ok so ive been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. and we love each other very much. we just moved in together a little over 6 months ago and everything is going ok for the most part. but my problem for a while now is that he doesnt seem at all interested in having sex with me anymore. before he would always want it but now we only do it like once a week...if im lucky! and im barely 19 hes 24. everytime we do have sex it doesnt seem like hes doing it because i turn him on and he wants to make love to me, but it seems like hes only doing it because he gets horny at that certain time and im "just there" it really hurts my feelings. ive tried talking to him about it numorous times but nothing seems to change. he agrees that our sex life used 2 be different but claims to not know why that is. he says he loves me and is really attracted to me and that the sex is very good. i know hes not cheating on me...we spend most of our time together, and not to mention i trust him. the last time i talked to him was 2 days ago and i got really emotional. he kept saying that hes sorry that he doesnt know whats going on but he just feel like having sex. he brought up a possibility that maybe its because we dont use protection ever anymore...but the thing about that is is that i dont get pregnant! so we dont worry about it. he says that it kinda bothers him because he already has a kid and he doesnt want another one anytime soon. i know im not ready for that yet either but im just not worried about it. its come to a point where i feel really embarrassed to let him know im in the mood because hes rejected me so many times. so i find myself just laying there hoping he wants it. and when he doesnt i get so angry at him. i dont know what to do anymore. i just want things to change so bad. it feels like its putting a strain on our relationship because im holding a lot of resentment towards him. i dont want to lose him ever but i just want him to want me again! it just seems like he could care less!!!! =[ somebody pls help me!!!!
He's probably just really comfortable or he's being honest about the stress of not using protection is getting to him. If he's telling you he isn't ready to have a child than you both need to make the effort in using it. If he isn't wanting to use a condom than you should go on the pill. Now it could also be that the effort isn't there on both sides. Do you just sit there and wait for him to initiate it? Because maybe you need to get the spark back. Add some sexy music, candles, lingerie into the mix and see if that would keep him more interested. You shouldn't just wait until he feels like he's in the mood. But you shouldn't have to make all the effort, while he makes none. Keep up the communication with him and see where it goes from here.
thank you!!! ive been thinking the same thing about the whole lingerie thing. i know youre right about me initiating it too but i just get so nervous. its hard to explain because im a shy person and if i get rejected in any way, i feel horrible, stupid, and so embarrassed. its very frustrating. but i will definately be trying new things...ill try to anyways.
thanks for the help
Just asking out of curiosity, based on your concerns--does he look at porn on a regular basis? Not that this issue becomes a problem for all people, but there are countless posts on this site very similar to what you've posted, and it's based on the partner having a porn addiction or at least a regular habit with viewing porn.
Also another thing that got my attention--you *don't* get pregnant? How are you so sure about this?
This could be a subconcious issue for him since he says he doesn't want any more kids, because the fact of the matter is, unprotected sex ALWAYS has the potential to lead to pregnancy if each person has all their reproductive organs that are fully functional. Even women who have irregular periods and health issues like endometriosis *can* get pregnant by having unprotected sex, although that chance is extremely low--it's not impossible.
So unless his sperm count is consistently zero and you've had a hysterectomy...there IS a chance you can get pregnant, even if it's less than a 1% chance. People get pregnant with fertility issues, health issues, and failed birth control every day.
no hes not into porn. we dont have a comp at home and he doesnt have any videos. he tells me it doesnt call his attention. and ya youre probably right about the whole pregnancy thing. it COULD happen. but its just that i havent used a condom with him in so long that i got used to it. because nothing ever happened. but to be honest i always told myself if something did end up happening that i would never get an abortion and he told me he wouldnt want me to either. i mean back in high school with my ex boyfriend of 2 yrs, towards the end of the relationship we didnt use condoms anymore. when we first started having sex i got on the pill but a year into it i just stopped taking them. and nothing ever happened.
It took me a year and a half to get pregnant with my son. Before that we used the pull out method for 3 years and I never got pregnant. But a year and a half of full blown releasing of sperm inside of me and nothing. There is still a chance though. The month we did have sex when I got pregnant wasn't even as often as we would normally have sex and I miraculously got pregnant.
Me and my now husband didn't use condoms after maybe 6 months of being together, after 3 years of him "pulling out" I got pregnant. It can happen and if you don't like condoms go on the pill or get some other birth control if neither of you want children.
And then my one friend didn't use a condom one time and boom she was pregnant, so you never know when it can happen
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