Aa
help!
I just found out my boyfriend has been watching porn, despite telling me he doesn't, I understand that it's normal for men to watch it whilst in a relationship, but in this scenario I find it utterly devastating, as he won't have sex with me anymore and doesn't act like he's attracted to me in the slightest. We don't even kiss anymore and he barely even looks at me yet he's fine watching smut on the internet? Is this normal? any advice?
No it's not normal, in my experience, at all. Sex is usually a very high priority for young men. Not sure why it's not with yours. Is this about his inability to value you? Perhaps. The GREAT news is that you are not married, and do not have kids. and although it might hurt like h e l l to walk away now, it's better that you do it now. Like a bandaid, it hurts less if you quickly rip it off and be done with it.
If you are unlikely to be able to walk away without closure, without giving it your all, you might tell him how you feel, and let him know that you would be open to marriage counselling. It's hard to deal with it , if he's so defensive and runs away when you try to talk. If he continues to do this, you've done everything that you can do. You've been open about letting him know that you want to be close sexually, i take it. and you've been good and loving to him? You've don't everything you can. Sometimes you have to want more for yourself, and mean it. I can tell you that there are plenty of men that would not objectify women by watching porn to any great degree. These men know that they would not appreciate it if their wives were to need porn. Yeah, lots' of good men out there that i'm sure you would be compatible with. Have no fear. You deserve the best. I'm so sorry you're going through this.:( Hope it helps to talk.and make friends here.:) :) :) .
If you are unlikely to be able to walk away without closure, without giving it your all, you might tell him how you feel, and let him know that you would be open to marriage counselling. It's hard to deal with it , if he's so defensive and runs away when you try to talk. If he continues to do this, you've done everything that you can do. You've been open about letting him know that you want to be close sexually, i take it. and you've been good and loving to him? You've don't everything you can. Sometimes you have to want more for yourself, and mean it. I can tell you that there are plenty of men that would not objectify women by watching porn to any great degree. These men know that they would not appreciate it if their wives were to need porn. Yeah, lots' of good men out there that i'm sure you would be compatible with. Have no fear. You deserve the best. I'm so sorry you're going through this.:( Hope it helps to talk.and make friends here.:) :) :) .
It's more about the thought of sex than the actual sex itself, if that makes sense. I could live without sex if he showed me in other ways that he was still attracted me, my problem with it isn't that my needs aren't being satisfied it's that I feel like he's no longer attracted to me and that's why he's watching these videos. I feel inferior compared to these unrealistic girls and like he'd rather be with someone like them, but he's staying with me because he's used to it and it's easier. Thank you for your reply again:)
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ugh, if you don't want a life of a very nonexistent sex life, then I'm not sure this is going to ultimately make you happy to be with him. ya know? You two may not be a match in the bedroom. Some people can live like that while others value a sex life too high and would need to find a partner that they could enjoy a more prevalent sex life with. I'm not sure where you stand on that issue.
Thank you for your reply:) He does have trouble talking about his feelings, however I'm 99% positive he's not depressed, and I don't think he's addicted to it, he's not watching it all the time, just more often that he is doing anything sexual with me. I'd say he watches porn roughly once or twice a week, not much at all really, but we only have sex once or twice a month, sometimes not at all.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh gosh, I'm very sorry to hear this. He's clearly over invested in porn if he has to lie to you and seems to be more involved in that than a normal sex life with his willing girlfriend. Do you think he is avoiding problems by watching porn? Not with you per se but with addictive tendencies, people will use the substance (in this case, porn) to avoid feelings. Often they have underlying depression. could this be the case with your boyfriend? If so, his admitting the problem and asking for help either by starting antidepressants and/or seeing a therapist or doing some type of treatment, he can overcome it. but if he knows how you feel and lies to you, that's a problem. And that your sex life is null and void is not a good sign.
In some relationships we have to decide if there comes a point in which it isn't working. Sexual incompatibility is one of them. ?? Don't know where you are at with this but your hands are tied if he will not address your concern. ugh. very sorry.
In some relationships we have to decide if there comes a point in which it isn't working. Sexual incompatibility is one of them. ?? Don't know where you are at with this but your hands are tied if he will not address your concern. ugh. very sorry.
Also talking to him about it doesn't work, every single time I try to talk about it, no matter how I approach the subject he gets defensive and angry and storms out of the house.
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