help please

[jessicia1234]

Hi to everyone.
I'm 17 years old and i have relationship problem. Before i'll tell you my story i have to say something I know u might think that i am 2 young  to think about a real realtionship. But for my age i act really mature, sometimes my mom hates it.

Okay so, I was dating this kid (Trey) for over two years. i WAS 15 AND HE WAS 17.we had so much fun when we were  together. we were best friends and dated too.  For the first week when we started dating we barely talk to each other because he was busy and i was busy too. Since we didnt really talk i thought we're not in relationship so i went to a party and i was talking to this kid Shawn. Me and Shawn had sex and i didnt know that he was Treys best friend. Then i told Shawn not to tell about us to anybody and he said okay.

So the next week me and Trey hang out and he wanted to go to his best friends house he wanted me to meet him.  we went to his friends house and that was Shawn. I got really scared because i thought he will tell Trey about us but he didnt . He couldnt hurt his best friend.

Me and Shawn stopped talking to each other.

I fell in love with Trey so fast that i forgot about the cheating part. We were fine. but then one day he asked me if i ever cheated on him and i said no because i forgot about Shawn. and i asked him the same question he said no too( i didnt believed him because i have trust issues).

A year later Trey wanted to ask me to get married him and i said no i just wanted to date him for a little longer at leats till i was like 19 or 20. He was really mad but then we talked and everything was okay...  So when i turned 17 we both decited at least get ingaged so we can see how the things going to go. Before we got ingaged we decited to tell the truth about everything and we both decited not to get in the fight or get mad. So i told him about me and Shawn . I told him that it was a long time ago and i felt really bad about it. He told me that he was cheated on me our whole relationship. I felt so betrayed. I mean i know i wasnt perfect either but i didnt once like a year ago and i felt horrible about it. and he didnt.

He was so happy about to when he said it. i started crying. it made feel like i wasnt good enough for him. It was really hard. i told him that and he said no ur perfect , he said that i am very sexy and that he doesnt want to lose me.

I got so mad and we both broke up with each other. I love him so much but i coundn't handle it. We decited to see other people.and then we stopped talking each other.Like a month after.  I started dating this kid his name is Colt and we've been togheter for three months now.everything is going great . we havent founght at all and i'm really happy being with him. When Trey found out about it he got so mad at me he started calling me names and he told me that he doesnt care about me anymore. At that point when he said that i felt so broken. Month later he apologized to me and i forgave him but i told him that we never gunna date again.

I'm dating Colt now and its hard for me because now i have really bad trust issues i think that he is going to do the same thing. Even though he works a lot ( like 12 hours 7 days a week night shift).  Plus i still have feelings for my ex-boyfriend. I don't know what to do. I do not want to lose Colt , he is the guy of my dreams.

can somebody help me please.?

[penswriter]

No matter how "mature" you THINK you are....you're not. You're still 17. I thought I was the most mature person at 17...I wasn't. Attempting to get pregnant at 17 is the most immature thing you could possible do. Finish your home schooling and get into college. Stop trying to get pregnant and focusing on guys. Guys are not what's important in life right now Later, when you finish high school, then college start thinking about dating and getting married and children.

[RockRose]

Jessica,  your profile says you are being home schooled because you had issues at school and you lost all your friends,  and you've been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant for a year and now you have HPV.

Your mother isn't upset because you're too "mature",  but rather you're trying to throw your life away with both hands.  

Don't get pregnant,  finish your high school homeschooling and look ahead to your life.  I know you've had a rough start but that's no reason to throw away all your potential in life to have a successful,  happy,  well adjusted future.

[teko]

You are dumping all your self worth in a guy. In a young guy that has nothin on the brain but sex anyways. At 17 not too many people are thinking in the forever till death do us part drama. They see someone they think is hot and their hormones start taking over. If you want good self image, go to school, learn to take care of you, get the degrees it takes to get you what you want out of life and when you are not needing to be accepted by a guy, all those feelings will just disappear. You are too young to be in this kind of drama. Period.

[sweetpea03]

I think you need to break up with Colt and focus on school. Whether it's high school or college does not matter. That is more important that this new relationship, especially when you do not know where your feelings really are(still having feelings for an ex). Take some time away from relationships and just hang out with friends and do well in school. You do not need a guy in your life. It is not healthy to go from relationship to relationship or to "need" a relationship to feel good about life. Take some time for yourself to think about everything and do not date anyone.

[specialmom]

Hm.  Based on these posts, focus on school. Focus on college.  Yep, I still say that is what you need to do.  

If things are meant to be with Trey, they will.  I'm sure he knows how you feel.  But a girl of 17 needs to focus on things that help her life and not distract her whether in college or not.  

good luck

[jessicia1234]

The problem is i am already in college. I am done with school. I know it might sounds like its not true but i'm finished with school.  next year i'll be sophmore in college. thats why i want to move on with my life. thats why i want to have a serious relationship. I already made my goals for the future.

Trey was my first boyfriend. i didnt date anybody when i was in high school . i tried to finish my school .. me and him we just friends for a while and he was my first one. but i made a mistake and at least i can admit it.. I know I  shouldn't had any intimacy with Shawn, but i guess i wasn't thinking.

[specialmom]

My best advice.  Focus on school.  This is how a girl will get ahead in her life.  Not all of the boyfriend stuff that fills their heads.  You don't want to hear that but it is really the absolute best thing you can do for yourself.  

I'm glad you didn't marry Trey.  I think you might not be in a position yet to know who will make a good spouse for you or what it will take for you to be a good wife. Give yourself time and see this as the learning curve it is.  

And, never use your body as you did with Shawn.  Know a guy, make sure he cares for you and then consider if he is worthy of intimacy with you.  Otherwise you just give away little pieces of yourself that you can never get back.  

We also all make mistakes and that is how we learn.  So keep learning but take the lessons from each sitation and apply them for next time.  

But, focus on school hon.  This is where your head should be at right now.  You graduate soon. What are you doing after highschool?  good luck

[jessicia1234]

Me and my ex went through a lot of bad and good stuff.  I still have feelings for him but they are not the same anymore. Its like sometimes i hate and sometimes not. My ex left for the army like a week ago so me and him havent spoke since that day. I want to move on . I want to have a serious relationship.Colt is very mature and he understands what i'm going through. I might not going to have the same feelings for him as i did for another guy. Colt knows that and we both willing to work on it. It might take a long  time to work on our relationship but i'm positive that everything will be okay.

I understand what you saying though and you got a point.

I went through a lot of stuff and if you knew that you would have understand why  I need a guy in my life..

[Carly1306]

*without the stress of relationships and stuff!!! sorry!

[Carly1306]

I know you said you are mature for your age...but really that doesn't even comes into it here. You are still only 17,doesn't matter how mature you are for your age...you still have years ahead of you to worry about guys in this way and to have trust issues. From what I gather from your post, I think you are better being alone for now. There is no point in dating Colt (even if you do like him) when you still have feelings for your ex. On another note, I would also stop contact with your ex too. You need time by yourself, to have fun with your friends and enjoy being a 17 year old with the stress of relationships etc. You said you also have trust issues, and being a relationship you need trust. So right now, until you deal with the issues you have you are better not being in one at all. Go and have fun...you have your 20s and 30s to worry about all this stuff....were you will be more mature and keyed up on life and relationships that you shouldn't have those issues!

[AHP84]

Okay, here's what I've gathered from your post:
You "dated" Trey for one week when you first met at 15, but hardly spoke to or saw each other. You went to a party that week and unknowingly had sex with Trey's best friend Shawn. After you found out he was Trey's best friend, you felt as if you had cheated on Trey.
My thoughts on this part--1) you were 15 years old, at a party, had "dated" a boy your age for less than one week, but not really, because you hardly saw or talked to each other, and in that week, slept with another boy your age. Well, first of all, I'd hardly call that timeframe worthy of official "dating," and I honestly don't see how a 15 year old can truly "date." You may think you are mature for you age, but you ARE NOT an adult--meaning you, especially at age 15, could not process the full extent adult behavior, consequences, and rationale. Therefore, I'd hardly call the incident with Shawn "cheating" on Trey.
2) You obviously had trust issues with Trey from the get-go, but you don't explain why. You just imply that you had a gut feeling that he may have cheated on you. Then when you found out that he had been cheating on you multiple times throughout the two years of your relationship, you did the right thing and dumped his sorry butt. Good for you. That's the best thing you've done for yourself in this entire post. Seriously.
3) Then one month after the breakup of your engagement with Trey, you start dating some dude named Colt. This is called a rebound relationship, and they almost NEVER work out because, like you've pointed out yourself, you still haven't processed or accepted the trauma of the breakup between you and Trey.
4) After dating Colt for only a mere three months, you've determined he's the "guy of your dreams" but you still have feelings for Trey.

In conclusion, with my advice:
Dump Colt. Cut off contact with Trey, and change your phone number and email and however else he can contact you. Get yourself together and learn to accept yourself and your life without some guy in it to depend on who is probably going to let you down because you've barely gotten a chance to know him, as it's only been 3-4 months (referring to Colt here). Heck, it took two years before you found out that Trey was doing you wrong. Just think of what may be revealed with Colt in time. You need to figure out why you think you NEED a guy in your life, because you don't. A boyfriend, husband, or partner is supposed to be a companion and support system, not a means to fulfill WHO YOU ARE. You can't depend on someone like that--it's not fair to you and it's not fair to them.
You admit you have trust issues. You need to resolve those before you decide to open your heart to another guy--and hopefully by the time you can do that, it won't be to some boy, or guy...it'll be to a good man.