how do i make him understand

[angelbabies]

iv been with my partner for 2 and a half years, we have been through alot i have had 3 miscarrages my last one just 8 weeks ago. iv dr's have told me i have depression and every day is a struggle to get by.
i love my bf but it is hard atm.
he is rearly there for me and thinks he can make it up by giving me pressents, also he is always inviting his m8s aound our house ( when you work a 11 hour day and suffer with depression all you wanna do when you get home is snuggle up in your pj's and cry, instead i have to play host to his friends)
every time i speak to him he wont listen and gets angree at me, sometimes he will be nice for a few days but it never lasts for long.
i do all the house work cooking washing everythink around the house as well as work long hours,
i realy dont no what to do.
i we love eachouther but it gonna tear us apart.
please help me
x

[BearHitch]

I can relate as I struggle with depression and sometimes it is hard for my husband to know exactly what to do.  I am wondering though what your question is?  Also, there is a forum specifically for depression - you might find support on there as well.

[angelbabies]

i was for some help, i dont no what i should do next i just wonderd if any one else has been though this and what they did/ do
thanx for your message

[BearHitch]

Well my husband sometimes struggles with how to best respond to me when I am in a depressed state.  Your post seems to be saying 2 things : you are unhappy in your relationship and your boyfriend doesn't know how to respond to you when you are depressed and he is not understanding what you have already told him... so with what you should do that is difficult to say.  I guess first you should decide if this relationship is working for you.  Feel free to message me if you would like.

[AHP84]

Angelbabies, may I ask how long ago you were diagnosed with depression? Was it before or after your relationship began with your partner 2½ years ago?
You've been through a lot of depressing experiences with him in that time frame, according to your post. I'm just wondering if he began his relationship with you knowing you had depression, or this is something that was diagnosed to you after you'd been together for a time.
I was in a relationship with my ex (and father of my son) for 8 years, and during all those years with him, I was depressed, although never officially diagnosed. When we got together, we were 15 years old and my parents' marriage was on the rocks and I was stuck in the middle of it, so I was depressed about that. My ex was not the most empathetic person and he never did much to console me during difficult days, or the time when I was suicidal at 16. I really don't know what I saw in him or why I loved him so much.
Anyway, we stayed together and by the time we were 20-21, we made our *first* real attempt to live together, which at the time we had our infant son. Like you, I did everything for housework and most of the child care work--he wouldn't even change our son's diapers 95% of the time. I was also a full-time college student, so I had homework and research papers to get done too. And what would he do? Mainly sit around and play video games, watch movies, eat, go out with his friends, go to work, ask me to help him with or do his homework (he was a college student too), and sleep.
And he'd get upset with me if I was an emotional wreck and apathetic towards him and lacked any desire for sex. He would be emotionally and verbally abusive and make most of my issues out to be my fault. He had the nerve to tell me once that I lived like a slob and I was lazy, and yet his garbage was all over the living room coffee table.
Oh, and like your boyfriend, sometimes he'd be nice to me but it would only last for a few days.
I guess my point is that it really was my fault--for voluntarily subjecting myself to that treatment for so long that it kept me depressed. I broke up with him a year ago this month, and it was hard to let go...not of the relationship but the convenience of knowing how everything functioned in it to the point that I was used to it, kinda like a bad habit. But once I ended the relationship, I honestly was not depressed anymore and felt more liberated and happy than I'd felt in nearly 10 years. It was like I finally had MY life back to live the way I needed to live it.
I met the most wonderful young man a few months later who is now my current boyfriend, and we've been together for 8 months now. I had no intention of even beginning a new relationship for a very long time, but sometimes the best things in life happen like that. My bf is the most dedicated, sensitive, compassionate, respectful, understanding man I've ever met, and I know I can talk to him about anything and he cares enough to listen. He helps me out with anything I need, at anytime. I know he'd never hesitate to be there for me through the best and worst times of my life. He takes me places and buys me things. He treats my son with the utmost respect and, in return, my son adores him on the same level as his father.
So perhaps you may want to really re-think your relationship, and do so by setting aside your emotions of love for your partner while you think about it. Instead, think whether or not this is the type of man you want to be with, at any time, anywhere. Not, "We've been through so much together that I can't imagine life without him." Rather, "At any given time, do I feel loved, respected, cherished, and comfortable with my partner, even during disagreements? Is this the type of man I want to dedicate my future and my life with?"
If you answer no to those questions, then it's your own sacrifice if you decide to remain in the relationship rather than part on good terms, if possible.
Best of luck to you, and I hope that no matter what, things get better for you!

[angelbabies]

sounds very familia AJH84 my bf has a xbox and he is on it 1st thing in the moring then after work untill bed. i feel alone but it is hard to let go. i was only told i have depression about 3 mounths ago but iv been feeling this way since my 1st m/c in feb 2007 the only time is has gone away is when i was pregnant but came babck as soon as i lost my outher babys. he just make's me feel usless iv just got in from work its 7.45pm and he has been in since 5.00pm and im cooking dinner and just finshed the house work he left for me.
i dont no i could let go of him, iv told him i would in arguments but i think we both no i probly never would.
thatnkx for your post it has opend my eyes a bit.
i just cant seem to talk to him and he gets so mad when i talk to my mum about it coz she gets uset he is doing this to me.

[AHP84]

"i just cant seem to talk to him and he gets so mad when i talk to my mum about it coz she gets uset he is doing this to me."

Oh yes, that's all too familiar for me. It's a control issue on his part, because he knows your mom has the potential to influence you to dump him if she gets to talk to you enough. So of course he'll get mad because right now, you said both you and he know you think you don't have enough will power on your own to leave him.
If you let this continue, then it's a good possibility that he'll want to completely isolate you from your family and friends.

[green eyed lady]

Can you please get help for your depression? It sounds to me like it's *situational depression* which means what it says...because of your "situation" you're depressed. This is actually the easiest to treat because it normally means you would be on medication for a short period of time. People with this disorder usually are on meds and they also participate in psychotherapy (talk therapy). It has been proven to really work.

Also, when we are depressed the last thing we are motivated to do is get help...but this is imperative. Right now you are living a life that is making you very unhappy. And while the depression more than likely can be traced back to your miscarriages (very sorry about that) it seems to me that your BF is contributing a lot to this state of mind.

I was also in a relationship that was unhealthy. It got to the point where I was so depressed that I couldn't even get off the couch most days. And while logically I knew I needed help and I needed to leave the relationship, I couldn't do it. I was too depressed to help myself. It was the help of my sister that got me through it.

You stated " I don't know I could let go of him, I've told him I would in arguments but I think we both know I probably never would". Herein lies your problem. Why should he change? He's got everything he needs...hell, I wouldn't change either if I had someone who cooked and cleaned for me and all I had to do was work and play games. Please start standing up for yourself and if you need your mother's help so be it. Why do you think he doesn't want you talking to your mother? Because he knows he's doing you wrong!

Sometimes in this life we have to be proactive and stand up for ourselves because believe me there isn't anyone else who will (other than family)...please stop being so passive and tell BF he needs to get his s**t together or you will not be around for him anymore. You deserve so much better! Good luck to you.

[angelbabies]

thanks for your nots girls,
im on meds but there not helping yet i no what your saying is true, its just hard, he ust to be lovely but since we lost the babys hes changed, i am snappy sometimes but it just coz i feel so down, but he could do so much to make he happy, if he just wanted to give me a kiss and cuddle and spend some time with me it would make the world of difference i dont want his "im sorry" gifts i want him.
thatk you so much for your messages it mean's alot
katx

[remar]

i'm so sorry about your miscarriages. it's a terrible thing to go through for any woman. your so very young, i'm not understanding why your staying with this man who does'nt treat you well. you work hard and take care of him all the time, what would it be like if you did have a baby? would he be there to help? or would you be doing everything on your own. a child needs two caring parents to grow into a happy healthy person. if he has'nt changed by now chances are he won't. a baby will not fix a bad relationship. why don't you take care of yourself and get your depression under control and maybe get some counseling. it's so hard raising a child, i had my daughter when i was 16 and my husband was 19. we decided after having her that was it, no more kids. it was so very hard, both of us working and taking care of her. i'm so proud of her, she went through college and is partners in a business. she's so beautiful, smart and caring. if my husband had not been there to help, well i could'nt imagine how hard it would have been. please think about having a baby with the wrong man and you and the child end up suffering. keep posting, i care. you only get one shot at life, take care of your needs first then hopefully you'll get married to the right man and have lots of children. remar