hard
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to relationships, abstinence, arousal problems, birth control, cohabitation, commitment, communication, couples counseling, desire, sexual technique, and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

hard to stay hard

The guy I am seeing has a hard time getting and staying erect. When we are intimate with each other he has to masturbate himself to become erect. We have tried having intercourse, but he doesn't stay erect. Does he have a medical problem, could he be nervous, or is not that attracted to me?
Related Discussions
4 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
2 things that may be the cause - Chemistry(lack of) or a medical problem, the chemistry part can happen to anyone, i used to date this girl that was pretty attractive by any standard, but something was just missing....no chemistry whatsoever....and another chick that couldnt stand beside her looks wise would have me hard as a rock....i couldnt explain it.

Oh another thing, no offense, but odors would do that too...i hope there arent any odors emanating from your vagina...the strange thing about odors is the women never seem to smell it(or maybe they do but just ignore it)...that will definitley make a limp penis even limper......and most men will have a hard time getting hard...plus how do u tell someone their vagina stinks....i am only talking from experience here, this is not a direct afftront to u.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Could well be a medical problem, or caused by medication (does he take any?) Have you to talked about it - does he have any explanation?
Blank
332074_tn?1229564125
I would go with the medical theory. I want to give most women the benefit that they try and stay clean for their man.
Blank
338939_tn?1291346760
this may have nothing to do with it at all...but some drugs can cause a limp noodle....my guy is a recovering addict and opiates kept him from getting hard....also...i found that his 1st head controls alot of what his 2nd head does....if he's worried about something or has a lot on his mind....like trying to get it up or keeping it that way once its there will kill it dead in a heartbeat....hope it helps....

carrie
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
had similar problem.  The reason for the problem was her bad vaginal/anal odor.   A sexual chemistry is also a must.  
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
also.......physical chemistry is extremely important.   Sometimes men have hard time saying it but if a woman is not in shape and is not physically attractive ........its hard to keep it up unless they r drunk.  For me the most essential thing is a clean smelling woman.......and i mean fresh between her legs and her *** crack!  
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Teko's "advice" is completely inappropriate here. It's vague and off-topic. Drugs? Cleanliness? Whether or not somebody is clean (meaning did they take a shower, for f**k sake?) has nothing to do with E.D. LMAO.

This sounds like anxiety, since he can get an erection masturbing himself. There are sex therapists around who can help you two figure this out if you have the bucks to pay for a few sessions.  The other thing is to look on Google for information about "erectile dysfunction solutions" or something like that. There is probably tons of info on this issue on the Internets. He might need to simply learn some relaxation techniques to help him with his anxiety. Perhaps not focus on his getting an erection when you two are sexual. Just enjoy one another's bodies and release him from the "pressure" of having to "perform" in that way. Once the two of you are comfortable doing that, he may be able to relax and get an erection. Take the focus off the erection for a while, though.

If he feels like it is something physical, he needs a complete physical exam by his doctor. Again, it sounds like anxiety to me (since he can get hard on his own), but if you feel there might be something physical going on, he should get checked out.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
A.B., Psychology, UCLA
M.S., Psychology, UC Berkeley
M.B.A., University of Texas, Austin
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Semi-retired. That's why an MBA is nice.
Blank
184674_tn?1360864093
Nah, barnbabe was a lawyer from San Francisco, not a psychologist. Oh but wait...you can be anything and anyone you want to be on the internet, right?
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
U GUYS ARE ALL FIGHTIN INSTEAD OF HELPIN THE POOR GURL WITH HER QUESTION... I AGREE WITH ((BLACK MARRIED DUDE)) ITS EITHER A LACK OF CHEMISTRY OR AN ERICTILE PROBLEM....
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
The odor thing can do it.  It doesn't even have to be a "bad" odor!  Sometimes it can just be a benign odor like a weird conditioner in some cases.  I knew this one gal who put stuff on her hair that would make her smell like my mom. Unnoticeable normally but when the lights were office, Mr Willy wasn't having none!  just too dang... twilight zonish.

First just try to, next time you guys are going to be together, take a shower shortly before, no perfumes, just a little deodorant and see if that helps.  And yes anxiety can play a part in performance anxiety.

I have actually heard of guys having more problems with a woman the really like than otherwise.  
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Back to your original question.  Are condoms being used? Are you in a place you know won't be disturbed? how long ago was his last relationship? etc?
Blank
173939_tn?1333221450
Alcohol can do that too. Daily consumption of more than 2 bottles of beer or wine or the equivalent in hard liquor. It silently increases the presence of estrogen. I have no idea if everyone would be affected by this, though. I believe it takes half a lifetime of drinking to show up as ED later on and I read that beer will be more harmful because of the yeast. Just a hypothesis. Don`t drop your New Year`s drinks right away!
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Relationships Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
The 3 Essentials to Ending Emotiona...
Sep 18 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Control Emotional Eating with this ...
Sep 04 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating Control: How to St...
Aug 28 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Relationships Answerers
13167_tn?1327197724
Blank
RockRose
Austin, TX
973741_tn?1342346373
Blank
specialmom
1268057_tn?1399131913
Blank
Londres70
France
3149845_tn?1386354841
Blank
Life360
fort lauderdale, FL
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
TTinKKerBBell
CA
480448_tn?1403547723
Blank
nursegirl6572
PA